Dead and Horny Ch. 18

"Proceed to safe house. Will have a new phone for you, can discuss next steps there." There was a long pause. "Do you need to come home, or...?"

Dana could sense the unspoken words. If necessary, she could portal hop home and not worry about what happened next. However, that would potentially expose the existence of the rat portals. The demon would know something was up if Tasia started bouncing across the globe.

However, Tasia didn't have to come with her. If Dana wanted, she could ditch the werewolf and figure out what came next. A rescue mission could easily be thrown together by the other members of the house, but that meant leaving Tasia behind. The demon could find the werewolf with no issue, and the Order was probably on her trail as well. The safest choice for everyone was to leave Tasia to her own devices and hope she came out okay.

Scowling, Dana turned her gaze to the werewolf. She knew what Mike would do in this situation. He would want to help. The last thing she needed was to relive over and over for the next hundred years the exact moment she ditched Tasia. Even now, those calculating eyes watched with just a hint of anxiety behind them.

"Yeah, go ahead and close up shop after you leave. We should be there in about..." she paused, realizing that the information could give away their destination if someone was listening. The last thing she wanted was to walk into a trap. "We're on the beach just east of Miami."

"Roger roger." Eulalie's voice had a robotic lilt and then she hung up. Dana dropped the phone in the sand, unworried that the Arachne would be traced. The phone numbers were one-time use only and untraceable.

She hoped so, anyway. "You up for a run?" Dana was already moving toward someone else's back deck. They needed to get to the main road and it would be way faster cutting across someone's property than looking for public beach access.

"Yeah, just a sec." Tasia did a couple of squats and groaned. "My legs are still cramped from being in that cage. I need to loosen up."

"Then I suggest some downward dog."

"Bitch," Tasia muttered.

"Takes one to know one." Dana had no idea why she was antagonizing the werewolf. Maybe it was because she missed Lily and it felt like there was a void of sarcasm. She checked over her shoulder to see that Tasia was behind her, then broke into a jog up the stairs to the condo. The home had a family sitting around a table eating chicken, and a couple of people rose when they saw trespassers on their deck, but Dana and Tasia ran around the side of the building and vaulted the railing together.

Out on the road, Dana smirked as she heard Tasia struggling to keep up. At some point, Tasia was able to catch up, panting with exertion. There was a part of Dana that wanted to leave the werewolf in the dust, some odd competitive compulsion, but she buried it away.

Speaking of odd compulsions, she licked her lips at the memory of Tasia's blood. Even now, she could feel her muscles relaxing a bit, despite running. All that extra tension and power was leaking out of her as she processed the blood by whatever means her metabolism utilized. Zel had actually spent months testing Dana's unique biology, but had been unable to learn much about it. The main theory was that her body converted anything Dana ate directly into magic that was deposited wherever magic was stored. The centaur had been disappointed with the results, but sometimes things just weren't meant to be understood.

Even so, there was a direct link between consuming Tasia's blood and the surge of strength afterward. Something similar had happened with the Nirumbi, but it had taken dozens of them before she had become nearly as strong. If Dana ate Tasia, would those characteristics somehow become permanent? The thought was academic only, and despite the fact that Tasia smelled and tasted like a rack of ribs with extra sauce and potatoes on the side...

Dana wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and focused on the streets. As fast as they ran, they made it back to the airbnb building in just over twenty minutes. Instead of waiting for the elevator, they took the stairs. Tasia's panting had subsided by then, but she was clearly winded. When they reached their floor, Dana looked back to see Tasia holding her stomach.

"Cramp?" she asked.

"I had a bullet in there thirty minutes ago." Tasia winced. "Those muscles are still knitting."

"Hmm." Dana scratched absent-mindedly at her own wound and pushed open the door to the stairwell and walked up to the condo. She typed in the code and the two of them went inside. Tasia moved throughout the space, clearly doing a sweep of the place. On the counter was a small backpack and a new phone.

"If the demon is tracking you, how long until they get here?" Dana stripped out of her filthy disguise as she moved into the bedroom, making sure to shove her bloody shirt into the backpack. Tasia was peering under the bed on all fours, her muscular ass in the air. Dana couldn't help but admire the view.

"There's a weird smell," Tasia said, then stood and turned around. "Reminds me of dark places, like a baseme--"

The werewolf stopped and stared at Dana, her eyes sliding down Dana's body and lingering on some of the nastier wounds.

"I'm just getting changed," Dana explained, moving to the dresser to pull out a new shirt and shorts. "The old outfit was for breaking and entering only."

"Where did you get all those scars?" Tasia asked, her eyes wide. "What are you?"

"Not the time or the place for that. Here. You change, too." Dana threw a pair of athletic shorts Tasia's way. "You're still covered in blood."

"Right." The two of them stripped all the way down and then got dressed. Dana's shirts were too small for Tasia, so the werewolf wore the sundress with the shorts underneath. The skirt was dangerously high. Lily would have approved.

Lily. Thinking of the succubus, Dana checked her phone.

"Okay, so order of operations," she declared. "Lily was last seen at the event center, and she's still there. The Rat Queen has that covered, so even if they move her, we still have options. You're being tracked by a demon, so we're going to need magic. I know someone who could help, but I can't take you there because of reasons."

"You just can't say because of reasons," Tasia said. "That's not an explanation."

"You're not invited and it would put us in danger," Dana replied. "Reasons. Looks like we can get the trace removed with the help of a witch. Do you know any witches?"

Tasia chuckled. "Thought I did. But no, not in this area. But I know where we can find some."

"Great. Once we do that, we can..." Dana paused and turned toward the living room. A chill ran up her spine, then settled in her chest like a block of ice. It was almost like someone had stepped over her grave, only to stop and stare down at her through the soil.

"What's wrong?" Tasia sniffed the air and frowned. "What the hell is that?"

"What do you smell?" whispered Dana.

"Does impending doom have a smell?" Tasia sniffed again, then motioned for Dana to pick up her belongings. Dana complied, making sure her phone was tucked away safely. She opened her dresser and pulled out the swords, then tossed one to Tasia.

The werewolf snatched it out of the air and maneuvered out into the living room. She sniffed the air again, then unfolded her blade.

"I've felt this before," Tasia said, moving to the window and looking outside. "I remember what this is."

"And?" Dana picked up the backpack and slid it over her shoulders.

"It's that sensation you get when your body knows you are being hunted by a predator," Tasia explained, the hair on her neck standing on end. "But you haven't figured out where it is yet."

"The condo is empty. How do--" Dana stopped talking when she heard the keypad on the other side of the door beep. The code was only four numbers long, followed by the whirring sound of the deadbolt undoing itself.

"Oh, fuck me," Tasia whispered, and the door clicked open, revealing a skinny man in a black turtleneck. He stepped into the room and looked between the two of them.

"Ladies." He had a Slavic accent, and his lips quirked into a sneer. "You need to come with me."

"Never gonna happen." Dana unfolded her sword. "Now move, before you make me lose my deposit."

The man let out a sigh of disappointment, then shook his head as he closed the door. Dana noticed that the only odor she could smell on him was the faint whiff of blood. He wasn't a demon, that was for sure. But he wasn't quite human either.

Tasia roared and charged forward, but the man moved so fast that he became blurry. He grabbed the werewolf by the shoulder, spun her about, and kicked her in the gut so hard that she bounced off the cabinets above the stove, causing them to fall down and crack the glass top of the range. She groaned in pain when he grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up.

Dana vaulted the counter and brought her sword down, but was surprised when the newcomer twisted his hand sideways and caught the blade, pinching it between two fingers. He stared at her with intensely dark eyes that saw through her.

"I don't think so," he muttered, then slapped the blade aside and grabbed her by the throat. His fingers shifted along her neck, pressing hard against her carotid artery. It was amazing how easily he lifted both of them off the ground, holding them aloft like children who had started a fight with a bodybuilder. Dana swung the sword a couple of times, but the blade only sliced open his clothes, leaving his skin unmarked.

Tasia wriggled beneath his grasp, her body sprouting fur as she transformed. The newcomer hissed at her, revealing a pair of sharp fangs, then dropped the werewolf before her emerging claws could slash open his face.

"He's a vampire. Run!" Tasia growled, her body still shifting. Dana noticed the transformation was only partially complete, as if Tasia was unable to do so fully. She couldn't even respond, because she was dangling perilously from the vampire's arm, so she kicked uselessly instead.

The vampire hissed, then pulled Dana in close to use her as a shield. Figuring her options were limited already, she grabbed him by the wrist and twisted herself around until she could sink her teeth into his palm. He ignored her at first, but she was determined, despite his skin being rock hard. She had no idea what her bite strength actually was, but when she pierced his skin, he threw her across the kitchen and into the fridge.

Tasia tackled the vampire, and the two of them fought for dominance in the kitchen. Despite Tasia's superior size, the vampire tossed her around, even going so far as to slam her through the counter.

Dana stood on wobbly legs, then noticed the fridge was now ajar. Inside, Mike's semen sat inside of the shot glasses she had brought along. Thinking back to what Tasia had said about demons being able to track people, she realized she couldn't let any of it fall into the wrong hands. While Tasia and the vampire fought, she pulled them out of the fridge, unsure what to do with them.

There was a shriek, followed by Tasia being hurled into the living room, where she fell through the table and shattered the wood. Dana turned to see the vampire staring at her, his eyebrow arched.

"What do you have there?" he asked.

Dana responded by shoving the Saran-wrapped shot glasses into her backpack, then leapt out of the way when he came for her. She shortened her sword and tried to stab him, but the blade slid along the flesh of his neck and left behind only a thin red line.

"Your weapons are worthless against me," he said, then grabbed the front of her shirt. She jammed a finger into his eye, but even the soft flesh of his corneas was like marble. He bared his teeth and pulled her in, sinking them into the soft skin of her neck.

She gasped as his fangs entered her, then fell to the floor when he let go, his hands now on his throat. His whole face had turned red and he stumbled around, gasping for air. Dana moved to Tasia's side, helping the werewolf stand.

"How do we take him down?" Dana asked. "Stake through the heart?"

"That's just a precaution." Tasia's voice was thick with teeth. "Chop off his head. Sunlight. Holy symbol. All good."

Dana brought her blade down so fast it whistled through the air. It struck the vampire on the neck and bounced off his thick hide so hard that something in Dana's arm snapped.

"That should have worked." Tasia leapt across the counter and tried to grab the vampire, but he dodged away from her. His throat and face were inflamed, and he pointed a jagged finger in Dana's direction.

"You." He spat a glob of black ichor on the floor. "I've never tasted the likes of you." Tasia came at him from the side, this time with her sword. He took the attack across the face, the blade leaving a thin scratch on his cheek. The vampire hissed at Tasia, and the two of them fought. Casual punches destroyed walls and furniture, and Tasia finally hooked her arm under the vampire's armpit before she threw him through the front door. The wood splintered outward, revealing a hallway full of people who had stepped outside to see what was going on.

At the sight of Tasia standing over the vampire, people screamed and ran. The vampire got up and tackled Tasia to the ground, then punched her in the face so hard that the werewolf's eyes fluttered.

Running to what was left of the cabinet, Dana dug through the wreckage until she spotted a tin of garlic salt. Most rentals threw out perishable food, but kept any spices that had been left behind. Leaning out into the hallway, she opened the garlic salt and threw it at the vampire's head. The spice was flung wide, and the vampire lifted his head in slow motion, his pupils dilating.

"I am not of weak blood," he proclaimed, then drug a finger across his face to collect the salt. He stuck it in his mouth and grinned. "Delicious."

Down on the floor, Tasia was bleeding heavily from her mouth. She clawed at the vampire's face, but he dodged easily enough. Her eyelids fluttered once more and she went still.

"Your turn," the vampire declared. Dana took a step back into the condo, then looked down at the spice drawer. Okay, so garlic didn't work. Could she blind the vampire with paprika, maybe?

He was in front of her now, so she picked up what was left of the spice rack and broke it over his head. The vampire laughed as the air became choked with so many seasonings that the condo smelled like burnt curry.

"Is that the best you can do?" he asked, brushing off his shirt. "Did you really think that pepper could...pepper could..." He was looking down at the floor by his feet, where the jars and metal tins of seasonings had spilled. A jar of poppy seeds sat by his foot, and some of them had spilled out.

Puzzled at the man's reaction, she could see his lips twitching. It took a moment for her to realize that he was counting.

Dana used the tip of her sword to flick the jar out into the hallway, spreading poppy seeds everywhere. The vampire yelled at her, then ran out into the hallway to try and pick the seeds up. He was trembling now, his gaze shifting from the poppy seeds to the werewolf on the ground. People who had fled into their condos were shouting through their doors that the police had been called.

"C'mon." Dana moved forward and grabbed Tasia by the hand, making sure to stow away both swords. The werewolf groaned as she was dragged back into the condo. The vampire was a blur in the hallway, mumbling numbers under his tongue as he counted the poppy seeds that had been spilled.

Dana opened the door out onto the balcony and sighed. The drop was enough to break bones, easily, and that was without carrying a werewolf. Hoisting Tasia over her shoulder, she took a quick look to make sure that nobody was below, then jumped.

The three seconds of weightlessness ended with a jarring crunch as Dana crashed onto the ground. She dropped Tasia, then opened the backpack to get Mike's semen out. Things might get awkward soon, but it would sure beat trying to fight whatever the hell that guy was.

She slammed a shot of spooge, then followed it up with another. Tasia was whimpering, but getting back on her feet, her muscles shrinking down.

"What happened?" she muttered.

"We got our asses kicked." Dana managed to adjust one of her legs, but her left foot was backward. "I need you to give that a tug, please."

Tasia looked down at Dana's legs in horror, then paused to look up.

"Hey, eyes down here." Dana slapped the pavement. "Grab the ankle and pull!"

Tasia obeyed, watching in horror as the bones realigned. Dana stood with a bit of help, but could tell the damage was worse than expected. Nothing a trip to Zel later wouldn't fix. The two of them stumbled out toward the main street, but crouched down when the lights of a patrol car appeared.

"Shit, that was fast," Dana muttered.

"Those aren't regular cops," Tasia whispered. "Think about it. The Order is looking for me, and they just got a call about a werewolf. These guys are probably on the payroll. They aren't knights, but they know enough to be a problem."

"That makes sense." Dana grabbed Tasia's hand. "This way."

There were two police cars, and they had blocked off the street. The police were already shouting instructions to people gathering around the base of the building, but Dana wasn't too concerned. Moving fast, she vaulted over the top of a parked car and was able to catch one officer in the jaw before collapsing in a heap on the ground when her ankle snapped.

"Shit," she muttered, then rolled away when the officer's partner opened fire. Screams filled the street as Tasia came from behind and tackled the officer into the hood of his own vehicle. There was now more gunfire, but Dana was able to pull the car keys off of the guy she had kicked and pull herself into the squad car. She reached across the car and opened the passenger door.

"Who wants to go for a ride?" she shouted, patting the car seat and whistling. Tasia threw herself into the passenger seat, her features twisted in anger as she tried to sit up properly.

"Stop it with the stupid dog jokes already," she growled, then yanked her door shut.

Dana hit the gas and the tires spun out as the remaining officers opened fire. They were almost two hundred feet down the road when the vampire landed dramatically in front of the car with his arms outspread.

Turning the wheel at the last second, Dana clipped him hard with the corner of the front bumper. The vampire tried to grab onto the grille guard, but was promptly run over. Dana felt a pair of bumps and looked in the rearview to see him rolling across the street.

"Holy shit," Tasia gasped, looking over her shoulder. "That was insane!"

"Yep." Dana pulled out her phone and opened the GPS. "We need to ditch this car soon, though. Do you think the vampire will catch up to us?"

"I don't know. He wasn't like any vampire I've ever fought before." Tasia slid down in her seat and sighed. "They're pretty strong, but not that strong. Our blades are enchanted to cut through most things, and a vampire is one of them. I know I'm in a weakened state, but he shouldn't have overpowered me like that."

"Uh huh." Dana started pushing buttons on the dashboard until the lights above the car stopped flashing. She didn't need to advertise their presence anymore than usual. "Hey. Can vampires fly?"

"Some," Tasia admitted. She sat quietly for a couple of minutes, then looked at Dana's chest. "You're bleeding."

"Got shot a few times." Dana could feel the bullets being pushed out of her even now as she regenerated. However, the side effects of Mike's sperm shooters were starting to kick in and it was now hard to focus on the road. Her thighs were uncomfortably close together, but spreading them apart didn't help either. She kept her eyes on the road, but couldn't help but notice the woman in the passenger seat. Tasia had reverted to human form, but the too small sundress and the black shorts were simply too much.