Dead and Horny Ch. 18

Hi, all! Here is the next chapter of "Why aren't you publishing more HFHM chapters, &^@!*#^&@#*!"

Why, yes, that will probably be the official title, or maybe something like "Despite numerous emails, I wrote this book about a lesbian zombie, a sexy werewolf, and a succubus instead of my mainstream series." That seems to be the new trend in light novels, anyway.

Hello and welcome to all new readers who may be wondering what's going on here. About five years ago, I wrote a story about a guy who got a blowjob from a nymph in his bathtub, and it spawned over a hundred chapters and three spinoff novels. This is the sequel to one of the spinoffs, so you may want to hit up Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 1 if you need to start over.

Returning reader? Welcome back, I missed you! Horny Monster club is officially in session, don't forget to grab some snacks on the way in!

I'm sorry for the slow postings of late, I promise I'm not about to abandon my post here on Lit. Life just got super busy, and I refuse to compromise quality by shoveling out chapters. If you've stuck around this long, you probably have realized that I take this writing thing a little too seriously and I'm still trying to impress you.

Anyway, thanks for being here and helping me dominate the Nonhuman Wall of Fame with your votes, excitement, and generally fun behavior in the comments. It's not something I expected to happen, I remember being excited when I made the top ten once upon a time. Now that I've acknowledged my rankings, I fully expect the onslaught of 1 star reviews to drop me down, but such is life on the internet.

Even with my busy schedule, I still do take time to update the bio to reflect release dates, so check often to see when I'm planning to get my shit together and put something new up for you to read. So on that note, sit back, relax, and enjoy this chapter while somehow ignoring my slightly

Cagey Behavior

Stuck in the darkness, Dana found her confidence waning as she realized that the lock wasn't something she could pick. No amount of Youtube education was going to teach her how to undo a lock that was on the outside of her cage door. She couldn't even reach the thing with her fingertips. Unless she developed zombie telekinesis, she was stuck.

It also didn't help that she had to listen to Tasia ranting from the nearby cage. The werewolf was practically howling in human form, which seemed a little silly. It was a stream of consciousness that reminded Dana very much of Tink.

"Hey." Dana gave the wall of her cage a good kick and repeated the process until Tasia finally quieted down. "How strong are these cages?"

"Why do you care? We aren't getting out, and I suspect this is all your fault somehow."

"Me being in here is my fault. I have no idea why you're here. Have you wolfed out and tried forcing your way free?"

There was a growl in the darkness. "As a matter of fact, I can't change right now."

"Why?" asked Dana. When no answer came, she smacked the door. "Look, we're both in cages and none of this is about you. I had no idea you were even in Florida. We were tracking a demon and things went sideways. I'm sure you know what that's like. I'm not asking you about your weaknesses or whatever, but I think we should agree that our number one priority is escape."

Another moment passed, and Tasia sighed. "Silver bullet," she replied. "I was shot. It keeps me from transforming."

"Did they shoot you? The preacher people?"

"No." This time, the growl was deeper than before. "It was one of our own, someone in the Order. Killed a group of researchers and my team, then pinned the blame on me. I think they may have been mind controlled. I'm not sure and didn't get much of a chance to think about it before the bastard shot me. They brought me here to keep me until I could be collected later."

"That sounds messed up." Dana tried rattling the door even harder, but that was no use. She gave the door a kick. When it didn't budge, she tried again, with a bit more force. Her dilemma was that she was afraid that if she applied too much force, might break a leg or worse. She wasn't keen on revealing her strength to anyone, but the situation was pretty dire.

Tasia snorted. "Like you're one to talk. Walking around with a succubus of all things. Tell me, how many innocent men and women have you fed to that bitch?"

"None, actually. I'm not her boss, I'm her friend." Dana gave the door a few more exploratory kicks, then felt it with her fingers, reconstructing the build in her mind. There was a huge difference between kicking a door near the hinges versus near the deadbolt holding it shut. She made a mental note to start carrying a small flashlight in the future, as doing this blind sucked.

"You can't seriously expect me to believe that," Tasia said.

"You're a werewolf in a cage who was shot by one of her buddies and dropped off for safekeeping in a tour bus with a famous pastor's face on it. Whose story is more believable right now?" Dana double-checked the position of her foot with her hand and then kicked. When it didn't give after the first few strikes, she stretched her body and pushed against the latch side of the door with her foot, bracing her back against the interior. The metal bent, but held with a groan. She felt around the cage some more, it was smooth on the inside. There was the faint odor of dried sweat and blood, but it was overpowered by Tasia's scent.

"These cages weren't made for animals. I saw them when I came in. I think Osgrove has been using them for people." Tasia shifted in her cage. "That pompous fucker."

"He's in league with a demon. We didn't know that when we came, but we do now." Dana felt a subtle shift in the trailer. "Shit. Time to play Andy's Coming."

"What does that even mean?" demanded Tasia, but Dana went limp in the cage, making sure that her wrist was by the door. She forced the air out of her lungs and stared straight ahead as someone came into the room and turned on the light. One of Deacon's security detail stared at her, but she held perfectly still.

The man opened the cage and stuck his hand in far enough to check her pulse. When he didn't get one, he let out a grunt and grabbed the walkie on his shoulder. "The intruder is dead," he said. "Do you still want me to bring her up?"

There was a moment of interference, and then a harsh voice came through the speaker. "Do so."

The guy sighed and knelt down to grab Dana's wrist. "At least you aren't too heavy," he muttered, sliding her out of the cage. When he leaned over to lift her up into a fireman's carry, she put the man in a chokehold and squeezed the sides of his neck. He gasped for air, but it wasn't air she was cutting off. A proper choke cut off the flow of blood itself, and he slumped over, his brain temporarily deprived of oxygen.

"Damn, that was slick," Tasia muttered from her cell.

Dana searched the man's pockets and took his keys before shoving him into her old cage and locking it shut. She took a peek out the door to the cage room. The trailer was empty, but that didn't mean someone wasn't outside.

"Let me out," Tasia begged, pressing her face against the bars.

"I'm not sure I should," Dana replied. "I don't have time to deal with you."

"Look, I'm in a bad spot and..." Tasia groaned. "The guy who captured me said I was going to be an experiment. This is absolutely an enemy of my enemy situation."

"I was never your enemy." Dana stared hard at Tasia, then unlocked her cage. "You might not know this, but I drowned your sorry ass in Hawaii and then helped bring it back. We had conflicting goals, but that was it. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I have no doubt you would have...damn, that's a lot of blood." Dana examined the giant stain that ran down the front of Tasia's outfit. She looked like an extra from a horror movie with blood down to her legs.

"I'll live," Tasia muttered. "But we need to get the bullets out."

The smell of Tasia's blood aroused something in Dana, and she subconsciously licked her lips. It was hunger, but in a way she hadn't experienced before. It was true she consumed Mike's magic juice, but that was out of necessity. Feeding on the Nirumbi had been instinct under extreme circumstances. This was something she wanted to eat for pleasure, to experience the taste of it on her tongue and feel it run down the back of her throat like hot chocolate on a cold day.

Tasia slid forward and stood, hunched over with a hand on her stomach. "You're drooling."

Dana wiped her mouth with a hand and walked out of the room. Her phone was sitting on a nearby table, along with her fake pass. She picked it up and saw that she had missed a text from Lily. When she opened it, she frowned at the one word missive.

Lily had wanted her to run. But from what? And why? What could spook the succubus enough that she would try to chase Dana off? Dana was in the middle of typing her reply when someone else stepped onto the bus. She looked up and locked eyes with another security guard. This one was faster than the first and pulled out a baton with one hand and a stun gun with the other.

She leapt toward him, taking the baton across the face and slapping the stun gun aside. He struck her in the chest and knocked her to the ground, then tried to stomp on her neck. She twisted to the side and heard something snap. Thinking he had just broken one of her bones, she groaned when she saw the man lift his heel from remnants of her cell phone.

Tasia caught the man in the face with a flying knee, and both of them crumpled to the ground. Dana stood and picked up the remnants of her phone. Only the screen protector held the thing together. She shoved it in her pocket and helped the werewolf up.

"I thought he was going to take you out," Tasia muttered. "Should have known better. Where's the succubus?"

"Her name is Lily. She said we need to run." Dana pulled Tasia to her feet. "So I'm guessing that's what we do."

"Maybe you can run." Tasia lifted her hand away from her stomach, revealing fresh blood. "I guess this is where we part ways, witch."

"Call me Dana." She slapped the stun gun into Tasia's hand. "And you're coming with me."

The parking lot was dimly lit, but Tasia could see clearly as if it was the middle of the day. The convention center was abuzz with noise. The people inside were singing hymns, and she could smell the excitement in the air. The performance had reached a fever pitch and was likely going to end soon.

Dana slowly led the way, but Tasia directed her toward an area with fewer guards. They stank of hotdog meat, sweat, and...sulfur? It made sense, based on what the witch had told her.

No, not witch. If nothing else, Tasia needed to let that idea go. Dana clearly wasn't a witch. She did have an odd smell about her, but it was hard to parse what it was with so much other activity going on. The pain in her gut didn't help, either. The bullets burned like tiny fireballs in her belly, and the sensation was radiating down her legs. She stumbled a few times, but Dana caught her with those uncanny reflexes of hers.

"Once we get past the gates, I've got somewhere we can go. We'll meet up with Lily and figure out our next step." Dana knelt down behind a parked car. "But only if you agree to play nice."

Tasia wanted to argue that the succubus wouldn't make such an agreement, but realized her preconceived beliefs might not be true. After so many hours inside that cage and the rest of her team dead, it was obvious this situation was far bigger and more dangerous than what she could handle on her own.

"I should warn you that I'm not very reliable right now." Tasia pointed to her wound. "My strength comes and goes in waves."

Dana examined Tasia's wound. There was a look in Dana's eyes that was hungry, almost feral. "Do I need to carry you?"

"I'm mobile. Just...less than fresh." Tasia shrugged. "You don't happen to have my sword, do you?"

"Not here." Dana sniffed the air. "Do you smell that?"

Tasia tapped her nose. "You're going to have to narrow it down."

"It's sulfur and cheap perfume," said a woman from the other side of the car. "You two can come on out."

Dana stood and glared at an older woman wearing a shawl. Her pupils glowed like angry coals. Tasia leaned against the hood of the car, running her fingers along the stun gun.

"I'm guessing you're the demon." Dana walked out from behind the car. "You wouldn't happen to know where my friend is, do you?"

"I can take you right to her, if you want." The woman shifted her gaze toward Tasia. "Not you, I'm afraid. You belong to someone else."

"I belong to no one." Tasia leaned heavily against the car, feigning exhaustion. "So why don't you get out of our way?"

"Oh, honey." The woman pouted. "You really think you're going to get anywhere?"

Dana sniffed the air again. "There are more coming," she said, then stared down the demon. "Out of curiosity, can you access your host's memories?"

The demon frowned, suddenly confused. "Why would it matter?"

"Because it's gonna be a bitch getting blood out of that shawl." Dana lunged forward and swung a fist. The demon chuckled and casually sidestepped the attack, slapping her hand on Dana's shoulder and squeezing.

Tasia made her move. She rushed forward and jammed the stun gun into the demon before pulling the trigger. The demon's face contorted as the host jerked and spasmed. Dana smashed her elbow into the demon's jaw, splattering blood on the ground. Tasia released the trigger and the two of them broke away, leaving the demon on the ground.

"That should have been harder," Tasia commented. "Demons can handle way more abuse than that."

They made it to the fence. Tasia looked up the height of the chain links wistfully, unsure how she was going to climb it. Dana grabbed the links and ripped them apart, showering the asphalt with metal threading.

"C'mon, let's go."

They ran out into the street and ducked down an alleyway. Tasia lagged behind more than once, but Dana always came back to help her forward. Within an hour, they were running along the street by the beach, just outside all the rental homes full of tourists.

"We need to stop," Tasia said, gasping for air. "We might have lost them, but I'm going to throw up."

"Yeah, let's take a moment." Dana crouched down behind a garbage can and Tasia joined her. The blonde surveyed the street and walked toward a dark, hopefully empty, home. She pulled some shims from her waistband and moved toward the door. "Ah, shit. Digital keypad."

"So how are you--" Tasia stared in horror as Dana shoved her way through the security door, causing the frame to splinter.

"They're probably insured for worse than that," Dana said, then walked into the dark house. "C'mon."

Tasia followed her inside. They climbed a darkened stairwell and found themselves standing outside a living room with a kitchen nearby. Dana turned on a couple of lights and started opening drawers.

"What are you looking for?" Tasia asked.

"Need to get those bullets out of you. Here we go." She pulled some knives out of the drawer and set them on the counter. "Will you be able to transform if I pull them out?"

Tasia wiggled her palm back and forth. "Not right away. Think of it like the silver purifies my blood, which keeps the transformation at bay. Eventually I'll make new blood and then it'll be fine."

"Good." She gestured for Tasia to lay down on the counter. "Let's get started."

Tasia backed away and found a stool to sit on. "I guess I'm not so sure about that," she admitted. "We tried to kill each other only yesterday, after all."

"False. You tried to kill me. I just wanted to get away." Dana crossed her arms and sighed. "Look, I'll level with you here. I highly suspect that something has happened to Lily, and I fully intend to find out what. I can do this with or without you, and the smart choice is to pull that shit out of your body."

"How do I know you won't double cross me? Carve out my heart and eat it? Stab me and be done with it?"

Dana rolled her eyes dramatically. "I held my own against you while you were a wolf. I could take you now if I wanted."

"I'd like to see you--" Tasia closed her eyes and fought down the primal anger, the resentment. Now that they weren't in cages, all those old feelings came flooding back. She wanted to rip Dana apart like paper, then stand over her corpse and howl. "You know what? Just do it."

Tasia climbed onto the counter and winced in agony as Dana poked at her wounds. Frowning, Dana dug through a nearby drawer and handed over a wooden stirring spoon.

"What do you want me to do with this?" asked Tasia.

"Make some fucking soup, what do you think?" Dana took the spoon and held it sideways over Tasia's mouth. "Bite down on it."

Tasia bared her fangs, then opened wide. Dana lowered the spoon into her mouth. As Tasia bit down, she felt a finger press up and into her body cavity and she gasped.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm not even going to bother with alcohol or anything." Dana looked over at the knives and picked up a thin one. "I can feel the tip of it. Let me know if you're about to pass out or anything."

"Jeth do ih," Tasia hissed, and whimpered when Dana stuck the knife inside her.

"The muscle has healed around it," Dana explained. "It's all hot, too. Makes it easier to find."

Tasia growled. She didn't need a lesson in magical medicine right now, but couldn't speak around her spoon. The pain was intense, but she had experienced worse before. Admittedly, not by much.

Dana's brow furrowed in concentration as she pressed down hard on Tasia's stomach. Tasia bit down so hard on the spoon that it snapped in half. That's when Dana held up the silver bullet like she had won it.

"Ta da," she announced, then shoved it in her pocket. "One more to go, I believe. It may have split in half, so it'll be harder to dig out. Here." She pulled another wooden utensil from the drawer and handed it over. "Will be a couple more minutes."

Blood gushed out of Tasia's wounds, but a tingling sensation filled her body. Even having one bullet pulled had made a world of difference and it only took Dana ten more minutes to retrieve both parts of the other. She stuck those in her pockets as well, then handed Tasia a dish cloth to clean herself up.

"How do you feel?" Dana asked, her crystalline blue eyes suddenly intense.

Tasia sat up and inspected her wound. The hole was getting smaller as new muscle tissue formed. The tingling in her body had transformed into a warm glow as she reconnected with her inner animal. She rubbed her stomach and frowned.

"Hungry." It had been over a day since she had eaten.

"I understand that." Dana walked over to the sink, but was interrupted when the windows of the living room shattered inward. Three figures had burst through the glass from outside and were crouched among the shards of glass.

"Did you really think it would be that easy?" asked a bald man with glasses who stood and brushed himself off.

"All it takes is a drop of blood or a hair clipping." This came from the woman in the shawl. Her face was dirty, and she smelled of sweat and pee. Clearly the host body had recovered from its shocking experience. "And a demon can find you anywhere."

"Please keep in mind that we prefer you in one piece, but it isn't mandatory." The third speaker was an elderly woman holding a wooden cane. She pointed it in Dana's direction. "As for you, dear, Deacon would like a word."

Tasia slid off the counter and stood next to Dana, whose breath had become ragged. She had lifted her hands as if in surrender, but was now staring at the blood soaked tips of her fingers. The three demons moved cautiously toward them, stepping around the furniture.