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All Comments on 'Deal!'

by Heartbloodblack

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  • 3 Comments
Brandonbrown20Brandonbrown20over 9 years ago

Good start to what seems like a good series keep em coming ty

WhiskeyIsGoodWhiskeyIsGoodover 9 years ago
It's got potential...

Jumps around a little to much, and it's definitely a bit to short. The main character keeps saying she doesn't want to explain certain details, but it would be nice if she did explain certain things. Sex scene could be a little more detailed too. It seems interesting, and with a little work I think it could be pretty decent.

Writer1Writer1over 9 years ago
Potential...

Your story line is intriguing and erotic, but as other commenters have suggested, the grammar needs help and the plot needs smoothing. Read it aloud to yourself and that should help you find the issues.

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userHeartbloodblack@Heartbloodblack
5 Stories
40 Followers
Androgyny, taboos, and some mixed subject work. I write as I have time, and as the mood takes me. And though I may write sequels I do not write guarantees, take that as you will. I have my flaws, however I reserve the right to ignore those who point them out. In short I write ...