Dear Diary

As midnight neared and my birthday was officially here. I decided to try calling Keith again for the millions time. Every call for the longest time was answered with, (the customer you were trying to reach is unavailable.) Or, (the mailbox that you have reached this full.)

But I never gave up trying, so once again I found myself lying in bed calling his number. To my shock the message was different, at first I did not even catch it because I wasn't paying attention. Realizing that, my cell went

(..B E E P..) I was sitting silent, stunned! I hung up and called back immediately, carefully listen to the message

(Hi this is Keith I am sorry I missed your call

but I will listen to it when I get a chance. By

the way, if this is my wife, Happy Birthday.)

At the end I left a message back, saying, "oh Keith, sweetheart! thank you so much for remembering my birthday I love you sooo much please come home please!. Hello Keith are you there?..B E E P..

I called back and listened over again just to hear his voice and then fell asleep with my phone in my hand tears in my eyes. When I woke in the early morning, I tried calling again and the message was now, (The customer you were trying to reach is not available.)

I did NOT dream it, it was real, I did hear the message, I know I did... He has heard my reply and cleared the message now I know it!!

Dear Diary, September

Ava's birthday today, and we are throwing a little birthday party. she turns three today. We have invited some of her new friends and mothers from preschool over. I was relieved that no one asked me where my husband was Mom and Bruce came over and dropped off gifts and had cake after the other guests left. I did not say anything but I was so disappointed not to have Keith acknowledged his own daughter's birthday.

When Mom's cellphone rang She had a shocked look on her face and got up and walk to the other side of the room. She was looking at me with a pained look on her face as she was talking on the phone and then she said Ava come here sweetheart someone wants to say hello. I stood and stared at my mom and she held the phone to a Ava's ear. Listened intently and then I heard her say hello Daddy and I fell to my knees crying I crawled across the floor on my hands and knees towards her trying to get close enough to hear his voice as he was talking. Then she said goodbye Daddy, I quickly grabbed the phone and said "Keith, hello Keith, "

but no one was there. I quickly pulled myself together for my daughter's sake. Mom picked her up and said ok let's open some more presents. Bruce came over and put his arm around me, helped me to the sofa and kissed me softly on the top of the head. Later that night when Ava was in bed the three of us sat at the kitchen table and drank tea.

Mom held my hand and said "I just did not know what to say sweetheart. I did not want him to hang up so I just followed his instructions, I'm sorry."

"I am not blaming you mom, it is my own fault. I just don't think that he is ever going to stop hating me I am trying not to give up but it's been so, so long."

Bruce then put his hand on top of ours and said, "never give up, I won't let you, not until we see him in person. He can not stay away forever sweetheart, trust me. Trust me on this, I will get him back here."

I said, "thank you Bruce, but I do not want you to make him come back, I want him to want me back. I am tired I think I will go to bed."

Dear Diary

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I truly have to give thanks more than you could ever imagine. I love the fall, the beauty of the colored leaves. The crisp air or smell of wood burning in the fireplace to take off the chill. The day started very somber, waking up once again to my routine. Again trying to get ahold of Keith on the phone with no success I moved on to getting Ava and myself over to the in-law's house. I promised to help mom prepare Thanksgiving dinner. I'd planned on making an apple pie as well. Seeing as my car was in the shop for repairs Bruce said that he would take me to the market while mom looked after Ava.

As I was going through the produce department picking out some apples, Bruce wandered around the store trying to find supplies for Betty. A man walked up to me and started chatting me up, asking me if I had plans for Thanksgiving. Looking down at the apples, I answered him with a yes and started to move away. Once again he pushed his card up near me and said, "if you don't mind me saying you are very attractive."

I looked up at him and said, "thank you for the compliment but I am married."

At that moment Bruce walked up behind the gentleman stating, "IF you don't mind me saying fuck off..."

The man looked at him startled, moving away immediately and I began apologizing. "Bruce I, I did not..."

" Don't worry yourself you did nothing wrong Elizabeth, I trust you whole heartedly"

I wipe a tear from my eye, "Bruce that means a lot to me thank you."

We gathered our produce and headed to the checkout and then home. I finished making an apple pie and put it in the oven, then went to play with Ava in the leaves in the backyard. We were making piles and she was jumping in them and laughing and having a great time.

Putting the Apple pie out to cool, Mom put the turkey in the oven. Afterwards we cleaned up and I helped her set the table for later. Ava went in to sit on the couch snuggled up next to grandpa as he watched football. I was standing at the counter drying as mom washed some dishes. We talked as we waited on dinner. I heard the front door but never paid any attention, then I heard Bruce talking to someone, I assumed Ava. Mom offered me a glass of wine and poured one for herself, I said no thank you mom I am not going to drink until Keith is back in my arms. At which point Mom was looking over my shoulder and her face went pale. Hearing a man's voice say, "well then hand her a glass of wine Mom!"

I stood there in shock and slowly turned around and there he was, standing there with a smile looking at me. My whole body began to shake and I thought I was going to fate. Keith quickly moved towards me putting out his arms. I ran into his arms, start crying and crying and crying, "Oh God I've missed you, you've come back to me."

Mom starting to cry as well and moved over and hugged the two of us. Then Ava started crying, Keith reached down and picked her up. She was nervous and the three of us once again hugged and she said, "mommy are you okay?"

"Of course honey there just happy tears."

"Daddy is home" she said, "hello Daddy" and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I was a wreck my mascara was running down my face, I just could not stop the tears. My whole body was shaking I said, "Keith I'm sorry, I must look a wreck."

Keith helded us for awhile, then setting Ava to the floor he said," you're beautiful Beth."

I wanted to go to the Washroom and fix myself up for him, but didn't want to let go either. So I just held on to his hand, afraid if I let go he would be gone again, or I'd wake up from this dream.

Bruce joined us, "why don't we all going to the living room."

My husband led me across the floor holding my left hand and Ava his other hand. I felt his thumb quickly flick my wedding rings on my fingers. The four of us sat on the couch and Bruce in his chair. I sat on Keith's right, mom on his left. Ava crawled up on to my knee. I started to say, "I am so sorry..."

Keith said, " shĥh don't say a word there is plenty of time to talk."

Bruce handed Keith and I a glass of wine. Ava got up and started dancing and acting silly and mom got up and danced with her. Mom started asking Keith a million questions about his work and if he was back. One run on question after another, before he could even answer even one.

Keith smiled and said, "would you mind looking after Ava, Mom, Beth and I need to go for a walk, we need to talk a little bit in private."

Hearing those words unnerved me but I knew that we had to talk. We got up and I put on a spring jacket it was starting to cool in the fall, but was sunny today. We put on our shoes and headed out the door. He held my hand as we kicked through the leaves across the front lawn and down the street. We did not talk for the longest time, my hand was trembling, I'm sure he could tell.

As we walked along I started to say again, "Keith I am so sorry for what I did.."

"Hold my hand, let's just walk and enjoy the day for a little bit." he replied. The only sound as we walked was a gentle breeze and the swishing leaves under foot. The color of the leaf's where spectacular making me sentimental about Thanksgivings, Keith and I shared before. Also remembering long-gone school days, how excited we used to be as children, knowing Halloween was round the corner. The silence was awkward and becoming increasingly tense for me. We came across a bench at the end of the park and Keith ask me to take a seat. We sat turned towards each other, he took my hands in his.

After a long moment, Keith said, "I hear that piece of shit that works for your company had an unfortunate accident," he paused for a moment. "He had it coming."

I looked down sheepishly then stated, "that is exactly what your father said, did you, never mind..."

" Anyways, I am not here to talk about the past, let me say my peace first. Beth I have had a lot of time to think and there is some things that I need to say. To start off, it was very brave of you to tell me what happened. That made a big difference that you told me up front in my decision making. Secondly I thought about that day...

You asked me to go with you and I thought, there has been so many days recently that you have asked me to join you. I have put you off, usually because of work, no more. I do not want to be on my death bed regretting thing in my life, especially for an extra day of work. You and Ava, mean more to me than the mighty dollar. That brings me to the third point, I thought I took this opportunity away to think through. But that was not the only reason, they did paid me a ton of money it's the hazard pay that you get for being away from your family for so long. I thought we could use the money to pay off our mortgage. I love working with Dad and being with family. I do not care if I go to the grave owing as long as you are with me Beth."

"My hole body was shaking,He loves me, he forgives me."

" What is a house, if it is not a home, it is not a home without you and Ava. What I am trying to say Beth, is that I am responsible as well."

"No no no it was all me and I beg mercy and forgiveness."

"Beth please let me finish...I bear the burden of my responsibility as well. I know we are not the same people we were when we met and we are not going to be the same people ten years from now. But I want to be with you for our life time. A relationship requires maintenance like all things we value. From now on, if something is more then a request, lets promise to be clear with its importance. I need to know how you are feeling! Make sure you have my attention fully and tell me, call me out. We need to make time for each other without life's distractions.

Beth you are a beautiful woman, but you are never more beautiful when when I see you smile. That is as close to Heaven as this man can get."

I listen to his ever word and was overwhelmed with emotion. "I swear to you on my life and family. I will treat every moment I am not with you, like your in the room watching me, I will regain your trust."

On our way back we came upon our church we where married at. Pastor Stevens, was raking leaves out front and said hello. "Pastor, good to see you, I was wondering if I might use you as a witness and then ask you a small favor?"

"Why, Certainly anything I can do to help."

Keith took my hand and looked into my eyes and said, "Beth, please give me your wedding band."

"No, no, no. Please Keith. Don't take them back. Please."

"Beth I love you... In front of God's witness, I only need it back for a bit! Keep your engagement ring on, I only want to get it altered. If you Pastor, would do us the Honor of helping us renew our marriage. In a few weeks, I will place the ring back on your finger Beth, till death do us part."

I jumped into his arms, hugging and kissing all over his face. I would love that, Keith."

Pastor, Steven said, "I look forward to seeing you two back. Let's step inside for a moment and make arrangements and set a time and date."

Dear Diary

We have set a date to renew our vows the afternoon of November, first. My husband was back, in body anyways. Everything seems ok on the surface. He spends a lot of time with Ava almost like he is trying to make up for lost time. We would go to the park almost everyday, after I return from work.

Keith had talked to his dad about taking a little time before, starting back working again. To reconnect with his family and make up for lost time. The first night he was home, after we put Ava to bed and I came into the bedroom wearing a little nighty. I did not know what was going to happen, Keith smiled at me as I crossed the room and I crawled into bed beside him.

I noticed he was wearing boxer briefs in bed, he generally slept nude. He smiled at me and said, "Beth I was thinking for just a little while we would refrain from.. you know and just hold each other, reconnect."

I smiled and kissed him and curled up in his loving arms and that was our routine for the first little while.

The following weekend friends of ours asked us if we would attend the upcoming Halloween party at the end of the month. I was reluctant for so many reasons, number one I had no idea how we would interact with other couples. We were just getting back on our feet, God forbid some man ask me to dance and Keith took a dislike.

Or worse yet what if some woman took him away from me but these were all reasonably close friends as far as I know there was only two other couples that I did not know. I was also painfully aware that Keith was not big on dressing up and wearing costumes. He did say that he wanted to go, that it would probably be good for us. Last but not least, it would have to be an early night because the following day November 1st was our big day, when we renew are nuptials.

I had Come up with a clever Idea as far as I was concerned regarding the party I would wear just a pair of blue jeans a white blouse and running shoes and a name type tag. Keith would be dressed in a full suit and a tag, his tag would say [federal agent] mine [prisoner of love] I also got a pair of handcuffs and cuffed us together for the evening That settled the dance partner situation.

Keith was really getting in to being a stay-at-home dad and Ava was loving it. I think Mom was missing looking after her, because she came to our house every day, so I was told. Work was work, I did hear that through the grapevine that David had got out of the hospital and was on disability and moved away. I did not dare bring this information up, let dead dogs lie.

About a week and a half after Keith's return, one night I came out of the shower wearing a little sexy nighty and asked Keith, if I could give him a back massage! Which he agreed to it's not like we were not hugging touching and kissing, just not sex. At this point and I did not want to push him to hard but my body aches for him and it is not like I haven't noticed his erections.

Getting some Peach scented body lotion I began to massage his back and shoulders while sitting straddling his firm buttock I knew I was getting moist. After about twenty minutes, I guided him without words to roll over and I straddled him again. Pushing my pantied sex against his boxer brief covered semi erection and began to massage his chest leaning forward I gently kissed him on the lips and then started kissing down his body. Keith did not resist me as I worked my way down gently putting my fingers into the top of his shorts and pulling them down exposing his hardness. Without hesitation I immediately took it in to my mouth I wanted to please him and bring him back to me. It did not take long and I had him erupting in my mouth, afterwards crawling backup his body and kissing the side of his neck. I snuggling into him he said,

"Beth I, I,I.."

"Shhh, my love just hold me go to sleep," I purred and I laid in his arms smiling to myself. Knowing that I had pleased my man, that I have started the long process of winning back his desire.

The night of the Halloween party went off without a hitch. We danced we laughed we had fun and enjoyed the company of our friends. They were happy to see Keith back and ask a lot of questions about his work project up north. We never brought up the subject that there was a problem between us at any point and I was grateful for that.

After that night a while ago when I performed oral on Keith, I did not want to push it any further and we went back to our snuggling. But on this night the night before we renewed our nuptials, I was in the shower after the party getting ready for bed. When to my surprise Keith got into the shower with me, I immediately threw myself into his arms and we began kissing his hands were all over me. He was hungry, the look in his eyes was mad desire. He started kissing down my body licking my hardened nipples, down my body, the water cascading over us.

It almost felt like an erotic dream, then I felt him lift my leg as he pushed me against a shower wall his tongue licking pleasing me, I orgasmed within minutes. Keith made his way backup, kissing up my body. He spun me around and forced me hard against the shower wall pulling my leg to one side and entering me from behind. As he took me.... This was not love making. this was animalistic sex. Claiming his woman, Fucking me hard from behind. Taking what is his, reclaiming, I was loving every minute of it.

Dear Diary November

Yesterday was a magical day Gathering at the church with all the people I love Keith sat Ava down for a moment between us as he took both my hands After placing the renewed wedding ring back on my hand It was absolutely gorgeous. Keith had added a second diamond, he later told me represented our daughter

Ava. Holding each other's hands looking into each other's eyes the pastor told us to repeat after him.

"You are a constant in my life

whom I always have and will

continue to love.

I believe in this marriage more

than ever,

Reaffirm my love, loyalty, trust

commitment

To you eternally."

That night my loving husband told me he loved me. Loved me and made love to me. Not just words, I felt it, he let go and gave me his hearts. So gentle, soft and tender. It was amazing, beautiful, I am a lucky woman.

Dear diary December

The festive holidays were upon us, the world seemed right again. My Dad and his wife, Barb came to visit, the second weekend in December. We all went out to diner and it was pleasant. It was nice to see Dad was happy and he got an opportunity to spend time with his granddaughter. Ava was a little shy with them but my Dad did spoil her with gifts before they left. I did get the opportunity to give my dad a hug and tell him I loved him and he said he loved me too! That was the Christmas gift that I wanted from him.

Mom and Bruce had blessed us with a surprise Christmas gift. A paid vacation to a castle hotel in Ireland. I can not believe I will be dancing New Year's Eve with my loving husband in a castle. I have my Prince back, I am so looking forward

Thank you for listening,

Dear Diary