Decisions, Consequences and Tolstoy

The city's two-term mayor was at a four-way stop sign in downtown Pensacola, watching an older woman push a baby stroller through the intersection when she turned an ankle and fell to the ground. Being the gentleman he was, Richard Strickland put his flashers on, got out of his vehicle and went to help the woman. He thought she looked familiar as he approached, then was certain as he helped her to her feet.

"Hello, Traci. Long time, huh?" Richard said quietly as he looked into her face.

In shock from her fall, Traci hadn't recognized the stranger who came to her aid. It was the voice that gave it away, forcing her to take a closer look at her good Samaritan. He looked like an older version of her former husband. Gray streaked his hair and lines were etched into his forehead and around his eyes. His eyes no longer shone bright. Instead they had a somewhat hollow look, despite the small smile he gave her.

"Thank you for the hand, Richard. I guess I've gotten clumsy in my old age," Traci replied.

"If you're old, then I guess that makes me ancient. Remember, I've got you by five years.

"Let me pull my car over, and I'll give you and the little guy a ride home."

Traci waited while Richard parked his car. When he approached again, Traci told him that she was healthy enough to walk home, but if he had the time, she wouldn't mind sitting down with him for a cup of coffee at the coffee shop a half-block away. Richard thought the look in her eyes was more pleading than asking, so he nodded affirmatively.

Traci pushed the stroller ahead of them as they walked the half-block to the coffee shop. Richard's brain was working overtime as they walked. He looked at the child's face as they walked, sadly thinking that in another lifetime this should have been their child. He shook his head to clear that thought, and Traci took a quick sideways glance as he did it.

With that thought gone for the moment, Richard couldn't believe that the woman that he was walking with was his former wife. Although it had only been three years since the divorce, Traci seemed to have aged 20 years in that time. When he first saw her, Richard thought she was the child's grandmother, maybe 50, 55 years old. She only slightly resembled the Traci that was once his wife.

Richard ordered a coffee for himself, a salted caramel latte for Traci and a warm milk for the baby. He had to admit to himself the child was good-looking, being a good mix of both his mother and father.

"You remembered. How sweet," Traci said when she tasted her latte.

Richard blushed slightly. He just ordered without thinking. It was reflex.

"So how have you been, Traci? If I'm not being too forward, are you seeing anyone?"

Traci knew Richard wasn't being invasive. He was being what he always was: a nice guy.

"I haven't dated anyone since I broke it off with Davie," Traci said quietly. "That was quite a shock to me. I guess karma truly is a bitch, but it gave me a chance to get a taste of what I fed to you. Yes, it hurt. I suppose it should give you a little sense of revenge..."

Traci's voice choked off. She had tears in her eyes. Richard sat quietly. At one time, he probably would have reveled in her sad news. After three years, though, Richard's anger had abated. Sadness had replaced vengeance in his heart.

"I'm sorry to hear about that, Traci. Really, I mean that. I don't hate you anymore. I guess if anything, I feel sorry for myself... and for you; for what we lost, and what could have been. To this day, I'm not sure why."

"It took me a long time to totally figure it out, Richard," Traci admitted. "I kind of lost myself there for a while. I think I saw this as a way to indulge my secret fantasy of being a bad girl. I felt like I deserved this, and I could keep you in the dark even though I wasn't really hiding it. I thought I could have my cake and eat it, too. Turns out my cake turned to crap... and all I got out of it was a lousy T-shirt, so to speak.

"And in my stupidity I hurt a good man and threw him away. I'm sorry, Richard. I mean that in all sincerity."

"Well, look at it this way, Traci. One thing good did come out in all this. He's a beautiful child, and at least you will have him around to enjoy his growing up."

Traci looked very guilty at that last statement.

"I know you didn't want children, Traci, but it happened. When God gives you lemons...

"Make the best of it. And never let him know he wasn't wanted. You have an enormous capacity to love. I know that first-hand."

Traci started crying quietly. A moment later, Richard handed her the handkerchief in his pocket. Of course, Traci thought to herself.

"What about you, Richard? Is there someone in your life right now? Please tell me I haven't ruined how you see all women."

"Right now there's no one, Traci, but I'm an optimistic kind of guy. You know that," Richard said. "I guess I'm still a little gun shy. I'll bounce back some day."

Traci dropped her eyes to the tabletop so Richard didn't see how guilty she felt. Richard felt awkward. It was time for him to go. He stood up to leave, but Traci put her hand on top of his to stop him. Richard took the hint from so many years of being with Traci in the past and sat back down.

"Richard... uh... what would be the chance... I mean... you're alone, I'm alone. I know I screwed up once with the greatest guy any woman could ever ask for. But I wouldn't make that same mistake if you would give me a second chance. I can promise you that."

Traci lifted her eyes and looked directly at Richard. He had a thousand-yard stare into the distance for five, maybe 10 seconds before he showed any emotion, finally furrowing his brow.

"God, you can't believe how much I loved you," Richard whispered, causing Traci to lean closer to him. "I wanted so much to believe you were just flirting with him when I saw you two together in that restaurant. I always knew that I wasn't a Greek god, but I truly believed you loved me, maybe even loved me as much as I loved you.

"I gave up my chance to have children. I really wanted kids. You knew that. But I gave that up because I loved you. Then you betrayed my love, betrayed my trust. And then you top it all off by having a child--a child--with that fucking ballplayer!

"I may not be angry anymore, but forgive and forget? Not in this lifetime, Babe."

Richard stood up, ruffled the baby's hair and walked off.