Depraved

Merle set his tea cup on the small stone table, his hand shaking slightly in doing so. The teacup made an audible clink as it settled clumsily on the hard surface, disturbing the soft silence. He gazed across at Lidiya with blue eyes betraying vulnerability and conviction, feelings which had both been present for him in the time leading up to this encounter.

Rays of afternoon sun adorned the otherwise unlit and cozy kitchen. One large window looked out over the valley, fields rolling off into the distance. The view was nice, almost antique in it's pastoral simplicity. This place was so quiet in the afternoon, the two had often come here together to share deeper things, or simply gaze at each other over cups of tea. Breaking the silence of the moment, Merle began to explain the fantasy that had been growing and gradually evolving within him since last they had been together. Lidiya leaned in to listen intently to the dark tale her lover, her Sir, had asked to share with her.

There had been a long silence before he worked up the nerve to speak. Lidiya was patient, aware of the courage it could take for Merle to share his desires out loud. She knew from experience that his care and tender love for her, and his sadistic appetite, could at times come into conflict inside of him. She had witnessed this contradiction bring up uncertainty, shame, or other vulnerabilities in the past, and could sense a similar turmoil or at least some ambivalence in this moment.

Lidiya regularly found herself surprised by this man in front of her now, of his ability to be so uncertain, hesitant, even confused or ashamed at times, but instead of running away he would remain open, vulnerable, and present. Holding humble and compassionate space for his discomfort with a soft, tender kind of strength. There was no pretension, no bravado or machismo in these moments, just rawness.

The contradicting depths of his personality was profound to her, and she was in awe whenever she got to hold this man in moments of tenderness. He could be so tender, so honest and real when it was needed. Yet he was also fully capable of being unforgivingly hard and punitive when they were playing out a scene, pushing her right to the edge of what she could handle with unwavering control, doling out heavy handed punishment with the most delicious kind of stoic command.

He set the scene for how the fantasy would unfold, telling Lidiya that she would arrive on time and dressed just as instructed, denim short shorts, T-shirt, and sandals. Nothing more, nothing less. He would meet Lidiya in the driveway upon her arrival, making her turn around so he could place handcuffs around her slim wrists, without offering any other form of greeting. Merle describes to Lidiya how she would be squirming in the tight handcuffs, asking to use the bathroom first, but he would slap her across face instead, barking at her to shut up! Merle continues, "I then grab hold of your butt and push, while shouting 'get into the truck, slut!' and use my weight to quickly shove you into the passenger seat."

Merle pauses his story and Lidiya, engulfed by the words of her lover, takes the moment to breath in deeply. She notes her arousal as he paints a picture of the opening scene for her, and is curious where the story will take her next. So far it's not unlike some scene play they have engaged in in the past, but he had said this one was dark, that it had kept him turned on all week thinking about it, but that it frightened him too. She was intrigued, waiting for him to share more.

Merle continues, explaining how in this fantasy, he would buckle her into the truck and they would take off, driving for a long time. Him at the wheel navigating, her riding silently with her arms pinned between her back and the sweaty seat. She would have no clue where he was taking her but knowing better than to ask questions, would remain silent. He would drive her deep into the forested hills before finally coming to a stop at the very end of an old overgrown logging road.

Wise enough to continue keeping her mouth shut, she would comply with all of his commands. Slipping out of her sandals and doing her best to wriggle out of her tight shorts while handcuffed, Merle watching on in amusement at her awkward struggle. He would put Lidiya's garments in his backpack, leaving her barefooted and wearing nothing but the T-shirt and a red lace thong. Making her walk in front, Merle would proudly march his submissive away from the old road, leading her deep into the thick woods, a deafening silence gradually settling in as they walked.

Looking across the table at Lidiya, he spoke slowly, letting his lips illustrate the fantasy for her eyes, wide and welcoming: The mesmerizing red of her thong juxtaposed against deep forest green. The sliver of red lace, disappearing between the cleft of her pale cheeks in the dappled afternoon light. Watching hungrily as his captive picked her way between ferns and branches, lifting her tender feet, spreading elegant legs to climb over fallen trees. Back in the room, Merle's eyes sparkle while vividly recounting the erotic poise of this particular moment in the fantasy.

Her feet would be sore, arms and thighs scratched from the thick underbrush by the time they reached the destination, a section of dense plantation forest, devoid of undergrowth save for the dark uniform tree trunks rising up from the needle strewn forest flow, standing like rows of towering sentinels. Eventually coming to a stop in a low spot, protected by two subtle ridges stretching up on either side of the gentle hollow. The woods were dark and ominous in the place, strangely uniform, lonely.

"This is the place I would have carefully scouted and picked out, a place I would keep you. A place I could keep you hidden away for as long as I desired," he says. Explaining how in this fantasy he would keep her chained there, to a tree with nothing other than a bit of water; the skimpy garments she was wearing; and an old blanket to keep her warm at night.

It is in this dark place that, "I would eventually leave you, chained and nearly naked, hidden away from all the world," Merle whispers. Then continues by adding that before abandoning her there, she would learn what was in store for her, what he had been carefully planning out in this dark and twisted fantasy.

Continuing to unveil the plot, Merle explains how he would rent her out to strangers who had solicited her services, but would make it into a game. Her purchasers would only be given the coordinates to her location, and would thus be required to search the woods to find her. It would be a kind of treasure hunt, a game that they could win if they put in the effort, but she would always lose. They would be given access to Lidiya for the entirety of a day, and if successful in their search, would gain complete control over her body and an opportunity to act out their darkest fantasies in complete seclusion. These clients would of course have to find her first, hunting for their prey like a doe in the woods. There would be no guarantees, but the task would be easy enough for any halfway decent hunter or woodsmen.

Explaining the rules of this imaginary 'game' to his lover, Merle tells her that the huntsmen would be allowed to do absolutely anything they wanted with her, save for two rules: no permanent physical damage could be done; and they could not remove the collar by which she was tethered. Short of these simple rules, nothing would be off-limits. No infliction, no pain, no enduring fetish, nor amount of screaming and begging would be forbidden. "Your body, the canvas upon which they could enact their most depraved fantasies," he said, finishing his explanation with a bit of poetic flair.

The distance across the small stone table separating the two lovers was trivial, allowing Merle to reach out, wrapping his long fingers around Lidiya's delicate throat for emphasis while he described the cold steel collar that would encircle her neck, trapping her. He continues squeezing with a shaky hand until Lidiya swallows several times in discomfort, her pale breasts heaving upward with each small gulp. Watching her big soft eyes look at him in tender submission, and sensing the quickening of her heart, provided the small pulse of confidence Merle needed in order to continue dispensing his fantasy.

"Come Dear, come sit on my lap," says Merle, settling back into the bench and patting his thighs. She moved around the table and lay down along the bench to his side, placing her head in his lap, allowing the gentle sunlight filtering down from the window to illuminate her flowing locks where they lay across his knees. Content with this, he continued his story.

There would be a supply of food left for her, but kept just beyond the reach of her chain. It would be at the discretion of the hunters to feed her, or not, as they pleased. And along with the food there would be a box of restraints and other implements available for the guests to use while acting out violent fantasies on their helpless playmate. Taking his time Merle explains to Lidiya with explicit detail how the men might want to make use of the implements on her, or choose to bring toys of their own with which to torment her.

Merle allowed his hand to shift down to her mouth, softly caressing her lips with his slender fingers as he spoke. Some, for example might be self conscious, and stuff her mouth with an inflatable rubber gag to keep her quiet for the duration of their time with her, savoring the silent tears as they ran endlessly down her pretty, dirt-smeared cheeks. While others would likely prefer to keep her un-muzzled, relishing in the sounds of her pain, her cries echoing out through the trees. Her pain would be their pleasure, her discomfort their delight. After a time she would learn to love the quiet darkness of the night, fearing the light of day and the vulgarities to be visited upon her with the arrival of each new huntsman.

Merle's eyes soften as he returns from the distant place of his fantasy, looking lovingly down at his young lover, by now shivery and watery-eyed. Her mouth opens softly as she blinks a tear from her eye, closing her lips again. After a moment of silence she speaks softly, voice filled with low emotion.

"My love, your words somehow catch me by surprise, and it stings to hear you fantasizing about my torment and mistreatment. But, of course I know you, I know what you like, indeed I too like many of the same things. Somehow I am both shocked and excited concurrently by your story. Above all though, I am honored that you trust me enough to openly share your fantasy."

Merle abandons his now empty cup, taking her up in his arms instead. He holds his lover tightly, caressing her shimmery blond curls and reminds her that it's just something he has been dreaming about, a fantasy. "I would never want to put you in any kind of real danger, this is just a fantasy," he says consolingly.

After a long silence he speaks up again, this time saying, "you do know how turned on I am by objectification, the power behind this fantasy for me is the idea of so completely objectifying you." He continues explaining how much he is excited by the thought of loaning, bartering, or renting her out, like a piece of equipment, a fuck doll; and how he is turned on when he imagines the sense of helplessness and fear she might experience in that situation. Finally, posing the question directly, he inquires to see whether she would ever want to be used in this kind of a way. If there is any desire within her to do a scene of this nature and stature.

"I'm not sure...that idea does turn me on, it's really hot when I imagine being in a situation where I am so used and physically helpless. But thinking about how it would actually feel in real life, that's scary," she replies with slowness, "it sounds really hot, but I would definitely have to work up to it, to overcome the fear it brings up, it kinda paralyzes me when I imagine doing it for real."

"That's the point, Dear. I like when I can see the fright in your eyes, that's what turns me on more than almost anything else," he says to Lidiya, "when your beautifully wide eyes are looking up at me, and then watching them bulge wider in surprise and fearfulness, that, that's the feeling I go wild for."

"If we were to create a scene like this, the whole point for me would be to make it as real feeling as possible. To create maximal impact, really leaning into the frigid sense of helplessness," he says. Adding, "beyond safewords and the rest of our normal safety stuff, there would be a lot of groundwork to do before the scene, to make as safe a container as possible in order to really let go in that deeper kind of way."

She replies cautiously, "Well, I like it too, I mean I do but I don't. Like I don't actually enjoy being afraid, but it turns me on, it's the vulnerability and helplessness that speaks to something deep, something primal in me." After a pause she continues slowly, "I need time to think about how a scene like that could feel approachable in real life. I do really want to appease your fantasies, to serve and please you in whatever way you desire. If you want it enough, I'll consider it, if it pleases you Sir," she says, looking up at Merle in soft admiration, and finishing her sentence with a mild air of flirtation.

Staring out the bright window Merle follows Lidiya's words of servitude, "Perhaps not quite like the fantasy, but something along those lines, letting other people use you. I can't quite explain it but my love for you drives me to want to degrade and dehumanize you, make you feel like the ultimate object, my object. I guess it's about the control, a way to feel maximal control over you."

Held safely in the warmth of her lover's arms, she looks up at his stubbly jaw, catching his dreamy eyes and finding herself shivering slightly in the weak afternoon sun. Despite her nervousness she was intrigued, even excited at the potential of this new exploration.

They sat in stillness together, bathed in the late afternoon light. The two lovers letting their thoughts drift slowly away, turning and weaving into the serene timelessness of the old kitchen. More conversations would follow, but for now this felt like enough.