All Comments on 'Desire'

The story has good “bones” but needs editing for grammar

The story concept was good but you need editing help

I loved the excitement of exhibitionism but the story needs more editing.

This isn’t a story. It may become a story AFTER it’s proofread, spell-checked, and converted from a story outline to an actual story.

What some commenters might not realize is that the author, and the style of writing belongs to another culture. It is perfectly valid in its own context, I was happy to stumble on it as it broadens the scope of this site. And it's quite hot!

Needs a LOT of editing! Too difficult to read with all the grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.

Good idea, but the huge number of errors (there were 10 in the first 4 line paragraph) made it impossible to read. I guess English isn’t your first language, as many of the errors are construction and not grammar, but you’ve not completed your biography profile so we don’t know. I suggest you complete the profile and add a short explanation of what you are trying to do. Ideally, get a volunteer editor who can work with you to improve your English, but if not, then use Word or Google Docs combined with Grammarly to clean the worst errors. Writing in a second language is hard, but don’t give up.