All Comments on 'Desires of the Heart'

Sexy Jack should have a bit of chest hair for that manly body -- mother-in-law could really have something to caress and maybe even taste!

Sorry but you should give up writing, this story was unreadable

The previous comment was right. Give up writing or go back to school. This was written like a third grade story.

THE STORY HAS PROMISE. OBVIOUSLY ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR PRIMARY LANGUAGE. IF YOU SHOULD DECIDE TO CONTINUE WRITING THEN PLEASE HAVE SOMEONE PROOFREAD YOUR STORIES PRIOR TO SUBMISSION. THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS STORY WHICH MADE IT DIFFICULT TO READ

Let the conversation flow. You do not have to write "said" before or after each utterance. In a written conversation between two people, it will be obvious who said what, if you put the speech on different lines with just an occasional indication of who spoke.

There are several other spelling and grammatical items. Perhaps an editor would help. Good story.

You have a good (albeit predictable) story but you really should work on punctuation and spelling.

pure torture trying to read this garbage.

I suspect that another commenter is correct that English isn't your first language. For that reason, I commend you on your effort since it's several times better than I could do in my second language. However, it needs a great deal of work to be enjoyable to the average English speaker. A few examples: Verbs aren't the correct tense, dialogue isn't handled correctly, punctuation has issues, and paragraphs aren't split right. I recommend that you find an editor to assist you on cleanup on this and your future efforts. Please try to learn from your editor's suggestions and you can greatly improve your writing.

Regarding the story's plot itself, I didn't find it particularly romantic, with Jack being too easy, all too willing to have an encounter with his MiL. That made me question whether it should be in another category where it would be better received. The ending was only a mild surprise (sarcasm--Thanks, Dallas!), but it still didn't feel right and didn't feel resolved, making the romance category feel even less correct.

Finally, this is an attempt at constructive criticism to hopefully help you improve your writing and is in no way intended as a personal insult. As a result, I didn't record a score.

HILARIOUS! ROTFLMAO! WORTH THE READ!