All Comments on 'Devil Inside'

by desecration

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korba76korba76over 2 years ago

Excellent story.

The usual plot line has the cheating wife virtually nutting the hapless cuck by forcefully impressing upon him his literal irrelevance to what had been his family. Violence, or the threat of violence, are used by the wife, via the Legal system, to force hubs to accept his role as outcast for all purposes except his supporting his tormentor(s)

Richard turned that all around by letting the bitch MAKE HERSELF irrelevant to the marriage, the children, and her ‘legacy’ Brilliant! He lived his word until she irrevocably broke hers. He then, sensibly, continued to live it without her in the contract, raising his kids the best he could, while letting HER determine what level of participation she would partake in.

5/5

korba76korba76over 2 years ago

Lincoln, too, was a tyrant

Demosthenes384bcDemosthenes384bcover 2 years ago

Like some others stories, you went a little too far into the psychological realm, trying to explain you characters with terms the average reader doesn't know or understand. For some readers teased in that world, it's an interesting read, but not so much for others. The character you presented us in Richard would likely be classified a sociopath, or at least borderline. That diagnosis is the only way to explain his response to Karen. I enjoy your stories, but please dial it back a bit so I can spend more time enjoying the storytelling and not trying to analyze characters. 4*

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Drivel interlaced with nonsense.

afanoffanlitafanoffanlitover 2 years ago

I just fundamentally disagree with the premise that staying together and indoctrinating your children into accepting a dysfunctional marriage is better than divorce. How will the sons ever trust another woman!??

clarkgarbleclarkgarbleover 2 years ago

Too much obscure psychobabble by half. There’s a reason nobody misses Sigmund Freud. But high scores for style and originality. Loved the boat sanding therapy.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

wow from love to indifference for Richard. From semi loving bride to a cheating narcissistic bitch for Karen

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

I can't give you a "zero", so it's a 1

MattKesterMattKesterover 2 years ago

I enjoyed this. Part of the premise reflects my own life.

I think the one thing that could improve it is for Karen to understand and acknowledge in the end her choices and their consequences. But also, the ending does leave that as an obvious result. At any rate, her kids will eventually let her know.

desecrationdesecrationover 2 years agoAuthor

@korba76:

"Lincoln, too, was a tyrant." Nailed it. Hole in one. The point stylistically was to avoid finger-pointing at other cultures, and to remember to look at the beam in our own eye as well.

"Richard turned that all around by letting the bitch MAKE HERSELF irrelevant to the marriage, the children, and her ‘legacy.’" Good observation also. In my view: whichever parents wrecks a marriage usually does this anyway, it's just more subtle and would take 200-400 pages to show.

@Master_falcon90

"wow from love to indifference for Richard." In my experience, this is how it goes. The female of the species is the more decisive.

@afanoffanlit

"I just fundamentally disagree with the premise that staying together and indoctrinating your children into accepting a dysfunctional marriage is better than divorce." It's a good question. My answer would be that it depends on how you do it. If you say that not all marriages are like this, that Mommy is having a tough time with something, and the kids see that it is her specific, individual behavior and not marriage or women in general, I think it could turn out better than divorce. Everything's a tradeoff.

@Demosthenes384bc

"The character you presented us in Richard would likely be classified a sociopath, or at least borderline." Or just a typical engineer, developer, business, or legal type. He's nearly autistic but he has the capacity to love and feel emotion for not just other people but other things, like a marriage. In this story the attempt was to portray him simply as systematic.

@HikingThru

"some pieces are not very believable, least of which wife not questioning his vomiting and moving out of the house." It could be so; in my experience, however, people who are in the grips of induced narcissism (per Christopher Lasch) are exactly this tuned out to what is around them. I borrowed that bit from a friend who was molested and vomited constantly when around the molester, finally cluing in his parents to what was going on. He survived and his sphincter eventually went back to normal size.

desecrationdesecrationover 2 years agoAuthor

@lujon2019

"He spent years reinforcing to his kids that men should allow themselves to be cheated on and disrespected." In my view, he had two options: destroy the marriage and tear up the lives of his kids, or find a way to "route around" the marriage disaster by carrying on with life while his wife rushed off into oblivion. This was inspired by John Perry Barlow, "The Internet treats censorship as a malfunction and routes around it." Infidelity is, on some level, censorship, or repression of the ability of committed love to express itself.

@Anonymous

"You're just cheating yourself out of happiness. This guy took responsibility of his own happiness and was better off for it." Artfully observed. Instead of being a victim, and falling into self-pity of which uncontrollable rage is just one variety, he decided to take charge of his life and give his kids the best he could. It was not perfect; defection of a partner always harms the kids. Most of the suicides I knew from high school came from broken homes.

@Anonymous (the second)

"Many of us 'get' the story and appreciate the way it's written: so fear not that you're casting your pearls before swine." Thank you -- I hope I'm breathing new life into some old troubles here. No writer can be happier than when opening up new, previously invisible spaces.

@SplitGeode66

Much appreciated. Great avatar and username concept on your part. They had one of those at the museum as a kid and I was fascinated by the hidden world it contained.

@Powersworder

"It would've been interesting to see how she handled her bleak and lonely future." That's a good point. My guess is that she was never bad, just fell into a bad habit of combined self-pity and lust for power, just like Stalin, Hitler, and Lincoln (as well as too many others). In my read on her character, she will snap out of it, repudiate her mother's teachings, and finally pick up with her father where she needed to. Then she can be whole again. These cheating wives are a tragedy because in my experience, it rarely works out well. Sometimes it seems to for a decade or so, but then the stuff under the surface eventually comes out.

@dark2donut

"Dude, before you engage yourself in delivering your worldviews make sure you know that most of the people don't need this type of proselytizing drivel." Another great username. My hope is that people who don't need this type of proselytizing drivel simply read another story. That way, they can get the type of proselytizing drivel they need.

@Anonymous (the third)

"I think the author was using hyperbole that US politicians would rather save their political butts rather stand for what is right." Or really, all politicians. Their job is to get elected and there's hundreds of millions of dollars riding on it. The right way to see them, I think, is as CEOs of a company which survives by winning elections. I couldn't have imagined supporting the Confederacy or the Union, but Sam Houston never did wrong. He was I think looking toward the long term, and as it turns out, machinery replaced slavery within a generation. We're in a similar place now with illegal immigrant labor, which is both cruel and cheap, therefore defended by most of our politicians.

@mattenw

"The course of action is easy to understand, but the solution is only possible for people who have the financial basis." Certainly true. It wouldn't be a fun story if he were totally broke. Then again, I think this guy would have found a way, and there usually is a way, it would just be more time-consuming and less interesting.

@A_Bierce

"Keep writing, and many of us will keep reading." Thank you, and never forget what happened at Owl Creek bridge.

@Schwanze1

"I think politicians lied for power before 1861 too." Definitely true, historically speaking. Democracy is not new, nor are lying leaders, just like infidelity is as old as humanity. The first human probably killed his brother, cheated on his partner, and lied on his taxes, in that order. Also, good eye on the cursory body cavity search. Most of these pieces I write are designed as comedies in the old meaning: bringing out the absurdity in sadness.

"You do understand 'by faith alone' and 'we have to make ourselves right' are exactly opposite things that you wrote in as if they were the same?" I don't agree at all. We have to make our heads sane and logical instead of emotional and judgmental. That's the point. It's straight Buddhism, but you'll find similar notions in the writings of R.C. Sproul, C.S. Lewis, and Meister Eckhart.

"How is it Daniel spits out a bunch of chick flicks to explain their family situation?" I think he has a nose for the type of propaganda that seduced his mother. In my view, it's pretty hard to date, socialize with, and know women and not realize what they're being subjected to, even if all of it seems pretty popular.

@Anonymous (the fourth)

"I have rarely encountered such a solid lump of self superior claptrap that was the last couple of chapters." Glad I rate as exceptional on some level.

@Anonymous (the fifth)

"It would appear that the attitude of Karen (the main character's wife} was written from the author's own self examination?" No, based on archetypes of both sexes who get lost in their careers. " The author can write but in the last few chapters this became a pulpit for the author to agrandise himself and HIS intellect which he believes superior to those of his readers." Beats the heck out of me; how am I supposed to know how smart the people reading are, since relatively few of them comment? If they're smarter than me, it's a win because I have somehow attracted the intelligent.

@Harryin VA

"There is no God. And never has been.. Christ is a myth never really existed and only stupid people who are morons without any critical thinking skills still believe in this crap." I treat religion as literature and metaphor. If there is a God out there, human words will not describe Him very well. In my view, it's most likely that something metaphysical animates this universe. Sadly, but pragmatically, this observation is used taught as absolute truth contingent on ritual and appearance, which drives many people from religion who would otherwise be an asset to it. What do we scream out at orgasm, "oh emptiness"? No: "Oh God!" -- this is our shorthand I think for saying that everything comes together in that moment.

@Anonymous (the sixth)

"And any parent who bails out on the marriage and the parenting has the same affect on the family as when your body loses an arm or a leg. An adult doesn't just limp along, but gets a replacement, as soon as possible." I partially agree. Tearing up a family humiliates children in front of others and makes them feel as if their origins have been rejected; adding to the family allows for their origins to be accepted even if one spouse is troubled. Richard treated Karen like she had a decades-long mental health crisis, which given the outcome, seems likely.

@Frank66

"Very commendable to stay together for the kids, but they didn't." I think the point was to keep the household intact and let the kids have as normal lives as was possible at that point. He couldn't change her mind since she shut him out.

@LWlurker

I always did like those Texas nights with the moon on the San Jacinto. Texas is a hopeful place, since it believes in possibilities. I think it comes from living among the abundance of nature, both giving and deadly.

@bobinkc

"But also the dream of a limited power Federal Government died right along with slavery during the Civil War. From that point forward the Federal Government grew ever more powerful and more tyrannical." Good point and important history. In my view, the Civil War also produced a government that was self-serving, where before that at least on the national level it tried to be a form of service and duty.

@MaresEatOats

"You damn betcha." An earlier story erupted into a political fight in the comments, when I had not thought it was political at all, which led to the thought that since our actions reflect our philosophies, and our politics also reflects our philosophies, pretty much anything is political. I wanted to draw the comparison between the psychological outlooks of tyrants and cheaters ("me first" or "I'm a victim, so I can do whatever I want"). The lesson of history that you highlighted is about to come back to us big time, if my reading of the future is halfway right.

@Mac_Lapu

"I say Richard is one walking contradiction is that he believes in (a) God but despise the book as he surmise is just written by man." In my view, the right way to approach religion is with the hard questions, and you have identified one of the headiest there. I'd tell a detractor: so what? People perceived something true, and wrote it as metaphor. Is it any less true? Logically, no. The important thing for humans, and you hit on this, is that religion will always have a hidden aspect. They call it Maya in Hinduism, the belief that everyday life and materialistic reality are somehow the be-all end-all of everything, but then you look in the shadows and there God is hiding. Once you have seen it, you will never be the same. Whether this is written by man or God, it is true, then, but the point is for people like Richard who face some heady darkness to never fall into self-pity, and to always look upwards toward the light. He did the best he could, given the circumstances, I think. I'd hire him as a negotiator!

@Anonymous (the seventh)

"The theology is a muddle but the only people who would object to the March 16, 1861, reference are those who have been taught and believe a sanitized, deceitful account of certain events and a certain president." One wonders how many other Gulf of Tokins are out there.

@Anonmous (the eighth)

"True marriage means the two become one." I think so, or at least: that's the only way to derive the best possible outcome from it.

@Vulcan_in_Ohio

"I’m not an attorney and am unsure Richard would make out this well in real life, but as a story, it made me feel good that Karen got what she deserved." It's a good point. A lot varies with jurisdiction and the personnel (judges) involved. I knew an attorney once who said that every family should be a trust, since if you keep the income personal, not only does divorce reach it but you have no real set of legal principles to govern the family.

@Anonymous (the ninth)

"reads like a neocon fever dream." Really, with all of that picking on Lincoln, blind patriotism, and the failings of organized religion?

@kelcha

"She really was his enemy, re: cuckold reading." She definitely behaved like one. In many of these stories, the cheating spouse does two things: first, cheats, and second, refuses to hear reason about it. At that point, you have to view them as at minimum a parasite, possibly an enemy, but certainly a threat.

@john_sixfooter

"She crucified herself." In my view, that's what these people do: immolate their families, drive away the people who love them, and then scream "why me?" at the sky. It's tragic.

@Anonymous (the tenth)

"The closest comparisons to the work of this author I have encountered were written by Lawrence Durrell in The Alexandria Quartet, and Robert Heinlein in his later works such as Time Enough to Love." I'm going to have to check out Lawrence Durell post-haste. The Heinlein influence is definitely there, although I'm not sure what period books like "Citizen of the Galaxy" and "Have Space Suit, Will Travel" are from. I always saw him as picking up some of what C.S. Lewis left behind. With "Stranger in a Strange Land," I think he even got close to understanding Lewis' religious views.

@chilleywilley

"A bit long on the philosophy, and characters behaving beyond weird, but…" A good observation. It took me a long time but ultimately I saw a lot of everyday behavior around us as being this weird, or maybe even more weird. High school teachers having sex with their students? Billionaires in space? People rioting when their sports team wins? It's a weird, weird world out there.

@Anonymous (the eleventh)

"Richard was a complete idiot. You only have one life-are you really going to spend years of it hiding from your own mind?" Did he hide from his own mind? He accepted a tragedy, and did his best to patch things up and move on, in my view. Should he have divorced her? His kids would have been ousted from their family home, be shuttled between residences, and have to deal with family drama. To this character, I think he chose the best outcome.

@demander

"He knew when she said she was going for the weekend. I believe he owed her that." Ooo, a very juicy point. Let's think about that. If he tells her that something is wrong, and she looks in herself and re-orients, she has made the choice; if he tells her what to do to fix it, has he addressed the root issue, which is that she has stopped caring? I think he read adultery as "I no longer care about my spouse" and, well, Karen didn't disappoint in proving him right.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Just kinda boring and convoluted. Hard to figure how he was living this second life from his boathouse when three entire other miniature human beings are introduced there at the end.

SlithyToveSlithyToveover 2 years ago

There's a fair amount of good writing here, but it's bogged down in (sorry, I can't resist) a boatload of philosophical justification for the main character's actions and approach that becomes fairly tedious at times. It ends up being the author showing off, and also telling instead of showing. The whole vomiting thing was pretty ham-handed -- gee, she's so disgusting she makes him puke, how subtle -- and leaving it out and still having her still ignore his fleeing to and parallel life in the boatshed would be far more damning.

I like the story overall, and scored it high, but it definitely felt ungainly at times.

Legio_Patria_NostraLegio_Patria_Nostraover 2 years ago

THIS: 'The anger flickered briefly. Fuck her, he thought. Fuck Hitler and fuck Stalin, too, and anyone who lied for power, including all American leaders since March 16, 1861.' Your writing is at another level. Your plots bend time and space. You're the Jules Verne of Loving Wives, with the the occasional stylistic flair of the post-shooting certitude of Tarentino's Jules Winfield! 5+++++++++++/5!

enderlocke77enderlocke77over 2 years ago

almost the perfect person but u gave him delusions of religion, then had him say he isnt a cuckold. he was a cuckold and stayed that way for 10 years. unless he meant the fetish definition of the word. yeah he was a cuckold and i mean that as the Webster definition of the word. anyway enjoyed the story might be a little bit too intellectually insightful for a porn sight though lol

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

too much non-sense

tralan69ertralan69erover 2 years ago

@dark2donut2,

And what is your excuse

gatorhermitgatorhermitover 2 years ago
Funniest Bit of Dialogue EVER!

"Karen is here," began Richard slowly, then shifted course. "My wife discovered that for the past decade I have been living with another woman in our backyard and have fathered three children by her."

"Holy shit," said Dr. Winslow, then recovered his professional mien. "And you didn't tell her this, because...?"

"She was busy and didn't notice," said Richard.

Absolutely wonderful - I laughed out loud when I read this. Well done Desecration!

management91399management91399over 2 years ago

I came here for a little soft-core porn and ended up in a political philosophy dissertation with a side trip to Costco for some Mr. Pibb. Interesting way to wrap your worldview into a cheating wife story Ayndrew Rand, I mean desecration. I like your stuff but maybe next time use small moves here and there, you can get your point across by spreading it over your entire body of work instead of working everything into one simple story and making that bloated.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Fools bitch, cry, scream and wail when in a story the wife's cheating cannot be attributed or explained, and then when an author dares to explain, using accepted theory and principles, the same bitching, crying, screaming and wailing fools are unhappy with that and spew forth exponentially. Since 95% of those who are not happy with either course have never written anything on this site, maybe they should either try writing the perfect story, or admitting they can't and be happy they can read something this well-written...... for free.

ribnitinribnitinover 2 years ago

Had great potential, but was overdone and pretentious. I was quite disappointed

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Five stars are just not enough. The stars of the Galaxy would not be enough. Thank you for debunking religion(s), politics, psycho(bubble) etc., etc. Even though an atheist at heart, I have a deep respect for Jesus and his ways. While I and Gibbs also agree with the therapeutic aspects of wooden boat building, the practical aspects of an inflatable catamaran are overwhelming. About thirty years ago I took my little Albatros cat in two bags on a plane to Cairo, from there on a thousand km train ride to Aswan and from there on a week long voyage down the Nile to Luxor. Try doing that with a wooden boat. The 12 ft. Albatros long since replaced by a 16 ft. Prostor, I'm looking forward to my lifelong dream of sailing to Ireland. Erin go bragh! Ahoy the Redheads! Donegal, here I come.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Too much psychology bullshit! Unecessary! Why should everyone suffer for so many years?

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Terrible, just terrible.

BrentJWBrentJWover 2 years ago
High level rubbish

This story is so well done and written on a level above many here. However, I can’t get over the thought that this marriage was in danger, Richard sensed it and did nothing. He watches her slip away to infidelity and says nothing, but comes up with an elaborate plan to stay married for the kids but lives separately, meanwhile starting another family on the sly. Be a man, confront her and divorce or reconcile. God only knows what the kids learned from this mess.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Did get a little preachy at times. I think it's better to show the characters' philosophy by their actions and their thoughts, not by narration. ("I will show you my faith by my works." -- St. James) I also wish we knew more of Karen's thoughts about her mother after her parents' divorce.

oldmanbill69oldmanbill69over 2 years ago

Life story with TOO much talk.

pummel187pummel187over 2 years ago

and another SWAMP DONKEY joins the herd! HEE-HAW.... HEE-HAW

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

What a clever writer you are , I had to check and make sure I wasn’t reading a Michener novel or a Clancy ! Fantastic storyline , gripping intensity and flawless delivery ! 5 well earned ones

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

It was like sitting at a bonfire and watching marshmallows melt while listening to a Plain White T's album: painful and boring.

BuzzCzarBuzzCzarover 2 years ago

Unique adaption of a tried and oft-used LW trope. It moves along fairly well in spite of the wordiness the author uses for reason way beyond my ability to comprehend. It appears to be exceedingly pretentious. Possibly this author is smarter than the rest of us mere mortals and is demonstrating it here, or possibly it is a mediocre mind and over-blown ego trying desperately to appear otherwise. In either case I found the entire thing boring as fuck.

LickideesplitLickideesplitover 2 years ago
Great Narration

Once of the best extensively narrated stories in LW. And I have strong feelings about an author using the characters’ conversations and thoughts do the heavy lifting. When Desecration has the characters express themselves, it is usually a significant contribution, which takes some of the sting out of the paucity of such events.

5* by the thinest hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!

P.S. I did not see how seeing Sue’s boy-friend/ballet teacher do a balancing act got Hubby excited! Was it a pang of jealousy?

YouamiYouamiover 2 years ago

Ignore the so-called critics who label your story "verbose"...what they mean is that you used too many words and didn't focus on the jerk-off sections. This was a thinking reader's story, not a lazy reader's story. If your other tales are of this standard, keep them coming. Just sayin, is all......

ForensicFossilForensicFossilover 2 years ago

The political subtext of this "story" is vile. I assume the reference to March 16, 1861 is to the inauguration of Abraham Lincoln. The reference claims American leaders have lied ever since that date. I further assume anyone who believes Abraham Lincoln, the man who saved the Union and who tops every historian's list of best presidents, was a habitual lier, is a Lost Cause apologist or some kind of libertarian/fascist wack job. In either case...no thanks.

1959richard21959richard2over 2 years ago

You wrote a different LW cheater story.

A very entertaining story that includes religion and philosophy,

Regardless of technical issues about law, and uncharacteristic stupidity of the intelligent wife. This was a fun read that never slowed down and always was interesting 😐😲🙂.

Would have liked some more background about Sue but it wasn't necessary . Very good 😀👏.

Gave you 5⭐s. And a cookie, it's around here somewhere 👀🔎,lol...

I'm

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*

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*

AMerryman

InfosaugerInfosaugerover 2 years ago

An epilogue would be interesting. What does Karens mother say now? What about Jeb? And finally how does Karen see herself now?

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Intense read, talented author.

Do revenge, and you dig two graves. The downside is that you have soiled your soul. That's it.

The best is to turn and walk away, and forgive. Then love that once was becomes indifference, you can sleep better and wake up each day with renewed determination to do right to others.

5*

longhornfanlonghornfanover 2 years ago

Very well written and very different than most other cheating wife stories. I liked that the dad took over the raising of the kids. I also liked the ending where Jeb lost everything as well as Karen. Keep up the good work!

zeuspmzeuspmover 2 years ago

The article left a bad taste in his mouth. Written by some purple-haired sprout of a person with a masculine face "and wild eyes with three sides of white showing behind her thick glasses, the article took a jubilant tone. Men, it said, had killed women for ages, enslaved them, and controlled them. It was time to strike back, by taking out the nice ones apparently. It reveled in manipulation and belittling. At this point Richard realized how truly dead and gone his marriage was, because no one who loved him would treat him that way" lol almost as if some old white republican wrote this drivel.. get a grip dude.. your wife may read this stupid shit someday.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Oho, someone's definitely waded out of the pretty lies, grasped at the reactionary pole and seen the death of meaning on the horizon. Previous fictions made me think it, but this dispels my doubts. And that sentence "they were conspirators now in an errand of hope". Adroitly penned, sir desecration, I thought I was reading Houellebecq - although your prose isn't as deceptively sharp as his.

SomeOneTwoThreeSomeOneTwoThreeover 2 years ago

A hit and a miss.

Again some fertile ideas

and interesting sub plots from desecration.

The comment on one true Christian made me smile,

though some might not.

But the main plot was faulty.

The writer only looked at the story from our guy's perspective.

He wanted to live with his children.

Nothing wrong with that.

But in doing it this way, he made the home a toxic environment

for his children.

A home mostly without parents.

Then our guy got a new partner.

That wonderful woman became a mistress, in the eyes of the world.

And how healthy environment did their children get?

The children of a married man and his mistress.

The plot made our guy a selfish bastard.

And a cuckold.

An unwilling cuckold, but still a cuckold, whatever he thinks.

A more caring father (and lover) would've divorced the slut.

She was an unfit wife and an unfit mother.

He would most likely have gotten custody of their children

and a chance of raising them in a healthy home.

That fault in the plot drags my ratings

down to 3 out of 5.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

One true cuck that used his children as an excuse to be a perpetual whining victim... he probably damaged them far more by living in a loveless, lifeless, unresponsive marriage and then ending up doing what his faithless wife did... cheat... what a lesson to teach his kids... I'm sure they have grown to really respect marriage, honor, and fidelity... as for him and his wife, not even the eternal fires of hell would be enough justice.

hicountryriderhicountryriderover 2 years ago

I simply have no words except to tell you this is absolutely brilliant writing.

There were some aspects that,in my opinion,rivaled the works of Hemingway in its quality.

Thanks for time and everyone this it was a pleasure to read.

hicountryriderhicountryriderover 2 years ago

I wanted to add a post note to what I've just entered..

Some of the commentators below accused the man of being a cuckold And in this case I am fantically disagree. Had he sought divorce from this woman she would have financially destroyed him bright him and thus his capacity to take care of his children.

It was abundantly clear that she could have cared less about her children And the children knew that they had been abandoned by her but they also knew that their father was totally therefore them and always was And would be.

Was it hard in the children of course.

While his solution to his problem was shall we say novel and either some perhaps not acceptable I think it was the only course of action you had absent divorcing the woman and having his life financially With the absolute result fate have been unable to take care of his children.

I ask you where would the children be if that scenario had come to pass. For the critics what are their options would you offer?

I stand on my previous comment that this is really a brilliant piece of writing and I enjoyed it enormously. Yes as with all writing there are a few things that I had didn't care for but in the main it was a wonderful story and I have accompanied it and put it into a bound volume and I'm keeping of some of the best stories I've seen in literatica.

RanDog025RanDog025over 2 years ago

Excellent story. I'd love to give you 215 stars but how about 5BIG FAT STARS instead? lol Loved this story. Amazing the level of revenge if you just keep your cool! Following you now!

26thNC26thNCover 2 years ago

Great story with a perfect burn of the bitch and her lover. No way this man is a cuckold. He didn’t sit home and cry over the cheating whore, he played the long game and beat her at every turn. He had a separate family right under her arrogant nose. A really fun story to read.

OnethirdOnethirdover 2 years ago

Excellent telling of a well worn theme, made better than virtually all other related stories due to elevated writing and philosophizing. Though placed in the USA, it reads quite British: lots of withheld emotions and stiff upper lips, etc. one of my nits to pick is that so much time seemed to have passed between the various stages of the decaying marriage. The wife of course is portrayed in a very shallow fashion: who would not notice changes in her children and the home environment? Finally, I don’t think the financial ruin BTB maneuvering were necessary. He got what he wanted and didn’t need to wreck the rest of her livelihood.

servant111servant111over 2 years ago

Outstanding. This one is done so well and the characterization is so rich and in depth that each one contributes fascinating complexity that augments the story line progression. What is particularly gratifying is the authors use of nuance and multiple meaning layers to reveal and immediately hide what is occurring on deeper levels. We have seen this delayed btb before but this author does such a masterful job of hiding his intent in plain sight through carefully selected and thoroughly parsimonious revelations.

I simply cannot express how thoroughly I enjoyed reading this tale. It is like a fine glass of brandy. Sip slowly and let the myriad of authorial flavors contained in this tale satisfy your jaded palate.

Of course 5 stars…

phill1cphill1cover 2 years ago

First of all, this was a cut above. Kudos to the author. A comment was made:

"While his solution to his problem was shall we say novel and either some perhaps not acceptable I think it was the only course of action you had absent divorcing the woman and having his life financially With the absolute result fate have been unable to take care of his children."

I don't see how a divorce would be ruinous to either party OR the children. A divorce between spouses at their income levels really isn't a financial hardship for either spouse.

So how would that leave him unable to care for his children?

servant111servant111over 2 years ago

One more thing... I would like to echo some earlier comments.... This one screams for a second installment to satisfy our addiction to your first story train... I feel like my grandaughter when I take her to Braums for a hot fudge sunday.... She always asks me: "Please Pa Pa can I have summore..???!!! So here goes...Please desecration...can we have summore..???!!! (chuckle...)

ForensicFossilForensicFossilover 2 years ago

Right-wing bullshit pretending to be deep and thoughtful. We got the March 16, 1861 Lost Cause reference. Really a vile piece of work.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

As a parent you ALWAYS put the children first. That being said wouldn’t the best outcome for the children be divorce? More children are ruined deeper through mismatched parents than divorced and platonic parents.

CDRLawCDRLawover 2 years ago

Wow. This author is pissed at just about everybody.

TempasanteeTempasanteeover 2 years ago

Fantastic story, and great writing.

FljimFljimover 2 years ago
Enjoyed it

Deep but very good

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Good work here. Selfish people get burned, should happen more often. I think the Jordan Baker/Nick Carraway dialogue early on applies to all short sighted and selfish liberals everywhere. Especially including ForensicFossil who saw something that that pricked his wittle feelings. Grip the wheel and pay attention to the road FF.

kamdev99008kamdev99008over 2 years ago

Interesting way of payback....

Keep it up

WhoGivesAShitWhoGivesAShitabout 2 years ago

Excellent story. It would have been even better, with more dialogue, conversations that helped Richard through his ordeals. The meeting between Sue and the minister was good, the story needed more of that. His kids must have asked more questions or offered help to Richard, those conversations would have been good, as well as some with Richard’s lawyer, and Richard and Sue discussing their relationship as it evolved.

GuyfromShadesGuyfromShadesabout 2 years ago

I really enjoyed the story. It sort of had a different twist. I felt Richard gave the best revenge of sorts. Thanks for writing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

I tried my damn best to get into this story, but failed. It is full of references to people and events i never heard of, nor could care less. All they added were words to make the story longer. I could not get passed a little into the 4th page, i assume he divorced the bitch, which he should have done way earlier. He and he alone, put himself thru all that long misery. She was an ass, he was weak.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

I always find revenge a strange one he said it isn’t but it clearly is he could of sailed off without anyones knowledge an would if he really didn’t care, to put so much effort into revenge just shows how much power u give the person ure getting revenge on as ure proving they’re still number 1 in ure life. But having said that good story

bobareenobobareenoabout 2 years ago

This tale was a mighty effort that did not get there. The main character was written as being a philosophical heir to Ayn Rand’s puerile world view, clear eyed and so on, but then his stoicism vanished in his repeated vomiting. The same thing happened with his secretary, she was sure of her mission until he said he loved her, then she ran away like an overly emotional 5 year old. The two of them appeared in this reader's mind as an old timey actor and actress, each with the back of their right hand held against each of their respective foreheads, moving painfully away from each other, forcefully and greatly exaggerating their woeful emotional crisis. Overall, this was a failed effort that sought to be more than it was, which, while striving for depth, instead floundered upon characters that did not read as real people.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Enjoyable. Somewhat difficult to read. Could benefit from some simplification.

Ed

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

So he lived a mutual cuckold life he could have ended years priuor.

mordbrandmordbrandalmost 2 years ago

I am gobsmacked that your stories are not rated higher. 5*

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

The perfect BTB. Perfect in every way. He played the long game. 3D chess to her tic-tac-toe. If you can't get that from this story, then stop reading. 'Cuz you hopeless, foo'!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

This is not a story for everyone as proved by the comments. It is deep. It requires one to dig deeply. It is unconventional, but from the beginning the author set that tone. The rating scale is a "like/dislike" scale. If the story were rated on the communicating skills of the author, there would be a wide range of ratings.

On the other hand if we rate the story on the resourcefulness of the author, the complexity of the plot, etc. the only fare rating is a 5. One commentator said 'I can't believe the rating is so low.' Since it takes a certain type of reader to appreciate what the author is doing....

The Hoary Cleric

ZippityDoDaDayZippityDoDaDayalmost 2 years ago

Good writing, but way too esoteric for my taste. And how in the world did she not know he lived in the boathouse for over 10 years??

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Great story. Had me diving through philosophy texts trying to bring his thoughts into my understanding. 5 stars and a wish that all Lit stories were so lucid and stimulating. Thanks to DESECRATION for this!!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Yeah, this guy has more false notions and gross misunderstandings than I can count. A few examples:

Love requires jealousy

Psychotherapy has caused more mental illness than anything

Psychiatrists don’t know anything beyond their esoteric book learning

Not trusting any American leaders since 1861.

It’s better to set up a whole parallel life than to confront a betraying spouse and divorce her.

Good God, where does he come up with such maladaptive shit?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

I can see why the author published his abomination on Literotica. It is nothing but pseudo-philosophical porn.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Why would anyone trust any leaders (they're all about themselves) be they religious, political or any other, they are most likely corrupt, bought and paid for by the 1 percenters (in other words the rich assholes who think of everyone else as their servants) how about when a conflict comes up we send the so-called leaders off to war to fight and die since it their fault anyway.

BodyThiefByTheBayBodyThiefByTheBayover 1 year ago

Leave the shit behind and sail away

enderlocke77enderlocke77over 1 year ago

i liked the wisdom in it but was a bit hard er u typed that thing "gotten" in narration form lol its "received". really liked the legal btb part

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

A fairly good plot ruined with more filler than substance.

dirtyoldbimandirtyoldbimanover 1 year ago

Well, you made me read it all, waiting for the usual BTB. Some obvious flaws in your story. IF he spends 10 years sleeping in the boathouse was his wife sleeping in the house and was, she so callouses she never cared or asked where he was? How did he set a better example of a Dad or family to his kids and Sue's 3 kids? Like some of the legal stuff and Philosophy quotes, etc.

widowedidiotwidowedidiotover 1 year ago
Really?

This started out as a very good story, until the ending. Sue had just graduated and he already had a son in college, So how much older was he than her? It just more of the some ole same ole. Girl cheats. Hubby leaves her in the dirt and finds the best girl in the world.

DrgwngDrgwngover 1 year ago

No matter the supposed deep philosophy and elevated thinking, it is still a fundamental cuck story, he willingly accepted for a very large portion of his life. The reason this cannot work is ther are no do overs. Why would anyone toss so much of their life if down the sewer? His kids were in no danger, they took his side and would have chosen so in any proceedings. The biblical additions and quotations were interesting. One thing the Catholics and many others always miss is that adultery is cited in scripture as a legit reason for divorce. Scripture DOES NOT require a man to forgive and suffer in all situations. Big conceptual,error.

ForensicFossilForensicFossilover 1 year ago

Fascist Repulsive Nonsense

The author could not help but give himself away by his vile reference to American leaders since March 16, 1861, the date of Abraham Lincoln's first inauguration. So this author is a Lost Cause white supremacist as well as an Ayn Rand-loving loser. What a horrible piece.

JayZipJayZipover 1 year ago

Story's great.

I have a problem with that last potshot that Lincoln "lied for power", to the extent that it knocks me out of the story. But one can at least pretend that it's just the character's opinion rather than authorial intrusion; a stupid thing to get hung up on, here, with such an ambitious and well executed p8ece of writing.

GRG20463GRG20463over 1 year ago

This is a great story.

I love the philosophical part on page 4 as it aligns very closely with my own beliefs.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

pretentious, pseudo intellectual and unrealistic treatment of marriage to either woman

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Most excellent believable story by a top writer.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago
boring, pretentious shit

and way too long. *

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

too prolonged for such a Sidhartta type ending!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

There might have been a decent 6K word story buried somewhere in this exceedingly boring, plodding, and cumbersome 18,000 words. It was obvious that this author was far more intent on impressing the readers with his superior intellect than telling a story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Fantastic. TC Ireland

CatMotherCatMotherabout 1 year ago

You are one of the best writers on literotica and your stories have a rare depth of thought. The ratings do not reflect the true worth of the stories and should much higher.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Pedantic.

NVDiceGuyNVDiceGuy11 months ago

I did like the confrontations

AnonymousAnonymous11 months ago

Outstanding

What many of the critics are actually telling you is that they can't understand or appreciate a story that doesn't begin with a strange car in the driveway.

AnonymousAnonymous11 months ago

At least somebody is putting their B.S. in philosophy to use. But note that simple, declarative sentences are good, too.

AnonymousAnonymous10 months ago

Pointlessly convoluted and jumping from one moment in time to another way too fast without any transition.

WisquejacWisquejac10 months ago

Wanted just a bit more, but that’s me being greedy. Thanks.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

It seemed like it was written using a thesaurus picking the words with the most syllables. With constant contradictions, the writer not only hasn't experienced any of the feelings or life written about in the story but doesn't understand what they wrote about either. ie: it is beta bucks, alpha fucks not the reverse, I used that as an example because it is such a basic statement and concept that even those with very low IQ should understand it both in thought and in practice, well obviously not because this author didn't nor a plethora of the other statements and ideologies they chose to place in this long-winded waste of time.

ImNotanAnonImNotanAnon8 months ago

Felt like I was watching a pretentious soap opera. Entirely too wordy, bogged down by incessant details and trite dialogue.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Reading this was like pulling teeth. Why tell something in ten words when a thousand will do. Jeez you drew this out to the point of boredom

MattblackUKMattblackUK7 months ago

An enjoyable 5* read. Glad I was led to it.

Anonymous
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