Did You Win

Noona then picked up her notes and reads Ross's prepared statement. "What led to where we are now? No trust, infidelity, promises broken, excessive demands, trying to improve him, and, the list goes on."

"Please talk to me Ross. We can get through this together. Why won't you talk to me, please?"

Noona continues to read the prepared memo, "A marriage also needs something more important than all these factors--Communication. You were the one who stopped conversing."

"What?"

"Please don't interrupt. You did not tell your husband about opening up your marriage. You just forced that upon him. Just like your constant nagging for him to quit his job. Conversation is not one sided. Communication or lack of, is the reason Ross wants to enforce the divorce and keep the restraining order in effect."

I reached as far as I could across the table, "Don't you still love me Ross. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes. I see the hurt but I also see the love."

Noona held up another memo, "Ross still loves part of you. He recognized that you were bamboozled. Therefore he has dropped all civil suits and persuaded his mother to drop any suit she might have brought forward."

"Thank you, but please come back. If not for me than Jax."

Noona stands up, "This meeting is over.

Next Chapter--one month later

I was a mess. However I had to put that aside, and help Jax. He went to the psychologist twice a week whom Ross had recommended and reimbursed. I was glad for Ross's financial contribution in helping Jax. I did get another job with approximately the same pay. With Ross's monthly contributions, money was not a problem. He never faltered and I wondered how he could afford it. His checks came post marked from his parent's town and maybe they were helping.

After a month of seeing Jax's psychologist, there was a small improvement. He was not as withdrawn from me, but he was still having trouble dealing with school and other people. He also had no interest in spending time with his old friends. The psychologist thought Jax may be perceiving negative attitudes; real or implied. He even thought that there may be some direct or indirect bullying. Even though having divorced parents is more the norm these days, Jax was struggling. I wish Ross would have some direct interaction with Jax. It was one thing to ghost me, but to spurn Jax was so uncharacteristic of the man I loved. Jax needs him in his life.

I asked Jax if his dad ever replied to his letter. He said, "One month." Then he proceeded to give me one word answers at best for a month. That stopped me.

A New Friend

About six months after this whole mess began, Jax made a new friend--Kyle. Kyle was one grade ahead of Jax but only four months in age. It was odd that Kyle seemed a slightly smaller version of Ross. Kyle was already 6'2", blonde and other physical similarities to Ross. He even seemed to have his gentle giant nature, which all in all was probably why Jax was drawn to him. Unfortunately Jax took after me. Not only would he not be 6'6", but he was also a ginger. No wonder he felt bullied.

Kyle was a healthy tonic. Jax was seemingly joined at the hip. Jax would stay after school to watch Kyle's football practice. He even helped get Jax an assignment as assistant trainer, an endeavor Jax had natural aptitude. He wanted to go into Kinesiology in college.

Jax was constantly over at Kyle's house to the extent that I was jealous. But I had to put my feelings aside and put Jax's best interests at heart. After all it appeared he now also did not have a father in his life. I was incredibly sad at that development.

My thoughts and impulses were one thing but why was Ross ghosting Jax as well. Ross must have known the restraining order wasn't worth the paper it was written upon. Ross was consistently paying his alimony and child support, as expensive as it was, and he still had enough extra to pay for Jax's clinical help. I knew Ross had won a small award from my old law firm but I didn't know how much. There was an NDA which really didn't matter since he wasn't talking to me.

Ironically, I was now working in the Assistant District Attorney's office doing research. One of my first investigations was personal. I used some of the department's resources at my expense to help find Ross. We only knew where he wasn't. He had quit his job. So how was he able to keep up with support payments?

He was truly a mirage. There were no credit card transactions or other forensic evidence of my husband's whereabouts. I still call him my husband even though technically we are divorced. I broke down and approached Helen, his mom.

"Please Helen, tell me where he is!"

"Don't call me that anymore. It's Mrs. Valory to you. And you have the nerve to ask me, with what you did to Ross and his dad."

"I am sorry about your husband. I didn't know he had Ross's car. I thought Ross was kidnapping Jax. I was led astray, but even that is no excuse. I am so sorry. Please if not for me, than for Jax's sake. He has not heard from Ross in six months. Please!"

"I can't tell you. Remember when you were dating Ross and you came to our house for dinner the first time. I pulled you aside and told you to be careful, before Ross came from nowhere. Do you remember what he told me."

"I remember but I didn't understand then. He said, 'one month', right? This is something Jax also tells me?"

"Right, it meant one month of Ross's silence. Do you no how unnerving that is?"

"Unfortunately, I do. Ross has totally ghosted me and Jax was giving me the silent treatment in the beginning and at other times. I hate it."

"Well, if I told you, I'm sure Ross would give me the silent treatment for a long time. So no, I wont tell you. Good bye."

One year later

It was bad and it got worse. Ross's dad passed. But there was tighter security around the funeral than at Fort Knox. It was closed off, and only invited guests were admitted. The funeral cars were tinted and tented so I couldn't see which car Ross had entered. The grave site was also tented and half an hour later the cars left the grave site. I was so pathetic. I had approached as close as security let me, and I gently waved at the cars coming and going.

After the funeral I was frantic to ask Jax how his father was. "One month," was all he said. He would not talk to me for the entire month. I was heart broken.

Two years later

Well life moves on. I started dating again. I was constantly being asked out by men from work. I quickly shut that down. Lesson learned too late.

I did start to date a divorced neighbor who I met at a party. Ron was a few years older and didn't have children.

There is a problem that many single moms have who date--finding care for your children while you entertain. I felt uncomfortable leaving Jax alone for long periods. He was much too old for a baby sitter but his psychological state still bothered me. Helen, I mean Mrs. Valory, would volunteer the odd occasion. Mom retired 1,500 miles away where all good groupies go--Vegas. Kyle, more importantly Kyle's parents did take Jax with them on numerous weekend events. i.e. college football games and most other sporting events on a bi-weekly basis. I would offer to help pay for Jax's tickets but they wouldn't think of it. They loved Jax's company as much as Kyle did.

You know how the money dance goes...."I want to give you something to pay for Jax's expenses. Motel, food, tickets."

"No it's our pleasure. He is such a fine young man. You go out and enjoy yourself," Janet, Kyle's mom would reply.

"Let me give you $200, for sundry costs."

"No. We like spending time with Jax. It's our pleasure."

And after a few more back and forth, Janet refused any kind of payment. I eventually would give Jax the $200 and ask him to help pay Kyle's parents.

Inevitably, Jax would come home with most of the money and something like a football jersey for me. At least it would have # 1 on it. I didn't feel like a # 1, but I hoped Jax thought so.

Things would get both good and bad in the summers. Kyle's parents took Jax with them on long vacations to places like the Grand Canyon. It was nice to get free time. I was happy for Jax, yet I missed him terribly.

Mrs. Valory would loan them the camper so they could help defer expenses on Jax's behalf. While they gladly accepted Mrs. Valory's offer, they again would refuse any renumeration I offered. They argued it was great to have Kyle's friend along to make it a better vacation for their son.

So off they would go. I would see numerous pictures of their adventures. The upside was it allowed me to spend more time with Ron. Things progressed nicely on that front.

Later at a summer party

It was not all fun and roses. There was a very ugly scene at a neighborhood party when Jax was 16. It was a pool party at Leslie and Bob's house. I suppose boisterous Bob had too much to drink. While standing with a group of people, Bob made a comment about Jax's 'dead beat dad'. I didn't know where Jax came from. All I saw was a flash of red and Jax had tackled Bob. They wrestled on the ground for a few seconds before anyone made an effort to break it up. I think everyone was in shock; I know I was.

"He's not a dead beat, asshole. I see his payment every month because I get the mail before mom gets home. Tell him mom. Tell him why he doesn't see me."

"Jax, this isn't the time and place."

"No mom, this is actually the right time. Bob said what a lot people here are thinking."

By this time, Kyle had entered the scene and was trying to pull Jax off. It was amazing how quickly Kyle could calm Jax down. Not this time, "Tell them mom. Tell them why dad can't see me."

"Well, there is...." I said in a quiet voice.

"Louder mom. Don't forget how many months you are getting."

"No, Jax. Not that. Okay. There is a restraining order against his dad that is still in effect. I have tried to have it lifted."

Kyle soothed Jax, "Bob's mouthed polluted this party. Let it go. Let's go back to my house."

There was a long pregnant pause as Kyle gathered Jax by his shoulders and left. Jax glared at me. Most everyone were looking at the two leave, when I got my wits about me. I embarrassingly and quickly looked for Ron to take me home.

13 months later

Kyle went to a college (one state over) on a full ride scholarship. While he was a good player, was he at this caliber? I was happy for Kyle but also sad for my son who would miss him.

Kyle made the team, well down on the depth charts. Something about him having to wear a red shirt?? His parents would take Jax to all the home games. It was a 7 hour drive away. They would leave Friday afternoon. Jax would leave school at 2 pm and they would arrive at their hotel late in the evening. Then return late Sunday. Jax would be flying high from a weekend with his friend.

Five months later

Jax's 18th birthday came around the following January. Kyle's team had made a minor bowl game. While Kyle didn't play, he held a clip board, apparently regarding injuries. I never understood the nuances of the game and was even more confused. At least Jax was ecstatic to travel to the game. Watching the bowl game on TV in warmer climates made me jealous. I enquired of both Jax and Kyle's parents to allow me to come. For what ever reason my entreaty was shot down.

Well after all the holiday rush and the bowl game, which Kyle's team won, we had a few weeks before Jax's birthday. I wanted to go all out and throw a big party with lots of gifts. Jax played down his birthday, saying he just wanted a birthday card and perhaps a gift card. No party. "Come on Jax, you only turn 18 once. Let me make it special."

"Nothing big mom. Keep it cool."

"Please, Jax. Let me spoil you."

For some reason he was firm and then he added, "If you do more than what I ask....one month mom."

That surprised me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand why he would threaten me. I couldn't take a chance, "okay, son."

The morning his birthday came around, I presented him with a birthday card. Inside was a gift card (pre-paid credit card) made out for $1,800. This was my small effort to spoil him. He opened the card. Blinked a good deal. He thanked me profusely for the credit card, then turned back to his room.

Ten minutes later, Jax came down with two large suit cases. "What's going on Jax? Where are you going?" thinking the Smiths were taking him somewhere.

"I am going to live with dad now! I do love you mom, but now I choose to live with dad. I am 18 and you can't stop me. Bye."

"Your dad!! Where is that?" I was stunned.

"I can't give you any more information. Good bye mom. I love you." And with that he was gone. He opened the door and there was a taxi waiting for him.

The next day

Again I used my firms resources at my expense, to check where the taxi had dropped off Jax. That was when things became clearer. The address was the Smith's house. I then had them gather information on the Smith's. It turned out it was Kyle's former house of course, Janet Smith and another fellow. Okay. So they were living common law, no big deal, until my investigator told me the other gentlemen was just a border. He wasn't romantically connected to Janet. I needed to get information from Mrs. Smith

The next day

It was obvious that the Janet Smith knew something about Ross and Jax's whereabouts.

I rang their door. Janet answered. I barged in and demanded she tell me where Jax and his father were.

"I can't talk to you about that. If I do, Kyle won't talk to me."

"I have had it up to here," wiping my hand under my chin, "with all this talk about no talking. Tell me where they are!"

"I can't tell you," she said while blinking. What was with all this blinking? Ross had done it at the lawyers office and with his roofing friends. Jax would do it quite often, and, now Janet was doing it.

"I can't tell you but I can't stop you from taking out your cell phone and recording this conversation," again while blinking. My phone was on video record.

"What conversation? You aren't telling me anything."

"Are you sure about that," again while blinking.

"Okay, I will play your game." I winked back. "Now tell me where they are!"

"I can't," blinking away.

"Oh, fucking tell me!"

"Maybe, I have already informed you."

"Just tell me, please."

"You have to figure it out."

I was getting a headache so I stormed out, slamming the door. At home I was feeling both anxious and physically drained so I lay down. I was having a hard sleep when I had an idea. Sometimes a problem has solutions during a good power nap.

I retrieved my phone and brought up the video of Janet's weird talk avoidance. I concentrated on her blinking. Long then short eyelid movements. Was there a pattern?

I raced over to Ron's house. He had been in the military and once told me he knew Morse code. I showed Ron the video. "Is her blinking Morse code?"

"Let me see." Ron went over the video. Using slow motion, "Yes, I believe it could be. C o m m u n i c a t i o n."

"Let me scroll up Jax's birthday. See here when he is opening his birthday card. He's also blinking."

"Right. I h a v e b e e n s e e i n g d a d f o r y e a r s."

"That shit. I suppose I should be glad he was seeing Jax all this time, but I am pissed off," as I slumped back in my chair. "Wait, the card Kyle sent Jax had these weird bumps on it. Do you think it could be a form of communication. Braille perhaps."

"I wouldn't know about that, but I have a buddy in the army who lost his sight in Afghanistan. I will ask him."

Ron took the card and told me it could take a couple of days for his buddy to get back to him. As I drove home, I remembered Ross's blinking from the one and only meeting at his lawyer's office all those years ago. I called her office. I was aware from my work in the ADA's office that Noona's practice was doing well. It took some time before I was able to get through. I introduced myself and asked if she still had a video copy of our meeting six years ago.

"I'm surprised it has taken you this long to ask. Of course, I still have the video and upon Ross's instructions I was to forward it to you when you asked. I will forward the video. You should receive it shortly."

My phone beeped and I quickly opened the video. I fast forwarded until I just watched where Ross's blinking came on the screen.

"Ron, there is more blinking. Can you come over. There is another video I want you to see."

When Ron arrived, his buddy had immediately told him Kyle's Braille message to Jax was, "I look forward to seeing you soon." Simple but since Kyle was far away at College, it sounded simple but also complex.

"Ron come look at this video of my ex-husband. He is blinking a lot as well."

"Let's see. I a m c o n v e r s i n g w i t h y o u. Y o u a r e n o t." What did that mean?

In the mean time I reviewed all the videos and pictures that Jax had sent me over the years. Most of them were with Kyle and his presumed parents when they took Jax with them on vacations. I also asked Janet to send me all of her videos of her family's trips that Jax would accompany. She readily complied.

I looked carefully, not sure what I was looking for. Oddly at the time, I assumed it had been Mr. Smith taking the pictures and videos. But I now knew there wasn't a Mr. Smith. Then I saw it. The only time 'Mr. Smith' was in frame was from the back as he drove. The reflections. There in the rear view mirror were Ross's blue eyes looking back at the camera! Looking back at me!

There were other images. More than I would have first thought. There were some reflected from vanity mirrors, but also from windows and dark ponds. When I looked closely, there Ross was again. He was waving back as if waving directly at me. I was aghast. I approached Janet again, yelling "You bitch. You were with him all this time, right under my noise."

"You are still missing the point," Janet responded. She had stopped blinking but was now using some weird hand gestures. "Look at those videos again."

When I reviewed those videos a second time, I noticed Ross was not just waving but using similar hand signs. Where had I seen them before? Of course--the bar and my party. Signs. I realized they must be 'signing'.

Janet would not tell me what the signs meant. "Figure it out yourself." That bitch!

I took them to work. There was a colleague who not only knew signing, but who could also read lips. This was a huge advantage in the courtroom. She had won us many verdicts. I showed her these videos, slowing them when Ross's reflections came into focus via reflections.

"'{I am talking to you,}' is what he repeats over and over again," she said.

I had to think of a plan. Thanks to my intel, I knew the Janet was going to visit Kyle that weekend. Kyle's braille message implied Jax would be there. Was it now Janet, Ross and Jax visiting? I should follow them.

Now that would sound simple enough. Nothing in my life to this point has been simple. She and a man wearing a low riding ball cap, entered their car. As I watched from afar, it wasn't Ross or Jax. Too old to be Jax, and the man wasn't even six feet tall. They drove slow enough that I had them in view for the entire drive. When we got to their motel, the college town was full of various alumni and others wanting to see the basketball game. I couldn't get a room. I stayed in the parking lot, watching their door. Thankfully it was a relatively mild winter's evening. Kyle showed up a half hour later and they all went to dinner. Following them again and staying just outside, I was hoping for Jax and Ross to arrive. No luck.

Janet and the man with her dropped Kyle off at his dorm room. They then returned to their motel. I waited until midnight and went to the front desk to see if there were any cancellations. He said, "One cancellation just came up. Room 156." I shivered. It was beside Janet's room. This couldn't be a coincidence. I felt it was a message. Even dead tired, I rapped on their door.