Did You Win

Well, now that got me excited. I ran upstairs. This had to be something sexual. After all I am still working on my sex addiction. I glanced around looking for toys, lingerie or something. Nothing. Oh, maybe it's the size of the pillow. I pulled my shorts and panties down. Laid on the bed face down and put the pillow on its edge under my stomach. Yes, my ass was now in the perfect angle. I turned my head and winked. This wasn't Morse--this was a sexy wink.

James broke out in laughter. {No, that's not it either. Check out the night stand lamps.}

The bugger. They were similar to my old lamps but different. There were now new shades on the lamps. A new color matching the pillow. Before my recovery, I would have been pissed that it wasn't sexual. But I could now comfortably see the humor. I threw the pillow at him.

{And just so you know, it is to be never used under your stomach.} Sexually he had confidant quirks. He was slightly aggressive. A good aggressive but he never would do 'Doggy' and some others. When I questioned him, {Not only are you so beautiful, but mostly I want to see what you are saying or moaning when I first enter. It is something I have to see.}

Then he added, {Just so you also know, now that we are exclusive, no other partners.} I agreed but I would be lying if the thought did not enter my mind. I am working on my second year sobriety chip but that doesn't mean I don't think about it.

James brought another dimension into our relationship with Ross and primarily Jackson. Besides being Kyle's uncle, Kyle and Jackson were now quasi step brothers as well as best friends. They were doing well in college and would graduate the same year due to Kyle's Red Shirt year. James also helped explain these sporting nuances.

Eventually--Five months later--and now present time

I had finished the twelve steps and that probably had a lot to do with my changes and expectations for James. The step that became my daily mantra was the eleventh step: Listen to the will; Understand the will; and, Do the will.

A good example is the old devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Which one do you listen to? The devil is not always the wrong answer. Sticking up for yourself; asking your boss for a raise; and, telling your partner what you like in bed are all examples of listening to this devil. As they say, the devil is in the details. I did not press him to marry me. Look how much I've changed.

I still went to my therapist, and group therapy--both in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and Recovery, Inc. For those unfamiliar with Recovery, Inc., they have their own form of communication. Spotting or life slogans. My favorite spotting term was 'make life a business not a game.'

You can win in business too. Especially in the long run. There were many bumps along the way, but I now had a great boyfriend; I loved my job; good friends; Jax was doing well in college; and, Mom and I were in a good place. Life was good. My life was now a BIG WIN!! A slow win but finally WIN/WIN!!