Dildo Pants; Dildo Bike

I don't know whether this will end up in Toys, Anal or Reviews, but whichever: Enjoy an actually true story for once.

I've been curious about dildo pants for a while. There's something profoundly erotic in the idea of a dildo thrusting into me as I go about my day's business. Almost like being fucked in public and nobody seeing...

That's the fantasy, anyway. What is the reality? I've seen porn vids of people working themselves into dildo pants, the dildos flopping about hilariously, but once the dildo is being worn? It's not really a visual thing. Seeing it tells me nothing about how it actually feels.

I've hunted for reviews, and seen people complain about how the latex catches at their hair, and how the panties don't really hold the dildo in place. That is disappointing, but it still doesn't answer my questions.

I want to know. I want to feel.

So I dare to buy it. The local sex shop has latex dildo panties. Going to the shop is an adventure in itself. There's so much I'd love to buy, just to try it out. The dildo pants are in stock and I try not to feel too embarrassed as I buy them and take them home.

It's such a naughty thrill just to open the packet, to feel the black latex garment in my hands, and to hold the black realistic dildo. It has a nice weight to it, and it's flexible. It feels almost like a real cock. It smells like some industrial process, however. Sharp and bitter.

I wash it with soap and water, and then with disinfectant. It's fun to stroke it like I would a real cock. Afterwards, the smell is less bitter, more rubbery. It even tastes a little rubbery, but its thickness, its girth, feels very nice in the mouth. Its length is such that it doesn't fit entirely within, at least not without using my throat. (I'm a little out of practice with that.) And the veiny texture is welcome.

But all this is prologue. The dildo is not intended for the mouth.

The dildo has a flat base that sits with a pouch in the latex. The dildo can escape from the pouch, but can be reset also, or twisted into a different orientation. It's easy to appreciate the difficulty of wearing the pants. The latex is light and flimsy, and the dildo flops around unless held, so really a third hand is needed to assist. Plus I need lubricant.

The pants themselves are actually a relaxed fit, and once I figure out how, they're easy to put on, with the dildo itself nestling between my cheeks. The hard part, of course, is the insertion. The lubricant looks like cum and smells like eucalyptus, and I smear it liberally around the black cock. Inserting it is a contortionist exercise - and, fuck, it feels big trying to squeeze it into my ass...

I give up and relax for a minute before trying again. This time it's easier, less contortions required, and my ass accepts the intruder. I sit quickly to hold it in place. The sense of being stretched - there's some lingering pain that diminishes gradually to discomfort, and there's the sensation of it deep inside.

When I stand, the dildo slides out, the panties too stretchy to contain it. I slip into some jeans, and they help a little. The head of the cock cannot quite escape my ass. This makes for some nice, gentle nudging as I walk around. The base of the dildo does, however, press very obviously against my jeans.

It's fun to push it in and let it slide out, but it's not for wearing outside. Sitting down - carefully - does leave me feeling very pleasantly stretched. Overall it's nicely distracting, but not really erotic.

And even the jeans won't keep it place for long.

I fashion myself a makeshift harness. It's loose enough to allow the dildo to slip out an inch or two, but bending over or going up and down stairs forces it deep.

I go for a walk. It's early evening and cars are passing by. As I walk, the dildo shifts about. It's not a fucking sensation, but it's a definite presence. Certain movements will force the dildo deep, and it's fun to do this outside in broad daylight. Making these movements hard and fast makes for particularly intense sensations.

The harness is not really practical for long-term wear - no doubt a proper harness can be bought - but for the experiment it has been successful.

It's certainly fun to walk about with a dildo in my ass, but it's a lot of trouble to keep in place and ultimately not all that erotic in itself.

I swap the harness for some tight underwear and loose trousers, a long T-shirt. It's not quite as effective as the jeans at keeping the dildo inserted. Really the best thing about the experience is the process of insertion: stretching that tight ring of muscle, and pushing through, slowly deeper. It's such an intense sensation.

The final experiment. Plenty of lube. It slips out almost too easily now. Getting on my bicycle takes several attempts, but once I'm on the seat, it's fine. I want it to ease out as easily as it goes in.

Riding without actively trying to fuck myself with the dildo is actually nice by itself. It's a definite presence, and every bump in the road is a reminder. Bouncing a little in the seat when it's safe is also fun, although it's a high risk for not much reward. Best is to exaggerate the swing of my hips as I pedal; the shifting of the dildo inside creates a nice interior stimulation. Picking up speed adds subtle vibrations too from the uneven ground.

It's a sunny day, but lazy and late. I say hello to a lady walking her dog, and later to an old man walking his. A blue Toyota seems to be following me for a while, but then the pretty, blonde driver waves as she passes. I keep wondering if they see me bouncing unnaturally as I ride along, or if they see the bulge in my trousers of the dildo against the seat.

Well, I may not have come from the experience (although not from lack of trying), but I did just spend over an hour cycling through suburbia with a hard dick fucking my ass - and isn't that the dream?

What did you do today?