All Comments on 'Disciples of Lilith'

Good stuff but too short. You brushed over his submission and the sex scene too quickly. The buildup was so good the sex scene deserved a full page on its own. Also I wish there was more elaboration on the effects of her spells on him. Sounded like she was molding him into a full cocklett-ignoring butt slut. Wished you had more scenes growing that. Maybe a sequel is in the works? Reminded me of the Warlock from Tales of Androgyny. She makes the protagonist impotent with a spell while railing him. Really hot stuff. Maybe that would be up your ally for another story.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I do plan on continuing this story, but of course work and other things will dictate how often I can work on the continuation. I really welcome the comments however as I do really want to improve my story telling and I can only do that when given things to work on. Thanks again and please stay tuned.

Such a good story! And I thought you told it well, too.

I really enjoyed his reflections during his captivity. It would be interesting to have kept that going a bit longer, say, at least through his first spit-roasting.

Tiny suggestion: "Her breast were pert C cups with two gumdrop size nipples..." Breast sizing like that didn't start until the 1900s the same century gumdrops were invented. Breasts would be compared to things (fruits, how much of a handful/mouthful) or described by what one imagined doing with them. Your story was easily within historical context except for that one sentence.

I'm encouraged by your interest in writing more. It also seemed you were open to ideas for story and such. If you wanted to continue the link between aggressive Christianity and Lilith, there are ample resources (search Christianity early schisms) where tales of Lilith could be woven into the existing fabric of history. Or skip that, and have Lilith reappear as you browse a small, ancient library during a tour of Europe. Maybe work in a non-Lilith story with you and your companion(s)? Can't you hear the irony in your thoughts as you gladly choke yourself on Lilith's glorious meat?