All Comments on 'Disconnected'

It was captivating, unpredictable, and a little weird every now and then; everything that I've ever wanted in a story! What an unusual mix of attraction and confusion. Your first work? Great job, and thank you for sharing. I hope there is more where this came from!

Amazing!

Such a remarkable story and on your first attempt! I do hope we’ll get to learn more about Seth, Cassie, and the worlds on which they live. Very intriguing, how many colonies are there? I like the way things are organized, seems very civilized, although evidently people still haven’t outgrown the taste for gossip. Great job of demonstrating how a situation can morph and twist among different pathways depending on who is spreading the news. Reminds me of the old party game where a phrase is whispered around a circle ending up entirely different from the way it began. Loved this.

Full disclosure, I’ve never been a fan of the short story genre, period. If they’re good, I want to know what happens next. If they’re not, then it was just a waste of time. So that would have been my only criticism; it felt incomplete. If you plan to continue, great, can’t wait. If you planned to stop here, then I was uncomfortable with the ambiguity of the ending. However, I added you as a favorite author to follow & looking forward to your next offering. Thank you.

you can see his immaturity causing issues. great world building in a small number of pages. Totally captivated. But I felt the ending was a little odd/abrupt. Still, 5 stars a a great piece of science (?) fiction... A gtreat short story not for erotica but as a story. Sometimes you find those on literotica and they are the best.... really one of the things i look for more than the "smut". A great psychological portrait.

As you might imagine, I had a lot of frayed nerves amping up to this first submission. I really appreciate the honest support and constructive criticism!

I can see what you mean, that the ending is abrupt. I told a friend that the endings are always among my biggest struggles in creative writing, because as a reader I always want the story to continue (if it's any good, that is), and it's a sign of a good story when I can't help but continue thinking about the characters after I'm done reading. As a writer, I try to find that hook to capture the interest and yet allow/encourage the reader the freedom to continue the plot in their own mind.

This one in particular, I submitted for the April fool's event, so a stand-alone piece—and I have several other stories I'm simultaneously working on—but I agree that Seth and Cassie have much more to their story that hasn't been told, so it's likely I'll come back to them. It just needs to percolate for a while. I'm glad to see others are interested in getting to know more of them!

If you think a full grown man who's been doing hard labour all his life could be subdued that easily by a woman, trained or not, you clearly don't know much about reality. Also your female protagonist is entitled and extremely abusive. She feels free to physically assault, torture and even restrain the boy she practically adopted. The boy of course is the definition of a simp. I hope no man ever has the misfortune to be cared for by you.