All Comments on 'Discovery in Charleston'

Very good except for ending, she pushed him? Not sure how that would be proven if he was drunk...

Well at least he got some sort of revenge, almost think he's a cuck

Not much new territory covered here but you did it very well. I found will's lack of an emotional breakdown (other than saying he was going to burn there marriage bed) a bit weak. I would have liked to know about their family's reaction or even how it played out within the company.

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Cheers

The Money Shot: ' How quickly the shaky foundation of a relationship built on lust crumbles.' The Marriage Epitaph: "I betrayed a guy who would die for me for an asshole who couldn't give a shit about me." And like the tragic, insecure woman she was, she kept going back for another helping!

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One of the best stories posted on here in a long while. Intricate, realistic details abound. VERY readable. The tragically flaws in Ellie and Corey read like the stuff of Tennessee Williams! By staying away from hyperbole and tropes, you created a top-notch story! 5++++/5!!

All's well that ends well!

5

Wish little more could happen for mc

10 years of marriage, she gets half of everything!

Like your writing. How about trying out a reconciliation?

Nice tale…but the Elle pushing Corey down to be stairs is a Deux ex Machina too far. The story is kind of disjointed. We see th players take actions but there is little emotion.

4 stars.

I would except no less than this kind of behavior from Dookies.....despicable as they are

I know I'm being a pedant, but Victoria reigned from 1819 to 1901.

Which is over a hundred years *after* the 17th century, when mostly Stuart's reigned.

You might be thinking of the Regency period, which is early 18th century and is when you colonials :D got uppity and decided "no taxation without representation!" etc. ( PS I notice the US is one of only 2 countries in the entire world that taxes your expatriate community, so that slogan has fallen by the wayside!)

I'll get back in my foxhole and prepare for the return fire.

For once the good guy came out in front. BTB got what they deserved.

Pure fantasy.

Why are the latest authors scared shitless to DOLE out punishment to the guilty BY the innocent. Yes, Karma was used in this story but the guilty slut still received too much from her loving husband. Words obviously did not hurt her much!

The story was interesting and well-constructed.

The proofreading/spelling mistakes were irritating-yes they do matter.

'Discrete' and 'Discreet' mean different things.

Good read. if it was too long on the fantasmical, lawyer based, BTB. That put a downer on a previously sexciting tale. Recommend in future that you slow-proof your work, too many missing or improper words that an electronic spell checker will not find. All said, you have an incredibly high number of Followers per story, so do keep up the good work.

Well written enjoyed this making you the exception on a site full of cuckold crap

A little too wacky at the end. Fell down three flights of stairs? Was he a ping pong ball? Come on. And she would not have gotten 3 years on a first offender charge, where even a court appointed attorney could claim abuse or mental distress. The last two paragraphs were over the top revenge/miserable life crap that detracted from a half way decent story. Too bad

Well thought through, realistic, well written. Thanks for writing and sharing this.

Gotta say, Ellie is about a stupid wench. Why would anyone continue to set their "friends" up with a guy she doesn't really like and who has literally hurt every single woman she set him up with???

If she had the brains of a gnat she would have stopped setting him up with her friends and the first couple and had she done that Corey's plan would have never worked.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Lacked more about how she existed/suffered after the divorce. What a dumb woman but how dim was Will? And what sort of contemptuous git was Cory?

A bit unfinished?

This is some art imitating life shit right here. Truly there is nothing worse than straying and betraying your spouse, but on the 9 levels of Dante's Circle of Hell with the 2nd circle being Lust, this woman decided to go for the gold and go straight to the 9th level, Treachery. To forsake and cheat is one thing it's a complete an utter betrayal to do so with family members or in this case a best friend. The fact that Corey willingly sought out to betray his best friend and business partner is not a defect or aberration but who he is. Like the scorpion that petition to hitch a ride on the rabbits back to cross the river, with the scorpion promising not to betray him then stung and poison him in middle of the crossing. As the author detailed in Corey's mindset, he loves the chase. Yes, someone can get hurt, though not thinking it would be him. So, he sets about to whoo and break the heart of all Ellie's friends all so that he could ultimately entice her. It did not matter to him the emotional toll and lives he may hurt along the way only his wants and needs mattered. And just like the rabbit and scorpion tale, as they both begin to drown to their death, with the rabbit asking why do this as we will both now perish? The scorpion can only reply by saying saying it's my nature.

A very good, sad story. Probably Will should have seen to Corey a little more physically. D

This is an interesting and well-written story. Your characters and their actions/emotions are fleshed out very well.

As an unapologetic romantic, I cannot help but feel that this tale begs for a Romance follow-up where Will and Jo connect and live happily ever after.

Well done!

Good BTB, but missing the emotional components.

The title gives it away doesn't it? Why have a question in there about "too late" after cheating? Just leave at something like "she becomes a slut for shits and giggles."

ttt59 once again prove him or herself with imaginative plots. Five stars again

That was a good read. Well written.

100% better than all the the cuck stories of the day put together.

The writer ttt59 is one very good writer.

Thanks ttt59.

Great writing, I love TT's command of the emotions. But I'd like to see stories be a little more concise. The only real issue I have is the end was super rushed, and Ellie's final plays with Corey seemed unrealistic. Yes she was an entitled slut, but going back to him then going to prison seemed to just not fit. Take some time to resolve the endings and these stories will continue to improve.

For how much disdain she had for the dipshit Parker knowing how he is, then almost immediately sluts out totally with him is way too far fetched, lose points for that. She knew was an asshole yet she was so unbelievably stupid that she just completely threw away her marriage for that douche??? Her IQ must be that of her shoe size, lucky to spell her name correctly.

Well done, sad story. Don't have a narcissist for a business partner.

Good BTB, but I see no reason that Corey would have sold for 28 cents on the dollar. After her assault it just goes to show she WAS a stupid woman.

Not much. Have read another story here last year almost verbatim. That was a good story. This like Cory is dishonest at best and reflects poorly on this supposed author.

“When Ellie got back to the one-room apartment she was renting month by month she called Moore and told him to accept the divorce petition, no changes. He tried to argue with him, she hung up on him.”

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So if she accepted the terms…why did it go to a hearing and trial? That didn’t make sense.

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Otherwise….well done, if typical, Martian Slut Ray victim/entitled bitch tale that had a man not a wimp/cuck react. Good antidote to the seemingly unending flood of cuck crap on LW in recent months.

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4 strong ****

It started out nice.

After that, way too much descriptive sex and what's with the story in point forms?

It's not grocery store shopping list you know!

All in all there's potential.

Good story. Ellie apparently was too dumb to breathe going back to Corey after what happened to her. She got exactly what she deserved.

Some pretty comical typos…”recipient” instead of “recipe,” “heresy” instead of “hearsay,” etc. A not uncommon storyline, but generally good writing.

The story was well written and edited and a solid "5" until the very end. Your ending collapsed a good story so in the end I scored it a "4''. The last two paragraphs ruined the story for me.

The last two paragraphs were totally unnecessary

We’ll done! 5/5

This author has a thing for wives who supposedly love their husbands deeply yet whose libidos are so out of control that they betray them cruelly. He tells a pathetic story very well.

I won't say this story is rooted in reality, but I did especially like the line, "PI's only eat what they kill, so the return call came in less than ten." Good story, but definitely on the side of fantasy.

All these stories need a new twist as they all seem familiar with others already written on this site

Always sorry AFTER the FACT

Corey needed to become shark bait.

I enjoyed it at first, then it seemed, by the sex, to be aimed at pleasing the closet queens.

Then, this "She and Will would split the proceeds of the sale of the house." Ummm why? His name was on the mortage and hers wasn't. No one I know whos gotten a divorce has ever had to sell or share proceeds from a place they owned before being married.

Oh and her meeting up with Corey again, sorry soooooooooooooo cliched, like everything that came after that.

Its like your tripolar...you went from a good writer, to a cuck writer to the usual cliched crap writer.

I thought you'd get a 4 on this but a 3 was me being generous.

At the end of the proceedings Judge Landis said, "Well the evidence in this case seems to be overwhelming. I'm going to take a couple of months to review, and I may get back to both attorneys with a few more questions. If and when I call, I expect to have immediate responses. Is that clear?" since when does it take 2 months to watch porn lol does this actually happen? i mean i know judges are busy but 2 months to look at porn pics lol

dont befriend womanizers and for the love of the human race dont make them ur partners lol idk sounds like something that took place in the 80s or early 90s

Interesting story. I enjoyed reading it.

And, overall, well written. But please find someone to help you with proofreading. I had to stop twice in an early sentence when I read “She was preparing a diner … from a recipient her grandmother had passed down to her.” I soon figured out that it was about “dinner” and a “recipe”, but I lost the story line and had to regroup. I debated simply quitting the story. It’s not about being a grammar Nazi, but about writing so that your readers will be able to immerse themselves in the story and not distracted trying to figure out what you meant to say.

You are good with details. You very specifically identify the vintage of the wine in the story. Please also take the time to distinguish between a “suit” that a man wears, and a “suite” which is a series of rooms or collection of furniture.

I never did figure out “I love Will too, but you memorize [?] me, and I must have you.”

1 star - even though it was well written, I have to say I almost stopped reading at the second page, because the plot was very similar to another on this website. Then I flipped to the comments section and chose to continue reading. It still leaves me with bad feelings about the ruthless/heartless way the SLUT destroyed a reasonably happy marriage. I really did not like any of the characters and the plot sucked.

By the way who is Stillman on left side, in the middle of the last page - is this a new character?

Either don’t use words you aren’t sure of (like trying for ‘mesmerize’ and coming out with ‘memorize!’) OR, re-read CAREFULLY for errors. There were at least four similar to the prior example. A lot of just simple typos, as well.

As to why ANON’s comment on Bull Corey would accept 28%, partnerships like that described start losing value when there is a shake-up, especially if one partner is no longer working in synch. The potential in 3 years described in the story is just potential. Bigger established businesses who might buy them out after their progress was established might offer 10% or less NOW. Also, the author cites that Hubby could just afford 30% and that by firing workers and compromising the future development.

It was a pretty weak ending. Up to you catered to the BTB crowd, it was decent. Then the wheels flew off. Gooid effort, though.

It was a little rushed at the beginning, like you were checking off plot points, but I liked the logical progression. Kudos for the fraud angle. You foreshadowed it but is was too subtle for me to catch until you sprung your trap. 5*

"...I'll get back in my foxhole and prepare for the return fire." -- But who do we shoot at? 😃

...Oh yeah, and I was also going to comment that the Victorian Era homes came much later as Victoria did not become queen until the 1800's. But you beat me to it. And hey, we don't hate England or any part of the greater empire, we're family after all! 😉

The basis of the adultery appears to be plain juvenile recreational lust. Like what you might expect when some teenagers fuck over each other in high school. Corey repeatedly proves to Ellie that he's an empty cruel selfish asshole, abusing her friends and her friendship. So of course the first time he kisses her she turns into his wanton uninhibited slut. Indicating that Ellie has none of the character traits listed at the beginning of this comment.

So here's the question: How did Will mistake this soulless deceitful monster to be a loyal loving virtuous woman? Or is it just another case of Martian Slut Ray? You see, without help from the Martians, Ellie's behavior makes no sense. Its another Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde plot device, which means the story should be in the Fantasy/Science Fiction category. It would be the same as if a woman just woke up one morning and decided to kill her children in their sleep. And that happens. But then we have to grant that Ellie is mentally dysfunctional, for which there is support in that she continued to fuck the snake and then crippled him because (Are you ready?) she found out Corey was treating her just like they both treated Will. Yeah, Ellie ends being completely brain dead.

So when did her brain die? Or did Will marry a brain dead woman, but the author covered it up? Or did the author just do another Mrs. Potato Head character change, unplugging all the virtue and integrity parts and replacing them with wanton selfish slut parts? I think you owe Ellie an apology. Hell, you ended her in prison? You so mean!

A very good if oft repeated plot idea, but the execution was lame and unbelievable. I hope you try again, but next time try to make your characters make sense. Still, thanks for the effort.

WTF was that last paragraph? if you are going to try BTB at least do it properly. The end was rushed and haphazard you could have done so much better.

But thanks for trying better than 60% in this cat.

Something worse needed to happen to Corey.

Corey got off entirely too easy!

Very good story. The ending seemed rushed it was like you want some more revenge on her and him and jail and disfigurement is always the go to. In the future, I find the guilt and moving on with your life is the best revenge

Use correct terminology (eg: diner-dinner, recipient-recipe),having said that it felt a little rushed but was a very good effort 5 *****

The story has a quite good story line, and for the most part, I enjoyed it a lot.

However, there were several instances of incorrect word choice. Some of these "Norm Crosby" moments interrupted my reading flow, while I attempted to figure out what the author was "trying" to say .... not good.

But, I also saw one of the worst things that a writer can do, in my opinion, which is to fail to keep track of his own characters' names in his story. In this case, by back-tracking, it was fairly easy to determine who the author was actually referring to (Stillman = Simmons), but again .... a disrupting distraction.

With a good editor, this could have been an exceptional story .... instead its' embedded mistakes make it a very average 3-stars.

Overall good story but if you're going to do revenge on the two cheaters do it right. Corey falling down stairs is pretty lame.

You do a great job of bringing out emotions in your stories. My only problem with this story was the wimpy revenge. Getting pushed down stairs while you're drunk?? If you're going to do revenge start by bringing the fire and brimstone down on the cheaters.

Up until the cop out ending this was a 3-4, but with the quick wrap up and terrible attempt at a btb it is a 2. Needed to be longer, need to see the btb, the aftermath, the damage to their lives. Would also be nice to see Will a few years later doing well, married with kids, while the ex is working at a menial job. Just give us something more than a short paragraph.

How would the police prove that a drunk man, with no memory of the event had been pushed down a set of stairs rather than simply falling? Why would they even try?

After Corey ghosted her in her hour of need, why would she go back? Cock addiction?

The author writes emotion quite well. If you like reading sex scenes(duh, it's an erotic site) those are done well too. Of course since I love Charleston, the description of the area was pleasing to me. Then we have the actual story. That's were the train leaves the tracks. There is absolutely zero reasons given for her "fall from grace" other than thinking with her cunt. She has no self-control, no morals at all. There is no reason to cheat. No angst, no martial issues, no background that might have led her there. You're building a story on really shaky ground. The attempted BTB at the end seemed like an afterthought. Like, "Hummmm, the cheaters need some discomfort." sort of thing. The errors in name, incorrect words and some strange puzzling sentences made it seem like a pretty slipshod effort. Get a Beta reader if you can't get an editor. 3* from me.

This was a sure fire 5* until Ellie was convicted in assault on Corey at that alcohol level. No witness nor video was in the story so how the cops got her is writer BS - dropped the story to 3* due to writer stupidity/laziness.

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Now if it was Willi getting revenge with a good alibi - that I can salute but Ellie, nope was sloppy writing.

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To bad Willi did not hook up with the hot stable redhead, Jo.

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3*, hooyah, was a near solid 5* until the last two paragraphs

The lead up to the discovery of the adultery was well done. The author chose not to depict true confrontation scenes between Will and Ellie or Will and Corey. The story suffered as a result of these omissions. The accumulated tension, anger and angst engendered by the dual betrayals was squandered away through rather pedantic prose detailing the actions of investigators, lawyers and the family law court. The sad, sterile encounter between Will and Ellie in the legal conference room was unsatisfyingly bland and no substitute for the catharsis a true confrontation encounter can produce in a skilled author's hands. Likewise, the author chose to depict Corey's retribution in vaguely descriptive narrative rather than presenting the reader with direct observations of conversations and events. As this submission clearly shows, choosing the easier path as an author typically lessens the quality of the literary product and limits its ability to have a lasting impact on the reader.

Pretty good overall story but your revenge on Corey was a very weak link in the story. As another commenter said...if you're going to do revenge rain down the fire and brimstone and let it create havoc.

Good story.. had potential to be great. As said multiple times below... this could have greatly benefitted by real confrontations. I would have liked to see how Corey justified it to his brother-like best friend. And charging the expenses of his affair to work was extra shitty.

Glaring wrong use of words, jarring jumping around and thrilling use of bullet point summaries in lieu of actual storytelling.... 4 stars! (left blank)

⭐⭐1/2

All these people complaining about the effort a first time author put in on a free story... What do you want, a refund? This is a poorly researched and edited masterpiece, easy to follow with consistent characters, realistic outcomes and enough sex for the cucks to stay quiet. I saw all the problems, but this is a REALLY good story and I would like to read more from the author!

I like the storyline and encourage you to keep improving. You need to find a good editor to work on your structure. Also, there were numerous problems with the legal aspects of the story. Also, the post script seems canned and really did not add to the story.

I gave you credit for putting together a story and putting it out in front of everyone! Keep improving and I look forward to future stories from you.

I can and do only speak for myself. But - I throughly enjoyed what I found to be a well thought out and written story. I am amused by those who strike negative comments without offering improvement suggestions or attempting to put forth a story of their own and accept all of the negative comments. I look forward to reading more of his stories. Five!

Damn people, I found nothing wrong with this authors story. Written very well as a matter of fact. Some members wouldn't know a good story from bad because they never read it. 5 Stars and a thank you, The slut got what she deserved, her lonely fucked up life filled with nothing.

Good story

great story really enjoyed it i prefer stories with more than 1 or 2 pages just keep doing what you are doing there enough people giving advise on here

Ellie is a callpus, narcissist with a sex addiction for dominace and degradation. Truly sick. Clearly she cared about her husband but more from the angle of emotional security not love.

She got precisely what she deserved. Post release I can see her working as a prostitute to feed her sexual pathology.

Her husband was a strong and good man. Took the emotional hit, straffed both cheaters into smoking wrecks and went on to rebuiöt a better life.

Given the current social mores I would do a deep dive into a girls past I might be alling or,, using a good PI firm, begore entertaining going further down the tromantc path.

Also, a prenup is a given. An argument by her is a red flag and I'm gone.

Painful yes, but the alternative down the road worse.

PS. She never gets to know about her investigation. Initial blind trust of any woman is foolish

Men need to protect themselves first; the gxnocentric courts are designed to destroy men us divorce proceedings.

Last, men should listen to their gut if they think the woman is cheating.

>50% of millenial woman cheat and initiate divorce 80% of the time.

Good work... it's been awhile since i came across a solid story in LW

Compare this story to lil b*tch, sbrooks for those who don’t know, latest story and not even close. This one is soooo much better. Lil B*tch take note and stop writing your nonsense

She, and Corey and two sick, narcissutic scum suckers.

Gratifying that both landed on the rock and had their lives destroyed.

BTB story but not a bad one which is rare around here.

A bit dry, but good nonetheless. The wife and lover got what they deserved, for a change.

Well done, with a few language and spelling errors, it still deserves a 5 rating. I can’t emphasize enough how distracting these types of unnecessary mistakes are.

Not bad, but felt like someone in school summarizing events in a monotone voice.

It was a slow build up. However, once the MC learned of the betrayal, it became more interesting. One problem with the crackerjack legal team and PI, the author lost the opportunity for more development of the betrayal’s emotional repercussions for both the MC and Ellie. It was mechanical, and we weren’t allowed behind the curtain of the two character’s real pain. Having Ellie jailed also seemed a bit over the top. A solid 4.

4* Because Ellie wasnt punished more. No foundation for total unsolicited betrayal of the worst kind by the slut, designed to maximize the pain and humiliation of the most generous and loyal spouse. Selfish self-centered destruction inflicted on a fine man.

Will really should have shared the evidence with Ellie’s and Corey’s families. No one should be subjected to criticism, because their ex put a spin on the split.

Ouch, Mr. Lover Boy certainly learned that he had over stepped his lust and was truly rewarded. I hope Will fines happiness in his future. Five! Thanks for sharing.

The divorce/revenge seemed very true to life. I regret that you were so mild in dealing with Corey, the instigator, while harshly dealing with his victim. Your recent works have been stronger in that area. A mild limp and a loss of money are not a suitable recompensating, The offense was severe, therefore revenge should reflect a greater amount than was dished out. It seems that Literotica allows only victims to be destroyed in heinous fashion rather than admit that revenge should be to a degree of the victim's choice.

I am reading this second time, I did not even notice until the horses in Kentucky deception.

This is definitely one of the best BTB works on LE, comparable to the best Winterfrog's works.

Really fine buildup, very good character buildup of "Corey" less so of "Ellie" and very little of "Will".

Solid suspense, great and believable idea of chance discovery. 3-year jail term for "Ellie" is a bit overdone but that is just a marginal detail.

Excellent work, really great start for this author. There are many BTB writers on LW but there are very few as good as this. 5 stars.

If your vip of tea is the good guy should win you would love this story. If you judge the story based on “ gage writer telling a good story “ then this is a winner. Also since it’s fiction I liked the story. If however you are not misbe about the business aspect of the story then 38% is fantssx. Even with unlikely Dr

Mario of a buy/sell agreement, why would Cory take less than a 50/50 payout. Also with the cheating wife having a claim to any part less than 0% Will would be vieeed as a minority share holder and clearly at an extreme disadvantage, Will is going to lose, even with a morals clause, Ellie is not subject to any mor

Al punishment unless Corey fucks hrr figuratively and that would not be in his best interest. The stories proposed settlement is morally solid but woefully lame in reality.

Five stars.

Great read.

I particularly like your opening. It set the scene and the tone for the whole story.

Well done.

Well written, classic type of tale. Ellie was preyed upon by a patient hunter, and that aspect never really came to light in the end. It wouldn’t have excused her long term adultery, but it was the catalyst to it all. Her husband wasn’t curious as to how things happened, and I guess he will stick to his goal of just writing everything off. Easier said than done. Still, I do prefer when there isn’t angst and hand-wringing, but he could have asked a few simple questions.

Good story

Too bad Ellie got convicted for Corey's "fall". 3 flights of stairs, Really? Messed up atty. Simmons name sometimes.