DNA

The next six months were the worst of my life. I was filled with anger, rage, sadness, and deep depression. Amber appealed the judge's decision about the division of the assets, and I sued on behalf of the children to overturn the trust that Amber had received. I pointed out that since there had not been a marriage, Amber hadn't fulfilled the terms of the trust. But I lost in both cases.

The appeals court said that even though I had been tricked into marrying Amber and our marriage had been annulled, they viewed her contribution to the household worth more than ten percent. They awarded Amber forty percent of our joint assets. However, my 401-K was exempted. As for the trust, the courts ruled that Jennifer and Todd had not been mentioned in the trust, and as such, they had no standing. And, of course, the court had ruled, I was never married to Amber, so I had less than no standing. They said that the trustees of Amber's grandparents were the only ones standing. And since Amber's parents and grandparents were all dead, Amber was now the sole trustee. Besides, the court viewed our living together as a form of "common law" marriage.

As crushing as the two losses in court were, what was totally frustrating to me was that I had not been able to get even a little revenge against either Amber or Jimmy. And what made it worse was that I would constantly see them around town. They acted like teenagers in love, holding hands, hugging, and kissing in public.

It seemed that everywhere I went, they were there, and the emotional turmoil would start over again. I couldn't take it anymore, so I moved to a town fifteen miles away. Because of how the school districts were drawn, Jennifer didn't have to change schools. And, of course, since Todd lived with Amber, his school didn't change.

I tried to block it out and put Amber behind me, but I couldn't. I kept having the same recurring dream. It would be Jimmy fucking Amber, and he'd be smirking at me. Then he'd tell me, "Watch while I put a baby in your wife."

I was hardly sleeping, and I wasn't eating properly. The only good thing to happen during those first six months was Todd. He made himself such a pain in the ass that Amber finally called me to take him. It was one of the few times I chuckled during those dark months. As Todd ran out of my old house with his bag, Amber and Jimmy came out on the porch to say goodbye. Surprising to me, Amber had tears flowing down her cheeks. Jimmy just looked relieved.

As Todd ran toward my car, Amber called out, "I love you." Todd didn't break stride but threw his middle finger toward his mother and Jimmy. This caused Amber to begin sobbing uncontrollably. I'm not going to apologize for feeling good about the situation. However, Jimmy put his arm around Amber, and they hugged tightly. That turned my satisfaction into anger, but I didn't do anything except get back in the car and take Todd to my place. I arranged for Todd to stay in his same school until the end of the year.

I had rented a three-bedroom, two bath house, and I believe that having Jennifer and Todd with me was the only thing that kept me from going totally insane and doing something truly stupid. Also, my obsession with getting revenge against the cheaters continued to fester. And still, I couldn't devise a plan that wouldn't land me in jail. However, I must admit that there were times I would say to myself, "fuck it," I'll just kill them even though I knew I'd go to jail. But the thought of what would happen to my kids forced those plans from my head.

My kids were totally supportive of me, and I tried the best I could to pull my act together. I knew that Jennifer and Todd were near frantic about my deteriorating condition. Finally, Jennifer stepped up big time, taking over running the house. She cooked, cleaned, and made sure Todd got to school and did his homework. Also, Jennifer tried to make sure I ate and that I went to work.

Finally, nine months after the annulment, it all came to a head. I had a full-blown panic attack at work. I collapsed in my office, and I was having trouble breathing. Everyone thought I was having a heart attack. An ambulance took me to the hospital, where they ran a battery of tests. When they decided I'd had a severe panic attack, I was referred to a therapist. I balked at going, but my dad said that if I didn't go, he'd see the kids were taken away from me.

My therapist, Ann Sommers, was really good. She explained that I was suffering from PTSD, the same as someone who had been in combat or who had lost a loved one. Ms. Sommers explained that I had to go through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. Ann explained that I had gotten stuck between anger and depression with no chance to bargain. Amber had presented a fait accompli, and there was no negotiation. My panic attack had been my body's first warning of what the tremendous stress was doing to me. If I let things continue, eventually, it would kill me.

While I couldn't argue with Ann's assessment, I had no idea how to change it. Fortunately, she did. I was instructed to keep a journal of every bad thought I had about Amber and Jimmy. At the end of each, I was to write, "I forgive them." At each session, I was required to read my darkest thoughts about my "never wife," and we'd discuss them. One of my thoughts was to blow Jimmy's head off with a shotgun. After a bit of discussion, I admitted that I'd never be able to live with myself if I killed someone, even if it was Jimmy. Then Ann asked what the kids would think if I did something like that. I readily admitted that they would probably lose all respect for me. And so, it went with every one of my hateful thoughts. It always came back to kids. Little by little, I let most of the anger go, and my life got better.

About the same time, I was going to therapy, I realized that Jennifer was filled with hate herself. She snapped at almost everyone except for Todd and me. Jennifer even snapped at her grandfather at times. Finally, my father urged me to get the kids more counseling. This I did immediately.

As Jennifer and Todd went to their counseling sessions, I was politely told that they were private. Jennifer never told me what she told the therapist, but Todd was always a motor mouth. He told me everything he discussed. He told me how much anger he carried for his mother. Todd felt she had abandoned them and betrayed the family, especially me. But as angry as Todd was with his mother, he told me Jennifer's anger was a hundred times worse. I can't explain why, but this made me very sad.

Two years after the annulment, Todd would at least talk to his mother. They weren't what you would call warm conversations. Still, he was polite, and I could see that Amber appreciated the minimum contact even though she wanted more. But Jennifer refused to speak to or have anything to do with her mother.

About four years after the annulment, Jennifer got married. I tried to get her to invite her mother and Jimmy. Jennifer absolutely refused. I told her I was concerned she was hanging on to so much anger.

Jennifer smiled, reached up, and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm not angry anymore, dad. People think that the opposite of love is hate, but it isn't. The opposite of love is indifference. I am totally indifferent toward that woman. I simply don't care what she does, says, or thinks. She ignored me and betrayed our family. I was angry, but now I just don't care about her. And we all have people that we don't want to associate with, and she is one of those people for me. Having her around would ruin my wedding day, so neither of them is coming."

After being betrayed by Amber, I didn't think I'd ever get married again. But a year before Jennifer got married, I decided to marry Jean Wilder. Jean pushed the issue after we had been dating for over a year. She told me if I wasn't going to ask her to marry me, she would look for someone else. Jean was very upfront about wanting a family, so I had to make up my mind one way or the other. I chose Jean. It was the best decision of my life. When we married, it felt like I was finally living again. The demons of my past marriage had finally been put to rest. Of course, neither Jimmy nor Amber were invited to my wedding.

The next three years were good ones. Jennifer gave birth to a boy, Justin, and eighteen months later a girl, Christina. She wouldn't allow either Amber to visit her in the hospital, and they weren't invited to the christenings. Also, Amber wasn't invited to birthday parties or any holidays. Jennifer had cut Amber completely out of her life.

Over the years that followed, I didn't see much of Amber or Jimmy. Now, at least, if I did see them, it didn't send me into an emotional spiral. I had gotten like Jennifer; I was indifferent toward Amber. But suddenly, Amber had reached out to me and wanted to meet to discuss the children. I was very uncomfortable doing this, but I felt it had to be done.

I made my way over to Amber's table. She looked up at me hopefully. I nodded and slid into the booth across from her.

"You're looking well, Amber," I said pleasantly. "Where's Jimmy?"

Amber's face reddened slightly. "We're taking a break from each other for a bit."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said, even though I wasn't sorry. In fact, I already knew that Jimmy had split. I didn't know for sure, but I surmised that Jimmy thought he was on easy street when my ex-wife came into her inheritance. However, Amber had grown tired of Jimmy being a sponge. She wanted him to get a job, and he didn't think too highly of that idea. Whether he was coming back again or not, I didn't know or care. I just wanted to get this meeting over, so I pressed on.

"What did you want to talk about?" I pressed.

"I heard you got married a while back, and you're expecting," she said with a half-smile. "Congratulations, now you'll have a child of your own."

"I'll have three children," I said as I stiffened with anger.

Amber saw that she had made a huge mistake. "I'm sorry, that was totally thoughtless, and I didn't mean it the way it came out. I meant to say that I'm happy you're having a child with someone who loves you."

My muscles relaxed, and I accepted the apology at face value. "Again, what want to talk about?"

"Justin, it's killing me that Jennifer refuses to see me or even talk to me," Amber sobbed. "I haven't even seen my two grandchildren. I want to be part of hers and their lives."

It was on the tip of my tongue to say that if she had been part of Jennifer's life way back when there would be no problem today. But I held my tongue and decided to take the high road.

"What exactly do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Jennifer listens to you," Amber said desperately. "If you tell her to talk to me, she will listen."

"For what it's worth, I have talked to her. I tried to get her to invite you and Jimmy to the wedding. I tried to get her to invite you to the christenings and birthday parties. I even suggested we invite you when we were planning Christmas at my house. Not only did Jennifer say no to my suggestions, but she threatened to stay home if I invited you to Christmas."

"She hates me so much?" Amber said with despair.

"No, she doesn't hate you," I said firmly. "In her mind, you didn't care for her when she was little, and now that she's grown up, she doesn't care for you. You chose your life, and she's chosen hers. I wish I could convince her differently, but I've had no impact so far. I'm sorry."

Amber began to sob softly, and I patted her hand lightly. "I promise I'll keep trying. Maybe someday, Jennifer will soften."

"I've created such a mess, Justin," she said through tears. "I was so selfish and cruel. I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't mean anything now, but I am truly, truly sorry."

I left Amber crying in the booth.

When I got to my car, my wife, Jean, was waiting with curiosity written all over her face.

"So, what did your "never wife" want to talk to you about?"

"Exactly what you thought she would," I said sadly. "Amber wants me to help her get back in Jennifer's life."

"What is that they say?" my wife asked. "You are the sum total of all your decisions in life."

"Yeah, that's so true," I agreed. "However, despite all of the shit that Amber rained down on me, I still feel sorry for her."

As I headed for home, it struck me that all that time I spent trying to devise some sort of revenge on Amber was a total waste of energy. Amber had done it to herself. She had created her own hell and was living in it every day.

The true part of this story:

A friend of mine's brother married a woman when they were both twenty-nine. It was not a long courtship. In fact, my friend explained they only knew each other for four months. Needless to say, it was a rocky marriage. When the wife turned thirty-five, she filed for divorce with no explanation. My friend's brother was not upset by the divorce because he was planning on filing himself. Then he found out that her grandparents had left her a heritance if she was married by thirty and still married at thirty-five. The inheritance wasn't millions, but it was six hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The husband filed a suit, and the wife wound up paying him a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars. Don't you just love happy endings.