Doctor Duck's Feathers Get Ruffled

Dr. Kevin Parker took the stage at the American Psychologists Association annual colloquium to deliver his speech to the assembled crowd of clinical psychologists. There were several other speakers sitting on stage behind the dais, including Dr. Cindy McCarthy, who had just finished delivering her first ever published paper: The Use of Hypnotism to Reduce Recidivism in Violent Criminals. It had been well-received, and as she took her seat she smiled. Kevin smiled as well, convinced that he was about to impress the beautiful psychologist, hopefully enough to get her into bed.

That wasn't going to happen.

Cindy was relieved that her public speaking was over, but she remained on edge. Something was going to happen; she just didn't know what or when.

It wasn't a premonition. The previous evening at a cocktail party she had witnessed a contest of wills between the man who stood behind the lectern and her lover, "The Amazing Randy." Randy was a professional stage hypnotist. Seeking to embarrass his rival, Dr. Parker, oozing condescension, had challenged Randy, calling stage hypnotism "bunk" and "bullshit."

Dr. Parker had pulled the wrong Marine off the barstool. The Amazing Randy was actually the world's greatest hypnotist, period, possessing incredible abilities to control anyone he could touch. The matter had been decided the moment the two men shook hands.

Randy had embarrassed Dr. Parker and eight of his young colleagues by hypnotizing the lot right there, forcing Dr. Parker to imitate Donald Duck, who quacked away incredulously in front of his friends and the beautiful blonde Dr. McCarthy.

Dr. Duck was fucked.

He'd left the clinical psychologists, who had been commanded to forget the evening's encounter, with a post-hypnotic suggestion. Cindy knew Randy intended to deliver the "death blow" today, in front of the entire conference.

Dr. Duck's feathers were about to be ruffled, but good. From her time as his lover, Cindy knew that The Amazing Randy could be extremely "creative." She worried that her lover might go too far. She needn't have. Randy was used to displaying his talent "in public" six nights a week in his stage hypnotism show. He had guarded his secret for years.

The speech, in which the handsome young psychologist dismissed stage hypnotism as being "totally without scientific merit" had gone well. It was time for the Q&A. Kevin's friends stood up, raising their hands.

"Dr. Parker," said one of the questioners, "who's your favorite nephew, Huey, Dewey, or Louie?"

Dr. Parker leaned into the microphone. "Quack, quack, quack quack QUACK!"

"Does your Uncle Scrooge actually have a diving board in his money vault?" shouted one of the attendees.

"Quack, quack quack!" said Dr. Duck.

"Can Gyro Gearloose really fix anything?"

"Are you and Daisy married or just fooling around?"

"Are The Beagle Boys really a threat to your uncle's wealth?"

"Are you and Mickey that close?"

"Quack, quack quack, Quaaaackkkk!"

The onlookers laughed uproariously, some even breaking into applause. Dr. Duck scanned the guffawing assembly until he found The Amazing Randy, arms folded, a broad smile on his lips, staring straight back at him.

Doctor Duck quacked his "Thank you" into the microphone and returned to his seat. The beautiful blonde psychologist leaned over and whispered, "Nice speech, Kevin. You're a hit."

Leaving Dr. Parker to explain himself to the questioners who rushed the stage, Randy and his lover quietly exited the hall and returned to their hotel room.

As the door closed, Cindy kissed her hypnotist lover, barely stifling a laugh. "Randy, that was quite a show you put on back there."

"He had it coming."

"But his career...?"

"Don't worry, Cindy. He'll land on his feet. I left him the ability to say it was all an act, designed to punctuate his paper's clinical findings. He will, but I also left him with the knowledge of who was responsible for his new-found fame. I made sure it's a secret he will never be able to tell. That was his real punishment, Cindy. Trust me, it could have been much, much worse. Remember, you must appear as completely clueless as everyone else. You can never tell him what really happened. You can't appear to be in on it."

Randy and Cindy shared a bottle of champagne in bed as they kissed and began their evening's foreplay.

"So tell me, Cindy," said the "World's Greatest Stage Hypnotist", "who do you want to be tonight, Daisy or Minnie?"

"Quack, quack, quaaack," she said in her sexiest voice, and then in English, "Neither."