All Comments on 'Dom Roomies Ch. 01'

This is a masterpiece. I love it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

I must say, a lot of the standard B&D stuff was incorporated into this first chapter. There were a few missing elements, however. For instance, there really should be a safe word if this is to be consensual BDSM. Secondly, I'm troubled by the videotaping and despite the girls' reassurance, the tapes can serve as blackmail, which is not only illegal, it violates the trust that is so important in such a lifestyle. Thirdly, there was at least one small violation of the pre-slave agreement. Jake had insisted there should be no nudity outdoors in public (i.e., nothing illegal or that would get him arrested), yet Deb had him pull his pants down during their jog so she could inspect his irritated penis, knowing that it was a weekday and in fact, a driver did go by during this escapade. If that driver had called the cops, Jake could have been charged with a sex crime (public nudity is in that category) thus risking that he might be labeled as a sexual predator for life in the eyes of the law. What a mess that would make for our "hero." I realize it's just a story but the author seems to want to write something realistic considering all the detail and such he has included. There are some typos and misspellings from time to time and I think the story would have benefited from additional proof-reading. Finally, sexual deprivation loses its value as a motivator unless there is periodic sexual release. Obviously, the girls realize some of this because they do permit one orgasm for Jake on his last "training night." But the idea of four months of constant chastity is not one to motivate a person as much as the idea that he would be getting out and sometimes allowed to orgasm, depending on performance of his slave duties, the timing to be decided by his mistresses. At least he would have the possibility of getting to climax as an incentive to always do good work. But being told there will be nothing for four months is likely to take away some of his motivation for trying his best, the only motivator being the risk of pain (i.e., negative reinforcement). It's well known that a combination of positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement works far better and more quickly than just one of these alone (to recondition and train the subject), so the girls are not using the best techniques for training by that measure. He said no "gay" stuff in his initial conditions for being a slave, but I suspect this rule will get bent as time passes. The girls (who obviously have other male friends) need a real dick more often than they are permitting with Jake. So where's the safe sex? Again, I know it's just a story but with the detail in this one, I would expect something to that effect. He has exchanged germs with four women (and had his penis inside several, albeit without cumming), and what if one or more of them has had sex outside their group in the meantime? I guess he's going to be positive for herpes, venereal warts, and who knows what else by the time this ends. Might as well have him lick out a cream pie or two (after the girls' night out). He has cleaned pussies and assholes after a long day, so why not that? Maybe some toilet service would be good for him to further reinforce his slave status. I think he'll lose his job pretty quickly if he is sleep-deprived, puts in a poor performance (i.e., falls asleep on the job, daydreams, or whatever), or squirms around while sitting at his desk wearing a but plug and some nipple clamps. I'm interested to see the next chapter but if the blackmail element is really there, it will start to turn into more of a Nonconsent/Reluctance story where someone got in over their head ("be careful what you wish for") instead of just BDSM. Thanks for writing.

claims to be chapter one, but that's longer than most stories

I'd have to agree on the fact that 13 parts is too long for one chapter...that is really the only reason I didnt rate it 100...few things were left out...somethings were very long and just "drawn out"...kinda like Anne Rice or Dean Koontz taking 3 pages just to give you a room setting...

Anyway...the STORYLINE was great and I DO look forward to seeing the next chapter and following this man amongst men servicing these ladies for 4 months!

Can't wait to see what they have in store for him next!

I enjoyed your effort quite a bit and look forward to enjoying more of your creativity. Thanks.

I actually read it wanting to low what will happen next! Great story, only suggestion would be more discription of the tastes feelings desires and frustrations how they felt etc cant wait for part 2

I agree with Thor's feedback, and wish to add this point; why do the girls get angry when the protagonist's skin is irritated by the cage? How is that his fault? Why should he be punished for the girls' mistakes? Don't they bear the standard Domme responsibility for his safety?

Too many flaws to fix without a major rewrite.

I loved the story and felt that wherever the plot moved, Jake was cared for emotionally. Of course we can all make suggestions that cater for our own particular predilections; but at conclusion, it's not the critic's choice.

I loved it. Well done.

Best regards, Jane Marwood.

THE POINT OF A DOMME IS TO PUSH HIS LIMITS, NOT TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT TO HIM.... a domme does as her slave needs....not what SHE wants, pathetic. too long and too flawed

I loved it and hope you are able to complete the idea

atrocious spelling errors nearly every sentence detract from the story, but the mood is good.

I don't normally like a male submissive story, being a female submissive myself, but I loved this! The connection of the awaking of his submission and the frustration of trying to understand it is one I think all subs go through. I can't wait to read Chapter 2!

I am very jealous of Dick Taker. The thought of being trained like this by four beautiful dominant women is very appealing. I will have to keep my eye open for adverts in the small ads.

This was a long story and I did enjoy it. I would agree that you should have gone over it again to fix all the spelling errors. But then, this is a place for amateur writers to post their work so I kind of understand that no story will be grammatically perfect.

I did enjoy the story. As a submissive man myself I could feel the ache to be in Jake's position. He is in a position that is a submissive man's dream. Thanks for taking the time to write. I'll be reading the next part of this story.

This story it in a class of it's own. Even if occasionally far-fetched it is basically credible. With mutual consent and a man who has a real submissive kink, this could happen. The cruelty and the warm moments are a delicious counterpoint. DT you luck man!

The overall situation is erotic and has the potential to be the basis of a good story, but the slow pacing spoils it. This story takes wwwwaaaayyyy too long to actually get to an erotic scene and there a lllloooonnnggg gaps of overly detailed, non-erotic exposition and scene-setting between the dom/sex scenes.

Nice! I would like to be in Dick Taker's situation. I would enjoy a group of women dominating me, humiliating me, having their way with me, and forcing me to do things while always being naked around them.

I would especially enjoy the times where they pinch, twist, suck, clamp, and yank on my clamped and sensitive man-nipples! I would love to walk around their apartment wearing nothing but nipple clamps and a nipple chain1

You lost me at "no dicks around". Yeah fuck my ass with a dildo all you want, but no gay shit! Lmao