Dora Does Dinner

A food documentary in the style of the Loving Wives forum.

This story is satire. No endangered species were consumed in its production. It has no redeeming social value whatsoever apart from sending up the unconventional lifestyles of Loving Wives. If that is not your cup of tea then please read something else: Shakespeare, the news or even The Naked Chef (!) ...

Thanks to titianapeaks for editing and to gloriagoodfellow for her superb contributions.

*

Looking back, I think in amazement of the early days when I was married. I met Dora just before she completed her course at a catering school. She took me home to taste her delicious home-baked buns. I suppose it was a matter of love at first bite: I can still remember how my mouth drooled at the fresh yeasty smell, how the fresh bread yielded to my squeezing fingers, and how I closed my eyes in pleasures as I inserted the bun into my hungry mouth.

It seemed that every time we were together, Dora offered me some new delight. Once she made me the naughtiest, kinkiest, sweetest chocolate cake, and I could not help thinking how well the dark brown of the cocoa contrasted against the exquisite white form of her bone china tea set.

I bought Dora a special outfit; whenever she was inspired to make a special treat she would look at me with her kitchen eyes and ask whether I felt up for a little fun. Just the sight of her as she appeared in the dining room in her white chef's uniform complete with chef's hat and Chez Dora buttons was enough to make me drool, whether she was carrying a tray with devilled egg or a diet milkshake.

There were definitely limits to what Dora was willing to try. She strongly believed in being true to the local cooking traditions. She would not even look at a recipe that was not local. I tried to get her interested in more exotic foods, like pork bangers, wieners and Italian Kisses but she always refused. She said they came from a dirty imagination, and that her mother had warned her against foreign concoctions. But I was insistent, and tried every trick in the book to convince her. I presented logical arguments; I took her to Italian restaurants. Once I even played the soundtrack of a Japanese tea ceremony to her while she slept. All of this was unsuccessful, she stubbornly insisted on potatoes and beef for supper.

I finally resorted to downloading recipes and food pictures off the Internet. I had to do this furtively because Dora had warned me not to go to sick foreign food sites. Once she nearly caught me, but fortunately I was able to convince her that I had only been reading a sexy story from Literotica.

I was disappointed that Dora was not interested in meeting my culinary fantasies, but I thought that with time she might become more broad-minded.

Alas, this was not the case. Instead of her cooking improving, it became even more boring. Dora grew tired of cooking me a meal every night, Without either of us noticing, our home-cooked meals became further and further apart, until Dora was only cooking once a week.

After fifteen years of marriage I finally plucked up the courage one day. "My sweet, remember the food you used to make when we got married?" I said. "I couldn't wait to come home knowing that supper was waiting. All the way I had visions of your beautiful plates covered in delectable dishes such as luscious chicken thighs, scrumptious turkey breasts or mouth-watering cherry tart. Why can't we have that again?"

Dora looked at me blankly, so I decided to change tack. "Let's go on a decadent holiday where we will have food orgies all day long. It will be our little secret. None of the neighbors need to know."

Dora was skeptical at first, but I think that deep down she also had fantasies such as having more than one course in an evening. Eventually she agreed, thinking that after the holiday we would come home and live in our boring old way. I let her believe what she wanted because I was sure that her experiences would open her up to crave new recipes and foods.

Dora thought that we were going to Allentown, but I wanted something a little more out of the ordinary. Was she surprised when we took the flight to Jamaica instead!

On the plane she hugged me and said, "I never dreamed of a Caribbean holiday. But I am a little worried about the food there. I have heard that they use the strongest, hottest spices and I am not sure I am ready for that."

"Don't worry, honey," I said reassuringly, "I will be there to protect you with lots of glasses of water."

"I'm so glad," she said as she nestled closer to me.

All through the flight I made Dora's mouth water with descriptions I had downloaded from the Internet. Somehow, by the end of it, I had her drooling for jerk cooked chicken, gasping for callalloo and begging for Pelau. The dishes were disguised under less threatening names such as "chopped barbecue," "vegetable soup" and "spicy chicken." Her biggest difficulty was in accepting that anything resembling pea soup might be edible, but for the rest it was plain sailing. She insisted that she would never try strange food, but that it made for a nice fantasy.

When we finally arrived in Kingston, Jamaica it was late afternoon. We were felling a bit tired, but I thought that it was time to test how far my wife would go. I suggested we have a passion fruit drink at the lounge before going to the hotel.

"Hold it!" she asked anxiously. "Isn't that some fancy foreign thing?"

I confessed that people from other cultures had been known to enjoy it. "But honey," I protested, "I noticed that your friends, the Johnsons, bought a bottle. I saw it in their trash."

"I would never have thought that they were into that," Dora said with a smirk, but I ordered two glasses anyway. When it arrived she watched me carefully, possibly to make sure that I was serious in trying out the new drink.

She daintily sipped it. Her eyes stretched in amazement. "So good," she gasped, before gulping down the rest as fast as she could. I watched her throat bob up and down as she tried to take as much of the drink as she could. It was at that moment I knew that my wife's inhibitions about food would soon be broken forever.

It was nightfall when we checked in at the hotel. Dora and I went to our suite. While she showered, I ordered supper from the extensive room service menu.

When Dora came out of the shower, I was ready for her. I kissed her and said that we were going to continue our fantasy. She quivered with excitement.

"Honey," I said gently, "I have ordered supper. It will be arriving any moment. I thought it would be appetizing if we could pretend it was something exotic and different. Here, let me put this blindfold onto you."

"But how will I eat?" she asked nervously.

"I will feed you, my cherry pie," I said smoothly, leading her to the table.

I deviously explained that it would help her imagination if she had not seen the meal. She sat down and I placed the blindfold over her eyes.

Just at that moment there was a knock at the door. It was room service.

"Come in," I called.

The man who delivered the food nearly fell on his back when he saw Dora sitting at the table blindfolded. "No, no, no, no," he remonstrated, "It is illegal to have prisoners in the hotel. This is a reputable establishment, and for this we might lose our license. You must take your prisoner somewhere else."

Dora quietly told him that I was surprising her with a new and unusual type of food.

He looked at the food on the tray and then looked at us as if we were crazy. I don't think he realizes that Goat Water Stew is not an everyday recipe outside the islands. "I will call the police," he said gruffly, moving towards the phone.

I had to do something quickly or our entire evening would be spoilt. "It's only a kinky sex game," I explained carefully. "It's called Fantasy."

The man laughed, pleased that he understood. "Oh, now I understand. You do something sneaky with the dumplings."

I nodded.

The man gave me a high five. "This is such a good idea. We have many customers who do this. I can lend you some handcuffs too."

"Really?" I asked, wondering how Dora would be able to eat that.

He put the tray with the food on the table. "Can I watch?" he asked, seeing that I was being very friendly. I could see that he was wondering whether he could convince me to let him could join in.

"No thanks," I said, giving him a generous tip, "and you need not bring the handcuffs." I whispered into his ear, "I have other ways of keeping the woman under control."

He nodded his head fiercely, and laughed out loud. "Very kinky, very kinky," he bubbled as I led him out.

"Don't worry, Sugar plum," I said simply, "This is only meat in a tomato paste."

"Are you sure this isn't some funny foreign recipe?" Dora asked anxiously.

"I promise you that you will enjoy it," I answered suavely, "Now eat all your supper and then you can have your dessert."

I slowly brought the first bite to her mouth. As it touched her lips she deliberately opened her mouth a little wider, and then gave a small exploratory bite. With the first taste, her body went limp with amazement and delight. After a moment she started chewing, and I knew I had won. For the rest of the evening she was insatiable. She gobbled her first helping so quickly I thought she might choke. Then she licked her lips and asked for more. When the food was finished, she took the spoon and sensuously licked it from one end to other, as if it were a Popsicle. She loved the stew. I even had to phone room service for more. Eventually she finished four large helpings. She would have had more, but in the end she absolutely exhausted me, and I wouldn't have been able to lift another spoonful even if my life depended on it.

That was the start of our second honeymoon.

Do you want to know more? If enough people request, I will be happy to write more delectable titbits of extraordinary uses for a carrot. I could give a steaming narrative of a Saturday spent in the kitchen. Maybe you would prefer instructions on how to beat hard meat into something softer and juicier.

All this and more cumming up in Episode 2 of Dora Does Dinner! (Note to self: take beginner cooking lessons this week.)