All Comments on 'Dr Mabuse SOI: Harry & Faith'

This was a very good "first time" incest story........Only flaw was the brother & sister "automatically" having sex without enough "setup"........Seems like the brother initiating the sex by unzipping his sister's dress came out of nowhere.

The only historical error I saw was when she says "cool". I think "cool" came a lot later. "Neato" might have have been a more accurate term.

Watch your verb tenses. The past tense of 'slide' is 'slid'.

GREAT STORY!!!!!!!!!! SOME VERY GOOD WRITTING. A VERY LOVING STORY.

THANKS, GREAT JOB, ONE OF THE BETTER STORIES I'VE READ ON THIS SITE, AND BELIEVE ME I'VE READ ALOT OF THEM.

Narrative is okay but you're not making these people matter to your reader first. It's just random people having sex - kind of dull sex too - without having a caring stake in who the people are. Take a couple of paragraphs to convince us that Faith is a woman Harry has a special relationship with. Just saying it's his sister without a bit of back-story to help us out didn't work. Here's how it went:

Recruit home on leave starts to feel up virgin sibling during blackout drill. Turns out she likes it as much as he does. Neither of them seems to want to consider the significance of who they are or that she might get knocked up and everything else around them resolves itself suitably so they can hook up and live together. The end.

I hope your other stories are better.

Just what I was looking for a story that stayed between siblings and not getting every tom dick and harry involved. Thank you

Needs a proofreader. Did I miss the prevent a baby talk?