All Comments on 'Dragon Tales 06: Quetzacoatl 02'

The story reads as if you could not decide how elaborate or how brief you wanted to write it. As a tree result, part of it drags on and part of it is too abrupt. If you ever plan to write seriously, you will have to invest a lot of time editing and restructuring stories to make them more coherent. (Talking about the whole story here, not just this part.)

There is a simple rule for story writing: "show, don't tell". I don't take this as the golden rule or anything, but using this as a guideline can improve storytelling significantly. You tell a lot in this story, but show nothing. Showing considerably more and telling less would have made the story much more palatable.