All Comments on 'Drawn Curtains'

When someone lists in their bio that they have publishing experience, and that they are from NYC, I know that I give a first time author here a more scrutinized read. And maybe that's the right thing to do.

What I also did was rate this story high, especially high for a first timer. But it was far from perfect.

Lets see....your metaphors were occasionally stupid. Try 'coincidental orgasms' or 'obscene tip'. Many parts were overwritten, and I don't mean for the Lit readers, I mean over written.

The story was - I am guessing - near 80% dialogue. That's not a bad thing. It read as if it was written for the stage, a short play with obvious scene changes. Not bad there either. Dialogue can paint a scene better than description.

But where was the character development? The first paragraph? Where was the descriptions of these people? Ok, the fat old whore smelled like cigar smoke...was that your best?

I'm not trying to be rude, or mean, if I didn't think that your work deserved comment I wouldn't be posting this.

Keep at it. We're not all idiots here on Lit.

And throw away the Thesaurus software...don't use 'by who'.

SLC-Ohio

I liked your story: it aroused me, as it was intended to do. I believe a less cerebral and more penile (or vaginal) analysis is called for on this site. I don’t read the stories here for literary pleasure: for that I would go elsewhere. However, that’s not to say your story’s badly written: far from it. In any case, I shall vote how my lower organ tells me, and give the story a ten. Well done. More please. And thank you.

Well-written and highly charged. I look forward to more from you.

Very well written and quite erotic. Nice to see someone intelligent, who can write excellent thoughtful prose, but who also enjoys the same fantasies as I do. More please, and maybe a bit more adventurous - women carried away by lust so that they betray/ deceive their partners (husbands) also an erotic subject.

Paul is an asshole.

Still a favorite