Dream A Little Dream Of Me

"That's great! I'll just have my tea quietly. I just wanted to thank you for today. You made it suck a little less, thank you."

"It was the scotch, huh? That's some damn good scotch."

She giggled.

"It was good, thank you. No, I mean everything else you did today. I was able to make a lot of headway in work with you filtering everything."

"You're welcome. Any time!"

She sipped at her peach tea, and I kept typing. What's another word for exquisite?

"Ethereal?"

I hadn't noticed I'd said it out loud but I read back the passage and realized it worked better in this context.

"Yeah! That's great, thank you!"

I kept typing and after a while, lost steam, but I still wanted to get the next scene down. It was so clear in my head. I dug into my messenger bag and pulled out blank pieces of paper and my favorite pen.

"Now what are you doing?"

"I get tired of computers pretty quickly. Paper is much more sexy."

"What?" She sounded amused.

"Yeah, like the rough grain of paper under the pads of your fingers, it's something real. Then when you put your pen to it, it immediately leaves behind a stark black mark. You move in your own way with your own personality and it leaves a mark, a real mark in the world."

"Hm. Yeah, that is sexy."

I glanced at her but it didn't seem like she was making fun of me.

"I'm sorry. You probably want to chat." I put my folio on the nightstand and grabbed my beer.

"No! I'm so tired, I can't hold a conversation right now."

I frowned, wondering what on earth she came in here for, then. "Okay, if you're sure."

She hummed as I grabbed my folio again, and kept writing furiously.

Eventually, I heard snoring on her side. I quietly got up to turn off her bedside lamp, and slip the teacup from her grasp.

She was leaning against the headboard, and I looked her over. I took the covers off and grabbed her by her hips, pulling her down to lie down. She moaned, and gripped my hand in sleep. My heart fluttered.

Her grip relaxed, and I covered her back up, just stealing one more glance at her soft belly with her navel in full view.

I wished I could be the one who held her after a long day, stupidly glossing over the fact that I was there. She'd chosen me to spend the night with. She was so comfortable and at peace with me that she wanted to have her tea next to me and not on her ridiculously comfortable luxury bed.

But I only saw that in retrospect, years later. In the moment, I wallowed in the fact she was straight.

----

I was snoring when she slapped me lightly across the face.

"Huh?"

"Mor, we're late! Get up. We forgot to set an alarm!"

"Okay, okay!" I scrambled to get all my papers together, and made us two instant oatmeals as we ran out. I took off my hoodie as I drove then reached behind me to grab at my overnight bag and slip on my navy sweater at another red light.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I frowned at her.

"You're nice, Mor... But you shouldn't have to go through all this with me."

I frowned harder. "What?"

"I read a couple of your pages before I woke you up. I know you've said you like to write, but what I read was beautiful. You shouldn't have to spend your nights making sure my reports are turned in."

Ohhh!

"Oh, darling! No, that was just one day! Yesterday was hard, but today will be better! You'll see!" I said it with a wide smile, and she smiled wanly back at me. She slipped her hand on the back of my head, and I luxuriated in her rare touch.

"I don't think I've been very nice to you." She collected her things then stepped out of my car.

I panicked because I'm the one who usually holds her bag and opens all the doors for her.

"What did you mean by that?" I asked nervously while we were in the elevator.

"I mean you should do what you're best at." She said simply.

"Okay?" I pressed nervously. The elevator bell dinged, and she stepped out confidently. I followed her, wordlessly now, since we were around our colleagues.

She didn't elaborate, and I didn't dare ask. So the day passed as normal. I held a niggling doubt at the back of my head but I did my job. At five o'clock, she popped her head out of her office and dismissed me.

"We're done for the day, Mor! Thank you!"

I stared as her glass door swung closed. Frowning in confusion,

I started packing up my stuff.

I drove home and as soon as I entered my kitchen, I flexed my hands; staring at the cabinet doors, I let the overwhelming anxiety wash over me, finally.

What the hell?

Was it me?

What the fucking hell?

I called Jesse for a night out.

----

"We'll take a gimlet and a sidecar. Plus a side of chips and artichoke dip. And... calamari?" He glanced at me, and I nodded into the wooden table. "Calamari too! With as much garlic as you can! On EVERYTHING!" The waiter left, and I punched my temple in frustration. "Drinking on a weekday, Mor? What's up?"

I looked up to see him take a swig from his flask. I rubbed violently at my eyes.

"I don't know what's going on. Suzie said some weird stuff today, and I don't know where I stand. I got the feeling she didn't want to be my friend any more."

"Hmm. Welcome to being a man." He toasted me with his gaudy flask.

"Is that absinthe?"

"No, Arthur's weed lemonade. Want some?"

"Sure." He passed it to me, and I had a few ounces.

"Yummy, eh?"

"Yeah, tastes like lemonade. So I don't know what to do." I rubbed at my thighs.

"When did she start acting weird?"

"This morning. No! Wait! Yesterday! After I told her I did her report for her."

"Ah! What report?"

Our drinks came, and I ordered us an actual dinner since I was apparently going to get high tonight, too.

"I'll take your scallops with fettuccine and he'll take your jambalaya but can you bring him a prime rib on the side too? And... a side of duck fat fries for us both." I was already overly hungry from the lemonade, and he would eat anything I put in front of him anyway. He neglected to cook for himself sometimes so I tried to make sure he had leftovers.

"Yes, miss!"

"Thanks!" I looked over to see him touching his arm with avid focus. "So it was late, and I did a report for her to save us time."

"Ah-ha! That's the issue!" He slurped at his water, licking at the condensation on the glass.

"Yeah, but why? She just said she hadn't been being nice to me and went on about me doing what I'm best at, whatever that means." I thought as I sipped at my water too. Our drinks came, and I commended Jesse on his choice of restaurants. "So why are you high on a Thursday?" This wasn't uncharacteristic but I didn't think he would mind me asking.

"Ah! Because my father called me today, and asked me why I was such a waste of space!" He drank at his gimlet.

"Ahh... Sorry, man. I promise one day he'll buy one of your paintings because he likes it, and then he'll see your name and EAT his words."

His eyes were on mine, and I saw them water. I looked away and sniffed roughly.

He continued speaking as if nothing happened.

"Okay! So apparently Suzie has very suddenly realized how much of an emotional hold she has on you, and has developed a conscience. So much so that she has decided to cut ties with you, and has decided to be professional now."

My mouth was open as I listened to his very clear voice.

"But why?" I squeaked.

"Because, my dear, she is afraid!" He waved his gimlet at me.

"Afraid of what?"

"I don't know!"

"That makes no sense!"

"Women! If they were easier, we'd all have them!"

What the fuck?

My calamari came, and I chewed on it, dipping it into the artichoke dip.

"So I should be LESS helpful?" I asked, still frustrated, an hour later.

"Yes! You should quit! And then grab her and kiss her and say, 'all I want in life is you! I could learn you every day for the rest of my life and be satisfied!'" He mimed having a woman in his arms, and started fake making out with her. The waiter sidled up next to us and looked at him worriedly.

"We'll take three boxes to go, please! And your bread pudding with ice cream." I caught the waiter's attention, hoping he wouldn't call out Jesse.

"Yes..." The waiter said slowly as Jesse resurfaced, wiping at his mouth.

He drank his water then worked on mine for a long while.

"Sorry!" He apologized to me through a giant gulp of water.

"No worries! I learned a lot from your technique."

He smiled dopily, clapping as our bread pudding got to the table.

"Yay! My favorite!" He dug in.

I drove us to his apartment, and took out my pajamas from my special drawer. I threw away his father's generic Birthday card. What a moron! He doesn't deserve space in my beautiful friend's brain. Maybe if I moved in with him and we paid rent, he wouldn't bother him so much. I scoffed lightly to myself. I can't afford even half of this penthouse.

He was lying on his bed, face down, where I'd left him and I took off his shoes. I rubbed his back before turning out the lights.

I curled up on his couch, still thinking about Suzie, and wondering if any single part of our flimsy relationship was part of my control.

----

"Good morning!"

I blinked against the light coming in from the window.

"I have the fancy bagels! And the coffee you like!" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I smelled the beautiful fresh dough, and a strong cup of coffee was shoved under my nose. I looked at him while I sipped. His hair was tousled artfully, a wide smile on his face, and his crow's feet were extending almost into his hairline. I knew my friend was hurting but nothing on his face told me that. How odd.

"Thank you, Jesse! ¡Eres un amor!"

He rolled his eyes playfully and took the compliment in stride. I smiled at him and waited.

"So thanks... for yesterday." He said awkwardly.

"Thank you! Maybe I needed drugs to figure out my girl problem."

"Oh girl, you need something stronger than that for her! Maybe a little LSD or some shrooms. Ohh! That stuff that they took when they wrote Yellow Submarine."

I giggled. "You know your dad's wrong, right? Like, he's a bona fide idiot."

He grinned. "Do you know you're my sister?

I smiled.

"I'm serious! You're my family, dude!" He stabbed my chest with his finger. "Not them! You!" He shouted aggressively.

I put my bagel and coffee down and hugged him.

"You're my brother, too, man." I tried not to cry before work. He gripped at my shoulder, and I could feel him trying not to cry, too.

We had a nice breakfast then I showered and dressed for work. He liked my car, so I lent it to him for the day. He was such a namby pamby about driving himself so I thought it'd be a nice assertion of his--um, well--confidence. Either that or he'll get a little attention from girls today and lift his mood.

He pulled us up as Suzie's Uber got there too, and I couldn't help but lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek, through the driver's window. He'd been so dejected last night.

He saw Suzie though, so as I left, he slapped my ass and yelled at the top of his voice, "go get 'em, hot stuff! Make them all wet!"

I cringed and wondered what on earth he was trying to accomplish.

I got into the elevator with Suzie and stared at the button for our floor.

"Jesse is... enthusiastic."

"Yes, you can definitely say that." I said dryly.

"Let's have dinner tonight. I should explain." She said slowly.

"Okay." We were nearing our floor. "Thai or Korean?"

"Korean."

"Okay."

"Okay." The elevator doors dinged open.

"Hm."

The day passed agonizingly slow. I made reservations at a Korean barbecue place I know she likes, and she hopped in my car at the end of the day.

"So! How was your day?" I asked playfully as I drove.

She leveled an impassive gaze at me, and I grinned.

"You know full well how my day was."

"I dunno! Maybe something happened in the fifteen minutes between going to visit the marketing building and walking back."

She scoffed.

It's usually a lot easier than this. I didn't like it. Even when we argue, it was still communication and we eventually reach some resolution.

This was listless. Like if she'd already given up.

We ordered, and it was delicious. I love the little meats and bowls of different toppings. Also Korean beer.

When dinner was winding down, she started her speech.

"Mor, we've been working together for five years."

"Yeah, it's been fun."

"It has! I really love working with you!"

"But?"

"Well, you know performance reviews are coming up?"

"Yeah." I started to panic. I thought I was hitting all my goals.

"I was speaking to Ken, the VP, and he thinks we should offer you an actual sales rep position."

"Really?" I wasn't expecting that.

"A regional one."

I think my eyebrows went higher. "Wow!"

She was still quiet, looking at me stoically.

"And what do you think?" I pressed.

"I--don't think you should take it."

"Why not? It's good money." I frowned, surely she wouldn't be petty enough to want to keep me as her assistant forever.

"I think you should write full time and quit the company."

My mouth was hanging open. "Wait, are you firing me or promoting me?"

"I'll do what it takes to get you writing. You need to do this."

"Don't tell me--" I took a deep breath, and continued a little less incensed, "It's my choice what I do and don't do, unless you're firing me. But it sounds like you've already made my decision for me. What am I supposed to do for living expenses if I'm a starving author?"

"I thought about that. I'm sure you have at least a couple of month's worth of savings, right?"

I stared her down stubbornly. I did have about four month's worth saved up but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

"So do what you feel comfortable, stay in your apartment, move in with Jesse, or..." She seemed nervous now.

"Or?" I pressed.

"Move into my guest house."

She kept a pretty little cottage that was little more than a shed in the backyard where she went to read and lounge in garden.

"What?" I was being thrown for a loop every few seconds and even that made me irrationally angry.

"Yeah. I won't charge you rent for a few months, and we can work it out later. I just want you to focus on getting this done."

"You don't even know if this will work out! You're nuts!"

"How far along are you?"

"Like three quarters, I guess."

"And you're inspired to keep writing?"

"Yes."

"Jesse has a lot of faith in you. He thinks you can do this too. Be a published author."

My eyes glazed over as I had an image of a hard cover book with my name on it. "He's my best friend, it's his job to be supportive."

"The pages I read were objectively good. Funny and insightful. I couldn't put it down."

"I don't know. This is all happening really fast."

"Of course! Take your time. Last thing though, do you believe this novel can be awesome?"

"Yes." I said firmly.

"Do you believe you can finish it the way you want to?"

"Less sure, but it's going well."

"So, go for it! You have me, you have Jesse, you have your family. Dedicate some real time for what you actually want to do and see what happens."

I started to get excited. My blood started to move faster in my veins and I started to get the urge to do something crazy to commemorate the feeling. Like pier jumping, graffiti-ing the side of a wall, or streaking through the city.

I looked at her and she stared back. She smiled slowly, and I matched it.

I started to giggle, and she laughed with me until we were both crying, drawing the attention of other patrons.

"Is everything all right over here?" The waiter asked nervously.

"Great!" I stood up and clinked my fork against my beer bottle. "Listen every one! I just wanted to give a special announcement. My first novel will be published soon and I hope you all thoroughly enjoy it."

Suzie was still giggling behind her napkin but put it down to clap enthusiastically.

There were a few awkward claps amongst the tables, and the waiter started to look more upset.

"That is all, thank you."

"Would you like your bill?" He asked us dryly.

"Yes, please." The intense eye contact was back between Suzie and I. My errant mind was going into dangerous waters of cohabitation mingled with stupid porn plots.

----

"I don't know, Mor..."

I was in Jesse's living room the next day, giving him the play-by-play of the night before.

"What's not to like? The space is adorable, kitchen use and main house restroom included. Waived rent for three months in a posh neighborhood. I don't have to work, so all my time will be spent on finishing the book. It's all wins!"

"It sounds great! But you both need to remember this is a business transaction, first and foremost. Not a favor, just an investment in a new enterprise. In fact, if you could start paying her rent immediately, that would probably be safer."

"Safer for who? She's not going to sue me!"

"You never know, Mor. When there's money involved, you need to protect yourself. Why do you think you and I have never been roommates?"

"Because you are an insufferable neat freak, and I can't stand it."

"No. Because money shouldn't be a factor between friends. I care too much about your friendship to have a falling out about who paid who and the weirdly changing dynamics."

"That's your view, Jess. I don't think the same way."

"That's my view because I've seen it. Dude, as soon as I start making consistent money, I'm getting my own apartment and I'll be out from under my dad's thumb."

I was struck again by the situation my friend was in. His family was accustomed to using money to manipulate each other.

"I'll keep all your concerns in mind, Jess. But this is what I want. I swear I'm putting my writing first. It may be temporary, but if this helps to get into a stride, then it would be a good thing, right?"

He breathed in heavily and looked at me. "Yeah, man. You're right. I'm proud of you for taking a step this big. You're going to be a famous author in no time."

I grinned and took his shoulders to shake him roughly.

"Duude!" I shouted, and he laughed, gripping my wrists.

Once I settled down, we kept talking.

"When is the move?"

"In the next couple of weeks. I'll let my landlord know tomorrow, and Su is laying me off so I get a severance package and some perks. All aboveboard of course."

"Of course."

"It makes sense to do it the final week of the month though. I need to go buy some cardboard boxes."

"Can I help you move?"

"Of course! I'd love that, Jess!"

He opened a bottle of champagne, ordered dumplings to celebrate, and we watched our guilty pleasure, Titanic, for the millionth time that night.

----

Suzie was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a carefully tied bandana over her hair to keep it out of her face.

We were lugging all my worldly possessions from my old place to her guest house one Saturday, and Jesse stared at her when he first saw her.

We lagged behind her while he whispered to me. "Dude, this is weird! I don't think I've ever seen her in sneakers before!"

I laughed quietly, already having seen her in many states of undress and with no makeup.

"She looks adorable."

"Well, the jeans are nice."

I pushed the box I was carrying into the side of his arm and glared at him. He was referencing her round bottom in her brand name jeans.

He faced me, and shoved the box he was carrying into mine; we started a fight with our boxes.

"What the hell are you two doing?" She caught on to our play-fighting.

We were going at it, and I was having a blast. I didn't have brothers of my own, and I loved whenever we played like this.