All Comments on 'Drive Thru'

With so many errors, 1* was generous. She wore pantyhose over her stockings? He and she were used incorrectly so many times, I lost count.

"Then he plunged his face into the depths of that sexy Asian twenty years younger, who was now beginning to moan. Then she plunged her face into the depths of that sexy Asian twenty years younger, who was now starting to moan."

So after all, is it him or her? Who stuck his face in an Asian woman's pussy?

Good thing there are no std in literotica. But did he just teach and tell his wife she can now also cheat guilt free? Its just sex and not love.

4 stories, 2 followers. Why would I read the latest trash? Get an editor, or ten, please.

Crap 1*!!!

"So you could see that you can fuck without love, and have a good time." Uh . . . , I think most people already know this. Or do you think most acts of prostitution are preceded by professions of love? And prostitution has been around for A While! So what was your point?

Talk is cheap. In this story you are offering the premise that words speak louder than actions. Its OK if he's a man whore, as long as he Claims he loves her. How the fuck does the wife know what's really in his mind? He could be auditioning her replacement and will claim to "love" her until he finds Mrs. Right. Sorry, but your plot is ridiculous. But thanks for the effort.

Poor writing, but good story. You need a good editor

Good story, would like to read more

Story needed some serious editing assistance, but ingenious way of getting a point across. Wonder if it would work with my wife? LOL 4*

As soon as I see asinine formatting like this, I stop and give the story a 1. You seem to know quotation marks exist but you just can't be bothered to use them.

.

- Well, maybe I did... she was really hot. But I wanted you to enjoy her.

- Why?

- So you could see that you can fuck without love, and have a good time.

-Mmm... I see... and now what?

Weird. Not my cup of tea. And I didn’t find the wife’s willingness to participate very likely.

Until you can find an editor, I suggest you put your next story aside for a day or two and reread it, possibly out loud, before submitting it. In this one you repeated one sentence word for word. There were a number of pronouns places where you had the wrong pronoun: he for she (and vice versa), her for his (and vice versa), etc. each time I figured out what you meant, but I’m trying to figure that out I stopped paying attention to the story. This isn’t about being a grammar Nazi; it’s about writing in a way that lets your readers keep their attention on the story and not get distracted trying to figure out what you’re trying to say.

Would have given more stars, but you keep mixing up the he.and she.

Thanks to all those who read this story!

Certainly, it has errors and inconsistencies. My first language is not English and I quickly learnt how difficult is writing fiction in other language.

I have been a reader here for years, but now I decided to write my own stories trying to find an original perspective. I´ll try harder next time!

It’s almost impossible to write in a second language so that it sounds right to a native speaker, but there are some things you can do. By far the best is to find an editor you can work with, long-term. They can explain why some things work and read better, as well as sorting some of the basic issues like the pronouns. If you can’t find an editor, then use Word or Google Docs grammar checks, combined with Grammarly. The suggestion from another comment to put it down for a day or so, then pick it up and read it aloud, works well too. After that, you just need to work on things like punctuation - not always easy, but reading aloud gets stops and commas right. Quotation marks can be complicated, but give it a shot - they improve readability. I enjoyed the story - a slightly unusual take on bringing others into the relationship which, while still fantasy, worked for me. Thanks.