All Comments on 'Dual Heritage Ch. 02'

I’m liking the story line. I have some constructive criticism though. You keep bouncing between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person. It gets confusing and does not flow well. Pick 2 of the 3.

Good start, please follow up!

I’m liking the story but to add on to Sensitive hands, pick a verb tense and stick to it. If we’re reading about how he saw a girl then she should not runs away, she ran. Shifting tenses alters the perspective of the reader and disrupts their involvement in the narrative

I'm liking the story but some of the character interactions don't make sense, for example the Aunt blaming him for not readily accepting Ria and understanding her actions when the aunt herself that purposely didn't tell him anything about how that worked.

Also for him to be descended from arcanists surely one of his parents was also an arcanist.

It's weird how you show he doesn't know anything about himself then his aunt treats him like he should know.

She obviously seems raised in a magic family and knows all about herself. He should have explained he knows nothing about his magic. They are terrible at talking to each other.

Also, if she’s bound to him now and was ready to drop everything and instantly move in with him. What happened to that?

I’m hoping the next chapter addresses both of these.

How did she go from running to her house to being in a dorm room? How did the arcanists create arcanists?if his parents were so powerful How did they get killed so easily?

There is no way that his parents would have been killed because Mark was an arcanist; him being part of a line of arcanists requires that one of his parents was an arcanist - they were killed because one of them was an arcanist.

You can't proofread your own work. There are far too many elementary level mistakes here.

Enjoying the story, though as others say they behave kind of unrealistically. Who suddenly finds themselves life gone and asks so few questions? Learns you own someone completely and mostly just runs away? And even after there's very few questions about magic life really, but also each other. First names to long enough but we still don't share last names? Weirdest relationship.