Dungeons and Dicks Ch. 03

"We will discuss that later," I glowered. "Is this why you came up with this shrine thing?" I demanded of Anne, who just looked me in the eye, not answering.

The thing is, the shrine was my idea--two days earlier! Anne had already found a way to leverage it to her... well, her husband's advantage. Craig is a lucky man.

The baron bounced up and down in his seat. "That would be awesome!" he exclaimed. "I feel it only right that I... permit you to invite me to attend his investiture!"

"Actually, your lordship, the purpose of my visit to you today has bearing upon that eventuality... among many other matters of import," Gala cooed.

The baron's eyes snapped back to her. "How may I assist you then?"

"I petition you, my lord, to permit the construction of a shrine to Our Lady of Love. Among many other benefits, it be essential for Sir Tyrian to make the transformation."

"Sounds awesome, what will the construction entail?"

"Ahem, if it our hope that you could donate a small parcel of land, preferably convenient to the castle, for the construction," Gala said smoothly.

The baron's excited face clouded slightly. "Land?"

"Enough for a shrine, not a full temple, your lordship," Gala hastened to reassure. "Perhaps the unused lot adjacent to the blacksmithy? It holds naught but weeds as we speak."

"Of course! That would be splendid. Consider it done," exclaimed the baron. Then he added very fast, "You'll have to clear the rocks yourself." He leaned forward again. "Will Sir Tyrian be at the ground-breaking? Will Frenoria? Will she be wearing her armor?" he almost whispered.

"Your armor?" Martin asked Geri curiously.

"Frenoria wears a chainmail bikini," Geri said absently.

"What?" Both Martin and Penny asked mirthfully.

"Shhh. You are interrupting," Geri said, leaning forward in anticipation. Martin seemed curious about why everyone looked so damned enthralled over this semi-boring little byplay, but shushed himself anyway.

"Most certainly, my lord," Gala said sweetly.

"Then it is decided! You may construct your shrine!"

"Ahem, there is the matter of money, my lord."

"Money?"

I dropped the act and said, "The entire fan-girl at a Maroon Five concert vibe just fucking vanishes, and you are looking at a visage like that of a mob accountant."

"Money, Holy One?" the baron repeated, blandly cold. "What do you mean?"

"The construction of a worthy shrine is beyond my means, though I shall be donating all my trove of valuables from my questing. I do hope to prevail upon you to assist," Gala replied matter-of-factly.

"Um... About that. The treasury of the barony is hardly infinite. I am its steward and cannot spend it without strong reason. Would there be income in return to my... the treasury?"

"I cannot say, my lord," Gala said.

"But surely pilgrims will come in time, and they are always profitable, are they not?" Melodia hastened to add, desperate to make herself useful and not just a post standing nearby. "And the rituals of the shrine will bring great blessings... to your people, and to their farms and businesses. The entire barony will prosper! And that is beyond the simple joys of the presence of a shrine to a major god."

Both Gala and the baron smiled slightly. Thank you always for people who stumble in the direction that you were wanting them to go anyway.

Gala stepped smoothly forward, close to the baron, urging Melodia to keep step. "And I specifically chose to place the shrine near your castle, so that you might conveniently and regularly participate in the rites celebrated therein."

Charles looked uncomfortable. "Um, as to that, I confess that my duties make religious observance a difficult, um, thing." He cast about for other ways to say, but not say, "I won't go to church, and you sure can't make me pay for it!"

Anne gave Penny's hand a squeeze, then pulled them both forward to stand right in front of me.

Gala said softly, "But your lordship, a man such as yourself, a man of such fine form, you must understand the power of the rituals her clergy performs for Our Lady!" She sank to her knees before the baron and slowly, deliberately, teasingly, ran her fingers up his inner thigh. "Perhaps the celebration of a minor sacrament, one of the lesser of Our Lady's rituals, would convince you of their value..." Her hand reached and eagerly manipulated the young lord's cock through his codpiece. "May I, my lord?" The emphasis on 'my lord' was breathy and subservient.

The young baron could only whimper.

In moments, Gala freed his enormous cock (Hey! It's MY story!), and placed her lips around it. She slid him into her mouth and he stiffened in the chair.

Anne then did... something... with her tongue that I had actually never experienced before. "Holy shit!" was all I could say.

Penny was looking like we'd both lost our minds, or she had, more likely. Martin was just bug-eyed in disbelief. Penny twisted at the waist, exchanging a shocked look at Martin, and they both took in that no one else was freaking out. She swiftly turned back to what was happening in front of her.

Neither protested.

Gala bobbed atop the baron's cock several times, then popped it free from those supple lips and turned to look up at Melodia. "Would you like to assist in the ritual?"

Here it was...

Penny stared at her open-mouthed. I liked the look, to be honest... "Martin said you told him you weren't swingers!"she finally said to me in accusation.

"We absolutely are not swingers," Tess said silkily from her seat behind her at the table. "Not a one of us. But our D&D characters? They get the fuck around." We all dissolved into laughter. Penny blushed, dumbfounded. Martin looked at me reproachfully, but only because I'd played him.

"Seriously?" Penny asked her. "So... You're saying that it is okay if I go ahead and take a lick on your husband's lovely penis there?"

"It is absolutely, in all seriousness not okay for you to suck my husband's cock," Tess said to her without smiling. Before Penny could even react in her confusion, Tess bore on. "But Melodia can gobble the baron's lovely knob to her heart's content." Penny just stared, confused. "This is just our version of Live-Action Role-Play, guys. It is simply a part of our game, and only a part of the game."

There was a moment as they processed that. Anne had enough grace and honor as a friend to lightly massage my cold and lonely cock while the silence ticked on.

"Honey," came Martin's dry comment. "I would like to apologize from the bottom of my heart for ever saying I didn't want to LARP because it would look idiotic. I have never been so wrong."

"Well then," said Penny, looking down again at my cock. "To celebrate my husband actually admitting he's wrong about something, here's to live-action role-play," she said as Melodia sank to her knees beside Gala, a somewhat freaked-out grin on her lips. She bent, tongued the baron's balls lightly, then licks upward in one smooth, long stroke. Her lips closed lightly around just the head of his cock and she let them rest there. Within her mouth, her tongue draped itself around and across that swollen helmet with languid, silky caresses. The baron was immediately sighing appreciatively at her offering. She sucked softly at the member and let it slide deeper into her mouth. She twisted her head back and forth, then began to bob up and down while still twisting.

The bard knew her shit about Our Lady's rituals...

Melodia paused, stroking the baron's cock lightly as she released him and turned to smile at the priestess, who had sat back on her heels to watch, satisfied to have gotten this ball rolling for everyone. "Going to join me?" she asked expectantly. She bent and kept her eyes on Gala as she worked her tongue over the base of the baron's cock.

The priestess's eyes narrowed briefly, then she giggled as she lent down.

Both of them looked up into the wide eyes of the boy as they extended their tongues and slid them up his length on each side. Again and again they did it as he grew increasingly in need of release, but even more determined to draw this out as long as possible.

I was a fucking genius!

Not only did it look like things were going to slot in together nicely all around, but 'the baron' had never felt two tongues on his cock at the same time before, and how he had lived so long without that was a mystery for the ages. Five minutes into the meat of the matter and Penny was already bringing fresh ideas.

Up and down they licked. The baron's eyes may have crossed.

Then Melodia paused at the summit and kissed it. Gala paused and then kissed it too... while Melodia still did so. Their lips met, wrapping around him, and pressed urgently together. Their mouths clasped his purple, engorged head between them, making his trapped, hyper-sensitive flesh throb.

Then suddenly, his cock was free (but still gently caressed by the hands of both), and the two women were kissing each other deeply, the wet sounds of eager, thrusting tongues filling the utterly silent chamber.

Anne broke free suddenly and gasped for breath. She gave a crooked smile. "It had been ages since I kissed a girl."

"Oh honey," Penny giggled, "You need to get back on that. It's almost as good as this LARPing!" But rather than resume the kiss, Melodia bent back to lick once more along the straining, desperately over-stimulated shaft between them.

Gala bent again to join her in that lingual caress once more.

The baron moaned, knowing he was losing his fight to prolong this success that was wildly beyond his expectations.

"Who wants it, and who wants the snowball?" Melodia gasped to Gala.

"The...?" Gala stared at her, the priestess somehow taking the lead from a bard in this ritual. "You take it,"she encouraged.

Melodia devoured the baron's cock. Her head bobbed furiously, but he held on desperately. Then Gala cupped his balls and began to tickle them and all his restraint dissolved. He moaned loudly in portent, and filled the bard's mouth with notes other than song. His moan wavered as his cock emptied itself in waves. When he slumped down on his seat, Melodia slipped him from her lips. Her hand idly rubbed his tip, spreading the final leakage around and working it into his own skin.

But her attention was elsewhere as she leaned over to kiss Gala again. Cum dribbled from between their lips as she shared the baron's offering with the priestess.

"You can have the gold," the baron whispered hoarsely. "Take all the fucking gold."

Penny rose to her feet and walked back toward her husband, working her mouth (mostly) free of jizz. She sat in his lap and kissed him hard. "It's good to be back playing D&D, Honey," she said.

"Fucking A," he breathed in reply.

For once, I was not staring happily at the woman... women, who had just made me come. I was staring at Tess with wide-eyed speculation. She looked back at me with equally speculative challenge. Much the same byplay was occurring between Mark and Geri. Would our wives give all that a whirl themselves at some point... any of that?"

Craig was gawping at Anne. She just trailed her fingers over his hair and down to his cheek as she passed him and sat again.

"So you as DM just decide who... and why...?" Martin asked me, still in stages of disbelief, and grasping for details to base a new worldview on. The acts were obviously not what was blowing his mind. That level of threesome seemed more inside his scope of experience than ours. But it was the way we worked that had him on his heels.

"That was more directed than most, and that only to ensure the maximum chance of both your minds being blown," I said grinning. "In the usual way things go, I set up circumstances, and maybe direct one person into them. Who else, and what else, and how, is up to you guys. You are the role-players. I just supply an NPC when I need to... or when I really want to."

"I bow to the Buddha nature of your soul," Martin said, matching gesture to word.

At that point I realized that my sticky, softening dick was still out. I put it away nonchalantly and returned to my chair. I may not lean to the outright exhibitionistic, but I had certainly lost all self-consciousness about nudity among friends...

The game went on as usual, to the utter bemusement of Martin and Penny, who could not believe that I spent the next almost 40 minutes getting them to a new dungeon, letting them flail around through apparently pointless, if profitable chambers, and killing rando monsters. It was all good, normal D&D-type fun, but I had not presented them with any more opportunities for The Good Stuff.

Honestly, I was just making Martin, who knew he almost certainly had to be next, squirm in anticipation. It was fun. You don't make for a good DM if you are filled with the milk of human kindness.

But he was my new friend. He would get his just reward. And there were people anxious for the chance to give it to him...

Our new players did not come from a D&D background where the DM's were gory and ridiculous trap fanatics like I am, and I saw that they were not learning the right instincts quickly. I decided it was time for some positive reinforcement for Martin.

"The paving stone that Frenoria steps upon shifts downward, just a hair, but she hears a click," I said off-handedly, in the middle of a corridor description.

Geri knows how to react. "Frenoria calls out, 'Trap!' and holds her foot in place," she said almost instantly.

"Too late," I said gleefully. "A panel disappears, how it moved away so fast is a mystery, one you will not solve, because behind it, moving towards you all, filling the entire corridor as it comes is... A Gelatinous Cube!" I thundered.

"Oh fuck you," Craig said contemptuously. "He loves these fucking things," he said casually to Martin.

"Aren't they pretty wimpy to face a party like this?" Penny asked curiously.

"The cube slides inexorably forward!" I intoned in my best epic voice.

"They're one of his favorite stupid monsters," Geri said irritably. "We never have any idea about how powerful they are going to be when one shows up. This isn't exactly D&D remember?" She looked at me with mock determination. "Frenoria draws her sword, and prepares to move in to engrave 'eat a dick' on its side over and over again as it advances."

I chortled.

"Who else will attempt a hapless assault on the inevitability of the Gelatinous Cube?" I asked sonorously. I was hamming it up bigger than Christmas dinner. Better, even my old crew had no idea I was moving into a set-up. They really were that irritated that I'd gone to the Gelatinous Cube well yet again and they didn't want to reward me. I looked at Martin. "Got any cute ideas, wizard?"

Martin, who had already gotten a dose or two of my 'humor' knew better. "My powers of illusion and mental control, pitted against a mindless, sightless blob? No thanks. I'm backing away where it's safe. Big, strong Sir Tyrian can make the Jell-O salad. I'll kill the next thing, guys."

"Smart," said Craig.

"Fuck," I muttered, because, as I've said, I'm a good actor.

They fucked around with the cube for a few entertaining minutes, even making each other laugh here and there as they slowly chopping away at it until it was more of a Gelatinous Sheet, one that Melodia of all characters finished off with a plain old torch.

"You find 10 rusty weapons, some jewelry, the metal chastity belt of someone who, from the look of the size of the belt, would not have had a lot of need to protect her virtue, and 120 gold pieces. So, that's 20 gold for each you here."

"That's all? For putting up with another fucking cube?" Craig bitched.

"Wait... 20 each?" Geri said.

"Yeah. Ash is missing. There is a stone panel in the wall that seems dislodged," I said as if I were describing graffiti.

"Hey! Hold on," Martin said, confused.

Craig was dancing in his sea like a crazy man.

"What's your problem?" Martin asked him, still very concerned about his wizard.

"Tyrian's not the trap magnet any more," Craig said in a gleeful, singsong voice.

"Another paver stone clicks under Tyrian's weird, unaccountable capering and a stone deadfall collapses on him, doing 79 points of damage and stunning him for a not yet determined amount of time," I said sweetly. Craig looked at me like I'd shot his dog.

I'd never shoot Craig's new dog. Ace the Bathound is awesome.

"Okay, listen" Martin said, trying to get a handle on the situation. "Wherever Ash is, he looks around to get his..."

"Calm down, New Trap Magnet Boy," I said quellingly. "I'll get to you in a minute." I looked back at the rest.

Anne sighed. "I'll stay with Sir Headwound, and heal his concussion. Though how you concuss a bucket of rocks is beyond me."

Geri and Tess looked at each other, then me. I raised an eyebrow.

Tess snapped out in Shanora's occasionally used command voice, "Renault, work on opening that panel again and let us know if you succeed. Frenoria, you go left, I'll search right and we will see if we can hear which way he got dragged." Geri just nodded.

Penny opened her mouth and I just looked at her. She smiled. "I'll just stay here and watch Renault's cute little backside," she said, leaning over and actually slapping Mark's butt. He'd have killed me for that. He just smiled at her. So did Geri.

I turned in my chair to Martin. I didn't say anything, I just looked from him to Geri and Tess, who had both risen from their chairs. "Hey you two," I said, "Roll 2 d20s each." I leaned over to Martin and murmured quite loudly, "Pray for a tie."

Both women wrinkled their noses at me, but eagerly rolled. Tess got a 35! She pumped her fist.

Geri rolled a 38...

"Here I go! Walking down the hall. Searching fruitlessly!" Tess grumbled, throwing her hands up in the air and capering off to the side of the room in irritation.

"Frenoria creeps along her direction, using Ranger's Ears to listen for any sound of Ash's struggles," Geri giggled, mincing out into the middle of the room.

"Good for her," I said, getting up myself. Ignoring Geri, I beckoned Martin, pointing to the boot and coat rack by the door to the garage. He followed me curiously. I pulled out our pair of wrist manacles, each with an eight-inch chain leading to a ring.

"Whoa," Martin said, "Umm, that's not really my..."

"Relax dude!" I reassured him, slipping one on and off my wrist to show him they were elastic and for show, not actual bondage. None of us had yet expressed an interest in that particular connotation of dungeon. I had my speculations about Craig, of all people... and Tess had been the one to buy the props in the first place.

I handed the cuffs to Martin, and he put them on with a shrug. "Hang them on the outer hooks," I requested. Martin reached up the rings and hung them from the left and rightmost coathooks.

"Martin," Tess suggested, "If you want to see what's going to happen, you might want to hook yourself up with your back to the wall, not your face."

Martin, who had just 'chained' himself facing the wall, snorted and reversed the rings. He sat on the bench, arms dangling above himself and watched intently.

Tess had not returned to her seat, she leaned against the wall, still pouting about losing the roll-off... and probably figuring that she'd get a better view from where she leaned.

"This is the best D&D ever," Penny giggled to Anne.

"Okay," Geri said eagerly, before I could say anything. "Frenoria slides down the corridor stealthily."

"Yeah, good for Frenoria," I said curtly. I stepped over to her and whispered in her ear. "There is an monster that I obviously don't want to play myself," I told her. "Are you up for it?"