Eddie 01

Eddie 01

Like most people, I know a little about my immediate neighbors and I know "of" the neighbors who live further down the street. I mean, that sounds about right, right? I mean, we even had a block party last month, but I still refer to a few people who live towards the other end of the street as "Retired Teacher" who drives the silver sedan and "Brick Layer" who drives the beat-up red truck. LOL, and the funny part is that I know their names now, yet it's still the "Silver Fox" in the corner house.

Anyways, when the street is illuminated after dark with a bunch of flashing Blueberries & Raspberries, LOL, that's almost like another block party. Everyone steps out of their houses in their evening wear to gawk at the flashing emergency lights from either their front porches, front yards or the sidewalks. I mean, very few walk towards the house with the medical emergency, so it's the worse night time block party ever, but everyone is outside just the same and gawking in the same direction.

Now when this happened on my street recently, I was at a big disadvantage because the emergency vehicles were way down the other end of the street near that corner and I was way down the street my way one house from the other corner, but, LOL, I was outside and gawking at the commotion just like everyone else.

And by the way, our home owner's association bylaws clearly state that at least 73% of the street's residents must gawk at any commotion involving a minimum of two emergency vehicles, not that I was taking a head count or anything. And it wasn't like I was also keeping track of how many immediate neighbors mingled close enough on or near the sidewalk to qualify as an emergency situation social, but I did check the box for my immediate neighbor, Nick, because he approached me, spoke with me in a manner that qualified as socializing and met the "arm length" bylaw.

"What do you Ed? Are those emergency vehicles tending to "Duck Hunter" with the black SUV? And where is your clipboard to check my box? I already have three demerits against me."

"Nick, LOL, I use an App on my phone now to track people. Anyways, I think the ambulance just slide sideways and ended up in front of "Duck Hunter" house. I'm pretty sure the EMT's entered "Red Lady" who wears nothing but red, yet somehow drives a blue car house. And Nick, you know that I prefer to be called Eddie most days, so this is a demerit warning."

"Sorry Eddie, but it's dark out and I didn't notice your jammies. And by the way, you should record that "Active Pole Dancer" who should never drive has just snuck back inside of her house and give me credit for noticing that by remove my demerit warning."

LOL, neighbor guys, right? Yup, they all notice what "Active Pole Dancer" is doing, not to mention they all gawk at her, emergency situation or not.

"Request granted, Nick. By the way, I watch a lot of true crime shows and I think it's a good sign that the EMT's are still running all about."

"Meaning it could be worse if the EMT's were standing around and drinking a coffee?"

Alright folks, let me pause for a moment and introduce myself. First, during my pause, I slowly side stepped my way, half step by half step, closer to Nick. I mean, I have a medical condition and I'm hard of hearing, so I needed to be closer to him. Not that I learned anything just prior to all of the street commotion because I was laying on my couch watching hypnotizing Tranny videos on Chang or anything. And not that I claim to be a Tranny or anything. My dress code might lead you to believe that I'm more of a tomboy in reverse or something, meaning my choice of clothing is pretty clear, but not so flashy. LOL, except my jammies.

Anyways, hi, I go by Eddie and I'm just trying to figure a few things out, not that watching stupid videos is helping me figure anything out. LOL, other than how to slowly side step and end up underneath someone's arm. You know, someone who lives next door and someone who does check me out when I sit on the back deck and someone who forgot to put on a t-shirt when he came out of the house to see what all of the street commotion was. Someone like my neighbor, Nick.

"Ah, Eddie, are you crossing property lines right now?"

"Well, I have a medical condition and my feet move sideways all by themselves sometimes, Nick. Besides, everyone is still gawking the other way down the street, so no one has noticed that I'm under your arm and pressed against your chest. Anyways, I'm chilly and you forgot to put a t-shirt on when you came outside and all, not to mention that your arm lifted as I shimmied my way under it, so."

"Oh, well, I have a medical condition that occasionally makes my arm lift sometimes. Especially when something so soft shimmies under it. While wearing thin jammies. When I forgot to put a t-shirt on. But you know I don't "gawk" this way, Eddie. Even though you smell so nice. Even though I wouldn't want you to be chilly. Even though it's such a warm evening and that's why I didn't put a shirt on. Um, you talk now, Eddie."

"Hmmm, alright Nick, well, it feels like your "gawker" disagrees with some of that, but I will apologize. It feels that I am not tall enough to "gawk" you or be "gawked" by you properly, but seeing how this is my first time and all, well, I have a medical condition that causes me to push back anyways, even if it's only the small of my back that's receiving all of the attention."

"So, in other words, my rep is still intact and I have technically not split the buns of the girly boy who lives next door then, right Eddie? No matter how hard we are both trying?"

"Well, sadly, yes, even on my tippy toes I can't give you a proper place to "gawk" right now, so stupid videos are all staged and full of lies! And by the way, we both seem to be in this position of our own free will and from our various medical conditions, so you talk now."

Nope, asking Nick to think about things and then to have him talk about things didn't really help me experience any of the promised joys from the faked videos, but I experienced body warmth, an arm across my chest, LOL, a boner in my back and a few minutes of personal closeness, so I checked the box.

I mean, Nick checked his own box because once he started to hump the small of my back, he didn't stop until he lost his nut in his cargo shorts, but I was there and I participated, so that was that. A weak first time for sure, but a first time just the same, I guess.

And by the way, the "Red Lady" who wears nothing but red, yet somehow drives a blue car was alright. She just had a panic attack and needed oxygen.

Also, even though Nick ran off as soon as he made a mess in his pants, he hasn't exactly shunned me either. I mean, there may not be anymore emergencies on the street, but we do live next to each other, so, we still talk.

"I didn't run off because of you Eddie, I just freaked out, that's all."

"It's alright Nick, believe me, the "things gone wrong" list on Chang is a lot longer than the "things gone right" list. Besides, my jammies came out dry and I felt the body warmth of another human, so I actually checked a few boxes of my own. So?"

"I don't know, Eddie, I'm a little confused, but I did appreciate how soft you are."

"LOL, the "I'm confused" list on Chang is the longest. Anyways, we'll leave it alone for now because the "I'm confused" thing lasts for at least one week according to Chang. Just text me later me if you want something to eat."

Now, that exchange of leaving things alone was friendly and pressure free enough, right? And thanks for agreeing with me in advance. I mean, I wasn't going to exactly leave things alone, but I wasn't going to apply the pressure either because believe me, Nick may have been confused, but just the same I was nervous as hell because one thing always leads to another, right? And being dry humped on the small of my back because I'm so short isn't the same as the next step, so, LOL, I watched a few more videos until my eyes were spinning and figured I could up my reverse tomboy look a little.

And because it was Friday, well, that might video night at Nick's house at 7pm sharp, which meant I ordered them a pizza. LOL, and wore shorts. And then waited for Brie to deliver the pizza to my address.

"SUP tomboy, who, whoa, isn't so much of a tomboy tonight! $29 please. With a big fat tip. And this pizza isn't going to do anything for your flat belly, so what's the truth, better looking tomboy?"

"Shut it, Brie, there was a commotion on the street a few nights ago and my neighbor and I were talking while we were gawking and he was nice about things, that's all."

"Hmmm, gawking, huh? Alright, if that's what the cool kids call it these days. Anyways, hey, I'll walk the pizza next door for you then."

"Oh no, I don't need your fancy short blonde hair and that thing back there clouding things up. Anyways, say "hey" to Jimmy J for me and here is your big fat tip. Bye."

"Well Eddie, do we need to talk about where your neighbor's big fat tip goes? I mean, option one is in your..."

Hey, I didn't slam the door shut in Brie's face, I just firmly closed the front door. Besides, I had to get a move on to, LOL, redeliver the delivered pizza. I mean, guys like it hot and fresh, right?

Now, I wasn't sure how Nick was going to explain to his buds why his neighbor just walks through the front door with a pizza without knocking, but that was going to be his problem. If he scolded me for the next day, well, sobeit, I guess. But the scolding would be light because I went into stick and move mode from the moment that I pushed the front door open. I mean, I went straight through the living room and into the kitchen, searched around until I found three plastic plated, plated each one with two slices of pizza and zoom, passed them out to the guys. All with hardly a word spoken. But in my new and improved tomboy look. And no words spoken from the three blind mice. Because they couldn't believe what was happening. And neither could I. But I bit my lip and held my own.

"Enjoy boys, bye."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! WTF Nick?????"

"Ah, Sam, um, well, ah, SOB, ah, this is my neighbor, Eddie."

"Well, not to say WTF again, but WTF? Why is she leaving? Even if she is really a him. In short shorts. With a hot pizza. And shapely legs."

"Um, snap, ah, Hank, you talk now because I'm feeling a little light headed."

"Oh, I'll talk now alright, say Eddie, I have a medical condition that prevents me from feeding myself pizza slices, so why don't you sit on my lap and help me with that? Like in Nick's spare bedroom. In case you want to know about my other medical condition."

Well, that statement caused me to pause because sitting on one's lap would help with alignment issue that my short height had the other night, but then I snapped out of it because if one thing was going to lead to another, well, not with three video players!

"Enjoy boys, bye."

Yeah, because repeating my exit words were going to work, right? But those words just came out because I was still a little in "paused" mode.

"OMFG, enough already. Ugh, Eddie, would you please get the three of us a beer to wash down the pizza slices and then you know, leave before I have a house full of medical conditions and all?"

Yup, Chang clearly states that getting asked to leave is not unusual. And nope, I did not ask Nick to follow me into the kitchen. LOL, nor speak so loudly.

"Damn it, Eddie, what the hell are you doing?"

"Grabbing three beers, just like you asked me to do. What are you grabbing, Nick?"

"Shut it, Eddie. You know you're leaving me with a lot of commotion now, right?"

"Hmmm, I suppose so as long as a lot of commotion is the same as three boners, including yourself, of course. By the way, slick move just now. I knew the waistband of these shorts would be to tight for you to get my skin in your hands, but apparently, I didn't think about you coming in from underneath, so wash your hands before you eat."

"Bitch."

"Faggot."

"Hey, it's the same."

"Fine, just admit that this is our second moment, Nick. Or, ooh, or maybe our time."

"I'm going to fuck you hard someday, Eddie!"

"Hmmm, we'll see, so bye??? And really wash your hands."

Stupid short shorts! And stupid Chang boards for not talking about that! But they say that short legs jump out of the gate quicker than long legs, which I basically proved as I ran out of Nick's house.

"Enjoy boys, bye. Well, bye Sam, bye Hank."

"Ah, Eddie, seriously, you should stay and hang out. And not run out of the door like that! I mean, we want to wash our hands too. Can you hear me, Eddie?"

I mean, I heard Hank, but I was trotting and half way home by then.

End Eddie 01