All Comments on 'Eighteen Wheel Christmas Story'

Was heading for 5 stars until the ex-sister in law appeared, a twist too far.

Ho ho ho! What a modern twist on the Christmas story. Joe, Mary, the stable the animals, the shepherds.....

And ending it up with peace, mostly.

You may get ragged for this effort but I say it was good! Amen!

R.

"He carried the children in his big arms. When they reached the truck, he boosted them in and quickly got them into the sleeper. He jumped back out and lifted Maria in very carefully. He pulled down the top bunk, put each child up and under the covers, and put up the barrier. It was made from seatbelt material, it would keep them from falling out.

Maria and Joe crawled into the lower bunk. It was the size of a full size bed, and it was warm.

They got busy right away. Her tits were amazing. Huge and firm. Her dark nipples were just aching to be sucked."

You REALLY need to work on continuity! They were already in his truck, but you're pushing them in again a paragraph or so later and how the fuck did this story get approved with them fucking with kids practically right next to them. 1* you fucking PERVERT!

Few inconsistencies there, Maria or Mary? Having sex right before giving birth? Not something I would do and pretty sure not too advisable. Recovery from carbon monoxide poisoning takes all day as I vividly remember. You don't just breathe some clean air and recover straight sway. Please research your stories a bit more thoroughly. Not trying to tear you down, this is meant to help.

Liked the concept and descriptive narrative.

Hope the ex-sister-in-law gets the boot. But, I'll read that story if you write it!

Good take on the Christmas story, but I don't recall a whore and her pimp in the original. Good effort, I like your style.

Wow indeed. Talk about a lot of crazy stuff flying around both in your head and the story. You really stretched to make it is Christmas story but it was fun to read with tongue in cheek. I will have to check your other stories to see if they are as wild.

Throwing in Betty at the end wrecked the story.

Instead of enjoying the modern spin on the Nativity, with Joe marrying Maria, now there's this big question mark about a sequel? It was jarring to the mood and tempo of the ending.

WTF? Charges him twenty bucks to park in an unused back lot during a blizzard?

@Anonymous, they got OUT of the truck to go to the Chinese restaurant!

He asked where they were going to sleep, Frank already said they'd be sleeping in the trailer.

You tried to squeeze FAR too many unbelievable events in, even for a "Christmas Miracle" story.

Enough shit happened in this story to fill 5 or 6 stories. Between Maria, the cowboys with all the animals, the flying Doctor, the storm, the breech birth and his ex-wife leaving him loaded I don't quite know what to think.

As noted by Sworder, bummer sister angle St the end didn't fit, brought it down.

It went 4 to 3 for me bc of that.

Thanks again, sho nuff ain't a lick like it here in LW lately.

They can be very distracting.

We have the:

Cuck/Alk/Recovered Hero who inherits 2 mil.

Beaten-Abused/Pregnant/Mother of 2/Precient Nympho

3 Whisky drinking roadies

2 Abusive husbands

And Pimp in a cemetery

This is an over the top farce but highly readable. There are some errors an editor could help with to keep focused. Enjoyable 5 stars.

Crude but interesting. You just don't do a c-section in the back of a horse trailor, you just don't. Take my word for it

As others have said, too much stuff in the story. Also need to get someone to fact check. Women don't usually get milk until after giving birth, and if they do, it's just a little bit. Nobody could smell pickup exhaust from a nearby vehicle while lying in a sleeper cab in a snowstorm.

It’s not bad, a decent first try. The problem is that the plot is corny and somewhat predictable. Once Joe saw the animal trailer, I envisioned a manger scene with 3 kings. The parallels were ‘cute’ but not really funny. Really, a doctor falls from the sky? Then Joe strikes it rich when his sinner ex-wife dies?

The writing and story telling skills are there, just need some storylines more plausible, or more humorous... try polishing the story outlines before the final draft. Find a good volunteer editor to work with, someone not afraid to explain what doesn’t work, and willing to suggest improvements.

That was a good story, not to over the top.

Can't save every single one

It was Christmas and anything can happen (take the word of an old trucker who almost twisted an 18 wheeler inside out trying to dodge a longhorn on the freeway out of El Paso that really wasn't there). When the weather, the night and circumstances are agin ya anything can happen. I loved the tale, thanks for sharing.

Thank you for writing a wonderful and inspiring story

Why did Pete,Bob and Frank not sleeper in the trailer instead of the car if it had bunks and was heated?.

Sucked, left it open at the end like there was an unanswered story with the ex sister in law.

Good story, just fell off at the end. AAAA+++

Kinda off the wall but I liked it a lot! 5 Big Stars!

The next time you choose to write a story like this, omit the profanity. It serves no purpose, but it does denigrate it. In addition, you mention praying, with the profanity are insulting your Christian readers.

I did not like the profanity either, but I recognize you presented a crazy though true to life story, and any people use bad language.

Short but powerful. It needs a sequel. 5

Ummmm...It's erotic literature and people are offended by profanity? What the actual fuck!?!? Grow up. How could any functional adult be on a site with depictions of alien tentacle monsters and intergenerational family sexual relations, be offended by perfectly useful, if colourful language. Must be Trolls or Karen's! Too funny!