All Comments on 'Emily's First Time'

Future cheating slut in the making. What a stupid story. First, no guy in his right mind is going to be jacking off on the couch with a house full of teen girls. Second, her coming on to the guy like she was a cat in heat is completely unrealistic. Third, he doesn't shoot into the unprotected womb, the womb lies beyond the vaginal cavity, any sperm to impregnate would have to find its way through the cervix. Your pen name seems to indicate you're female. If so, how do you not know these things?

You had one chance to introduce yourself to the Literotica readership and completely pissed it away. Take some time and think of a real story before you submit again.

I thought it was realistic. Something similar happened to me. Needs a little refinement. I really liked how it was a shorter story and stuck to the point. Nice quick read.

Good first story - I enjoyed it. I just wish it was a little longer with more detail. What there was - was hot.

Good start, where is this Going?

Potentially great story. Don’t be in a hurry to post stories. Read them over a few days so you can refine it better.

Ignore the poor fools who can’t give constructive criticism and hate the fantasy world.

It was nice. The previous commenter wasn't. They had a chance to show you that the "community" is supportive and provides constructive criticism, and they "just pissed it away." Keep having fun with your writing.

Good effort. Ignore the idiot who posted the first comment.

It would have been better if it was him coming onto you after seeing you in your slutty dress

While I liked that it was short, I could have used some more detail. I also think you would better off using more dialogue, with proper formatting, e.g. "Come inside me," I whispered.

Totally unoriginal theme which has been done to death many times over, usually better than this.

It's a good first story- keep writing!

It’s a fantastic first effort I’d like to see the offerings of these people who have been overly critical especially the first critic you know what it is those who can’t overly criticise it is a form of projection ie to stand on other’s shoulders to make themselves feel better ( put down other’s just to build themselves up ) keep up the good work yes maybe a little more detail but keep it simple for now as that was a nice quick read and sometimes it is best just to get straight to the point which you certainly did Please keep up the good work/ writing. I believe you have a lot to offer this site as sometimes you just want a quick and to the point story. Congratulations as you certainly fit that brief very well done Hayboys

I also totally disagree with the first critique’s comment that no man would do that with a house full of girls that might just be why he did do it , as the girls being in the house probably got his juices going plus the chance of doing it while they were in close proximity really added to him getting his rocks of plus the slight chance of getting caught or maybe he was hoping that such a girl would chance by and want to broaden her experiences there are many reasons why a man would do such a thing in real life , not least because when push comes to shove a man just has to do what a man has to do especially when thinking with there Dick

Please please write more short stories that you indicated were to come I for one would be most grateful to read the continuation of this series Many Thanks for the first instalment now please publish the next chapter / story in this series

To the first anonymous critique have you never heard of poetic license as I’m sure this is what the Author was using when they wrote , and he shot into my unprotected Womb. After all we are reading a story here and not a text book ; and I for one see where the Author was coming from ; and I for one feel that this dramatic expression using poetic license really enhanced the story . I also feel that this is the sort of thing an inexperienced and emotional girl might have said to express her emotions right after what had just happened to her / taken part in her sexual journey . We are after all talking about a young emotional girl who had just lost her virginity ; not a Doctor writing a text book . Now to the Author please keep writing exactly how you have been writing pertaining to his young girl’s emotions on her very emotional journey; after all I don’t think people realise how uninformed some of these young women really are despite all the sex education that is or isn’t available to them after all most young people learn more in the playground than in the classroom and because of this there will always be misinformation out there as education in the playground is always done for dramatic affect rather than precise information

Come on let’s have the next instalment A.S.P.