All Comments on 'Emma’s Surprise'

Nice

Please do some research on proper punctuation, especially as refers to punctuating dialogue. Here are a few examples to get you started:

'No problem(period) (capital Y)our (You're) Emma(comma) right?' (You're = You are)

'You must be Emma(period) Sam has a birthday surprise for you(comma)'

Smiling(comma) he said(comma) 'Put this on and walk on in(period) Sam is waiting for you',

You also put oddly formal dialogue where it would never be used by English-speaking characters in such a situation;

"What is going on, I am not a stripper!' Emma said to the obviously real stripper." This would be, "What's going on? I'm not a stripper!"

I couldn't read this. All the many mistakes are too distracting. I hope this is somewhat helpful.

Nice story. A bit confusing at times as you mixed up the "His/him" and the "She/her". Us writers need to realize that this editing error shit can break up the flow of an otherwise very erotic moment. Keep writing, but edit, edit edit. Grammar checkers can help. Thanks, Will Harty