All Comments on 'End of the Innonence Pt. 02'

I just hope you can get the rest done before 2009.

PLEASE!!!

Glad to see you continue this Rob. I liked the first part and I like this one too. Please hit us up with the next part soon.

Sounds like Kate and family have little to worry about, now.

I think Kate will replace his fiance.

welcome back we've missed your stories.

I had to go back and reread chapter 1 of this story so I could continue it. Man, you took too long a break here on this one but as the other comments said it is great to have you working on it again.

I look forward to the completion of a good story.

Your efforts are appreciated.

Charleybear

sounds like he might be able to get over heidi and get the best end of the deal also... keep it going ..hope heidi endsup ok but not back with him she doesnt seserve him ....and what she did doesnt deserve that degree of forgiveness

I do want to see how Eddie is handled. Is Heidi over?

I had to go back and read the first chapter again. Only problem, is another chapter is needed even more now!

This part was quite interesting - I like the situation of the girl getting on the wrong boat! Good imagination for that.

I'm not sure why the guy was going 25 knots though - hell, he had all the time in the world. No biggie though.

I liked this a lot - good job.

DJ

Dose the author really want us to believe that after treating her husband like crap for several months, bring her sex partners into his house and rubbing his nose in it that she would realize the error of her ways the morning after she was told to leave his house? After he threw her to the wolves to be gang banged her response is, "She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "Thanks Nathan. I don't deserve a friend like you. But thanks. Let me get my stuff and I'll try to find a rehab that will take me with no money." She said hanging her head."

That's an unbelievably quick turn around. In real life she would have been defiant for a while before she fully realized what she had lost and then would have been ready to turn her life around.

Other than that the story is too bad but at the rate of a chapter every couple of years this will be done by the end of the decade.

This is all I have to say and I quote- "you have an appointment with Dr. Anderson, the company plastic surgeon"

Company Plastic Surgeon? Maybe the CIA has a company plastic surgeon but I can't think of another off the top of my head.

Hope it doesn't take 2 years to get the next chapter [ha ha].

Looking forward to the rest of the story.

Sorry, this just wasn't very well written. Way too many typos, not to mention inconsistencies from the first story. For instance, in pt 1, Nathan's mom had been with Kirby's family for over 30 years, wiping his butt when he was a baby. In part 2, Kirby meets Nathan and Lincoln in school and talks his parents into hiring her.

But the most implausible part of this story was Heidi's turnaround. At the end of Part 1, she was an evil, hateful, cruel bitch, taunting and insulting Kirby and ready to see him get his ass kicked. She then gets gangraped for hours, and wakes up saying 'wow, I was wrong, I'm going into rehab and get rid of my boobjob'. In no way is this realistic.

It would take someone as far gone as Heidi months, maybe years to come to those conclusions. Or never. She would have woken up, been enraged at the way Kirby treated her (unjustified anger, of course, but not to her self centered, drug addicted mind). She would have screamed and cursed and told Nathan to go fuck himself and swear revenge on Kirby.

Please put more effort into the next part, and re-read part 1 again.

Rob:

After all this time but I liked it. Please don't take so long with ch. 03. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Great to see you back writing again Rob. Some interesting plot lines emerging here which I'm sure you'll enlarge upon in your normal stylish manner, Can't wait for the next instalment.

Glad to see the second chapter. Please finish it up.

Boyd

The first chapter was rater uneven and this sh* about seventh Dan on a young guy... After third Dan it becomes more of honorific titles and age and maturity have a great role in it.. Otherwise I really like this later chapter.. You need to work on your unevenness though, you're like a roller coaster sometimes, some of your work just suck and then as sudden you do something as good as this.. Strange..Cheers Yoron.

This qualifies as the Beginning of an Outline, not as any kind of story. Stories have beginnings,middles,endings. And make the characters somewhat believeable. But this is a concept that could turn into something worthwhile.

anon jerry

Heidi is not even his wife! 3 months? I would have buried her in the desert!

She had a fast turn-about. It's unbelievable. She would still have been a stroppy cow in real life, even after getting gang-banged by Kirby's people.

Also Big Bubba sounds like yet another conjuring trick; you're fluctuating too much in the things that you are creating and portraying in this story. I'm sorry but you make it sound like he has connections to everyone he could possibly need and a huge war-chest that could never be drained

Mr Rob "never-finish-a-story" Conner?

Maybe another author finished it??? God we reallymhate this shit

Investing our time reading a story that is never finished major bummer

Same bad grammar, same inconsistency with the plot line. One glaring example is the housekeeper. In the first story we find that she took care of Kirby as an infant, yet in this installment, we find her not being hired until Kirby is much older. Come on man! Get your brain housing unit out of your anal canal!

Thanks for sharing.

We are definitely hurting for ch.3, however.

guzzling thick sperm, his cornhole open for business, betrayed!

No need for a chapter three.

Suddenly Heidi sees the light? I don't think so. She was too far gone into sluthood.

The rest is simply too improbable.

Heid wakes up better - you love to kill off the bad side of people and let the good side live on - it would be nice if it were that easy - I think it seldom is -

The author is very talented and a great storyteller. Thanks for the tease!! I hope you continue.

You started a 'good' story. I like your writing style, but it needs to be finished!

All of these stories seem to be unfinished and have the emotional maturity of some highschool jock drama.

auto bio from a cuck wanna be author. crawl away

1*

Your style is what I consider over the top fantasy. If your hero needs something, he knows someone who is always the top man in the area to get the job done. If not, then his best friend is a multi talented rich as hell mean SOB who just happens to conveniately own the needed facility. Granted, this does reduce the time spent Developing characters and plot conflicts, but it radically reduces believability of an otherwise good story. It would help if you would've introduced Lincoln at the same time as his brother, and waited to use him until needed, or just had him be involved in the criminal world in the "middle manager" range, and used him to get his boss to put a hit on Fast Eddie. Our hero certainly has the cash to do that. Or maybe just have him pay off Da's debt. I enjoy reading your stories, but please keep them more grounded. Suddenly having a "lifelong best friend that owes him" for every need is just not the way to go. Keep on writing...we all get better if we keep on trying. :-)

readers rated these two parts so highly. I couldn't believe this was the end so I went to the author's story list and found the third part - "EotI: Sea Cruise." Kirby knows everyone! And the author certainly knows how to jump the shark. I'm going to skip the last chap.

almost illiterate author, not much of a story, no ending.

Kind of veered away from first chapter. I'm lost for sure.

Seems like about a page of the story is missing. Maybe it just got dropped in the upload. Or, if that’s really all there is, it’s gotta be one of the worst endings ever.

Stretch yourself and look at the writers home page.

https://www.literotica.com/s/end-of-the-innocence-the-sea-cruise

The chapter where two different stories went to die.

Another UGLY story

I liked it, but WHY didn't you finish it!