Entertaining at Large Ch. 17

I gave him an appreciative nod.

'Worked like a dream. Got him out into the car in seconds. Well you saw.'

'Whadja say? What did it? Come on stop messing me about. I saw him run out of here like he had a rocket up his arse.'

'I put it to him straight, I did. Man-to-man like. Steve I said.'

'Yeah.'

'Steve. This has got to stop. What you need, I said, is a good going over. We'e all worried about you, George most of all.'

'You never.'

He was almost whispering now.

'I did. Straight up. So Steve, I said, Steve. This is a one-time only offer. You turn this down and it'll never be made again, take my word for it. That got his attention.'

'I bet it did.'

'Too right. Out of the goodness of his heart, I said, George has offered to suck you off himself or at a pinch give you a hand job. Your choice, I said, but make it quick I think he's already having second thoughts.'

I couldn't hold back my laughter as I reached the punch line. My shoulders were shaking and I needed to take a step back to steady myself. It was a good job I did as George took a swing at my head with his open palm. He was only playing, but had he connected it would still have knocked me sideways.

'So anyway. That did it. First he started dry retching, then his gut started to heave. He demanded someone take him to A&E for a stomach pump and then off somewhere for a lie down. He was saying something about joining a monastery as Monique helped him out to her car. Real sister of mercy that one, don't you think?'

George was gripping the edge of the bar with a face like thunder. But laughter is infectious and even he had to start grinning once his face had returned to its normal colour. I raised my glass to him and turned away. I bumped straight into the pneumatic curves of Mandy and bounced back a pace or two.

'You really should give warning that you're around, you know. One day someone's going to have an accident.'

'And you, missy, should stop winding George up so much. You'll give him an aneurism.'

She was holding the bar towel between her thumb and finger.

'I'll put this straight in the wash, shall I? I just managed to rescue it before the captain of the darts team used it to clean his specs.'

We were both laughing again. She had clearly heard everything I'd said to George and already knew what had been going on with Steve.

'Thanks Mandy, I meant to pick it up. Wouldn't have helped with his double top, would it?'

'Very funny, sweetie. But seriously, good work. And say thank you to your friend too. Getting that bastard out of his funk has lifted the whole place.'

I followed her gaze and she cast it over the pub. Nothing dramatic was happening, but there was something definitely lighter about the place. Wot winked at me as he leaned on his cue contemplating his next shot. Piotr gave me an almost imperceptible wave. Mr J and James raised their glasses as our eyes passed over them and even the darts players tipped me a salute between shots.

'I suppose I should be getting off home then. My work here is done.'

'No. You can't go yet. It's throwing it down out there. You can't ride home in this. I put your bike in the Snug, by the way.'

So much for the top-of-the-range bike lock I had invested in, I thought as I went to the window. Mandy was not wrong. I was confronted by a scene which looked like it could have been taken from a movie. So much water was dropping out of the sky that eddies and waterfalls were forming around drains. Both pavements and gutters were awash. The light from the street lamps was barely penetrating the primal gloom.

'Shit, bugger, piss.'

'My thoughts exactly.'

Mandy smiled and hugged me again.

'Don't worry. Have another drink. I'll get Alan to drop you home in a bit. I'm sure he'd welcome an excuse to get away from Bert.'

I hadn't noticed that the pubs's resident driver was one of the huddle soaking up Bert's tactical expertise at the end of the bar. For a man who drove for a living he had the worst sense of direction I had ever come across. He could get lost on a one-way street. But, I thought, beggars can't be choosers. I was stuck for the time being and might as well get used to the Idea of spending the evening on a magical mystery tour. I slipped my arm beneath Mandy's plump, crooked elbow and drew her slightly further away from the bar.

'Think you could hurry him along a bit?'

She became instantly conspiratorial. She had an unerring nose for juicy gossip, real or fictional.

'Why? You got someone waiting at home?

I elbowed her gently.

'Not exactly. But after, shall we say,assisting Monique with cheering up Steve.'

'Cheering up. That's a good one.'

Her laugh was fruity and deep; the kind only a lifetime of overindulgence in cigarettes and alcohol can produce.

'You're like an adolescent boy sometimes Mandy. You know that? Anyway.'

I lowered my voice even further.

'I am feeling a little frisky.'

'Got it. I'll tell Alan he's on a promise shall I?'

She made to move away, but - the gods be thanked - wasn't serious and didn't resist as I pulled on her arm. The laugh rumbled again from somewhere deep in her enormous bust.

'Thanks, but no thanks. I've got a vibrator with my name written on it under my pillow. I'm just a little concerned that the dampness in my gusset might make me susceptible to one of this lot trying it on.'

I waved an airy arm around the room. Mandy winked.

'I'll see what I can do.'

I was aware of some movement close by.

'Can I buy you a drink, do you think? Mind if I have that word with you now? I've got to go soon. Work in the morning.'

It could only be one person. Politeness was not a common quality in the Crown.

''Course you can. Matt isn't it? I'll get her a pint. Another lime and soda for you? Grab that quiet table in the corner, I'll bring them over to you.'

We were propelled forwards and together by Mandy's strong hands. Matt's arm went around my shoulder to stop me stumbling. It was nice of him. I groaned inwardly. My body was instantly demanding closer contact. I could even feel myself blushing. He pulled a seat away from the table for me to sit.

'Thank you, Matt, you're a real gentleman.'

I smiled at him as he sat clumsily. Somehow he managed to stub his foot on the leg as he pulled his chair out and almost fell on top of me before spinning into the seat which rocked unsteadily. He was bright red too by the time he settled himself. He gave an apologetic laugh.

'Sorry about that.'

I smiled supportively as he straightened his jacket and tie before looking across at me. It was pause enough for me to notice he was wearing a new aftershave. My brain told me that it had never seen his dark, brown eyes looking so attractive.

'New scent? What was it you wanted to talk to me about?'

'Do you like it? One of the girls in the office bought it for me as a 'thank you'. It's called something French.'

I leaned closer and inhaled through my nose before nodding confirmation.

'So. You're playing fast and loose with the ladies, at last. You heartbreaker.'

I grinned at him and watched him fold inwardly.

'No, no. It's nothing like that. I'd just been helping her with some course work for her accountancy qualifications. She wouldn't be interested in me.'

There was a definiteness to his tone which was just so, so misplaced. His baritone voice and self-deprecation was going straight to my pussy as usual. My prediction to Mandy was coming true. I tried to get myself back on track by changing the subject.

'Why was it you wanted to speak to me Matt? Was it something important?'

He was reaching into his jacket pocket and looked about to speak when Mandy made us both jump by placing a tray with our drinks between us.

'Here you are. Soda and lime for the hunk, and a pint of George's finest. That'll be a fiver please.'

She stepped back and beamed at us as Matt withdrew an empty hand and started fumbling for his wallet. It took a while. She broke the silence with a sly question.

'So Matt? Did you drive here this evening? Want Sue here to give you a hand with that?'

He was still struggling to extract his wallet which was, by now, inextricably tangled with the fabric of his pocket. He shook his head.

'Yes I did actually. I brought over a couple of the guys from work, we were...'

'Great. You can give her a lift home.'

She was obviously not interested in Matt's social life, intent as she was in embarrassing me further.

'She came down on her bike, silly mare. She'd drown if we let her make the trip back on it.'

She gave us both an innocent smile.

'And she must be exhausted after the footie - they won again you know? She was telling me earlier she needed to get home for a good rub down. Maybe she'll invite you in help her with that too?'

She nudged my shoulder suggestively. I was almost thrown off my seat. Poor Matt was now completely flustered. He looked from one to the other of us trying to work out whether the suggestion was serious. He was a man who was obviously used to having fun made of him. I could feel the sympathetic warmth between my thighs growing as I watched him blush and stutter as he handed over the cash.

'I'll see you lovebirds another time then. Enjoy your evening.'

We both grabbed our drinks obviously sharing the desire to keep mouths occupied while brains worked out where to go next while the unsolicited and unasked-for suggestion rested on the table. I knew Matt was not going to speak first, so it was down to me.

'Ignore her. You know what she's like. She could have done with having a more sheltered upbringing.'

He mirrored my smile.

'You don't have to give me a ride home. I'd asked her to arrange a taxi with Alan. I can always go with him.'

'No. Don't.'

He was almost emphatic. And by the look on his face he was as surprised at his courage as I was.

'I'd be happy to give you a ride.'

I pulled a shocked face and then winked at him. The penny slowly dropped and a look of horror spread across his face.

'Goodness. I mean, gosh. I didn't mean it like that. I mean. Sorry.'

I watched him as his words fell over each other and his colour deepened. I put my hand over his.

'It's OK. I shouldn't have tried to wind you up. I'll be very grateful for a lift.'

'You're welcome.'

His face was returning to its normal colour.

'And I'll take care of my other needs myself.'

I kept a straight face this time and Matt scrutinised me closely before speaking.

'You're trying to embarrass me again, aren't you?'

'Maybe just a little. How's it working?'

'I think I'm getting used to your ways. My cock's getting hard, but it's more of a half-lob than the usual raging stiffie I get when you make suggestive comments to me.'

It was my turn to be taken aback. Matt's directness was out of character. I decided I liked it.

'I'll have to keep teasing you then. See where it gets us.'

'Which reminds me.'

His voice took on an authoritative tone. His hand was back to the inside pocket of his jacket and this time he pulled out an envelope.

'I needed to give you this.'

'For me?'

He studied my face as I weighed the package in my hand. It was too thick for a letter or card, too thin for a book. He was the only man who had ever given me a card as a thank you for sex, so it wasn't completely out of the realms of possibility. I was intrigued and ripped it open. Inside was a bundle of bank notes, all twenties. I guessed there must be three-to-four hundred pounds there. I gasped.

'What's this for?'

'Services rendered. Sorry it took so long.'

I was confused. Matt's look of gratitude and amusement was giving nothing away. True, he had paid me - completely unsolicited on my part - for phone sex once. I also remembered giving him a pity blow job for eighty quid on a particularly raucous night when I'd been stripping a few feet from where we were sitting now. But I couldn't remember anything else.

'OK, remind me.'

'The stag night.'

He sounded matter-of-fact, but the expression on his face was one of amazement. I was just confused.

'But you paid us for that already.'

'Paid for the stripping, yes. You were great by the way. Trev was completely fooled. Did I tell you?'

'You did.'

The day after Scarlett and I had taken our kit off for Matt and his mates and then proceeded to fuck and suck our way through the assembled entourage, my phone had constantly pinged with messages from Matt as he found ever more inventive ways to express his gratitude. I had to switch it off in the end.

'Well this is for, you know, 'the other'.'

I laughed. Couldn't help myself.

'You're sounding more and more like a seventies comedian. Ever thought of doing stand up? I'm sure George'd give you a slot here if you asked nicely.'

I could see him shrink inside his clothes. Matt was the last person I could imagine standing up in front of an audience. He was shrivelling with shyness in front of a crowd of one. That and the thought of getting up close and personal with George for any reason whatsoever. I pushed the envelope back across the table to him.

'It's very sweet of you, but there's no need. We did it because we wanted to. You were all perfect little gents; except for Greg, of course. But there's always one.'

I could feel my sphincter tense as I recalled the most arrogant of the stag nighter's attempting to shove his unlubricated dick up my bum. My pussy, on the other hand, was getting even more twitchy. Matt's velvet tones and the memories of the night's excitement were working their strange magic.

'I made him chip in twice what the others did. He was bragging that you'd let him.'

It was typical off Matt that he was suddenly lost for words. I held his eye and watched as he searched his internal thesaurus and came up empty.

'Fuck me up the arse?'

I suggested helpfully. I had bowed my lips and raised my eyebrows a tad in what I hoped was the perfect picture of innocence. Matt spluttered his acknowledgment and pushed the envelope back to me. He reached for his drink and took a long pull.

'Yes, that. He was going on and on.'

'Between you and me, Matt.'

I put my hand over his again. I felt a little bad for teasing him. And more than a little pissed off that Greg was bigging himself up at my expense.

'He didn't actually get it in.'

I shook my head at Matt's questioning look.

'I don't mind a bit of anal between friends. But he just kept poking at me, even when I asked him to get some lube and do it properly. If I hadn't been fucking someone else I'd have slapped him.'

Matt's expression changed to one of shock and anger; it was sweet. I squeezed his hand in thanks.

'Anyway he came all over my bum before he got anywhere and then slunk off so I couldn't have it out with him.'

Matt began to look relieved. I was melting inside and now my rear end was beginning to indicate solidarity with my clit.

'Feel free to share that tidbit with your mates if he starts going on about it again.'

'I shall, don't you worry. You mean he? What a.'

"I think "prick" is the word you're searching for.'

That allowed us both to laugh and relieve the tension. I drained my own glass and reverted to sweet-and-innocent mode.

'I'm sure you'd never insert your penis into a girl's back passage without full permission and a good dollop of something sticky, would you Matthew?'

'I wouldn't. I couldn't. I haven't.'

That was it. If, up to now, I had been trying to suppress my need to get laid, Matt's look of outraged innocence dispersed the last of any resistance. I slapped both of my palms on the table to reinforce the decision I had made. Matt jumped.

'Get your coat.'

He looked around as if to make sure I was talking to him. I started to stand.

'I haven't got one. It was nice.'

'I'm not asking for a weather forecast. You've pulled. We're off.'

He looked flustered. His eyes flicked between the window - it was still raining - the almost-finished drink, the envelope and my face. He was obviously checking to see whether I was joking. I picked up the envelope and then handed him his glass, nodding that he should finish it. He did as he was told.

'You go get the car, I'm just going to split this with Scarlett and get my stuff.'

I waved the envelope which felt even heavier than it had before now I knew what was in it.

'I'll meet you out front. OK?'

He wasn't looking convinced. Short of unzipping his flies and taking his cock in my mouth I was at a loss as to how more direct I could be.

'Something wrong?'

'No. It's just that I've given Scarlett her share already.'

You mean?'

I thumbed open the envelope again to check the contents were still there. They were.

'All this is for me? You gouged twice as much out of your pals.'

He nodded almost proudly. I softly whistled my appreciation.

'If I ever go on the game, I'm definitely taking you on as my pimp.'

He lowered his eyes blushing slightly. I took a couple of notes out of the wad and pushed them into his breast pocket.

'Here's your cut. Assuming you've not taken it already.'

'I'd never. You shouldn't. I'd rather.'

He was now looking sheepish as well as embarrassed. I stopped him even thinking of trying to give the money back with a stern frown.

'Don't worry, your girls'll still put out for you. It's in our terms of employment.'

I kissed him on the cheek and pushed him towards the door. He looked round once on his way there - I nodded him on - and then again when he opened the door and the sight and sound of the on-going deluge became apparent. I waved him onwards this time and watched as he turned up his collar and took a deep breath before stepping out. I went to gather my stuff and could appreciate his reluctance when I stood in the doorway myself. I needed to step back to avoid getting wet from the rain bouncing up off the pavement. I bumped into something soft and warm. I didn't need to turn.

'And there was me thinking I'd get away without you noticing, Mandy.'

'I've often said to myself, you know.'

She sounded like she was starting a long anecdote, not just completely ignoring my comment.

'That what that young man needs is a regular shagging. Glad to see you're taking him on. Do you good to have an outside interest.'

I just groaned. The last thing I needed was Mandy or George - perish the thought - taking an avuncular interest in my private life. I thanked my lucky stars that if they knew any unattached men in my age or income bracket the last thing they would be was eligible.

'You might be right about Matt.'

'I know I bloody am.'

'But for me? I don't think so. I'd need someone with a bit more - no, a lot more - confidence.'

Before she could come back at me, Matt pulled up in his sensible hatchback. The window slid down so he could call me and almost immediately back up again to keep the interior dry. I kissed Mandy goodbye and sprinted the few feet to the open door. Even so I felt like the rain had soaked up to my knees and the top of me couldn't have been wetter had I been standing under a shower. A quick glance across at my chauffeur confirmed that he had suffered much more. He looked miserable and gave me a glance which I would have interpreted as resentful in anyone else. I tried to sound chipper.

'You think now that the Americans have left the Paris Accords they're sending all their global warming over here?'

A silly remark deserves a put down, I accept that. Normally, however, Matt's long and involved explanation of the nature and causes of climate change and the effect of increased rainfall on the whole planet as well as our little corner of it would have had me fuming and spitting out snarky comments about sexism and patronising men. But Matt's voice was his best foreplay technique and I enjoyed the warm, erotic vibrations emanating from my core as his words washed over me. I had to keep bringing myself back to the present and pull my hand away from my eager pussy. The sound of the wiper blades was reminding me of the slapping noises testicles make when they impact sweaty buttocks. I shook my head vigorously to bring myself back to the present.