All Comments on 'Erin's Ride On my Lap'

Try having someone else review your work before submitting. When we write we mentally fix mistakes and it is easier for another person to catch them.

Great story.... Continue it please

i would love for one of these lap riding stories to have a continuation. Please get a proof reader though.

Not the worst one I've read. Not the best one I've read. Certainly not especially original. The only twist to the genre was that instead of a mom on her son's lap, or a sister on her brother's lap, etc, it was a GIRLFRIEND on her BOYFRIEND'S brother's lap. Other than that, it followed the same script as the overwhelming majority of the stories from this genre.

No offense to Guy23r23 specifically, but to potential authors in general: If the story you want to tell has already been told, over and over (and over), unless you've got a plan that has a realistic chance of succeeding in breaking new ground, save it. Just save it.

I mean, they are trying to specifically cuck him, and not in the porn husband watches way, but the original definition of raising another man's child in secret.

mid-13c., kukewald, from Old French cucuault, from cocu (see cuckoo) + pejorative suffix -ault, of Germanic origin. So called from the female bird's alleged habit of changing mates, or her authentic habit of leaving eggs in another bird's nest.

In Modern French the identity is more obvious: Coucou for the bird and cocu for the betrayed husband. German Hahnrei (13c.), from Low German, is of obscure origin. The second element seems to be connected to words for "ardent," and suggests perhaps "sexually aggressive hen," with transferal to humans, but Kluge suggests rather a connection to words for "capon" and "castrated." Related: Cuckoldry.

I enjoyed it- needs some work, but it has great potential

one presumes she likes hiding it from her boyfriend... sex in the theater, restaurant, golf course, baseball game pro or while he's playing, at his work, her work, public phone, strip club, mall, health club, hospital room... you name it.

or is the friend being set up?

it reminds me of an old Penthouse Forum story when I was first reading erotica three decades ago. and that's high praise.

keep 'em coming

RA

There is no such thing as a brand new story. Considering that, I thought this to be a good version of an old story. Bouncing down the road might be fun. Works well for me.

As a few reviewers have already said, this type of story has definitely been done before. But for good reason. This story was definitely a hot read, only thing is you'll want to have someone proof read it next time.

Definitely continue the story! I'm the kind of reader that always likes these things to turn into relationships. So I personally would love to see him get his brother's gf pregnant but she then leaves his brother for him. Build the relationship through the premise that you've already set, he wants to get her pregnant. Then devise several scenarios where he fucks his brother's gf in situations where they could easily be caught. (That type of scene is always especially hot)

Cheers to you! All the punctuation mistakes aside, I still thoroughly enjoyed the story, which is a feat in and of itself. Keep up the great work!

got to the grinding too quick...should have built up the anxiety

I think you should write more. Maybe use more erotic words and phrases. But it was enjoyable.

We are told the couple live in an apartment. By the description of moving day they have boxes upstairs and downstairs. Then the protagonist is asked to go to the basement to fetch some laundry, and its dirty because the washer and dryer have been moved already.

If this were in Britain it would be called a flat. So it's not in Britain. Am I to assume this is the USA? Who in the USA has a three story apartment and owns the washer and dryer? I'll tell you who: NOBODY!. We are only several paragraphs into this story and it already is nonsense. I gave up reading before the car ride.

Rubbish.

Great writing! I hope you keep creating stories.

Is Erin related to John?

I hope she gets together with John instead.