All Comments on 'ESP'

The story was good, unfortunately the ending was rushed and seemingly glossed over, as though the author grew a little bit bored with the tale. Either that or he couldn’t come up with a decent ending.

A real Burn the Bitch and or Bastard

NEVER let any guys hang around your wife especially a pussy hound

Loved your story even as it was a bit fanciful. But, damn you hit all the thrill points of a great Loving Wives tale.

Thanks for sharing.

Sad. Well written

This was going well until the final few paragraphs. No need for her to die. It would have been better for her to live with her guilt. Why didn't he send her all the evidence of her new loves past? It all just seemed a bit rushed at the end. Still 4 stars for the first 80% of the story.

Dark but eire

Death is the easiest way out! If he and she stayed alive, he crippled for life and she an alcoholic wouldn't they suffer a lot more, wouldn't karma be really a bitch? That made this go from a 4* to just a 3*

ending was pThetic.... rest was ok

And nothing of value was lost.

I do find it interesting that the husband never points out the idiocy of them going to NZ to track down loverboy. I mean, she literally says that her premonition told her she would see him before her life ends...so her brilliant plan is to immediately drop everything to go see him? That's like a fortune teller warning you to stay away from red cars, then you going out and buying a red Viper.

Nothing but sad stories on LW today

Your writing skills are very good. But your storyline is the saddest thing I have ever read. Everybody suffers. So hateful. I give it a 4 on writing skills and a 1 on the story.

Interesting premise and start, but the ending didn't really work for me. The MC subtle nudge to his fellow cuckold to cause that ending was hardly necessary. The villain\seducer was hardly secretive in his affairs and was undoubtedly known to his conquests husband's.

You have some potential as a writer in this LW pool, so keep it up.

You write some entertaining stories, with some fresh ideas. I do wish your endings were a bit moredetaied, Like having details of James treatment at the hands of his murderers. My only real dissatisfaction was having them trash his residence and somehow not know that Elaine was there.

Thank you was a very good story. Would like to hear her side . But this was a 5 star story. Not one complaint here . Will be looking for your name on future stories . Well done

...... but the execution was a bit too predictable (I could see where this was going by page 2 or 3).

~

Using the reliable record of the wife's premonitions was, I thought, a good hook for the story. I picked up immediately on the bit about seeing James before she died, but she didn't mention any time frame so she could have seen him and died decades later, but this is Loving Wives so the die was set (accidental pun there) for an early death. I wasn't sure why she wanted to go to NZ immediately (unless she really did have an ulterior motive) instead of waiting for their already-planned trip months later, but once they got there and we met James then the writing was on the wall. The broken leg was an obvious way to sideline Bill, but it was effective (by the way, all of the major ski fields are well above treeline in NZ, so we don't have the Sonny Bono effect down here. Instead, we tend to ski off bluffs or slide away in avalanches).

~

Anyway, I liked the story despite the predictable ending and the brain-dead wife. Always good to see karma in action. Thanks.

I do not like the most stories which shows murder type end. Few exceptions are. This story is not in it. I think enough revenge that the cheater exwife has to live with a new cheater spouse!!!!!! But I give 5*****. because the spouse did the human equality step to divorce the cheating wife. Every story where one of the spouses has only extramarital affairs advertising the HUMAN INEQUUALITY. The divorce from an extramarital activity spouse is a step for the enhace the freedom level of the society. Once more enough revenge for a cheater exspouse to live with a new cheater spouse..................

yes, she deserved everything that came her way.

divorce was obvious.

some might think her death was not a mercy.

but she burnt literally all her bridges. defending her lover was the final straw, the last bridge she burnt.

she's an old washed up woman, no more child bearing years. no useful skills beyond supporting only herself.

she wallowed in self pity instead of growing the fuck up. i'd say her burning to death next to her shithead was a mercy. and him being taken outta the gene pool was a mercy to society. if the ex wife grew up, i don't see her at all being a problem for society at large. it was her lazy entitled attitude that made her death a mercy.

What a sad tale.

All the psychic gifts Elaine had couldn't prevent her from cheating.

At least she had some more wild moments with James.

That was what she was yearning for. One thing though her dream was right she didn't read it right. Her entitled selfishness made life over for her, James and I think to some extent also her husband Bill.

/

Thanks pietro108.

Pretty good. This was much better than your story "DNA Results", so you seem to be improving. Good for you. One thing I thought was unrealistic, though, was during the confrontation in the hotel room, you said: "I lifted her off the floor and unceremoniously dumped her on the bed." If this guy had broken his leg several days before, and especially if the injury was severe enough that he would spent several days in the hospital as a result, he certainly wouldn't get out of his wheelchair, lift a woman, and throw her on a bed. Nor would he be up to seeing "Glenorchy" a few days later. But still, this story was an improvement. Thanks for posting.

Maybe, the life she that was over, was indeed her married life. She just failed to recognize it in the dream.

Lifting Elaine with a broken leg can be quite challenging. Good story in total.

I think if the fire had happened while she was in the hospital, it would have been even more BTB. She would have lost both men and the rest of her family and been stuck alone in another country. That would give her years to ruminate over what she did.

Good story, thanks for the read.

So, her sense of entitlement to cheat on her husband overrode her ESP abilities. Bad time to start ignoring those warning dreams. Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy!

Much better than your earlier work. Keep going and you will continue to improve. Possibly flesh out some of the background, such as where home was.

I agree with Tajfa. I was going to give you a 4* up until the end. Murder is not justified, as bad as their behavior was. 2*

I enjoyed the story greatly. (I'm also a Kiwi and have visited all those sites many times.) Yes, I understood the sense of helplessness he would had felt, being "bed-bound" while his wife partied away with her lover.

Mind you I did question why a husband would agree for his wife to go visit her teenage boyfriend/lover. Not exactly the accepted thing. Anyway, great story. Well written. Cheers mate.

Sounds like Elaine got hers. If he slapped her around, she didn't get enough. It was good they both died in that fire, but she should have suffered much more...

The murder at the end was very shocking and felt out of character for the MC. I know he didn't do it directly, but it still seemed over the top for him. The confrontation scene has already been mentioned as far as the bed toss, but some of her storytelling felt a bit too much. She was telling details as if she were writing it, not speaking it, very verbose and graphic. I would think most people wouldn't give those types of details of the infidelity unless trying to hurt the other person. Still, a good story 4*

That was a powerful story. 5*. The use of ESP was an interesting plot device.

Good story, I enjoyed it. Just a thought... if I had premonitions that reliably came true. And I saw my life ending and I would die connected with someone... I dont think I would seek out that person! Just me

Gave you a 5. Would have liked to have the woman watch her James get killed, her hurt and then dying from an infection after regretting her actions. but still your way worked.

Her ESP can’t have been that good. Everybody knows that Kiwis are shifty cunts, especially when they play rugby.

Wow literally a burn the bitch story. Certainly a drama filled story thanks for the story.

It was real, so good job with that. I thought the narrative flowed well and I could see your various plot lines in play, so good literary work. Only part I struggled with was the husband not seeing what was going on earlier, but that's your universe, so I can't exactly dock you points for that...5*

That worked! Don't be too concerned about the criticism. Adultery is as old as sex and there's nothing new there. There are only so many ways to tell a story about betrayal and you held my interest. As for the ending being rushed, the ending isn't the story. The why and how are the story and that was interesting to me.

This was a very good story and a significant improvement. Keeping writing! 5

Your writing is good, nice flow, and a bit dark. Keep up the good work. Try fleshing out the actions of your characters a bit more. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Okay story. You need to do a better job proof reading. The litany of excuses the wife used and the husband's cheap excuse of injury made them both seem like cardboard caricatures. Nothing new or interesting. And the BTB ending actually burning the bitch seemed gratuitous. Mediocre poker story.

the MC's reaction to her death i felt was a bit off for someone who raised to kids for that long together. but then again people are unpredictable. just felt a bit off. enjoyed the read ty

it would be interesting to have her side. but i imagen that would be hard to write for her. her ESP is a bit off i9f she didnt know that wasnt going to happen. that was a joke it doesnt take someone with ESP to know what will happen if u cheat. guess she is was too messed up in the brain it see it. but yeah too many unanswered question her for me from her side

Why write these sad stories with all losing in the end? Yes, it may happen in real life but it doesn't have to in fiction.

Not bad, but could have been a really great story. Who abandons their wife, after that many years, without a fight? Rather than throw her out, he should have dragged her back home, to face the consequences.

At the very least, he should have cut her off, forced her to file divorce and have to deal with all the brain damage. Instead, she gets to live with the guy, and they "conveniently" die in the fire.

An interesting twist, have them try and reconcile and fail, while she is terrified by dreams that she dies alone.

Having them die in the end is a complete cop-out. Not justice. I think you are a good storyteller but I want to see the cheaters fully realize and admit their mistakes. Along with begging for forgiveness. Whether a couple reconciles or not, I just can't stand not feeling like justice was achieved. I get that dying in this case is a form of punishment. But I needed to hear more from her beforehand. Thank you for submitting though.

Your characters have some really wordy internal monologues

Forget about the cheap shots. Your story kept my interest and I got I paid for. Wait, I didn’t pay anything. Thanks definitely a 5*. Thx.

Great story, well written. My only complaint is her dying, I wanted her to regret and suffer for years.

5 stars, well done. The husband only hesitated long enough to be certain she was cheating, and I consider that to be good common sense. Sorry to see she fell so easily, but after moving in with him, there was no way to save this marriage. Easy to read and moved along nicely. Thanks for posting!

A bit dark but probably what made the story so enjoyable. I liked the ESP angle, really showed what sort of person the wife was that she knew what was coming and did nothing to stop it despite claiming the husband was her life. While some of your stories aren't the greatest to me (personal opinion though) but this one I definitely enjoyed and gave it 5 stars.

More than a bit dark. Doesn't he have any sympathy for his wife of many years? It was a great idea to kill off that jerk. But her? She was just another victim of that guy. Also it was frustrating that the MC didn't call her on her dancing and so on, when he knew about it. I can't understand that, and it happens in a lot of these stories. If he had confronted her after the first dancing night, maybe she would have fessed up.

Love a good btb !

Probably your best work thus far, in my opinion. Dark story, but finally a cheating wife and lover get what they deserve. Cheating wife made the wrong choice and got burned.

Haven't read the whole story yet, so this may not age well, but after her dream was revealed, my thought was: "I know I will see him before my life ends." Avoid seeing him forever and you can be immortal.

I'm not concerned with shitheads death but Elaine didn't need to die. A lonely life of solitude to think of the pain she caused would have been better. Besides with her ESP why didn't she see how her affair was going to end?

3 stars from me ... I didn't like it because of the "loving" wife's actions which seemed too unbelievable for her character, but I did like the ESP aspect and the almost supernatural qualities of James, which is where I thought you were going with his character. But come on ... if you were in a foreign country with your devoted spouse of many, many years, and they were severely injured, wouldn't you stay with them day and night to watch over them?? I know I would! Anyway, you certainly write very well, but I would recommend that you use an editor to handle certain misspelled words, which another commenter also noticed.

I like the fact that the husband is relieved when his slut wife dies.I think that's so much more realistic reaction for a betrayed spouse. I have to say, I agree with the commentors who point out the unbelievable lunacy of seeking out a wife's past lover. That simply made no sense. Her desire to see him before she died would just been one of those unattained goals. We all experience that in our lives and live with it.

Its too bad her ESP didn't let her know about him going on the harder ski slope, or perhaps it did. Too bad her ESP didn't let her know about her friend that was going to seduce her, or perhaps it did. Seemed like she had all the info ahead of time, I do remember her being so upset about her dreams, but when she revealed them, they didn't seem to be so upsetting. She just didn't share it with her hubby, and walked into it with her eyes open, then followed the cheaters handbook.

It was rather long and drawn out for what was there. Not that great

Wow, the LW crowd is all over your ending. I really liked this story. I don’t hunger for the drastic BTB climaxes most on this site prefer, but I do agree that after a well crafted plot, the ending felt like an afterthought. I felt pretty good about hearing she had gone to live with her lover, and was now suffering life with his cheating habits. The death by fire actually left a bad taste in my mouth, and saddened me that the mob that stormed the apartment took out their rage on a woman that hadn’t harmed them at all. Still, I found the story compelling! Thanks for writing!

"She wasn't herself". I kept waiting for hints that James drugged her or she was a complete slut who planned it all. Either way, I felt as if there wasn't real retribution without James end not having any details or explanations.

Decent story until the premeditated murders occurred.

Good story. Your writing is improving. Ignore the whiners complaining about this being a BTB tale and the cheating wife and her lover dying in the end. They know it's going to be about revenge from your story tags yet they are read it and complain.

A good story. I was expecting a little different ending with all the ESP and " my life is over " talk. I would have liked more suffering for the bitch with her family knowing all the details, then maybe dying by her own hand rather than accidental burning. You also left us all to wonder what she withheld from hubby about her dreams. There was a lot of angst for just " seeing " someone again.

Excellent story, but the ending kept me from giving it a 5 star rating. I would have expected him to have some emotion about the death of his ex-wife

Well it turned out to be quite literally a burn the bitch story, and you still get people moaning at the outcome.

Lincoln said it best ‘You can please some of the people all of the time and you can please all of the people some of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time’.

Wonder if he read Literotica?

OK, a 4 for killing the shithead. The whore's death is irrelevant. He got what he married, a ditzy brainless bitch who's emotional flights and paranormal seeings he facilitated and encouraged. But now that I remember the unbelievable contrivance of his leg injury and continued being bed ridden I can't do the 4; just too preposterous. Actually the entire story is a setup to justify truly burning the bitch. That made some sense before the divorce, but was pointless after they have split the money. It would be more fitting if she lived a long dreary life in suffering and regret. Her death in a fire was too quick and too soon after the divorce.

But thanks for the effort.

not enough pain for the Misses.

I enjoyed it. I think you missed a twist. From the examples, it seems that the wife’s ESP visions were usually warnings. She should have heeded the warning.

1 star - not a great plot and poor character development

Great story. The end was unduly grim and just have your protagonist hire a PI instead of dragging nurses and hotel clerks into the role but 5 stars

I liked it.

An unusual and good plot

and fine writing.

But the end was lacking.

The confrontation with the wife was strange.

Or was it the wife?

The end didn't quite fit the rest of the story.

4 ouf of 5 from me.

@dark2donut2,

you should see a professional about your problems!

Great story 5*, loved the outcome, her life is over!

Loved the story and ending. Sometimes people get what's coming.

TORCH THE BITCH FOREVER! Cinco Estrellas!

Damm those pesky apartments in NZ.. No fire codes. Damm the luck. Would give it a 10

Another been there done that. Dumb assed husband, dumb assed wife, who just happen to go to where her fuck toy awaited.

This was transparent from the start, and her husband had such little issue with her spending all her time the fuck toy while he was in the hospital? Seriously?

Sorry, you may have gotten the easily impressed with this one but it was a 2 page story padded to 4 and not terribly well done.

I don't know this husband is a wimp or a dumpass

A neat twist to the same old story of a cheating wife.

And no, I didn’t ninja burning to death was too harsh a penalty.

I just hope she awakened enough to enjoy the 🔥 flames.

Bill

Sorry not for me. I did not give it a bad rating that would be unfair, it wasn't badly written, ( it just wasn't my scene) however he made the wife to stupid and the end to simplistic. Thankfully he didn't end up with a beautiful younger women chasing him like in most Living Wife stories.

Crap ending. Death porn rewards no one. :0(

The Anon comment below is childish. The use of ESP as a plot device is the first I've seen here. This is much more creative than the author's absurd, hackneyed "big dick" story.

Hmm...it was different that is for sure. This seemed more a tale of consequences of choices. If she hadn't insisted on seeing James she wouldn't have betrayed her husband. If she hadn't of betrayed her husband she would not have been left beh8nd to live in James' apartment. Her husband would have never contacted those jilted husbands. They wouldn't have broke into the apartment, beat James and set it on fire. She would have been back home with her loving husband instead of burning to death in her lovers apartment. So did the ESP want her to betray her husband or was she too self centered to see the danger? Interesting story...

Karma has a neat way of evening out injustices sometimes. This story illustrated that very well. You reap what you sow...even the Bible has that, so it must be fair dinkum!

Good improvement over previous writings. A real ending; still very condensed but complete. Keep up the effort and good writing.

I’ve never seen this storyline even hinted at before , which makes me believe it’s totally your original concept ! Not saying your other stories are not , just saying this one screams originality in unchartered waters ! That alone is worth the 5 stars , but add to that fact that it was impeccably written , with the build up , the possible twists , and the grand finale all showcased ! This is a true masterpiece ! If Rembrandt had wielded a pen rather than a brush ...

I don't believe in ESP. But I do believe in bitches

I give this a 5. ESP does exist, though most likely it's not witchery or prophecy, but instead having a sense of what's going on elsewhere, then subconsciously calculating where those events lead. In any event, as others have already noted, this was literally a BTB. And well deserved. After all, if she was so fucking prescient, shouldn't she have been able to sidestep the danger? So she is totally complicit. And more likely than not, her half of the marital assets gained through the divorce now go to the kids. Giving them a good financial foundation, a good start in life. As for the poor husband (ex-husband), too bad he couldn't get something going with Courtney. However, the market favors middle-aged men, so he should have little problem finding a replacement. And if it's someone his own age, likely past child-bearing years, he need not even re-marry! Why buy the cow when you can get milk through the fence?

QM

You NEED to have a clear head, and be on top form to follow this, perhaps a fair amount of ESP (acknowledged or not) would really help! It can be rather difficult to follow, you will need a very clear head as it is jumpy! I am the sort of person who needs to understand what is happening, each step of the way, so when given facts are not revealed until later on, I cannot carry them for too long, as with here on page 1, when narrator suddenly refers to their, previously unmentioned, NZ trip!?!

So, I am about to try my third, and final, attempt....

Here's hoping.........

....perhaps it is MY ESP, trying to tell me something?

Well, a sad story with a sad ending. Bill ended up alone and unhappy. He facilitated Laney's death. He'll have to live with that. His kids will have to live without their mother. That was her fault, but it shouldn't have happened. Adultery is not a capital offense.

0 star - a really bad story - violence in this LW category ALWAYS gets a ZERO

Wouldn't want fiction to annoy anyone, now would we? It is an idiotic idea that somehow fictional violence, in any context in a specific category, is uncalled for. Thankfully the world is more than rated G

Excellent.

Load of fucking bollocks, if the wanker was too stupid to know what was going to happen the second James was mentioned he deserves what happened. Fucking crap

Great plot and storyline. You come up with clever ideas. Try not to drag out the obvious and then rush the ending

Different, ending felt a little rushed. And the bitch got what she deserved...

Shitstory …a cuck MC!! He should have died instead of the female!! Disgusting PietroPuke!!

@SystemShock, I was thinking something along the same lines, that if she was to see him before she dies, that she should be sure to see him when she was very old.

\

@tangleweed, my take was that each cuckolded husband didn't know the others specifically, his letter brought them together.

\

@demander, she wasn't a victim. She could feel the affect he was having on her, and instead of staying away from him, sought him out.

Hopefully, Elaine awoke before the smoke and flames claimed her. Wouldn't want her to have missed the fulfillment of her wondrous prophecies. I wonder if she foresaw that she would die a divorce, cheating slut.