Eva Pt. 07

We got to the hospital a little after 9:30 and Eva offered to go down to the coffee shop to get tea and coffee and some bagels in case we wanted something to eat (none of us felt like eating a thing right then). We went to mom's floor, where the ICU was, and after checking with the nurse's desk to make sure there was no change in mom's condition (she was awake, but not allowed visitors yet), we sat in the waiting room for the department. A few minutes after Eva got back and gave us our drinks, the neurosurgeon, Dr. Clarke, introduced himself and sat with us.

It was a somber conversation. "Mrs. Grossman is stable now. She does have a large tumor but we won't know if its cancerous or not until we operate and get a biopsy. We'll have to remove as much as we can, because its a fast growing mass. If its benign, that still doesn't guarantee she will be fine. If it keeps growing and its in a place in the brain that we can't fully remove....I'm sorry. We will do all we can for her. And it may well be treatable. I am just letting you know the reality of her situation. I wish I could give you more specific information. I'd like to operate Monday morning, if that's all right with you and with her. Mr. Grossman, why don't you come with me and we'll talk to your wife? Then, after we have that discussion, your children can go in and see her, but just for 20 minutes every 2 hours; she needs a lot of rest."

Dad got up and went with the doctor and the three of us were left feeling....well, I was numb all over again. Cammy was crying again, though not like the previous night. It was more a mourning cry, like she was resigned to what felt like was inevitable. I had my arm around her on one side and Eva held her on the other side. Eva spoke to her, since I seemed unable to say anything. "Sweetie, I know that sounded very bad, but the doctor was telling us what we might....might, keep in mind....need to be prepared for. Your mom is sick, but she could end up being all right. We don't know yet. Cammy, look at me. Please." My sister lifted her head and looked into Eva's eyes, looking for hope. "I'm going to go with you to the bathroom and you're going to wash up so when you go see your mom, you don't look like you've been crying. She needs all of us to be strong for her right now. OK? You're a young adult, and you need to behave like one." Cammy nodded her head and Eva's words also got to me, and I broke through my own clouds. I needed to get my act together for my family.

I walked with them both to the bathroom and while Camilla went inside, I held Eva with a gentle hug. "Thank you, honey, for stepping up like this. You're amazing in every way. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here. You're the best in every way."

She held me tightly and when she leaned back, I saw her own tears, tears she had been suppressing since the night before. This was hurting her almost as much as Camilla and myself. She started crying in my arms and I stroked her back and kissed her head. "I'm sorry, honey. You've been so strong for us, and no one has been strong for you. Let yourself cry to me, Angel." She let it go, let herself be sad like she let me do the night before. When Cammy came out of the bathroom, she held Eva as well, giving Eva more love. Eva excused herself to also clean up before seeing mom.

"She's pretty great, Jon" my sister observed. "You're so lucky to have found her."

"I know it, sweetie. I know it well. We're all lucky she's a part of us." A few minutes after Eva came out, dad waved for us to join him with mom in her room. We all went in nervously, but mom looked fine aside from being in a hospital gown and in the bed with the IV and some monitors. She was even smiling, though that may have been for our benefit.

"Here they are, my beautiful children! Come give me a hug!" Cammy hurried to her left and I went to her right, both giving her big hugs and kisses. "MMMM the best medicine! Eva, you too, come on. You're one of my children too now." Eva was deeply touched and I made room for her so Cammy didn't have to let go. If the doctors hadn't told us, we wouldn't have known she was so sick.

We spent every second of the twenty minutes allotted, then we cleared out so she could get some rest. We spent most of the day there, killing time between visits. At 6 we had to leave, but we did the same on Sunday. Before we left that evening, mom asked me to stay with her alone for a couple of minutes.

"Jon, you and I have to talk a bit. We don't have a lot of time before they kick you out. First thing is this: you are to go back to school in two weeks. No matter what's happening with me, you go. You will not throw away your future over my illness. You did so well your first semester and you are to continue to do well and work hard. And have fun. And if you do anything that risks your future with Eva, I will get out of bed or a wheelchair or whatever and I will give you a big kick in the ass."

I was shocked; she had never spoken to me that way before, never even used the word 'ass' in my presence. And the look on her face told me she meant every word of it. "Mom, I haven't thought much about it so far, but honestly, if it's as bad as the doctor suspects, how could I go back to school? You're going to need a lot of help and it's not fair for dad and Camilla to have to do it all while I go away to school."

"Listen to me. If I have those kind of problems, your father and I have insurance and we have money, and we'll get me help so your father and sister don't have to disrupt their lives either. I expect your sister to have her social life, such as it is. If things get bad....well, we'll worry about it then. I've talked to your father, and he knows this is what I want for you. And you marry that wonderful girl. Make sure of it."

I was uncomfortable even talking about this with her, as if she knew things weren't going to go well. "Can we at least talk about this after you recover from surgery?"

"No, Jon, we can't. Some things can't wait until then. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. Don't you disappoint me. Now, give me a big hug and kiss. And go get something to eat with the rest. And I'll see you all in the morning before they take me down for the operation."

I gave her the hug and kiss, but I didn't know what to think of what mom demanded of me. I really hadn't had a chance to think about any of this in terms of my future. The idea of not going back to school didn't occur to me. But I had to think about it, seriously. What it would mean for my family if I went back while mom was sick, and what it would mean for Eva and me if I stayed.

Eva stayed over again, after we stopped by her house so she could get a few things. My dad understood and even with Cammy in the house, he let Eva stay in my room, but only because we were engaged and because he had much bigger things to worry about.

We got to bed early, around 10, since we had to be up early in the morning. But Eva needed to talk to me before we went to sleep. "Jon, what's on your mind, besides the obvious? I can tell; you've been distracted all night."

We were laying there in the dark, holding hands, and for the first time since we were together, I didn't know how to talk to her. The words didn't want to come. "Bear, if we can't talk to each other about our biggest fears and problems, what kind of marriage will we have? All the rest is the easy part. Communication has to work, sweetheart. Please talk to me."

I let out a huge sigh. "My mother wants me to go back to Binghamton whatever happens with her. Even if we get very bad news. If she needs a lot of help, she said she and dad can afford to bring in help beyond what their insurance will pay for. She doesn't want me to stop going there or to upend Camilla's life. And she told me I better not mess things up with you, that I should marry you." Eva didn't say anything; she just squeezed my hand tightly. "But even if they can get full time nurses, it would still be so hard on Cammy. I couldn't leave her to deal with all this alone. But If I stay I risk hurting our relationship, yours and mine. And god knows I don't want that either. I don't know what to do, Angel." I turned to Eva and my eyes were blurry with tears.

Eva stroked my cheek and wiped my tears with her thumbs. She kissed me very lovingly before she spoke. "My sweet Bear. If I could take all this away for you, I would. I love you and I love your family. But you most of all. And you have to know, you're not going to lose me. Never going to happen. Your mom may want you to go back, but you're 19 now and you can make your own decisions. And if you decide to stay here and transfer to school down here, like Queens College, then I'll transfer with you and we'll get through it all together. I'll help with your mom's care if necessary. And you know what else? If the news is bad, god forbid, we'll get married right away. A small wedding is fine with me. The important thing is that we get married and your mother see's us. Everything else is secondary."

I saw the love in her eyes, for me, for my family. For us. If there had been even a scintilla of doubt about marrying Eva, it vanished with that look. I knew that whatever else happened, Eva and I would have a long and happy life together, always filled with love in everything we did. "You're serious? You'd switch schools for me?"

"No, Jon, not for you. For us. For our future together. I don't care whether I graduate from Binghamton or Queens. Sharing my life with you is much more important to me."

I held her face and kissed her. "My Angel, you're my every dream come true. Thank you for standing by me and by us."

"You never have to thank me for that. We love each other and these are the things we do for each other." A long kiss, loving and warm, was exchanged. Then another, and another still. Soon our kisses were filled with desire that we couldn't deny. "Bear, please make love to me. Quietly. Be gentle." Her heat flushed her cheeks.

"I need you too, my love. And yes, very gently." Eva rolled to her back and I was on top of her. Our bodies moved in a way that was natural and confident for us. In easy motions her panties went down and so did my briefs and I quickly found her pussy, warm and wet, as my cock eased into Eva with just a slight gasp. We didn't make much noise, but we were both so in need that our orgasms came within a couple of minutes. It was fast and intense, and yet we managed to be quiet enough to not wake Cammy or my dad. "Thank you, Angel. You're so beautiful in every way."

"So are you, my sweet Bear. So are you."

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I guess by now you've figured out that while the surgery was 'successful', the news was not good. Within a few days we had the results of the biopsy and my mom, my beautiful, vibrant, young (43) mother, had cancer. And it was a fast growing cancer that would keep growing back relatively quickly. All five of us sat with the doctor and he was honest and kind, and he let us know as gently as he could that mom wouldn't survive more than a few months. So the decision was made to send her home under hospice care, with a hospital bed set up in the living room when she needed it and nurses at night and in the morning. Eva and I both decided to take off our second semester after we had a talk with the Dean of Student Affairs. She was very kind and told us if we wanted to continue in the Fall, our places would be held for us. They let us into our dorm rooms to get our personal things and sadly, we packed my car and headed home. We would help out taking care of mom in the afternoon, with additional help from my father and what help Cammy was allowed to give.

Eva, my father and I had to take lessons in basic nursing care, how to give injections and how to change IV and waste bags. How to properly give medications, how to feed mom when she needed help. Even how to help keep her clean, though that would be mostly the nurses job. We learned a lot in just over a week before mom was sent home.

Two nights before she came home, Eva was at her house for the night (one of the last nights she would spend there, alone anyway) and dad had a few friends over to console him. I sat on the couch with Cammy, watching something on TV, and she just started crying. There was a lot of that going on in my house. I just put my arms around my sister and I cried with her. There was no need to ask what she was crying about.

"It's not fair Jon, it's not fair!" she kept saying over and over. I let her cry for a while before I asked her specifically what she was referring to.

"Mom won't be there for my Sweet 16, she won't see me graduate from high school or college, she won't be there for my wedding....and she'll never be a grandmother." She pushed her face back in my chest.

"I know, sweetie. I know. She's going to miss out on a lot of things. That's why Eva and I are getting married very soon, so she'll be able to share that at least. But she'll never know her grandchildren, and they'll never know her. You're right, it's definitely not fair. But we're all going to help take care of her and keep her comfortable. And I think I have an idea on how she can 'dance' with me at my wedding...." I shared my thought with my sister and she smiled, one of the few times I had seen her smile in almost 2 weeks.

"It's a good idea, Jon. I love it, actually. You're the best, brother."

"You're the best too, Cammy. We're going to get through this together, right? And Eva?"

"Yes. All of us. I love you, brother."

"And I love you too, sister."

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Mom came home as planned, 2 days later. It was a hell of an adjustment for everyone, mom included. At first she was able to go up and down the stairs, slowly, with assistance, and her mood was pretty good, all things considered. It was mid January, and so we didn't have to risk her falling on ice, ambulette services took her to and from her doctor appointments weekly. In the meantime, with everything going on, Eva and I planned a very quick wedding.

It sure as hell wasn't going to be the wedding she, like almost all girls, dreamed about. We needed to do it soon, while mom was still mobile, and it had to be fairly small. We found a nice local Northern Italian restaurant with a private room for 50 with a dance floor and enough room for a DJ. With help from Phyllis plus Eva's two aunts and my own aunt (mom's sister Annette) it was amazing how fast things got done. Flowers, DJ, photographer.....all were found. We put together a small list of guests (cutting it to 50 was incredibly hard, but we did it), then we mailed out our own invitations instead of trying to get them printed. The date we chose was February 17. Valentines Day (14th), Eva's Birthday (16th) and our wedding the next day, a Sunday.

Mom was taken by aunt Annette, Phyllis, Cammy and Eva for a gown, something they could help her get into. They chose a silver colored dress, simple but classy, and matching fabric sneakers (heels were not an option). They also found a gown for Cammy there, a navy gown with silver beads making a pattern of a bird (all the bridesmaids would wear navy gowns, but they could choose their own style, something they could wear again). They even took mom to lunch, making a girls day out of it, a special day. Eva found a dress I couldn't see, off the rack that needed just a few alterations. When she and her mom told the seamstress why it was such a rush, she told them she'd have it ready the next day.

The men (me, dad, and Eva's father and brothers, plus Steve, who'd be my best man and my friend Mike) rented tuxes, again from Milton. I was giving him a lot of business in less than a year. Eva chose her cousin Alyssa for her Maid of Honor and a couple of friends plus Charli as her other bridesmaids. It was ridiculously fast, but it was getting done.

A week before, I was sitting with Eva in the living room during our afternoon shift. Mom was sleeping; she was taking a decent amount of pain medication by then. Cammy was at school and dad at work and we had time to talk. We were talking about the wedding, of course. We weren't taking a honeymoon, obviously, just two days in a hotel. The honeymoon could wait. We were meeting with the rabbi that night, a little pre-marital counseling, how to maintain a Jewish home, that sort of thing.

"Honey, I know this isn't how you dreamed your wedding would be. I wish we could do the big wedding you thought of. Thank you for being so understanding."

"Bear. don't thank me for this. We're doing what we have to do. Marrying you is the most important thing, and doing it while your mom is still with us is just as vital. Thank everyone who helped us. Never thank me for this. Being your wife, and you being my husband is what's important."

I held her closer. A year before we barely knew each other, just to nod hello in the halls. Now we were about to be married. No second thoughts, no cold feet. If anything, I was eager to have this happen. But I had to tell her something. "Angel, I haven't had time to buy you anything, not a birthday or Valentines gift, not even a wedding gift. I'm sorry about that."

"Bear, I haven't had time to shop for you either. We're a little busy, you know? This year, we'll just not worry about it. We barely had time to get rings."

We chuckled together. "Yeah, wouldn't we have looked like idiots when the rabbi asked for the rings if we had forgotten!" We cuddled close, sharing a light, intimate moment together. There were few such moments the last few weeks.

Valentines Day I did stop off to buy roses, for Eva, a dozen red, for mom, a dozen yellow from me and Cammy (her favorite), for Phyllis a dozen pink and for Cammy, a dozen white. All these women were important to me in different ways. And I was Cammy's first roses. She really needed something very special; to say the least, she was having a tough time.

"Jon, they're so pretty" my sister cried, tears of sadness and joy. "You didn't have to do this."

"You're as important to me as anyone, sis. You're 13 now, and it's time. Your first roses."

"But I'm not your girlfriend, or your fiance. Oh, I don't care, I love them! I love you so much! The best brother anywhere!" She hugged me like she would never let go. But she had to. I had other flowers to deliver.

Mom was next, and with the two dozen my father gave her earlier, the roses Cammy and I gave her almost took over the bedroom. Mom still looked good, though she was clearly tired and she was losing weight. She hugged us both as best she could. It was a very bittersweet moment; it was the last time we'd be giving her flowers.

"My two wonderful children. One of whom is going to be married in a few days! I love your flowers, but it's so yellow in here. I'm glad, though because it smells so nice in here. You both make me so proud. Even you, Jon. I was annoyed that you didn't go back up to Binghamton like I told you to do, but maybe, under the circumstances, it was the right thing to do. I love you both so much."

"We love you too, mom" I said. "We're both glad to have time with you. I promise, in the fall, Eva and I are going back to school, though maybe we'll stay here and go to Queens College. That's what we're considering."

"I'm not going to argue with you. You should do what you think is right. But at least think about going back upstate. Besides, it's such a good school."

"So is Queens, mom. And it's free for NYC residents, except for fees. We could get our own apartment here and still be around to help dad and Camilla."

Mom then asked for us to let her rest for a while. She was so tired so much of the time. At least her pain was under control.

Cammy and the morning nurse stayed with mom while I went over to Eva's house. She was spending most of the time with us by then, and after we were married and had a two day honeymoon, she'd be moving into my house for the foreseeable future until we were ready to find our own place, wherever we went back to school.