Eva Pt. 20

Then Maria said something that touched us both deeply. "Mom, Dad, Max and I were talking the last couple of nights. We want to get married right away. While you're still having good days. We were thinking February 17th, your anniversary." My Little Hero. It was even a Sunday, perfect. "We don't need a big wedding. We want to do what you did, about 50 people in a restaurant. I want my mom to see me get married. And Max agrees 100%."

Eva cried in her daughters arms. "I'm taking away your most cherished day, Maria. You shouldn't do this for me."

"Mom, listen to me. When you knew Dad's mother was dying, you did the same thing. You wanted her to see you and Dad get married. And that's what I want. I want my mother there with me on my special day. You and Dad gave me such a great life. If it wasn't for both of you, God know's what would have happened to Vince and me. I love you both more than anyone, except Max. Maybe. This is how I want to get married, I want it to be on your 51st anniversary. And you're going to help me plan it as best as you can." She was adament. Our amazing daughter. I would never admit it to anyone, but she was my favorite. A little bit.

I hugged her and I whispered "I'm so proud of you, sweetie. Thank you. And you make sure you send me every single bill."

Over the next six weeks, things changed a lot. We had a rotation of aides living in one of the guest rooms. Eva didn't always need help, but she did need it sometimes. Getting cleaned up, dressed, helping me get her to appointments. I installed little bells on all the doors leading outside so if she tried to wander off, we'd know it and we could go after her.

Rachel canceled her concert tours that year. I hated that she had to do it, but she wanted to come visit every other weekend with Sam and Tony. Vince couldn't come quite as often, but he came at least one weekend a month with his husband. And Cammy. Cammy and Kyle practically moved down, renting a house to be near us as much as possible. "She's my sister and kind of like my mother, Jon" she explained to me. I want to help her and just be around you both as much as possible."

When I told Walt and Will when Eva got bad again, they both told me to send them the bills for her aides, for her medications, everything related to their sister's care. I told them it wasn't necessary, that we could more than afford it, but they were insistent. "We never did anything to repay her for being a great big sister to us when we were young" Walt explained to me. "She was great, even when we gave her a hard time. So were you, Jon. We love you both, but especially our sister. Please, let us do this for her?" I gave in; I was in no condition to argue. I had enough on my plate.

We got ready for a fast wedding. Maria found a simple white gown, she asked a couple of girlfriends (yes, our Grease Monkey had girlfriends still) to be bridesmaids and she asked Rachel to be her Maid of Honor, which greatly pleased her big sister. Connor and Vince would be ushers as well as Max's brother. And Maria told Eva and I we were both going to walk her down the aisle. "I couldn't leave Mom out from that special honor. No way!"

The wedding was held at the same restaurant Cammy hosted our 50th anniversary party at exactly a year before. 50 people for a Sunday brunch wedding, so they could be ready for dinner service that night. It came together fast with a lot of help from her family, me included. Some days Eva could give her input, but others she just couldn't. She was really losing her battle very quickly. It was frightening.

At night I held her in bed, and even on her good days, the nights were usually bad. It's called 'Sundowning'. The efforts of the day tire the patients out and the exhaustion takes away whatever good days they had. I sang to her every night, often during the day, but always at night in bed. Simon and Garfunkle, Dylan, Clapton, The Dead, of course. The music she knew best. It comforted her and sometimes she sang along as best she could.

I brought her roses for Valentines Day, more for her birthday. She was having good days and she loved the flowers. "Thank you, Jon. I still love you. I love you." She had a habit of repeating herself when she was unsure. Her mind was going so fast. It was breaking my heart.

Our anniversary, Maria's wedding day. Maybe it was a force of her will, but she woke up sharper that morning than she had been in weeks. She knew it was Maria's wedding day (though a couple of times she said it was Rachel's) and she had the aide get her ready early, getting her hair done by her hairdresser, who came to the house every other week for her. Cammy helped her with her makeup, and Eva looked like the woman I loved with all my heart, so beautiful in a blue dress the women found for her. Her body was changing, she was thicker around the middle as she got less exercise (I did too; I wasn't taking great care of myself). But to me, Eva was perfect.

We got to the restaurant early for pictures, and my girls, Eva, Cammy, Rachel and Maria all looked beautiful. Anna actually looked sexy, 26 now, with a date on her arm. Vince and Jamaal, Connor and Nancy with Oliver, now 22. Will and Walt with their extended familys. A beautiful family of Grossman's, Glazers, Garzas and a Walker (Jamaal) and now a couple of Liebers (Max's last name). When I look at the large family portrait of that day, I am both happy and sad. We all knew it would be the last happy occasion we would all celebrate together before the inevitable happened.

Eva and I both walked Maria down the aisle to the chuppah and when we got there, before we handed her over to Max, I lifted her veil and Maria gave me a huge hug and kiss, thanking me for being her father. Then she turned and held her mother like she would never let her go. Eva held her just as tight and whispered something I couldn't hear. Something private between mother and daughter. All I know is Maria started crying softly, then Max stepped down to take Maria's hand and they went to get married as Eva and I took our seats. I looked at my wife and saw her eyes were clear and she was leaking her own tears. For that day, she was almost herself.

During the party, I dance a couple of slow dances with Eva, and Maria and I dance to that awful song, Daddy's Little Girl. I danced with Rachel, with Anna, and with Cammy. My best friend besides my wife. It was a wonderful day.

It came at a cost. Eva was beyond exhausted when we got home, and as the aide and I helped her get undressed and washed up, she didn't know where she was or whom she was with. The wedding took everything out of her. She stayed that way for three days, and it scared the hell out of me. Thankfully, the following day she was back, at least part of the way.

Over the next six months, Eva got harder to handle. She got more agitated when she didn't recognize someone or remember their name. She wasn't able to take care of some of her most basic needs and the aides, all women, were having trouble helping her. I wasn't exactly a kid anymore and I was having trouble with her. I was also having trouble coping emotionally. I went to support groups her doctor recommended, but they only helped so much.

I sang to her, told her I loved her all the time, reminded her of who I was, but it kept getting worse and worse. She didn't recognize our children when they visited. My own doctor became concerned about my health. I gained 30 pounds, my blood pressure was getting dangerously high and I looked like I aged 10 years in the last 8 months. She told me I had to face reality. Taking care of Eva was killing me. If I didn't put her in a nursing home and start taking better care of myself, she might outlive me.

Connor and Maria came over that night and we talked to Rachel, Vince and Cammy via Zoom. Just the six of us. No spouses. I told them all what my doctor told me as well as telling them how difficult it had gotten taking care of their mother/sister-in-law. They all agreed, unanimously. It was time to get her into a professional facility. The next stage in my heartbreak.

Thankfully money was no object. Even if I couldn't afford it (and I could), Will and Walt insisted on paying for her care. To be blunt, they were filthy rich, a couple of Silicon Valley billionaires. I agreed to split the cost with them.

Connor and I went around to a few homes that were recommended to me through my doctor and some friends. The third one was the best. It was ten minutes from home, the residents were all well cared for, clean and there were some activities. You could pay extra for individualized care during the day, which was recommended for dementia patients.

The next step was bringing Eva. We walked around, and she realized why we were there and she started to cry. "Jon, I don't want to be here! Please, take me home! Don't leave me here, please!" Over and over. Maria helped me calm her down and the woman in charge of patient care also sat with us and helped. She'd been through this dozens of times, maybe hundreds.

"Mrs. Grossman, we're going to take good care of you here. The food is good, the people are nice, the people who work here are very kind. We have a nice private room for you. I promise, you'll be very happy here."

Eva was inconsolable. And the worst thing, in my thinking, was the fact that by nightfall, she probably wouldn't remember what happened. Maria helped her mother sit down and console her while I went with Mrs. Rogan (the person in charge) to sign the necessary papers and leave a check. Like I was going to deliver Eva for Cash on Delivery or something. It felt cheap.

The next day I took Eva to her favorite park, where we fed the birds in the lake and walked around quietly. Then I spread out a blanket and we had some sandwiches and iced tea, and then I brought out my guitar and sang for my love. Please Be With Me by Eric Clapton, My Love by Paul McCartney, Sailing by Rod Stewart. Maye one or two others. But I couldn't sing Tupelo Honey. I just couldn't. I didn't think I could ever sing it again.

We spent our final night together with Connor, Nancy, Oliver, Maria and Max. Cammy checked in by our smart phones, then Rachel and Vince took turns. It was all very tech, modern and sad. After everyone left, after our aide, the last one we'd need at home, went to lay down, I sat with Eva, quiet. "Hey, Angel. How are you feeling?"

"Is my name Angel? I thought it was something else. But it sounds....I don't know. You're....." She couldn't remember my name or her own. I wanted to fall apart but I couldn't, not then. I wanted Eva to be able to get some rest.

"I'm Jon, Eva. I'm your husband. Your Bear. Remember? We met in high school?"

She brightened up then. "You sat next to me. You cheered me up and we dated."

"Yes honey. We fell in love that Spring and Summer. And we got married fhe next February. We've been married 51 years. And a half."

"We have? I think I remember..." Eva then cuddled next to me, like it was the most natural thing in the world. like we had done almost every night for almost all our adult lives. Tears were falling down my cheeks and she noticed. "Why are you crying, Jon?"

She remembered my name! It wasn't unusual during the day, but at night, it hadn't happened in months. "It's nothing, Angel. Just I'm kind of emotional tonight. Would you like me to sing you a song? Something special."

"Sure. You sing, don't you?" She was smiling, as best she could.

"Only for you. My love." I kissed her softly before I picked up my guitar and this time I sang Tupelo Honey. Our song. Eva listened quietly, getting lost in the song, and when I came to the chorus, "She's as sweet as Tupelo Honey, She's an Angel in the first degree.." she sang with me, out of tune, but to me it was such a beautiful sound. It was heaven in my mind.

We went to lay down afterwards and Eva slept while I was awake almost the whole night. The morning would the end of the very best part of my life. I took her to the nursing home in the afternoon and stayed as long as they let me, until evening.

I went back every single day, usually with my guitar, even after she couldn't remember who I was, who Cammy was, who are children were. Over the next year we all became strangers to her.

Eva died on May 4, 2033 in her sleep, age 72. We buried her two days later back in our beloved Wayne, PA. I moved back a few months later to be near her, so I could visit her whenever I want. Sometimes Cammy comes with me, and my kids and grandkids come when they visit. It's a pretty spot near a big tree and one day I'll be buried next to her.

Friends sometimes offer to set me up with a divorcee or a widow, nice women around my age. I go for the companionship, but I don't pursue anything more than the occasional dinner or movie. I'm not interested in sex with any of them or to live with anyone. I had my great romance and I'm just not interested in anyone else in that way.

I travel and see my kids, I love seeing my grandchildren. Rachel is still a concert pianist who travels the world, but likes to stay home most of the year to be near Sam and Tony. Connor and Nancy moved to Washington state, where they teach at the U there. Oiliver is in grad school there for chemical engineering and Charles is in 5th grade and doing well. I go there once a year and they come East once as well each year.

Vince and Jamaal adopted a boy last year, a four year old named Gregory. I love him like I love all my grandchildren. And Maria and Max have two children, a girl (Laura) and a boy (Daniel), plus they adopted another girl, Lena,who's not quite one yet. They own the two auto shops and have a good life, as all my children do. They're all a testament to my wife, the amazing job we did together in raising them. When I see them or talk to them, I feel Eva with us. She'll always be with me. Through good times and bad.

I love you, Angel. Always and forever, right? Like we always said. Even though neither of us believed in God, I somehow hope we'll be together again some day. I can dream, can't I? Love, your Bear.

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I hope you all enjoyed this long story. I enjoyed writing it, even though the ending is kind of sad. As always, I appreciate your votes and comments.