Everything Changes

I giggled at her revelation. "It's the same for me. I love to write poetry and stuff. I have focused more on songwriting, mostly. The creative writing project scares me. It would be the longest thing I have ever written. God knows how I will find the time."

"You'll find time. Once the bug catches you, it becomes an obsession." She gave me a thoughtful, eyebrow-raising stare. "Well, it did for me. I have read some of the short stories you posted this year. You are a very talented writer."

Her words surprised me. "What... no. I'm hopeless. I love words and emotions but I am lost." I reached over, rubbing her shoulder softly. "You are the genius. I love what you write, so intriguing."

"Tui, I'm a fraud, really. I just write stuff. I have no clue really."

"No, I love reading your work; you have a beautiful way with words."

"I wish I had your confidence. I hate everything I write."

"Why, you are talented."

She scrunched up her cute face in a grimace, "Yeah, maybe." We finished our lunch together, and she asked. "Do you want to come with tonight? Me and some friends are going bar hopping?"

"Sorry, I have to work. I would love to, but I can't afford to take a night off at the mo."

With a sad look, she asked, "What about Saturday night?"

"I work at the zoo, what time are you going out?"

"Nine-thirty or so. It's just a few friends. We can do the clubs up on K road. That's always a bit of fun."

"It's been ages since I had a night out. Yeah, all right. Where shall we meet up?"

"Come to my place; we can all grab a taxi from there." We exchanged numbers, her saying she would text me her address.

For the rest of the day, I couldn't concentrate. Luckily, Abby was onto it. She drove everything along. Later, as we sat around discussing who we would get to play drums, Abby asked, "What is it with you today? You are not with it, girl."

"Sorry, my mind's off somewhere else."

She laughed at me. "It's like you are in love, or some shit." When I blushed and averted my eyes, she gasped. "Oh my god, you are, aren't you? Go on, who is he... Please don't say it's that sleazy fucking Ronald. I swear, girl, if it's him I'll slap your face. I know he's after you, but shit. You can do better."

"Yuck... No way. He's awful. It's not like that. We're just going out for drinks Saturday night. I haven't done anything for so long. It's just some girls, nothing special."

"Nothing special you say. Fuck, you talking my language now. I specialise in girls."

We all cracked up as she rolled her eyes back. "Yeah, we get it, you're gay. We all know."

"Damn right I'm gay. I'm the happiest one here."

As we finished our coffee, I said, "I could actually play drums myself. I mean it's not like we have to perform this thing. It's only a recording, right?"

"You play drums?" Arty gasped. "That's good enough for me. We could grab the main studio tomorrow for an hour. There's a kit set up in there."

Abby shook her head. "You never fail to surprise me. Drums, really?"

"Yeah, it was advice Kaki King gave me. She started out as a drummer. Told me if I want to be a good guitar player to learn drums."

"Listen to you. Little miss name-dropper. Talking like you were best friends with the hottest guitar player on the planet."

I laughed, as did the guys. "She is my favourite, but there are a lot of pretty hot female guitar players."

"Yeah, and I'd like to do them all," Abby said with a loud sigh.

Saturday evening found me furiously going through my wardrobe. "What the hell will I wear? All her friends are bound to be like her. Flash new clothes, all bloody designer labels. I had really only a couple of dresses that would fit clubbing.

Once I decided to go with my little black dress, the only thing left to do was risk the shower. I made it quick, but there was Paul leering at me with an evil smile as I tried to get back to my room wrapped only in a towel.

"Wow, you look sexy," he said wiping the drool away. "Need a hand? I could dry you off real nice."

"Fuck off, arsehole." I snarled, slamming my bedroom door in his face. This flat was starting to get me down. There was no escaping the lecherous bastard.

I wandered into the lounge area after ringing for a taxi. Holly came over and we started chatting. "You look really nice tonight, Tui. Got a hot date?"

"Nah, just some girlfriends from school."

"Well, you're going to get lots of attention tonight, babe. You look hot. I reckon this is the first time I've seen you all dressed up."

"Yeah, I don't go out much."

"I know, and it worries me. You need a guy to make you feel special."

"To busy for that shit. I have my whole life ahead of me. There's no rush."

"I know, babe, but you're only young once, let your hair down, live a little. Girls need sex as well, you know."

"We'll see. I'll be late tonight, so don't panic."

"No worries. If you need him, Paul will be around. He might be able to scratch your itch."

"Ew, oh fuck no. Hopefully I never get that desperate."

She gave me a quizical glare. "Why are you so anti-Paul?"

"Yuck, he just creeps me out. Always making lewd comments, trying to rub up against me. He freaks me out. Why do you care so much?"

"I don't know. He is just shy and trying too hard. He told me heaps of times after we've had a few drinks that he really likes you. Loris has known him for a long time. He thinks he'd be perfect for yah."

"Like hell, there's not enough alcohol on the planet to make that happen."

She hugged me tightly as the taxi's horn honked from the roadside. "Have a fun night, babes," she called after me.

"Is it just me?" I said under my breath as the taxi scooted out into traffic. Maybe it is me, when I thought about it, I was never comfortable with guys.

The few dates I had been on always ended in disaster. Their slobbery mouths over mine, it was like they were trying to kiss my whole face. Then there was the tongue; why did they all think having my tonsils removed during a kiss would be sexy?

Thankfully, I would be with a bunch of girls tonight. Then my brain went into overdrive. "Shit, they'd all be after boys, as well. Oh bugger, why did I agree to come tonight?

Arriving at Lilly's apartment, I was blown away. "Wow, what a place," I gushed as we shared air kisses.

She looked nonplussed. "This place, no. It's just an apartment."

"It's like a gazillion times nicer than where I live."

Lilly quickly did the introductions. They seemed nice. I was expecting snooty, but they were all pleasant. Yeah, they obviously came from better than middle-class backgrounds, but they weren't bitchy like some of the girls I knew from high school.

We started off at Illusions, which was pretty choice, but the girls were keen to move, and we walked up to the Ink Bar, and that was pumping, house and dance filled the room. Heavy bass thumping off the walls. It was packed as well, which meant a queue, although Lilly made short work of that and we jumped to the front just like that.

She had a way about her. What I had forgotten was the cost of drinks: fuck, twelve bucks for a vodka slider. I was already counting costs and feeling embarrassed trying to figure out how to get out of getting the next round of drinks. Lilly, saw me going through my purse. I got cash out earlier, so that I knew when it was gone, I was out. That moment had arrived. I fumbled around in my handbag, and Lilly saw me. "What's the problem, you lost something?"

"Um, I was thinking, I should really be going. It's late."

"Oh come on, you can't go now. It's early babe."

Honesty is the best policy they say. "Lilly, I can't afford it. I've already spent next weeks lunch money."

She pulled me into a hug, our bodies clinging together. "You're not going anywhere, so hush. I got it covered. We can scam a few drinks, there's already guys lining up to dance. Just follow my lead."

She was good, I give her that. We soon had a bunch of guys buying us drinks. We had to dance our asses off to pay for them, but it was fun. All us girls squashed together.

It must have been four in the morning when we finished off. We all crammed in a taxi. Lilly made sure I was dropped off first, so I didn't end up with the fare.

As I was climbing out, she grabbed me and kissed me. I mean she kissed me. I was drunk, but this was a kiss type kiss. This wasn't a friend saying good night.

As I slipped out of her grasp, her eyes fixed on mine. "Night, babe." she screeched, joined by the others.

The alarm beeping loudly seemed impossible. It couldn't be... Of course it was. I had to get dressed and get on my way. Shit, what a day. My head hurt, my tummy felt like it was doing flips, and when I checked my purse, I barely had enough for coffee.

At home, I sat down with my computer. The bottom line stood out like a flashing red beacon, zero. All I saw was zero's. This was going to be a long week. I didn't get paid from my cleaning job until Thursday. How the fuck was I going to make it. I sure as hell wasn't asking Mum or Dad.

There was no bus ride into Uni, Monday morning. I had to walk, and when I walked into class, I was exhausted. Abby came over for a chat. "What's up with you? Looks like you just ran a marathon."

"Bloody feels like it, as well. I had to walk this morning, my feet are killing me."

"Walked, shit why did you miss your bus?"

"Nah, I need the exercise."

Laughing she shook her head, "Me thinks you're full of shit. Come on, what really happened?"

Embarrassed, I replied. "I went out Saturday night. Spent way more than I expected to. Now I'm broke as."

"Why didn't you just start with that. Fuck, girl, I could have picked you up. All you gotta do is ask?"

"Sorry, I'm sort of embarrassed. It's been a while since I went out anywhere, and the drinks, mama mia..."

She laughed, "Yeah, it ain't cheap. She reached into her purse, pulled out some cash and pushed it into my hand. "Here, take this."

I tried to push it back into her handbag, but she grabbed my wrist, and scowled. "You're gonna pay me back, right?"

"Of course." I spluttered.

"Then take the damn money."

The buys came in and we congregated to talk over finalising the track. It meant recording the drum track. We had to get Marcus to give us a hand. He helped with the mic positions and a few plug-ins, but we were ready to go.

Sitting behind the kit for the first time since arriving at Uni felt weird. I took the time for a ten minute warmup before signalling I was ready to go. I had run this sound track through my head a thousand times and knew exactly what I wanted.

I let the intro run, with just a long cymbal roll, then built a little, switching from the ride to crash cymbals, with the kick drum now joining...

Then once the sax cut in, I started playing the bass-heavy beat. hip-hop isn't really about thundering drums, it's more about tight fluid lines, which is what I gave it.

I watched Abby and the guys in the control booth high fiving, with broad smiles. It was easy to see they were happy.

Afterwards, as I walked into the control room, it was all hugs and back patting. We played with the mix a little before finalising and printing to disc. We had our song.

Finishing up for lunch, Abby asked, "What are you doing for lunch?"

I shrugged. "Not much."

"Then come with me, we'll go down to the cafeteria."

"Abby..."

"Oh shut up, I'm buying. Just chill."

As we sat and ate our lunch, we talked in way more personal ways than ever before. Turns out, Abby was a born and bred Aucklander. We chatted about the course, where I was staying, the things we hadn't talked about before. She explained she worked as a chef, had studied cello when she was younger, but gave it up, because she didn't think she was good enough, then started working in her parents' restaurant, where she trained as a chef. Now, five years later, she was back, drawn by her love for the cello.

"The desire never went away. I simply lost confidence. My folks never wanted me to study music. They were happy when I went back home with my tail between my legs."

"Do you have a partner?" I asked feeling our friendship blossom.

"No, I'm having too much fun dating. I've been burned before. Nothing that lasted."

She gave me her widest grin. "What about you, do you have somebody in your life?"

"Nah, between study, the cleaning and working at the zoo, I have no time, plus I don't really know anybody here."

"Then you need to get out and meet people."

"I bloody did that Saturday night. That's where all my money went. I can't afford it."

"You can go out without spending money," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, but, I work every night, from six to midnight."

"Then get another job, you're never going to have a social life working those hours."

"I don't have any skills."

"Fuck off, you can wash dishes can't you, wait tables? That probably pays more than cleaning. How much rent are you paying?"

"Two seventy-five a week."

"Fuck... You have to be joking."

"Well, how much do you pay?"

"One fifty, but I'm sharing with four others."

We had to go to catch out theory class. As we walked down the corridor, my phone beeped, 'WHERE WERE YOU? MISSED YOU FOR LUNCH, LILLY.'

I messaged back, 'SORRY, WAS WITH A FRIEND.'

I didn't see Lilly for the rest of the week. Abby brought us lunch, and I felt obliged to sit with her. I hated owing her money. As the week progressed, Abby got me to play a few more of my songs for her. She loved them, and we started to pinch time to get into a studio to rehearse them.

As the weekend approached, she asked me during lunch. "Have you ever busked?"

"What... No, never."

"Would you like to try?" she asked.

"I don't know how."

"What if we give it a go together. You and me. We can borrow one of the little pignose amps and a small PA and mics. Queen Street would be the best. We could give it a shot. See how it goes."

"What would we play?"

"Your stuff and some covers. We could sit down tonight. I bet between us we must know a bunch of songs."

"How would we get there? Plus you have to work. I have to work."

"We both take a couple of days off and give it a crack. I love playing with you. We could have a little fun, and make some money."

"Shit, Abby, If I take a couple of days off, I can't make my rent."

"Yeah, that's another thing. We need to get you out of that place. You could stay with me, but I don't have the space. How would you feel about staying with my folks?"

"What..."

"Listen, they are good people. I moved out for personal reasons. I needed space to explore my sexuality. I couldn't take girls back home every night. Dad would have freaked. You, shit babe, you don't even have a social life."

"Why would they take me in?" I asked, trying to hide the concern.

"Because they're good people. They would love to help, and they would get to see more of me."

"Why so?"

"Because I'd have to come and pick you up and drop you off. Since I stopped working at their restaurant, Mum has been pressuring me to spend more time at home.

"Tui, Mum and Dad moved here from Germany thirty years ago. They can be a bit funny. Old world customs. I don't mean like they tried to keep Germany alive here. They have always loved New Zealand and the people. Their intent was always to assimilate, to blend in. They would adore having you around."

I loved the idea of getting away from Paul, and the two seventy-five a week was killing me. "Yeah, okay. I'm in. If they'll have me."

"Let me worry about that, I'll give them a call." She walked out, leaving me sitting nursing a coffee.

She returned with a big smile. "All arranged. You can have my old room, and all it's going to cost you is fifty bucks a week."

"Fifty?" I gasped. "No way."

"Yeah, babe, way. You can move in tonight if you want. Do you have to give notice where you're staying?"

"A week."

"All right, give them notice tonight. Did you have to pay a bond?"

"Yeah, a thousand bucks."

"Sweet, then you should get that back, as well."

Holly and Loris were pissed, but when I explained I couldn't afford it, they softened a little, and by the end of the week, I had a grand in my pocket. My only fear was that I wasn't jumping out of the pan into the fire. I had never even met Abby's parents.

I don't know why I was worried; they were lovely people, just as Abby said. The room was awesome, it was at the back of the house, an old converted sunroom. I couldn't believe it, fifty bucks a week.

Abby and I focused as much time as we could on our collection of songs. We figured we'd only need twenty songs or so. Buskers were only allowed to perform in one spot for an hour at a time. Then you had to move.

Lilly seemed a little put out when I stopped having lunch with her. It took a couple of weeks before she got over it. Slowly, though, we went back to being friends, I didn't realise her confidence was so veneer thin. Anyway, we went back to having lunch together, and she kept bringing along new tasty delights. Not that I needed them.

Abby's mum, Claudia, got up early every morning and made me wonderful lunches. It just meant I could share with Lilly, which I liked.

Our first busking experiment was a Friday evening. We set up at four and had three targeted areas where we would play. Number one was the down town terminal. We figured there'd be plenty of foot traffic.

We set up and with shaking hands, god, I had never felt so nervous. I started to play, and Abby played along. Once we started singing our collection of favourite songs, people paused for a listen.

The guitar case filled quickly, and a little crowd gathered around to listen. We even got applause.

Our next stop was just along the waterfront by the restaurant precinct. It had been made popular during the Americas Cup, and had remained that way ever since.

As the evening crowd arrived, we again collected a little crowd, with lots of applause. Our next stop was upper Queen Street. There was a dedicated collection of eateries there, as well, and again, we were popular. Ponsonby turned out to be the best. By the end of that set, we had quite a gathering of spectators, who happily threw coins and notes into the guitar case.

What surprised me was the question, "Do you have any CD's for sale?"

Back at the car, we counted up our takings. "Holy fuck. There's three hundred bucks in here," I spluttered.

"Yeah, imagine how much more if we did have CD's for sale?" Abby retorted.

"I know, that blew me away. They liked us."

"Oh girl, why wouldn't they? We were fucking hot."

"We were, weren't we." I giggled along.

She looked at me with a lingering glance. "You could give up that fucking cleaning job."

My smile disappeared. "Are you going to give up your Chef's job?" I sneered sarcastically.

"Tui, you could do this by yourself. I could come along and help occasionally. You could be killing it."

Shocked, I mumbled, "I couldn't do it without you. They liked us, not me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. They liked us, but I bet they would have liked you just as much by yourself. You want to be a performer, then this is where you learn that craft, babe. On the street, working your cute arse off. Out there, you gotta earn every dollar. You saw how it was. I'm serious, you could do this."

Over the weekend I had a chance to think about it. If I only made one fifty a night, it was better than the cleaning job, and Abby was right. Playing on the street was difficult; you did have to be on your game.

Monday morning, Abby picked me up, her mother complaining she should have been earlier and had breakfast. Abby placated her with a hug and kiss. "Sorry, Mama, I'll come for dinner tonight."

As we drove to Uni, she asked, "Well, have you given it any thought?"

"I've already given in my notice," I said laughingly. "I even gave up my job at the zoo. It's all or nothing."