Everything Changes

"Sweet, then all we have to do is record am album of stuff. We better get our arses into gear, hadn't we?"

"Are you sure about that?" I gushed. "It will mean a shitload of work."

"Yeah, but the good news is, we can use it, well you can. I can do the producing and get credits. You can use the songwriting and performance to get your credits. The boys, they can earn credits as well. It's win-win, babe."

"Wow, you really thought this through, aye?"

"Yeah, I should be a bloody manager."

I had six songs that I was really proud of, and I think they echoed who I was and what I was about. Abby and the boys agreed that the songs I chose were the right ones.

Over the next two weeks, we spent hours in the recording studio. We did a couple live, as that seemed like a good thing to do. By the end of the two weeks, I had an album. Nigel suggested that I buy a bunch of small portable jump drives and we upload the album on there with a couple of bonus tracks, as well as the CDs. Technology was moving forward; in his mind it was a step forward.

I started my solo busking career in the same spots as last time. This time, however, it was different. I didn't have Abby for support. It took me into the third song before I started to feel comfortable. I reworked an old Kiwi classic, 'Bliss.' I wasn't sure how it would be received, but when this young guy started dancing in front of me, singing along. I grew a little, found my voice.

The applause took me by surprise, only encouraging me more. I had my little stand with the albums sitting where people could leave their ten bucks and take whichever they preferred. I only had twenty, but they were all gone before I got to Ponsonby.

I tried to talk to anybody who wanted a chat, a little girl who wanted a hug. An old guy who wanted to talk about music. He knew a lot and was interesting to talk to.

I made three hundred buck, and I needed to print out a bunch more albums.

The next night as I was packing up, a young guy asked me if I had a website. He seemed disappointed when I said no. That made me think, 'I need to get with the program.' That night I researched websites and using a free site, developed "Tui's world of magic and music."

It wasn't much, but it was a start and I printed out some business cards. Over the next week, I changed my locations, and each time I got some new fans and more feedback. I was really getting into the swing of things.

The only thing was the damn web site. I kept playing with it, but I didn't really know what the hell I was doing.

I wrote out a bio, but not much else. I needed more help.

Lilly was my go to. "You're busking. Oh my god, that's terrible," she spluttered. "Anything could happen to you out there."

"Lilly, calm down. It's been fun, but it was pointed out to me that I need a website. I was hoping you might help."

"What could I do?" she asked, clearly uncomfortable.

"Help me design the damn thing. Help me get some photos, give me some words to put in it."

We missed a couple of classes as she chased me down to the Auckland Domain and Gardens. She had me posing in all sorts of weird and wonderful spots. She even got some of me on the steps of the museum. It was fun and silly. We laughed like insane school girls as we played models on a shoot.

We went back to her apartment and went through the photos. She gasped at a couple. "Good lord, Tui, you look amazing in some of these. I mean you are really beautiful."

I'm not sure I have ever blushed brighter. My heart raced as I spluttered, "Stop it."

"No, I'm serious. God you aren't even wearing makeup. Your skin, that dark mocha, and so smooth. Granted, we should have done something about your hair, but you look amazing. I'm envious."

"Shut up." I giggled. "What do you have to feel envious about. You're bloody stunning. You could actually be a model."

She reached across the table and pulled me headlong into a tight embrace. "Thank you, but you're the star here. We need to put some of your music on here. Do you have any for sale?"

"Yeah, I have an album."

She looked aghast. "You have an album? Why is this the first I've heard about it?"

"I'm embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything because it seemed a little conceited, like bragging," I mumbled nervously.

"Good god, you should be bragging. You should be shouting from the roof tops. Can I hear this masterpiece?"

"Of course." I reached into my bag, and pulled out one of the thumb drives. She quickly plugged it into her computer and synced it to her sound system. The room instantly filled with my songs.

Lilly sat opposite me, her eyes fixed on nothing. Her hand came up to cover her mouth. "Oh wow, this is incredible. You recorded this at the Uni?"

"Yep, with a little help, of course, but yeah, it's all mine."

"How can people buy it?" She asked.

"I've been selling CDs and these thumb drives while I'm busking."

"How many have you sold?" she asked, excited but stunned.

"About one hundred."

"No fucking way... Oh my god. You're on fire," she gushed.

I laughed at her eager enthusiasm. "Get real, Lilly. A couple of hundred CDs is hardly setting the world alight."

"Oh yeah, so you've sold one hundred in a couple of weeks, that equates to more than two thousand a year. Don't you understand. At that rate you could have a song in the charts."

"Yeah, but I'm not registering these sales. I'm sort of cheating the IRD."

"Oh yeah, bugger."

I laughed loudly. "I don't care about the charts. The good news is, I can pay my own way and I have been able to give up my cleaning jobs.

She nodded her agreement. "We do need to put some way on that website for people to buy it. Others do it via Spotify or Amazon or one of those streaming companies."

"Yeah, but then I have to get all serious and pay tax and shit."

"Tui, you're going to have to face it. You need to take this seriously. It is a great album. Those songs are as good as anything I have heard on the radio."

"Yeah, I'm a bit proud of it, actually."

"So you bloody should be."

She went and got a bottle of wine and poured us both a glass. She raised her glass and clinked it against mine as a toast. "Little things grow."

As we finished our glasses she announced, "To hell with this, we need to get the girls together and really celebrate. What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"I finish up about nine-thirty, we could have some drinks then."

"All right, get here by nine-thirty, and we'll hit the town."

I laughed again; she loved a party. "Maybe we could give it a light tap. I don't think my burgeoning record sales can fund a full on hit."

"Forget the money; we only live once. How many chances will you get to celebrate your first album? We need an album release party."

Party, that does not begin to explain. We started at Hype, which was choice, but we only stayed for an hour before moving on to Scorpio, then Orange, Seki and finally GAY. Now that was an eye opener. All night we had been scamming drinks from guys looking for a good time. I mean, it was fair, we danced with then, in fact we danced our arses off and they had a wild time. All for the price of a few drinks. Everybody had fun.

GAY, was my first time at an actual gay bar. It was wild, the music pumped, but I was intimidated. It wasn't only gay men and women, there was the full spectrum of sexuality and gender-fluid people.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, I stuck close to Lilly, not that I minded, we had a pretty special connection.

The dancing became raunchier, and soon her hot body was all over mine. Her hands were in places I wasn't expecting. The feeling of her pussy rubbing up and down my thighs was beyond erotic. I felt sensations I had never felt before.

All the girls were with us writhing and dancing. At some point I was in the arms of a Samoan dude in a tight leather corset, fishnet stockings, and stiletto heels I doubt I could wear. His makeup was amazing, full sexy lips. He was such a blast, full of funny stories, and move, god he could dance, even in those damn heels.

On the taxi ride back to Lilly's place, we dropped the other girls off, and once we were alone, she snuggled up close to me, her head resting on my shoulder, her hand squeezing my thigh, her hot breath on my neck. She purred sexily, giggled and then nibbled on my ear in a very suggestive manner.

Drunk, befuddled and with my emotions on high. I didn't fight her off, I didn't say anything. I simply leaned against her, enjoying the closeness of another human. I guess it's an element of life that had been missing. Human contact, affection, the warmth of a body pressed up against me.

Up until that point, I didn't realise how much I yearned for that.

We rolled drunkenly out of the taxi and stumbled to the elevator. There was no way we were going to get up the stairs. The apartment door closed behind us, and Lilly tossed her heels aside, mine were already off.

"Bloody hell, I need coffee," she muttered. I followed her into the kitchen as she flicked on the jug, I got down cups. She turned, leaning back against the bench and stared into my eyes. "That was fun. Did you enjoy?"

"Yeah, but I'm trashed. I'm not used to drinking so much."

"Me too." She giggled. "Those bloody Jaeger bombs. That was it for me."

With my head spinning, I stumbled a little and she reached out to steady me. I moved forward into her arms, the full weight of my body leaning against her. "Hhhmmm, your boobies are so soft," I mumbled, words impossible to find.

The heat of her body melding with mine, like a wanton harlot, I pressed my pussy against her hip bone and gyrated a little. Her hands clasped my bum, pulling me closer. I tilted my head, my lips pursed...

And then all hell broke loose. The world started spinning way faster, and my tummy started rushing towards my mouth.

"Oh god." I lifted both hands to cover my mouth and made a rush for the toilet. On my knees, I spoke in some foreign tongue to the polished white telephone. Everything I had eaten in the last week came gushing out in a vile multi coloured stream of disgusting puke.

My tummy compressed and convulsed as it ejected the revolting mess into the bowl.

I felt the hands in my hair, pulling the strands away from my face. "You okay, sweetie?"

She reached across me, pressing the flush to at least eliminate the smell, although the taste stayed bitter in my mouth.

Embarrassment, self-loathing filled my senses. "I'm sorry." I got out between more retching.

"Don't worry, we've all been there." She placed a glass of water in my hand, and thankfully it washed away some of the taste.

Three more heaves, and I felt strong enough to stand. Coffee, and water. Lots of water. Then blackness.

It was a painful reintroduction to the world in the morning. The bright sunlight pushed up under my eyelids. I fought the desire to open my eyes, but there was a pressing urgency from my bladder that couldn't be repelled.

Moving the blanket off me, I sat up. I was on the sofa, I recognised Lilly's apartment, and fuzzy memories filtered in. It was a stagger, rather than elegant stroll to the bathroom and relief.

It was far more than a tinkle. It felt like every fluid in my body cascaded out of me. I peeked into Lilly's room, and she was still sound asleep. I fumbled my way around her kitchen. I needed a cup of tea.

Even as I sat out on her balcony sipping my tea, my tummy kept churning, groaning like some starving monster from the deep.

I was on my second cup when Lilly appeared, coffee in hand. She smiled as she glanced knowingly at me. "Feeling better?"

With a sorrowful nod, I rasped, "Much. I'm sorry about last night."

"Oh nonsense. We have all been there. Nothing to apologise for."

"Honestly, I've never drunk that much in my life. I'm never drinking again."

She giggled between sips. "Yes, and we have all said exactly the same thing. A promise I'm sure you will break. Tui, you never know where your limits are if you never push them."

"I feel awful for spoiling your night. That is the first time I have ever puked."

"Relax, it was an incredible night. So much fun. Next time, we might drink a little less."

"Way less," I added.

"Have a shower," she said softly. "Then we can go and get something to eat. That will quell your tummy."

"I don't have any clothes with me."

"We'll find some of mine that fits. Don't panic." A shower did sound nice. Maybe that would get rid of the repugnant taste, and shame.

Stepping out of the shower with fluffy opulent towels wrapped around me, Lilly had already chosen some items for me to wear. Not stuff I would normally wear, but I didn't want to appear ungrateful. The tightly stretched yoga pants felt like I wasn't wearing anything at all. The expensive turquoise top was a little more forgiving, but I was hardly in a position to argue.

I found a couple of manuscripts, which I leafed through while she had her shower. "Wow, these are so good," I gushed as she appeared.

She looked uncomfortable that I had read them. "I'm sorry, they were sitting on the bench. I didn't think you'd mind."

"No, it's fine," she said a little curtly. "They were entries in a couple of competitions. They didn't do very well. I was going to throw them out."

"No, they're far too good for that."

"No, the literary world is very hard to break into. I might rewrite some sections and try again."

She grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door. Her apartment on George Street was only a ten-minute walk to Broadway. The bean cafe was nice. The morning was bright, pleasant, not yet too hot.

The food was nice, the coffee strong, and the conversation fun. We laughed and giggled as we reflected on the night out. It was a little embarrassing, but I had to ask. "Last night you kissed me in the taxi, and when we got back to your place..."

She cut me off quickly. "I'm sorry, Tui. I get a bit grabby when I get drunk. I hope you weren't offended."

"What? Heavens no. I was surprised, but not in a bad way. I've never kissed a girl before."

Her smile returned, although she looked anxiously at me. "Never kissed a girl, you say?"

"No, never. Lilly, I haven't had a lot of sexual experience, with anybody, boys or girls. I needed you to know I wasn't offended, it was fun, and I enjoyed it."

"So did I," she whispered. We agreed to meet for lunch at Uni, Monday, as I waited for a city bus back to my place.

Claudia was a little angry and gave me a lecture about making sure I let them know when I wasn't coming home at night. Apparently, they freaked out. I felt terrible, and after consoling hugs, promised to let them know in future. "I just had too much to drink and crashed at a friends place."

"Tui, I was not judging you. We only worried because we didn't know where you were. Abby used to do this to us all the time. All we ask is you call."

I apologised again, and she invited me into the kitchen to help prepare the evening meal. She was an amazing woman, so open, non-judgemental. It was also a chance to find out a little goss on Abby.

As we sliced up the onions, I asked, "Abby was a night owl then?"

"Abby was a very strong minded young woman. Always fighting me, always pushing me. I worried a lot because some of her friends were very wild. I know they took drugs, and that concerned me."

"Did she not have a regular girlfriend?"

With a shake of her jet-black lustrous hair, she growled, "No, she was on her own journey of discovery. She had many girlfriends, shall we say conquests. I wasn't the only one she fought. Girls, well people, are drawn to Abby. She has an aura, her world is different."

"When did she tell you she was gay?" God, I couldn't believe how nosy I was being.

"I always knew with her. She experimented. I understood, the world is not a simple place, Tui. Pathways are not always obvious. The only thing, apart from us, her family, she loved was the Cello, we wanted her to find something more substantial, which is why when she fell out of love with her instrument, we encouraged her to work with us."

"Why did she give it up?"

"Drugs, alcohol, a broken heart. A mixture, really. It took a long time for her to recover her self-confidence."

"Broken heart, what happened?"

"She was in love, something all young girls go through. She met a woman, and when she invited her home to meet us, I knew right away this was trouble. She was not the right person for Abby. A controlling minx. A woman without scruples, but what could I say. Abby was in love."

"Oh, that's terrible. Abby seems so strong. I can't imagine her falling for somebody like that."

"She was seduced. As I say, Tui, the world is full of doorways and crossroads. We don't always choose the right path. All we as parents can do is be there to catch you when you fall."

"You did a wonderful job. She is a very strong woman now. Driven, and passionate."

"She is. Falling back in love with the cello, that was the moment everything fell back into place for her. I don't know where that road will take her, but to see the love in her eyes when she plays. The passion and energy. We love to see that."

"Yeah, she's a remarkable musician. When she played on my songs, they were lifted from blahness into something special."

"You have recordings?" she asked.

"Yes, let me get you one." I scrambled off to find her a copy. When I plugged it into their sound system, I watched as Claudia's eyes glistened, little tears forming, which she had to constantly wipe away. "This is amazing. You wrote these songs?"

"Yeah, but they were nothing until Abby got hold of them and made me record them."

Claudia waved me into a full on hug. "This music, it is beautiful. Thank you."

Dinner was wonderful. Abby's father had returned from the restaurant for the evening meal. Claudia had the music playing, and he became instantly aware. "Is that Abby?" he asked.

Claudia explained, and he nodded, listening intently. "Beautiful. You are very talented, Tui."

"Oh, it wasn't me. Abby is the one who made them special."

"No, I see it, my ears hear it. You created these songs. Nothing anybody else does matters. Without your creation, they would have nothing to work with. It is nice to have a record of Abby's playing, though."

Monday, Abby arrived to pick me up and as I was about to scurry out the door. Claudia grabbed my hand. "No, not this morning. Today, I want to hug my daughter. We will wait, and she will come inside."

After a couple of toots on her horn, Abby walked in. "What the hell's going on, I'm double parked, and we're going to be late."

Claudia shut her up with a big hug. "I heard Tui's songs. You played beautifully."

Abby, taken completely by surprise, stayed in the embrace, holding tighter. "Thanks, Mama." She glanced at me, and I just shrugged.

On the drive to Uni, Abby asked, "What the fuck was that all about?"

I explained about staying out and getting the lecture. She laughed loudly. "That'll bloody teach you. Sorry, I should have warned you."

"Nah, it was my fault. She was right. I should have called. I was inconsiderate."

"Ahh, don't let her get to you. She likes you a lot. I see that. Why the hell did you give them a copy of your album?"

"It's not mine, more ours. Without you and the boys, it wouldn't have happened. All I did was write the damn things. Anyway, your mum wanted to hear you play."

With a titter, Abby nodded. "Yep, she always wants to know what I'm doing."

"She loves you, adores you really. You need to remember that."

"Tui, I'll never forget that. They saved me when I was at my lowest point. They scraped me off the ground and put some life back in me. I will be forever grateful. Christ, they put up with some shit from me. I was a horrible teenager. Gave them a right old run around. Poor old Dad, he suffered the worst."