All Comments on 'Exodus'

I hope there comes an ending

That was truly awful !!

Do you expect comments on this? Really? This doesn't deserve even 1*

I guess we all have to start somewhere. Read some stories by some of the better writers and pay attention to the dialogue and the writing style.

This is disgusting…and in the wrong category!! This is a fetish thing!!!

Puerile

Not my style of story. Ryan is a that and a cuckold. Just another take on indecent proposal. She is just a very expensive whole and he is her pimp. All we can hope for is she is pregnant and he has to raise someone else's kid. Serves him right. Lastly, if you been away for that long who the hell plans to go to a bar and drink, that would be the last thing on my mind. Both characters are unlikeable.

There’s shit and then there’s this. Don’t give up your day job, if you actually have one.

Good job i read the tags and read the last few sentences first 1 ☆ given the pathetic cuck deserves everything it gets.

You dishonor our service men. She is not a wife, and you have him as a simp. Please remove.

And another tr@lling author enters the fray.

I was really into the story until the Uber game show came into it.

A cute read but not close to any reality. Amy is just a whore.

Normally I have something positive to say about a story. I guess I will just admit I have no idea what the point of this story was. It was well written to a certain extent....

I have nothing else to say except please practice writing more. This is your first story, no one does very well on their first try. I ask you to please consider what you want to say in your tale, then write it with that thought in mind.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Utter rubbish

Facepalm.

Nope!

Don’t need a comment. Check to see how much bigger a black cock is to a white cock. Might surprise you the little difference on the average size of them. Got tired of hearing all black cocks are huge. You watch to much porn

So $502,400 to each of them in the divorce. Would have been more fun to have the final payout around $12.50. No real ending, but just as well. We can easily see where this one goes. Since the ultimate symbol of Amy’s contempt for Ryan will be the black baby on the way, divorce is a certainty unless he becomes a cuck (barf). Interesting situation but unsatisfying for me unless Ryan has a concealed weapons permit!

In agreement with others... Can't comment on something this awful. Unlikable storyline with unlikable characters... Don't bother to finish this sorrowful mess, it definitely won't work or help.... Don't quit your day job because writing is not your best work.

Great story! I really liked it. Didn't expect that contest at all.

Horrible. Quit while you're behind.

ummmm I don't get the point. really.

Yes, we know these are just fantasy BUT... this was a huge pile of garbage from the start. Husband is away for 4 months and his slut wife forces him to go out to a bar/club. Then she acts like some $2 dollars hooker, exposing herself. Dumbo husband does nothing! Knocks back half a dozen whiskeys and lets her slut herself at the bar. Really. Plus, the whole Uber thing... with them offering $5 million for a porno movie. Really! Is this husband a doormat with legs and his wife a massive slut/whore?. At this stage I practically vomited, the story premise was so bad.

Why did you write this?

Here’s the Readers Digest version: husband comes back home after a long absence. His wife dolls herself up for other men, puts on a show, and then cucks her husband in a bogus game show and gets pregnant with another man’s child.

The twist is that she’s already pregnant because she been cheating on him for months.

As soon as I see "Hotwife," "Cuckold," I save time, skip to the end and drop a 1-bomb.

Unreadable put it in Fetish, no just the trash can

What do I think? I think this is trash.

IUD expired? I can see why this one didn't even score a 2 star rating. Impo64 got it right, this one doesn't even deserve a score of one.

Could any american person please explain your nation's fascination (whites especially) with cuckolding and humiliation? Been reading LW for a while and this is a total enigma for me

Started out OK, turned into a piece of shit

The story is built upon one cliche after another. Quite boring, really. I read part of the first page and then just jumped to the end. Not worth a rating...

Legal action is he interfering any way huh? I'd love to see someone try to make that dumb shit stick. Get as far away from that skank as you can fictional weak husband.

So, she's knocked up, and he's cucked on live tv.

dumb, unrealistic.

What a totally dumb excuse of a story. The guy is overseas, probably serving and he would never put up with this. Well maybe in your sissy world.

Gross.

Laughable tale, infantile female anatomy knowledge and totally stupid characters. Well, the usually panopticon of ingredients that make a crap de jour at the local latrine. Guess the wannabe scribbler tried to forget his flipping job for a day.

Captcha

I got as far through this rubbish as Deshawns 12 inch cock, skimmed the rest of the rubbish only to see this troll has NO IDEA of female anatomy, 12 inches ain't going in til his balls touched her ass. Grow the fuck up, stop trolling this site.

Just terrible, got half way through and gave up

Sad.

Naw pal, even if it's a fantasy, better try shockingly disappoint us less next time around.

Your very first line told me you know nothing of what you write. And then you go tumbling down a very steep hill smashing reality on sharp outcroppings of total bull. If you’re going to write you have to do research.

wasted my time not worth reading

Hope you got to eat her out after he filled her up 😛😛💦👅

I'm only one sentence in, this is not a review or anything, but I just want to say:

Virginia has gently rolling, lovely terrain.

A very nice story! Not exactly realistic, but we're not here for realism, right?

Looking forward to reading more from you in the future!

Nice work of fiction only wish there had a been a bonus if she was knocked up.

When it comes to writing, less adverbs (and adjectives) is usually more. Slim down unnecessary words ("she was giving him" to 'she gave him', etc). While "an absolutely unbelievable amount of semen" spilled out of her "wrecked snatch," would it have been any less if it wasn't "absolutely?" Less is more. Less words, stronger sentences.

No need to say she looked at Ryan, if she's speaking to Ryan. Rather than "she looked at Ryan and said," simply try "She said." It works. If Amy shook violently at the sensation, perhaps simply 'Amy shook' would work. Does "violently" change it? Not really. If she came, no need to say "yet again," especially if you've already shown her coming. We can read. Consider chopping anything that ends in "ly."

"To be" verbs are usually to verbose. "The concerned look she was giving him" can simply be 'the concerned look she gave,' or better, 'she looked concerned.' "Almost two hours had elapsed" can be 'almost two hours elapsed." The "had" is unnecessary and weakens the sentence. "Amy panted as she came down off of what was probably the most intense orgasm she'd ever had," could eliminate 'what was probably' and 'she'd had,' to become 'Amy panted as she came down off the most intense orgasm ever.'

Nice barb, at the end.