Exploring the Bounds of Normal

I smiled, "I like Christy Lee. What about a picture, don't you need one for the back cover or something?"

"Not always, especially in cases like this, it could negate the whole idea."

"Maybe not. I mean, you're going to find out Monday anyway, Elaine, I'm trans, I dress as a woman most of the time, I'll send you one and you can decide if you want to use it."

"Now that I did not see coming," she laughed, "I can't wait to meet you, so should I just call you Christy?"

"A lot of people do; I'll see you Monday."

I told Kate what Elaine wanted to do. We spent the next thirty minutes getting the right picture to send to Elaine.

"That is not what I expected either," she texted back, "see you Monday, Christy."

"You look like you're feeling a little better," Kate smiled at me, patting my arm.

"It's going to hurt for a while, but I understand. I don't know how you get over someone like Mattie." I felt the sadness returning.

"Maybe you start by telling her just that," Kate looked at my phone, "maybe just text her first, she's hurting too."

C: "I understand. Talk when you're ready. Love you," I hit send.

M: "K," the answer was almost immediate.

C: "Tell your dad Elaine wants to use Christy Lee for the book, I like it."

M: "No fair being nice to me right now. I did a shitty thing to you. I like it, too."

C: "Mattie, I let you pee in my mouth when you cum. This is nothing. 😊"

M: "What, I never."

C: "That's what it is when you squirt, I looked it up."

M: "Hang on..., OMG, that's gross and kinda hot. LOL. Are you really, ok?"

C: "No, but I understand. I think we both need this. I miss you so bad already."

M: "Me, too, call?"

C: "K."

Mattie and I talked all afternoon, Kate brought me fresh tea and snacks and gave me hugs when it looked like I needed it, which was a lot. I was sure Henry was taking care of Mattie just the same. Mattie had been right. If she had tried to tell me goodbye in person, she never would have gotten on the plane and it would have been me that kept her from her dream.

As hard as it was going to be, we were both glad it hadn't happened that way. Kate finally made us get off the phone so I could eat something. I had had nothing but tea and cookies all day.

I slept in Mattie's room that night, wearing the same nightgown I had borrowed the night of the first Halloween party, letting the big bed wrap me in memories of my nights with Mattie as her soft scents filled my soul. Wrapping myself around her pillow, I drifted off into the same troubled sleep I had found the night before.

Once again, I found myself with Clara. She smiled at me and nodded, turning, and walking down a path into a copse of trees toward a small house I knew from my novel. She was taking me home. She stopped on the porch and opened her arms to me; I ran to her embrace and awoke as her arms closed around me, not unsettled, but with a purpose.

My computer was in my car, I ran through the snow to get it, trying first in Henry's office and then Kates, I thought of the three bears as I let my heart lead me out onto the sunporch, setting myself up at a small table, I plugged in my computer and started to write.

By the time the sun came up, I had two detailed outlines for a prequel and a sequel to Clara's story. Kate found me and, recognizing what she had seen so many times before with Henry, set a simple breakfast down next to me.

By lunch, I was well into the first book and Kate brought me a sandwich. I took a break to call Mattie; I told her about the dreams and what Clara had shown me. She may have been more excited than me. She told me about the cute loft she and her dad had found not too far from the museum, and I promised to come visit. By the time I had to leave to catch my flight, more than half of the story had been told.

The trip into New York was always awe inspiring, the city has a life force of its own, a soul if you will. Elaine had sent a driver for me, which impressed me immensely, the driver acted like it was no big deal. He dropped me at my hotel and said he would pick me up at ten the next morning. It had been a late flight and I hadn't slept well the past two nights, I called Mattie and we talked for a few minutes before she handed the phone to her dad.

"Elaine sent me the picture, are you sure you want to do that? Once you put your picture out there, that's who you are."

I thought about that, but it's who Christy Lee is, not Chris Thomas, and I think it will give the book more credibility, that's what I inferred from what Elaine said anyway." I took a deep breath," How's Mattie, really?"

"About the same as you, I guess, hurt, sad, trying to take the next step, excited about tomorrow. She said you had a good talk the other day, that helped. Listen, Mattie's about to rip the phone out of my hand, I just wanted to tell you; you're going to be fine tomorrow. Trust Elaine, she's the best. Mattie told me about the new stuff, hold on to that, though it's too soon. I'll talk to you about it when you get back home, here's Mattie."

I actually slept that night, I dreamt about Mattie and Clara left me alone, I woke up refreshed but cursing the time difference because I couldn't call Mattie yet, I took my time getting ready, enjoying the process as I shaved everything from my nose to my toes, drying and styling my hair and taking extra care with my makeup, I chose tights with lace up boots and a houndstooth skirt and a nice comfy sweater just tight enough to show off my breast forms, but not too much.

The meeting with Elaine was more of a reception. I got to meet the team that was working on my book, editors, the cover artist, proofreaders, copywriters, marketing, and promoters. It blew me away how many people were there. Elaine showed us all the finished product, the cover was perfect 'Clara's Response' in large script across a scene showing a beautiful redhead standing tall with a very handsome man in a protective pose behind her, his hand on her waist, all against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains, where the story took place, 'CHRISTY LEE' was in block letters across the bottom.

"This is better than sex," I thought to myself. Elaine laughed, and I realized I had said it out loud.

"Do you do this for everybody?" I asked Elaine when she finished her presentation.

"Absolutely not. You have something very special here, and for your first book, too, we have already submitted Clara for a few awards. We sent ARCs to all the top reviewers and even the Times. If you can do more at this level, you, my dear Christy, are going to have an impressive career as a writer. I have very high hopes for you."

I thought about what Elaine had said about my first book, the dozens upon dozens of short stories, novellas, and never finished novels on my hard drive, all the ones I had shown to Henry that he had ripped apart before Clara found me and he smiled and said, 'good job,' I smiled at Elaine, "Thanks, I have a good mentor." I knew I had been lucky, that it was a one in a million shot, and that without Henry's lobbying, I wouldn't be here, but Clara was a good story, and everyone in the room believed I had told it well.

Paul Ryder was going to be my publicist, we spent the afternoon going over a calendar for the next nine months, book signings, readings, panel appearances for aspiring authors, even a few radio interviews in Chicago and Denver, starting at the first of the year, there would be no time for Chris Thomas, Christy Lee would be full time.

Christmas was tough, the twins were devastated that Mattie hadn't come with me; I called her, and they listened intently as she described all the wonderful things she was doing, we looked her museum up on the internet, Mattie told us what to look for and the beautiful works of art she handled mesmerized the girls. When we hung up, I took them for ice cream; it helped.

Paul was amazing. Not only did he keep me on schedule, but he also helped me get out of a few tough questions we hadn't prepared for during the first few events. My book was flying off the shelves and by the time we got to Chicago, it was on the New York Times Best Sellers list at number seven; it was outperforming even the best estimates, which meant more events and more demands on my time. When Ellen called and asked me to appear on her show, I literally lost it, screaming like a schoolgirl, "I'll take that as a yes, her scheduler said," I handed the phone to Paul, and they set up the date.

At first, I attributed the changes to just being on the road and wearing my breast forms too much. My clothes fit differently, and my breasts itched and hurt. I only shaved twice a week and noticed that certain areas didn't need to be shaved even that often, and there was something about my face. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I thought it looked softer. I asked Paul, but he said he saw nothing different.

By the time we got to San Francisco, I had been number one for two weeks, Elaine called letting me know I would need to come back to New York, we had a reason to go to the RITA awards.

I saw Mattie in the line at the book signing and it hit me I had been so busy I had forgotten to call her. I told Paul I needed to take a break, the people at the front of the line grumbled a bit, when they saw the huge hug I gave Mattie, I was certain they forgave me.

Apologizing, I let her know I had in fact set aside that night just for her but had been so busy I forgot to call her. She said she was available and understood, we made quick plans, I signed her book, gave her a kiss, the feelings were all still there; I watched for a minute as she smiled and left the bookstore.

Mattie showed up at my hotel a little early, I told her how exciting everything had been and about Ellen while I changed, "Christy, you look different," she walked up behind me when I pulled my blouse over my head, her hands ran across my hips, up my waist, across my back to my shoulders," more feminine."

"I know what you mean, at first I thought I'd just lost some weight and my boobs hurt from wearing my forms so much but it's more than that. Can you unhook me, by the way?"

She unhooked my bra, and I pulled the forms from my breast laying them on the counter.

"Christy, you have boobs," her hands slid around my chest and cupped my small breasts, squeezing gently, my nipples got hard, and I felt a surge of energy race through my body" and hips and a really nice butt and your shoulders are smaller. Christy, what is going on, are you taking hormones, are you trying to be a woman?"

"Mattie, no, I'm not doing anything. It's been happening for the past couple of months since I started the tour. Every day, I wake up and I've changed a little more. I thought about going to see a doctor, but, Mattie, I like what's happening to me." I looked at myself in the mirror, noting everything she had described.

"Take your panties off," I slid them down my hips until they fell to the floor.

My genitals were less than half the size they had been the last time Mattie and I had been together, she slid her hand to my crotch and started to fondle me, I could feel the urges in my heart but there was nothing from my manhood.

Mattie continued to touch me, using her other hand, she turned me around. I leaned against the counter as she dropped to her knees and took me in her mouth. The feeling of her soft lips and tongue felt wonderful, even on my flaccid member. I ran my hands up my chest, cupping my breasts, noticing how large my nipples had become.

I let out a soft moan as a gentle spasm of pleasure pulsed through my body. I could feel myself releasing in Mattie's mouth. I had never gotten hard.

"That was probably a bad idea." Mattie looked up at me, smiling sheepishly.

"I certainly wasn't going to complain," I smiled as I helped her to her feet."

I tried to pull her close and kiss her; she put her hand on my chest. "No Chris, please, I shouldn't have done that. I do still love you, I just....," she looked away from me.

"It's ok, Mattie, I still love you, too, but I understand, it's still too soon," I picked my panties up and slipped them back on, looking at myself in the mirror, "How is this happening to me?"

She ran her hands over my shoulders and down my arms, sliding them around me as she hugged me from behind," I don't know Chris, some of this could be hormones or something, But I don't think they make your shoulders smaller, and your chest, too. Have you been to a doctor?"

"I've been making excuses. I really have been so busy, but mostly, when I see how I've been changing, I want this; Mattie, I want to be a girl," I pulled her arms tight around me, "and I still miss you so much."

"Chris, just get dressed and we can talk over dinner," she pulled herself free and swatted me on the butt.

I had been in a dress and heels for weeks, so I chose some jeans and my boots, with a camisole and a lace cardigan to dress it up just a bit.

Mattie smiled at my choices, "that's really cute, you're learning. So, I'm guessing Chris didn't make this trip?"

"Thanks," I smiled at Mattie, "I had an excellent role model, and Elaine and I talked about Chris, as well as my book is doing and with the appearance on Ellen's show, I just can't risk it right now. Maybe your dad was right about putting my picture on the book, and besides, I'm not sure there's much of Chris left." an odd blend of melancholy and happiness ran through me.

"Well, I like the picture. I keep your book on my desk," she blushed as she said it.

"Mattie, what are we doing? I...," she put her fingers on my lips.

"Chris, or Christy, we are going on a date. We are going to talk to each other and ask questions and try to get to know each other again, and if you're lucky, I may let you kiss me goodnight when I drop you off back here at your hotel," she smiled at me." We are starting over."

"You would still be with me, even like this?"

Mattie took my hand slipping her fingers into mine, "Christy, I never loved you for what you looked like. It has always been for who you are. In some ways, I really like Christy more than Chris. Besides, you never made me squirt with your cock," she laughed nervously. I wasn't sure she believed what she was telling me.

Mattie took me to a wonderful restaurant at a marina right on the water, the food was amazing, we shared a bottle of wine, or two, and talked for hours, Mattie telling me all about the museum and me telling her all about the hectic pace of the book tour, the highlight would be the appearance on Ellen right after the Rita awards.

I had been panicking mildly about what Ellen was going to think of my being a man in a dress, but with the speed the changes had been happening at for the past few months, I wasn't sure it was going to be an issue. I was now thinking it was going to be more of a problem explaining to people that knew me what had happened to Chris.

Mattie didn't even pretend when we got back to the hotel. She pulled into the parking lot and grabbed an overnight bag from the back seat. "Just shut up, ok. Not a word," she smiled at me, and we both laughed. I took her hand as we walked to the elevator, completely confused by the mixed messages she had been giving me.

Falling asleep in Mattie's arms was both familiar and new, we had kissed and touched each other, me rediscovering the wonderful softness of Mattie's body while she explored the new and changing landscape of mine, the subtle scent of Mattie filled my head and my soul as dreams of her and me filled my heart; and then there was Clara, smiling, opening her arms to me, like a mother to a small child. I let her wrap me in her embrace as a warmth I did not recognize filled me.

The pain in my gut was intense, I screamed as I sat up, "Christy, what's the matter? You're burning up, and your breasts, they're huge and you're leaking." The concern in Mattie's voice was both worrisome and comforting. "Come on," she helped me from the bed and into the bathroom. Turning the water on as hot as I could stand it, she helped me into the tub.

"Mattie, it hurts," I grabbed my stomach. No, it was lower.

The hot water seemed to help as the pain subsided and then returned. There was no way for me to get comfortable.

"Christy, I think you're having cramps, I think whatever is happening to you is happening right now, I think you're having a period."

No sooner than she said it, the tub filled with blood, I could feel it gushing from between my legs. Mattie reached down and opened the drain, turning the shower on and rinsing my body clean.

I was still in the tub when my wake-up call came in from the hotel. The cramps had mostly subsided, being replaced with a dull ache, a soreness that went deep inside me.

There were large pieces of tissue in the tub, one that even looked like a small penis. Mattie and I just flushed them down the toilet, as neither of us knew what to do or even to think about what had just happened.

Mattie got in the tub with me. With her help, I could stand and shower, cleaning the rest of the residue from my body. By the time I had cleaned myself, Paul was knocking on the door. Mattie grabbed a robe and went to let him know we would be down shortly. He had just smiled at Mattie and said not to take too long.

I tried to touch myself, to see what had happened, but it was too sore. Mattie gave me a quick introduction to tampons and pads and helped me get dressed. I chose something comfortable and loose.

While she dressed, I did my makeup. By the time we were both ready, the pain had subsided enough that I thought I could make it through the day. After all, all I had to do was get on a plane to New York and sleep for six hours.

Paul was waiting for us at the restaurant just off the lobby. He smiled at us as we walked up to the table. I found I was famished and ate more than I had in a long time, no one said much of anything until it was time to go, "So, Mattie, I checked with the hotel, your car will be fine in the parking lot until you get back," Paul had said it like it was not a big deal, I spit my coffee across the table,

"Surprise," Mattie smiled at me and winked.

"What, you're coming to New York with me?"

"You didn't think there was any way I was going to NOT be there for you, did you? Your agent called me and let me know. We set all this up weeks ago," she winked again.

All the mixed messages made sense, she had been playing me, setting me up for this, her big reveal. I was too sore and tired to complain.

"I am so going to kill your dad," I laughed and hugged her as hard as I could.

Mattie joined me as I stopped in the restroom. There was a little bloody discharge, but not much. It mixed with a light clear mucus that I recognized from being with Mattie. The pain almost gone. I was healing as quickly as I had changed.

Chris was gone.

The flight to New York was uneventful, mostly because I slept through the whole thing.

Henry and Kate both did a double take when Mattie and I walked into the hotel lobby, I told them I would try to explain when we got to our room. Henry had rented a suite for the four of us, as soon as I got to the room, I told them about the changes that had started out subtly so many months ago, how they had accelerated and finally exploded just last night. Mattie described what she had seen, even sharing the few pictures she had taken so she could prove to herself that it had really happened. Even if I had been taking hormones, it could not explain the result, or what had happened last night.

"How are you not freaking out about this? Your dick just literally fell off," Henry, didn't know what to think.