Exploring the Bounds of Normal

"Because when it started to happen," I caught myself playing with my ring," I realized that ever since I dressed as Luciara for Halloween," I looked at Mattie for some encouragement, it wasn't there, "this has been what I wanted. Last night was just the last step on a path I was going to take one way or the other."

We went round and round for a while, trying to come to grips with what had happened, none of us sure this wasn't some strange collective dream, offering strange possible explanations and then discounting them; it defied all sense of reality. It just wasn't possible, but it had happened.

"Well, at least it solves the problem with Ellen calling you out on her show," Henry was half serious and half joking, it had been a major concern that Ellen would try to 'out' me on her show, which would destroy my credibility and my book.

No one said anything for a few minutes. "Well, we have a reception to get ready for," It was Kate who brought us back," we can discuss all this later. It will give it some time to sink in."

Elaine hosted a reception for all her writers every year the night before the RITA awards, I was one of a few dozen that had been nominated and one of three from her publishing house that had made the finals, Henry was receiving a Centennial Award for his 100^th romance novel, one of the very few men that would make the stage.

The reception was amazing, Elaine had gone all out, it was the place to be if you were anyone in the romance novel universe, 'Clara's Response' was a very hot topic, and I was very quickly looking for somewhere to hide and take a break. Henry grabbed my arm and dragged me through an opening in a curtain, past a large man in a tuxedo. "Writer's lounge," he whispered, "So, how does it feel to be famous?" He laughed, "and I'm sorry for not telling you about this, it's a kind of rite of passage to let you suffer for a while before someone rescues you."

I kicked my shoes off and plopped down next to Mattie and Kate. "How long do we have to stay?" I took a big sip of the wine Mattie handed me. "I'm already exhausted."

Henry laughed at me, "You have to pace yourself, it will get better, I promise," he sat down next to me," Christy, do you have any idea how this happened?" he pointed at me.

"Promise you won't laugh," he nodded, "I think it was the ring," I held out my hand," See the runes, they were on the inside of the ring when I opened the box, when I put it on, they were on the outside, and I think they glow at night."

Kate rummaged through her purse, "I almost forgot," she pulled out a letter and opened it, "the runes, they mean Need or Desire, Rite of Passage, Dawning or Awakening, Motherhood or Birth, and Harmony or Contentment, they're ancient Celtic, like first century ancient."

"So, I have a magic ring that turns men into women?"

"That makes as much sense as any other explanation," Mattie looked at me," I wonder if it can change you back?"

I could feel where this was going, "You know I never even tried to take it off," it stuck on my knuckle, but with a little effort, it slid from my finger, the runes disappeared but were also tattooed on my finger where the ring had been," that doesn't look promising," I smiled nervously at Mattie.

"I think it's more likely it takes your innermost desire and makes it your reality," Henry said softly, "Desire, Passage, Awakening, Birth, Contentment," he looked at me" you said it yourself, you wanted this to happen."

"Here you are, come on, the photographers are here," Elaine pointed at Henry and me, she had more energy that any three people I knew.

"Yes, mother," Henry said sarcastically, I slipped the ring back on my finger and followed Elaine and Henry out of the room.

It was after two in the morning before we got back to our room, Mattie and I collapsed into bed, "I still love you Christy, always remember that" she whispered softly as she wrapped me in her arms, I knew what she meant. I would always love her too, but this is not what she had signed up for. We had talked about having kids and had even made tentative plans to save some of my sperm in case I transitioned but with what happened in our room in San Francisco, everything changed.

It is easy to tell someone you love them for who they are and not what they look like, but when the reality hits you, especially a reality like this one, it can change things in ways you might never expect.

We all slept in and ordered room service for lunch, the topic of conversation was a continuation of trying to find logical explanations for what had happened to me. There were none. The ring had glowed, and they all saw the runes move around the small gold circle on my finger. Ultimately, we all agreed that perhaps there was 'real' magic in the world after all. Occam's Razer prevailed. Nothing else made any sense. We all agreed that the ring should remain a secret. In the wrong hands, it could be devastating.

Mattie and I spent the rest of the afternoon in our room talking about what was next for her and me and trying to figure out how to make things work. To her credit, the orgasm had been amazing, and I had learned a lot about my new anatomy that I had yet to explore.

Henry picked up his Centennial Award, and I won Best First Novel at the awards ceremony. Mattie and I flew back to California, and she went with me to L.A. for the Ellen Show taping; Ellen was just as nice in person as she appears to be on her show, there was not even an allusion to me being a guy in drag, we talked about my book, my inspirations for Clara, and the importance of strong female role models in society.

Ellen gave everyone in the audience a copy of my book and I stayed around after the taping to sign as many as I could. Paul was waiting for Mattie and me back at the hotel in San Francisco.

Mattie and I both cried as we said our goodbyes, Paul and I had one more appearance there before we headed back to L.A. and out for Vegas and the southwest, ending up in Texas where we would hit Dallas, Houston, and Austin, and I would also get to explain to my parents what had happened to their son. One more stop in Atlanta and then back home to Connecticut for whatever came next.

There was no way my parents were going to buy the magic ring thing, so I just told them I had been on hormone therapy and had made Christy permanent. We had talked for a long time, and I did my best to explain, they ultimately accepted my choice, the twins were a little confused that their brother was now their sister, but took it in stride being more upset that I wouldn't be marrying Mattie, but I promised she would still be their aunt and still buy them ice cream no matter what, and that seemed to be enough.

Part 4.

Gabriel García Márquez, Walt Disney, and Pablo Escobar, what could a dead Columbian author, a guy that made cartoons and family movies, and a drug kingpin possibly have in common and how the hell do they fit in with this story? Good questions, the answer is something called Magical Realism, an art form that goes back to what Wikipedia calls "... an eponymous German painting style from the 1920s."

Now I could look up eponymous for you, but where's the fun in that. In short, magical realism is a style of literature where magic or exceptional occurrences, like what happened to me, are as common as hotdogs on the Fourth of July. Of course, Disney was famous for sentient Volkswagen Beetles, flying nannies, absent-minded professors that make flying cars, and things like that, and many consider Márquez to be the father of the literary art form in Central America. Pablo Escobar, well, his life was so amazingly bizarre that many can't bring themselves to believe he actually did a lot of the things he did, and there is debate if the telling of his story falls into the category. Besides, me mentioning his name got your attention, didn't it? Now the second question, how does it relate to my story? Well, we're not done yet, but I think you'll agree it's been interesting so far.

* * *

Once my book tour ended, I crashed and hard, Kate and Henry adopted me, helping me move out of the apartment and letting me move into the guestroom I had been using. I spent long hours on the sunporch drinking tea and talking with Kate and even longer hours discussing literary concepts and brainstorming with Henry. None of it helped heal the pain in my heart from what had happened with Mattie and me after San Francisco; we had simply drifted apart.

While we still loved each other and while what Mattie had said about loving me as a person regardless of gender was true, what had started in the bathtub in our hotel in San Francisco hadn't stopped there, my attraction to her was changing as was hers to me.

When we talked there was usually some crying involved and then we would talk some more, we discussed things like kids, Mattie wanted to get pregnant and I could no longer do that for her, I even found myself smiling at the thought of a new life inside me; when I asked what it felt like to have a man inside her, she laughed and made me promise to let her know every detail of my first time with a guy.

Over time, we came to a mutual realization that being best friends was going to have to be enough.

Mike was still there but his interest waned when he found out about my new plumbing, I mean being gay kind of precludes having sex with women, so I understood, we still got together occasionally for lunch our relationship mellowing into a comfortable friend zone.

The inspiration I had found for Clara's Promise, the prequel to Clara's Response had vanished, Clara no longer came to me in my dreams and even with Henry's help, I just couldn't move forward. I had lost my muse.

Clara's Promise sat half written so I took a lesson I had learned from the master and started cranking out cheesy Harlequinesque romance novels that you can find in your grocery store for seven ninety-nine, look for anything by C.L. Thomas, that's me.

Elaine was happy to publish them but pressed me for the next Clara book before it became too late, Henry agreed with her.

While I did seem to have a knack for some fringe subgenres like transgender romance, go figure, which did sell well and that she seemed to appreciate, it was Clara that she wanted. I understood, I just couldn't find the story again; something was just missing.

Mattie, well, we still talked every week or so, but it wasn't the same, even as 'best friends', it had become awkward and a little stilted and even when she came home for the Halloween party, it was difficult to be in the same room together.

Being that close to something I wanted so badly and couldn't have just hurt too much.

I dressed as Clara and Mike as Hilton, Clara's beau, I was surprised at how many people figured it out, I guess seventeen weeks on the New York Times best seller list, eight of those at number one, can do that.

I sat on the sun porch, having just hung up from another too brief chat with Mattie, it sounded like she was coming down with something so I let her go, I just couldn't fill the hole she had left in my soul, part of me was missing and I think she felt the same way, but every time we tried, it just felt wrong.

"Desire, Passage, Awakening, Birth, Contentment," contentment my ass, I fingered the tattoo on my right ring finger; I was miserable. I was so much happier when Mattie was sneaking down the stairs in the dorm to my room where we fucked like crazy, half hoping my old roommate would walk in on us again. It had been so much simpler then.

After a long talk with Kate and Henry, I decided I needed a change. Calling my parents, I made plans to move back home after the new year; maybe a change would help me reconnect with whatever was missing.

The twins were ecstatic that I was coming home and with my 'work' schedule, I was going to get to spend a lot of time with them, playing nanny as I struggled to find my muse again.

There were lots of trips to get ice cream after school and since they were a little older, lots of questions about how and why I had become a girl, which led to an interesting development; after consulting a few local gender specialists, I wrote a series of about a dozen children's books on being transgender, what it meant, why it happened, and how to deal with it, covering what to do if you thought you might be transgender or if a friend told you they were.

I sent the entire package to Henry who raved about them, passing them on to Elaine who was even more excited, deciding to release them at six-month intervals over the next few years, it helped, but the undertone was that she still wanted Clara; I did too.

Of course, I should have known it was going to happen, I mean there are just some things a girl can't hide from her mom, and when she found the used tampons and pads in the trash in my bathroom, it was time for a serious discussion with my parents; but how do you explain something that really can't be explained; I mean a magic ring, really?

I looked and looked and couldn't find the ring to show them the runes that matched the tattoos on my finger, so I called Henry and he told me they would look for it, it had to be somewhere.

There was the obvious, they had both been there the day I was born, knew what equipment I was born with, and knew I was me, but there was also medical proof that surgical transgender women didn't have periods, so again, Occam's Razor came into play, the simplest explanation had to be the one; I had found a magic ring, and it turned me into a girl because it was what I truly wanted, or I was a genetically engineered clone from some super-secret lab run by an undocumented government agency; they went with the magic ring.

At this point, I hadn't talked to Mattie in months. I had called and left a few messages, but she wasn't returning my calls. Even my personal relationships with Kate and Henry changed; I would call, and the conversations would be short and to the point, quick updates, and nothing more.

Henry was still my mentor and if I wanted to talk writing, he was there, but anything family seemed to be off limits, especially if I had a question about Mattie.

I cranked out another cheesy romance novel and the local community college reached out asking me to teach a seminar course, so that kept me busy, but a major part of me was just gone, even with my mom and dad and Ashley and April, it was like I had a hole in my soul.

When the invitation arrived with five first-class tickets to Connecticut, my mom and dad were ecstatic, I was confused, and the girls wanted to know if Aunt Mattie would still take them for ice cream; I assured them she would. Well, I was partly right on that one.

My mom sent sizes and Kate said she would have costumes for all of us, the girls were going to be Disney Princesses, Ashley would be Cinderella, and April, Elsa; me, my mom, and dad were yet to be disclosed. I sensed a conspiracy of some sort but remembered how much fun I had had at my first party, so decided not to worry about it, especially sense the invitation meant I would finally get to see Mattie again and this time, maybe, just maybe get some closure.

The timeline was curious, our flights were the day before Halloween and we would spend the first night in a hotel, I knew Kate and Henry had plenty of room but didn't want to press the issue. Henry would pick us up the next day and take us to the house in time to change for the party, after that we would stay at the house for a few days before heading back home.

Yeah, I felt it too, something was up.

It was a tossup as to what Ashley and April were more excited about, their first plane ride, getting to see Mattie again, or the ice cream they got since we were in first class on the flight.

The hotel was nice and after dinner, I took the girls swimming in the indoor pool, another first, of course they knew how to swim, but a whole pool inside was just too cool to pass up.

Henry showed up just as we were checking out explaining that we were all going to be characters from stories by Alexandre Dumas, more specifically, Henry would be Aramis, my dad, Porthos, my mom and Kate, Athos and D'Artangian respectively.

"And me?" I asked.

"It's a surprise, you and Mike will be together, just trust me, OK?" Yeah, there was something going on.

"Just as long as I'm not 'The Man in the Iron Mask'," I quipped. Henry laughed.

The Musketeer costumes were over the top perfect, as were the Disney Princess ones. Mine was a simple period dress for a woman from a wealthy family in the mid-nineteenth century. Mike was similarly attired as a wealthy man would be from the same period. I could be anybody, and Mike was under strict orders not to tell me.

The party started, and the girls were flitting around like butterflies, admiring all the beautiful costumes and reveling in the praises they were receiving, asking everybody they met where their Aunt Mattie was. No one seemed to know.

Aramis took the stage to announce the beginning of the game, reminding everyone to let people know if their costume depended on anyone else and encouraging us all to, above all else, have a good time.

"Fernand Mondego!" a voice screamed from behind me, "it is time you paid for what you have wrought." I turned to see an impressive man in an elaborate costume rushing toward Mike and me, drawing his sword; long black hair and crystal blue eyes, something so familiar about him.

Mike stepped in front of me to meet the challenge.

'Fernand', it clicked, he was the guy from The Count of Monte Cristo, the guy that sent his friend to prison so he could steal his fiancé; Mike was Fernand, then this man with the black hair and blue eyes was The Count, he was Desmond, and I, I was Mercedes, they were fighting over me, but why, I didn't know this guy, I had never seen him before, but those blue eyes...

It wasn't true to the book, but the ensuing sword fight was high theater, they had been working on this for weeks of not months, back and forth they dueled, neither seeming to get the advantage, the crowd cheering and applauding as The Count slowly took the upper hand. After pinning Fernand to the ground, his rapier at his throat, the Count decides that mercy is the better play and allows Fernand to scurry off into the crowd to live another day.

"My Lady," he kneeled before me, "I apologize for my long absence, but I was unforeseeably detained," those blue eyes looked up at me and I understood what had happened, I knew why I couldn't find the ring, my eyes filled with tears and my knees gave out as I fell into his arms.

"Mattie?" I whimpered. "what did you do?"

"Nothing less than you would have done if things were reversed." He kissed me passionately, picking me up and carrying me toward the house. The crowd erupted in applause at the performance, a select few of them understanding what had actually happened.

Mattie and I had so much to talk about, but it needed to be just Mattie and me.

Kate found us on the sun porch holding hands and staring at each other, setting two cups of chamomile tea and a small tray of cookies between us, she left us to whatever was next.

"That last Halloween," Mattie started," when things were so awful, I knew I couldn't do it anymore, I had to find a way to be with you again. I didn't tell anyone; I just stole the ring and trusted that it would do the right thing."

I just sat and listened.

Mattie's voice was no longer the sweet soft voice I remembered, instead it was a wonderful deep, rich baritone, "I had these dreams, like going home except the person inviting me was tall and handsome, he reminded me of a younger version of my dad. When I noticed my voice starting to change, I knew I couldn't talk to you any more or you'd know what I was doing. I didn't want you to take the ring away, to try and make me stop, so I hid it, I hid it from everybody; I even quit my job at the museum."