All Comments on 'Exposed by DNA - Another Tale'

Considering they were smart people - 2 engineers - they should have insisted on DNA testing when the baby was born.

Lol bro. No.

Leaves town without a dna test and abandoning his wife to prostitution and his daughter to adoption. Nothing to feel good about here. Let’s not forget how he treated his second wife. He will burn in hell.

The story's premise is very interesting and had a good plot.

Unfortunately, the characters were too stupid and cartoonish, and the story fell into the abyss.

Wow! Slapped by karma. Nice twist. 5 stars.

Because this is well written with a decent plot until his wife delivers the baby abandoned, I gave this a three. The story had real possibilities even then, like Hildy figured out the truth or Piper’s own doctor had somehow drugged her and fathered her baby. Even the possibility of Hildy drugging her best friend and her almost fiancée along with Piper seemed a possible way for an unrecalled accident. Then to have your second daughter figure it out after everyone surviving was miserable turned this into a tragedy of stupidity for all four of the adults and both of the children. That level of stupidity actually hurts the story.

Everything became clear in the end, but it was all told in such a cold manner. Every event was described in as few words as possible, no emotion or excitement. It was as though the author wanted to reach the end as quick as he could. There was very little characterisation and some very unlikable people. In fact Greg was possibly the biggest piece of shit as you're likely to come across, and doctor Brown and a his associates not far behind. A decent idea but not very well executed. In the end I just wanted something awful to happen to Greg.

An idiotic story, as others have mentioned why didn’t he ask for a dna test to actually clarify the issue instead of running away? It seems as though all males in these stories never face up to their troubles but just pack up and leave.

The really sad thing in the story is that Hilde went through life without being loved except by her daughter.

Wow…he’s an asshole. Well written, it the mc is worthless.

Do you intend to try to sort out this mess? The two people I feel for are Piper and the daughter she gave away. Why write such a horrible ending for a decent person who did not cheat?

haste makes waste

Wow a very tough story, heartbreaking for Gregg to realize the truth of his failure to understand the truth he was told.

Wow, this needs an ending. Piper paid dearly and did nothing wrong.

Wow. Powerful tale!

Greg was a duck to everyone. Piper was abused especially by the evil doctor. The next chapter should be Althea and Amy getting together and saving Piper. Greg and the rest can go to hell.

Good premise. No good characters

An immorality tale

Totally and completely unreadable in every possible way.

I have no idea what happened. I have no idea who these characters are. The plot makes no sense and the timeline doesn't work.

The title of the story includes the word "DNA". Don't you think that with all the ruckus over the baby that they would have had a DNA test run on the baby? In fact SCREAMED for a DNA test? I realize that this is a fictional story but it was impossible to believe.

Was this before DNA testing could be done? Seems he was more than hasty in his actions, if he loved Piper he would’ve checked, just to confirm.

Is there a brain in the story?

I'm looking and looking, but I can't find any.

Depressing tale, scores 2/5

You are better than this

Not quite finished.

Plus nobody in the medical field they were part of knew about the melanin requiement?

And no one tried to do DNA testing?

You really need to learn how to write an ending to your stories.

Very sad that DNA is not fully understood and how ignorant some people can be. Yet still a good story to read.

Hey waste time writing? U r pathetic!,, no emotions..no buildup…almost like a railway station commentary!

Well they started life damaged, their own actions increased the damage further then they ended up even more damaged. Heartwarming to say the least, the author captured the truly wonderful lives they all lived.

Excellent example of a story with no redeeming or redeemable features.

A boring story thats going nowhere

So not reading anymore

Not bad, but it needs some editing. Has potential

I thought this author was better than this but clearly I was wrong. This was a fucked up mess from the get go with more holes in it than a Swiss cheese and a cast of characters vile beyond any level of credibility. What a shame they weren't all in that Cessna when it crashed. Two stars.

Well. That was depressing.

Mean spirited and clumsy

This story, while not the worst I’ve read in LW, certainly ranks in the bottom ten percent. The only good thing is the clever use of the genetic plot twist. The characters are immature morons and the flow of the plot is contrived and completely unlikely.

Don't know on this one, a story was there it just seemed to lack something. The words used were basic and maybe that themselves lacked any emotion whatsoever, yes you tried to put sadness, anger and hate into it, but for me it held nothing, was just words nothing more.

Does your story take place in the distant past, before DNA testing existed? Two engineers and no one comes up with the idea of having DNA tests done? Even no doctor can explain that? Idiots!

Beyond stupid.

certainly wasn't a happy story. also a dumb story for not doing a dna test. I grade stories by how I feel when finished reading - not how well it was written or spelled. 1* This was not an enjoyable read.

Lightning creates thunder, lightening turns black into gray.

When the bastard in BTB is the protagonist... nicely done.

Not a single redeeming character in this attempt at a story. Trash from beginning to end.

Awful tale.

Started out good but then crashed.

Terrible ending

And no one suggested a DNA test?

So, what's the ending to this story? And I agree with a commenter below: that Hilde went through her life basically loveless; worse, she was abused for men's fun. Surprised that somebody didn't get a DNA rushed through; perhaps a lot of heartache could've been avoided. 2 stars on this unfinished story that really didn't say anything new. I'll see what a 2nd chapter brings... if there is one. Bob

WELL DONE. so captivating but damn that is one SAD SAD SAD story.

What a horrible story.

Heart breaking on many levels. Well done.

Has no one heard of a DNA test?

This is a terrible story

Most commenters blame the mc for being stupid, for behaving/acting out of stupidity, but, of course, the truth is that the author has written a stupid story.

Agree. Piper needs redemption and reward.

The title says, "Exposed By DNA," so why didn't they do a DNA test on the baby? And why mention the mark on the hand? Checkov's Gun: “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there.” What SHOULD have happened is that he noticed that one of her male co-workers had the same mark.

Yes, I know from experience that Engineers aren't particularly intelligent, particularly when it comes to thinking creatively and "out of the box". But even stupid, moronic Greg would have thought to get a DNA sample and have it tested when the paternity of the child his wife had was at question. So, ridiculous.

All the characters are unidimensional and unlikable, and the story is quite depressing. What is the moral of this story? Do not jump to conclusion in paternity issues unless DNA tests are done? Do not trust psychiatrists? Don't marry if you are not in love? Life sucks and then you die? Take your pick! By the way, don't forget to take your Prozac.

Must be some kind of alien genes in their DNA, because even brown-eyed babies have blue or bluish-brown eyes when born. Good story, otherwise. And, it's typical of the LW approach to fiction in that the male always (1.) reacts rationally to nothing, becoming a willing simp and compliant doormat, or (2.) a completely reactionary, non-communicating, overreacting hothead. No middle ground. This felt like a review of a longer story, a spoiler perhaps. Develop this to 25K-30K words, as the manifold subplots have "legs." Five-star rating.

What was the point? Just a host of stupid people throughout. MC - She cheated, I don't have any proof, I had a class once... Wife - Hmmm... I don't think I cheated... adoption and divorce is the only answer.. Oh and the court system wouldn't any proof or info? Solution to that outcome - I will marry and be used as a whore for the rest of my life... oh that applies to two stupid characters. I guess the moral of the story is, you better be hard if you are going to be stupid!

I must admit that this was a pretty unique twist on the DNA revelation story, but I really didn't like it. It was an all around tragedy, except maybe for Dr Brown, who was just a bit part to increase Piper's tragedy, and the men he whored his wife out to.

.

Amongst it's flaws was the complete lack of any mention of a divorce. Without the divorce, she couldn't put the child up for adoption without his signature. If they weren't married, then you would be right as the unwed father has no rights beyond the "right" to pay child support. However, being married, there is shared custody by default and both parents have to sign away those parental rights.

.

Now, if they did get divorced, there would have been a dispute over child support. With the two parties disagreeing on paternity, the court would have ordered DNA testing before ruling.

.

Of course, as part of the argument about if she cheated on him, she would have suggested a DNA test to prove her innocence.

.

So, to sum it up, the story was broken and not credible. Better luck next time.

The husband's a whiney dickhead...his daughter googled it to find out 2 blue eyed parents can make a brown eyed baby, but the doctors and nurses at the hospital didn't know? 1*

This is the very antithesis of a feel-good story, more of a protracted kick-in-bollocks but yet no, far slower, and much more tortuously drawn out than than that, perhaps something more like a real-life "slow-mo" version of having your knackers being slowly but inexorably drawn into an old-fashioned washing-machine mangle by a slowly unwinding strand of super-strong thread from your slowly disintegrating jock-strap, which has got caught-up in the works somehow!

Yes, it is as excruciating as that, as it slowly and pedantically wends it's weary way to it's own, inevitable, but very well signposted, conclusion. A classic case of overkill here, IMHO!

Contraction into concision, could undoubtedly improve things. Less, IS more! Halve it!

R.S.

Thanks for your writing.

A truly tragic tale. 5/5

i just don't understand how DNA testing would not have revealed that his daughter was biologically his. So, if he just decided to do all that he did without testing, he's an idiot and definitely not worth the pages in the story.

What the fuck is up with writing simplistic nonsense that doesn't jibe with the real world to teach some kind of lesson that should be "trust but verify..." and not "odyssey of the mentally challenged and maybe their mentally stunted offspring"?

What a sad story!!!! I can see how a husband might fly of the handle like Greg did. But, one would think that the nurses would know bout that fact. But, if Piper learned that, the ending would have bee different. In any case, Greg has a real reason to feel awful.

Nice job with this story.

Thank You

Pasqual

Interesting story on several levels but it’s entirely narrated with no dialogue. I had no idea about the defect. All of my children have blue eyes or may have been Greg! LOL! 3.4*

The thing is from the husbands point of view having a DNA test would have been pointless because the brown eyes should have been impossible. Then just get a DNA test anyway so the wife has absolutely no excuse.

Also if the kid put up for adoption had a DNA test ran it's going to be really awkward once she got hits on a bunch of half sisters that were also put up for adoption.

This reminds me of something posted on reddit that was a situation that made the dad very suspicious. Ran a DNA test and the kid wasn't his. The wife was floored and swore it had to be wrong and so they did a real high end DNA tests doctors use and sure enough the kid wasn't his. The wife was more confused than anything because apparently she had been faithful. She couldn't really think of anything else but to have her own DNA test and it turns out the kid wasn't hers either. They quickly figured out that it was an old school switched at birth scenario. This is a couple years after she had the kid so the kid they had was in their eyes all theirs but their blood was being taken cared of by someone else. They put the fire to the hospitals feet (which got them a huge settlement because of the switch up eventually) for help and found the family their kid was given to. The other family turned out to be junkie scumbags and the kid was taken by the state and in the system. They immediately set out to adopt their blood kid and in the end have two kids. And they didn't say a damn thing to the other parents because they're scumbags and also they were worried they'd take one of their kids away.

@ Sbrooks The mark on the arm was NOT genetic. It was the way Greg the husband knew the baby he was looking at with brown eyes was the same baby he watched being delivered. The wife had just claimed the nurse must have brought in a differnt baby and they had somehow been switched.

Doctors and nurses probably have had a class in genetics at some point but they do not get far into it in medical training much beyond blood types.

Genes are NOT simplistic as this story hinted. Any trait may be influenced by several genes. Mendel realized genes causing red and white flowers might be dominant and recessive, but they could also be co-dominant causing a pink flower.

Oftentimes the white dog you see is genetically black. It has other genes that prevent the hair from expressing the black gene. (look at the nose). Color is frequently influenced in this manner.

That being said, my take on this story is that Greg, for being an engineer was a stupid ass. Him throwing a hissy fit and running away was stupid for another reason. Married to the mother, he'd still be the father on record and responsible for support unless he chose to PROVE otherwise. And in his field he could not easily hide. Employment requires credential checks, which creates a definite paper trail. Where were the wife's parents and other family in all this? Surely they would have done something, but instead Greg runs and the wife goes nuts.

YES, there is always a need for some suspension of belief in these stories, but the characters need to follow some plausibility. Twist it, perhaps.

Well that was a bit of a train wreck. Reads more like a report than a story. Pretty much devoid of emotions

I find this a nasty little story with nothing to recommend it. Just good people being stupid and misled, finding no happiness. Why bother to read it? Actually, why bother to write it! By far the authors worst effort.

Really not sure how I feel about this the guy he went off halfcocked without checking dna. Stupid also how could the ex just become a slut.

That one died with a whimper. That was pretty damn good up until the non ending. I hope it continues, as you have a lot of loose ends to tie up.

I agree, the husband is a whiney dickhead, but why in the world wouldn't one of them asked for a DNA test. Him running away like a little bitch certainly didn't make his life any better and why wouldn't you confirm your suspicions? It just doesn't make sense.

No likeable characters.

Sorry, but too stupid to breathe. So why didn't he think to get a DNA test before dumping his wife? Why wasn't he advised to get a DNA test before filing for divorce? Why the fuck did he just jump to such a drastic and improbably conclusion? Oh, because that's what it took to make the story work they way you wanted. Hope your happy with the results.

Dear God, but this was boring.

Terrible. Reads like a poorly expanded outline.

He ended up better off after all because Piper liked being a whore. Even reveled in working as a streetwalker and commiting beastiality. So in the end she woulda done him wrong as her asshole doctor husband revealed her true self.

Sad. Original and a good read.

Ed

Thanks for pushing the edge. Need more writers to try that here.

One BIG GIANT hole in the story. Doctors AND Engineers both love to run tests. I guess we need to time warp this story back to 1970s.

Doc

Original; I like original.

FTDS.....Finish The Damn Story....*39 until done!

probably should be in the non-erotic category

Oh fuck, just shoot me!

stupid story, who would ever think that for blue/brown eyes and not checking?

Flat out fucking awful.

@Gamblinluick, I didn't say that the mark was genetic, my point was, if the author made a special point of mentioning it, then it should have had some bearing on the story. My other point was that the title was, "Exposed By DNA," then DNA had nothing to do with the story. In fact, not only would DNA have NOT exposed anything, it wold have shown that there was nothing to expose!

@buzzsawlenny - Piper only ended up that way because she was emotionally devastated and no longer cared what happened to her, which was all Greg's fault. He was an immature asshole.

So, this could have all been avoided by a simple DNA test given right after birth?

Oh joy.

i hope he blows his brains out

Wow sad......I think her reaction of being accused would be different. This whole running away thing makes zero sense....in almost every story. People only usually run when they did something.

@Gamblnluck "Doctors probably have had a class in genetics at some point but they do not get far into it in medical training much beyond blood types."

This is the most stupid wrongheaded backassward thing I've ever read. Doctors are thoroughly trained in genetics throughout their schooling and continuing practice. Then again it's no surprise that something so asinine came from a know-nothing blowhard who salivates over his search engine to "correct" people on all possible subjects. I've seen him claim expertise on divorce law, guns, architecture, home renovation, medicine, world geography and more. His 3-second Google searches don't make him look smart. They only make him look as pathetic as he is, because the real subject matter experts can tell he doesn't understand what he's "correcting" people on.

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His little cut-and-paste spiel on mendelian genetics is laughably sad. The mendelian system is not used to elucidate human eye color. The genetics of human eye color are waaaaaay more complex than that. It involves the interplay of several genes (including OCA2, HERC2, TPCN2, TYR, IRF4 and others) interacting at different stages of development, subject to spontaneous mutations. --- Signed, A holder of a Neuroscience PhD

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Gamblnluck, for years on this site, you've been a grandstander based off 3-second Google searches. Enough is enough. I'm now going to call you out every time you correct someone on shit you don't even understand.

@sbrooks103x - the author points out the red mark to identify the child as the one he witnessed being born. In other words, the baby wasn’t switched. That is why it was important. To everyone else, today DNA is easy and ubiquitous, but 20 years ago it wasn’t. Besides, why would it be necessary when we were taught that brown eyes were impossible from two blue eyed parents?

And Althea’s DNA test exposed Greg as the one who screwed up everyone’s life, so the title does have meaning.

@sbrooks103x

The title says, "Exposed By DNA," so why didn't they do a DNA test on the baby? -

The DNA part came much later when Althea sent her DNA for a family genealogy project in school.

And why mention the mark on the hand? Checkov's Gun: “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there.” -

The mark was used as a way to identify her as Pipers daughter. So no " Checkov's Gun"

What SHOULD have happened is that he noticed that one of her male co-workers had the same mark. -

How could he notice something that DID NOT exist. The baby was his.

So the main question would have been answered if. The father, mother, and child had been DNA tested. Realize it would have been a very short story. Without all of the drama.

I'm with @SBrooks103X on this. The story elements need to fit the narrative, and that begins with the highly-deceptive title. This plot is one the writer needed to plot on a sheet of paper, connecting the elements, noting their significance (as a reminder when writing), and laying them out on a timeline. Then, when something isn't included in the continuing action (e.g., 'Chekov's Gun,' it needs to be discarded), it needs to be edited out, or better yet, never included. Too many writers on this site refuse to have a Beta-reader or editor, with the end result looking like a rough, first draft. This story was well-conceived but shoddily executed.

Just unnecessary awful

Would have made sense if it were set before DNA testing was commonly available. Still, the reaction was a little OTT and incredibly childish

Ummn, if there's that much of a defect in the MC1R gene, the individual will be albino, not the other way around.

It's a lot more complicated, but that's the basics.