All Comments on 'Eye in the Sky'

You patted yourself on the back too many times in this joyride to BTB. Neither clever or entertaining.

1 star

There is, as well, an über number of POV errors.

This one needed an editor or two.

3-stars

Well I guess since she's not in a mental institution this one is a little different.

You changed from I to Bill several times. Confusing

Obviously you're a Brit with some of your phrasing. The Florida Keys is not a bunch of docking areas attached by the hishway. And a million for a yacht is severely underpriced unless it 20 years old

3

Magic cameras that see things not facing them. Unless license plates face up, there's no physical way cameras see them. To read a license plate, you have to be in line with the vehicle horizontally.

Point is moot. NASA is not allowed to deploy such satellites. They can only look outwards. It's in their charter. A simply Google search would've found this, but someone was just too lazy to do basic research.

Then there's the swatting the MC committed. They just increased the penalties for that in Florida, so I don't think he's getting away with that, especially with it being so publicized.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm not interested in rereading this mess.

your stories are all similar to each other.

1- a husband with a small cock and sucks in bed.

2- a lover with a big cock and who is the best lover in the world

3- a prudish wife with her husband and a fat slut with her lover

4-a divorce but no conclusion on the continuation of their lives after that. It's a shame not to develop after divorce.

5-You never have any confrontation between husband and wife.

6-you don't explain any reason for cheating.

This makes your stories quite redundant and similar to each other.

Likewise, without explanations, reasons or confrontation, the stories lack a lot of depth, internalization or feelings. This makes for pretty superficial stories. Too bad.

You need an editor, specifically one who can help you decide if you want to be British or American.

A moderately decent yarn, but goodness gracious, your narrative and grammar needs work. You would do well with an editor.

... 'Was OK. Nothing original to see here, but a decent read nonetheless.

Question: what exactly did Bill gave Jack? As far as I an tell, he wasn't sued for anything, and, even if he was, that lawsuit wouldn't have gave him much money, certainly not as much as what he got from Jack's father.

Anyway... as I said before, just alright.

Well, if you favor a burning bitch I'd say Jane got it. The NASA angle was fun and made it a little different than other offerings, but the resolution was all pure fantasy. Paid a million by her paramours father? It made me laugh so thanks for that. Also, Florida Quays? Guessing a speech-to-text program didn't hear the word Keys...

'Her and I were always complimentary of each other'.

Says it all really, doesn't it? What a mess!

Ridiculous drug raid, dumb and totally unrealistic conversation between the lovers and that's just for starters.

And, just curious, what color was the Porsche?

"Florida Quays" was an amusing admission of your illiteracy. Wtf.

Grats though, as somehow you managed to make this even worse than your other sad, pathetic stories.

Can you have “kinks in the veneer”? “Honoured gusts” and “Florida Quays” suggest an editor could be of help.

Florida Quays; seriously???......You certainly are not well versed in the vernacular used in the U.S...try to get an editor from the U.S., please

"Good clothes, lavish parties, the latest fashions were all part of Jane's existence." - That's hardly a "middle-income lifestyle," even if you're not the one throwing the lavish parties.

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"I did try on numerous occasions throughout our life to spice things up a bit, suggesting different positions, toys, etc. Jane, for all of her vivaciousness, was never really interested." - What are the odds that when the shit hits the fan, she'll blame it on their "vanilla" sex life?

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She won't do anything beyond vanilla with her husband, but gives her lover her ass, even though his cock is bigger than hubby's?

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"you kept it legal" - Legal except for Assault and Battery!

only sorry they think of a reason to blame him

Over the top much? 🤣

Franceman: the answer to your point #6 is in your points #1 and 2.

Start with fewer exclamation points. Not everything is notable enough to use them. It’s just hard to read.

It started okay but it became obvious the guy working for NASA was not American and possibly not even in the states. The drug raid was a joke. This plot has been done before using Google Streets. It is hard to make the reader feel the story is happening in the US when written in British English., especially with idioms from England.

FYI. A million dollars doesn't buy much of a Yacht...Then there's insurance, slip fees, and maintenance.

Not the best story I’ve read, but a BTB is so welcome amongst all the cuck stories that I will give you a *4. I like the spy satellite angle, and public reveal at the party. But a million bucks isn’t going to buy much of a yacht.

Is anyone else tired of these husband's revenge stories?

Well l enjoyed it.

You write BTBs and l will like them and vote accordingly, a lot of us will. This is way better than the cuck shit we are normally served up these days. More power to you.

Scores 5/5

You need to learn the difference between NASA and NRO.

Among other things.

Right, the father of the guy he embarrassed in public wants to become his sugar daddy to atone for his family's sins? Sounds likely. I've got no problem getting past rough text if the plot is interesting, but these were standard tropes that played out in a predictable manner. If you're going to use a well-worn formula, you need the writing chops to present it in a unique way, otherwise it reads more like a writing exercise.

A million dollars won’t buy you much boat, with ins,maintenance, he is now broke. His ex was still entitled to 50%And alimony seeing she didn’t work.you can do better with the facts.

Take a bit of friendly advice from a reader....don't give up your day job, Pete.

1*

Enjoyed the read, but have to agree with Harddaysknight's comments.

Obviously a bit over the top and kind of weird but thanks for the laughs anyway.

Clap. clap. clap.

That was tech-savvy revenge.

Wish every betrayed SO has this at their disposal.

Easier to track the cheaters.

Good read. Thanks author pietro108.

I've lately enjoyed some of this author's stories.

Excellent

That's the beauty of fiction. Anything and everything is possible. The cheating cunt and her prick lover got theirs. The asshole's father even paid our hero for the trysts. Well, whores get paid and he was just settling a debt. Ha Ha Ha

The reason I am here is to read revenge tales against cunt wives. Don't stop writing.

Five Stars

I think franceman summed it up pretty well....thanx

Loklie

Yah, English good. I be upstanding and give ovulation.

Marvellous how the cheaters always detail their history on the one time they are overheard.

Bill should have corrected the father of Jack that it's not five years, it's going on for ten years. Not for more money but to see him that rotten son lied to him. So he can have right understanding about Jack's character.

5 stars - no comment

Box Cake Revenge. All the emphasis was on the technology, the financials, the emotional pain and disappointment. Maybe when you grow beyond the techno phase you could include the aspects of the story that are the most interesting and dramatic, but totally missing. Why and how did his wife transition from a loyal loving faithful wife, to a guiltless arrogant soulless whore? And even more begging, how could any normal man live intimately with this monstrous perversity of a female and not discern her lack of ethics, respect, moral fiber, her lack of wifely compassion and emotional connection? She must have been like living with some kind of Walmart grade fuck bot, and he had no clue? Oh, right, he avoids confrontation. But then he personally nukes her big charity gala and smashes the face of her asshole lover. Which also begs the question how his own wife could be deceived by such an obvious empty piece of dog shit. Once you have more experience you will learn that human beings this despicable and evil are about as hard to spot as a giraffe in a bird cage. Just too shallow and contrived to be compelling.

Oh, one more plot fault. Any woman that beautiful, unprincipled, fantastic sexual skills, and a still functioning vagina is not waiting tables at Denny's. She's probably married to some politician or hanging on the arm of some rich fool.

Still, thanks for the effort.

Wonderersoul2019 makes a good point. Jack's dad should know the level of lying and deceit his piece of shit son was capable of. Bill clearly heard them say they'd been at it for 10 years. Not looking for any more money but an irrevocable breaking of the father/son relationship.

Requires full suspension of reason to even continue reading. I persisted just to see how infantile the writing would get. Author, get an adult to read your stuff and help you get rid of the awful, naive, totally unrealistic nonsense that keeps any thinking person from enjoying it.

"I asked Brian to put the satellite over our neighbourhood." The laws of physics forbids moving a satellite at will.

"... so that all and sunder could hear clearly, ..." all and sundry

FIVE STARS! I LOVED IT. TORCH THE BITCH FOREVER...CHEERS!

You need a good editor

Superannuation funds are an Australian retirement device. When you portray your characters living in the US like this one, use 401K or in Bill's case, since he worked for the government (NASA), he would have a 403B. Good story otherwise.

@ScorpioJJ has a point. In one of your other stories, he taught ‘junior’ after he and his wife finished ‘uni’. Later she left LA for Australia. In the US, school levels aren’t ‘junior’ or ‘senior’, and past-secondary isn’t called ‘uni’.

Constructive suggestion: either learn the American terms, or move the settings to Australia.

This author must be playing with his audience. Perhaps he is counting the number of readers that take this drivel seriously.

I liked it up to a point. I have commented many times that stories like this one always feel unfinished if the husband and wife don't have a conversation about what she did. In most cases this, quite rightly, doesn't lead to a reconciliation but it gives the husband a chance to vent his disgust and should give him closure when he hears her feeble excuses about why she did it and her pleading for another chance. I still enjoyed the story so 4 stars from me.

Write to the author and provide a proper ending.

An entire million dollars!

Wow! What a cheapskate.

Had you worked hard & saved religiously your entire life you’d have a lot more than one million.

Either you’re really poor or stupid if you think a million is a lot. Yachts? You couldn’t buy & keep one for one million.

3 stars for average. You need to do some research to write this stuff.

Bill

Thank you! First, your story was fun. It was utter fantasy, but pure fun. Second, your story inspired me with a new idea that I think will be fun to write if I can fill in the blanks. That's a two-for in my favor and I thank you for both!

Ah, the great healer. No, not time .... cash!

When your wife becomes a prostitute, make her an asset.

Let her asshole lover's father turn you into her pimp! (2 stars)

Liked rear ending.

Excellent and exciting story of a betrayed man extracting an honorable retreat from a horrible woman. I only wish that we could get a glimpse of her remorse.

“I asked Brian to put the satellite over our neighbourhood.”

You’re confusing satellite with observation blimp. Satellites can’t be moved over arbitrary ocations; they’re in orbit for goodness sake!

should be the public, not the pubic

Just more Aussie cuck shit. Grow up and pay attention to your marriage.

Not so good. All the overheard dialogue was just to detailed and convenient to believe. The end was just garbage.

Another well written story about cheating wives. Ignore the petty criticisms by all the ANONS.

Loved it , great fun reading.

Story is ok but let down by poor mistakes like switching names , get yourself an editor.

I'm not sure what some of the commenters want. This was an entertaining story and that's what counts. It was easy read not loaded down with psychobabble, technical details, or scenery.

Sure there were areas that were head scratchers such as spy satellites not readily maneuverable. Another was having the wife and scumbag's arrest being on TV. If that was the case, it's highly unlikely they would be honored at the fundraiser since it would common knowledge they doing each other when they came out of the motel room naked.

Sometimes it's good to sit back, enjoy the ride and not fret the details. I gave it five stars.

Not sure how this tale got a fairly high rating. Many of the critical parts do not stand up to even a quick analysis. The technology is based on an Earth satellite. One cannot just order one of those to appear over a house at a certain. One COULD do that with a drone, but only those satellites which are at a very narrow range of very high (many thousands of miles out) altitude will stay above a given Earth location. Also, how did Hubby get film from a network news organization covering a police raid? And how did the police get a warrant based on an anonymous telephone call? And they would have a key from the owner if they had a warrant! And how did Hubby get the shots subbed into the presentation? There could be answers for all these grinches, but why were We-The-Readers not informed about those. After all, WTR got ptovided exacting detail about the wine Sweetie spilled on her outfit!

2*

Pietro, you destroyed your own story (especially with these first two BIG problems at the end) ..... many flaws, so the best I can give is a generous 3-stars.

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First, it's Florida KEYS, not Florida Quays!

Second, that letter to Bill (supposedly from the father of Jane's lover, Jack JOHNSON) is signed 'James Whitmore', which is the name of Bill's own divorce ATTORNEY! (Unforgivable mistake!)

There are also these additional flaws (maybe more):

-- That letter itself is highly unlikely to be sent by the FATHER of Jane's lover, unless it is offered as a bribe meant to prevent any further publicity and notoriety of the affair (and there are no indications of that).

-- Jack's father never received any previous mention in the story before the formal fund-raiser event where Bill's wife was served divorce papers. Details were previously revealed showing that cheater (Jack) resided at an estate with his wife, Elaine, and his mother, Joan, but the father wasn't included. Since his father apparently didn't live there, was he divorced or estranged from his own wife?

-- The name of Jack's father was never ACTUALLY revealed (his supposed letter was signed with Bill's lawyer's name)... so who signed the million-dollar check? Also not revealed was why Jack's father already previously had such a low opinion of his own son. And was he attending the fund-raiser only because his son was to receive acclaim?

-- The ONE million dollar "gift" would hardly be enough to finance and enable the MC to lead the yachting lifestyle implied at story-end (unless the story was originally written a LOOOOONNNGG time ago). Have you ever researched yacht prices?

-- The SWAT raid on the motel room: The police would NOT have sent a SWAT team to raid a motel room simply on the strength of an "anonymous" telephone tip, alone, that alleged witnessing of a drug deal. Sure, they would have investigated, but it wouldn't have been done by SWAT, with a destructive room break-in. And they would have insisted the caller provide his name and other identification. If they DID conduct a SWAT raid on such flimsy grounds, that caller (and the police) would be in serious legal "doodoo" if the raid produced no evidence of his claims. There WAS mention of bags of evidence being removed from the room by the police, but never any clarification of what they contained, or were evidence of. There were also no other indications in the story of any previous illegal activities conducted by either of the pair of cheaters, nor criminal charges filed after the motel raid.

-- Last (and this one is the most-minor of the flaws), there are non-American word spellings/slang inclusions (mum, colour, honour, savoury, buggered, superannuation, etc.) scattered throughout. This is a story set in Atlanta, Georgia, and is a first-person narrative by the MC (Bill Yates), himself. While it is not impossible that Bill is a foreign expatriate, which could explain the language, considering the nature of his highly "sensitive" work for NASA on a "spy" satellite, that is unlikely.

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The story actually has a very good story line, and includes interesting ideas, but the author developed it poorly, not providing a solid foundation for the actions and events of the characters.

It's simple. You have a great story line here, but you obviously have no one proof-reading your work. Apparently you did not even read over this story before you sent it in. Your errors are so blatant, and uneducated friend could have help you out. I believe you have potential, and should keep writing, but for the sake of your readers, if there are any left, make Damn sure your work is edited first, for grammar, spelling, making sense, and punctuation. Don't send it here if you don't.

XYZ

By the time the brown Porsche that the MC saw in his garage got to the hotel parking lot a couple of days later for the next lovers' tryst (and SWAT raid), it was black.

That was one quick paint job .... must have been one of those "in-by-9:00, out-by-5:00" jobs like the old $29.95 Earl Schieb specials in 1970's California!

Odd choice by a Porsche owner, though. But, maybe he's got some sort of rotating color scheme painting arrangement with his local car body shop. The wealthy can sometimes be quite eccentric, you know?

3 stars - for a standard BTB story written by a person who's first language is obviously not English nor southern USA. You need an editor, or at least someone born and raised in North America, to read your stories BEFORE you post them here.

Average is what came to mind when I read this story. The only bright spot was the video at the charity event. A check for 1M from a rich guy was not believable. The cheater was a entitled boy and I suspect the father was also like that.

Again while you ideas are clever your execution is terrible. You act like this is in the USA but it is obvious you don’t know American terminology. There is no superannuation as an example

Well, your story didn't go over to well. On top of what others and myself have said, I read it again, and something new hit me. The lawyer Bill hired was James Whitmore, right?

Jack's father signed the letter to Bill, 'James Whitmore', so are we to assume Jack's father was Bill's lawyer?? It is highly suggested, that if you want to continue writing, you first read what you just wrote, and rewrite it. Then, find someone, to read your next story before you send it anywhere. Frankly, it didn't get any better on the second read.

XYZ

I agree with NVDiceGuy. You obviously are not American. Florida Keys not Quays among other blatant mistakes. 3 stars DMW aka Sumnut96

Story. Thanks for your writing.

Unrealistic in today’s world. One million is chicken feed today.

Written by some poor man who has no realizations about today’s situation. With a retirement income of $75k a year & well over one million dollars in Roth IRAs, we still have to pinch pennies in case one or both of us needs constant care. Look at what that costs for just one year.

Be realistic!

Bill S.

Wrap up was a little brief. Drug raid was whacky but fun.

Did the payoff then make the MC a pimp?

Nice to be employed with such nice viewing devices. Love a deserved Happy Ending. Thanks for sharing it.

Satellites, once in orbit, don’t move about.

The whole thing about the rich father giving a rat’s ass about the cuckold of his son’s whoring was like a fairy tale, that is, it had no foothold in reality.

The dialogue where a cuckold hears the words of the illicit lovers is almost always strained and unrealistic. This story’s use of that device was no exception.

Not the best effort of this author, who is, nevertheless, a good writer.

Pretty good story but clearly this writer lives in the British Common Wealth; he us words, designations, metric measurement, etc.

Such as Florida Quays when it's the Keys.

Americans never "sort out" a problem. You won't hear that.

5*****+!!

Needs a bit of proof reading. I really appreciated that true justice was done here; I loath and despise stories where a woman like this is taken back by the MC and the moment I see a story turn it that direction I'm done with it and the author and for two good reasons. First, that plot line is ludicrous and an insult to the reader. Second, it directly demeans men, reducing them to spineless men who have sold out their integrity. In these times I loath ANYTHING that has even faintly smells of WOKE-misandry. I expunge writers who contribute to the demascilinty of men.

This is a good story. Well crafted and with a believable plot line. I would suggest that if you wish to place your story in an American setting that you carefully exclude British idiots. For example you'll never here an American say bloody, bullocks or flash. Also, we don't sat MUm when referring the our mothers, typically it's either "my mother or mom. Of course, you don't have to do this but failing to do so marks at once as British commonwealth; to wit, the Florida reference.

Again, very good story!

Too freaking stupid to read beyond The ridiculous drug bust. Get real no police department will send a swat team from a citizen phone call nor a TV station would send a film crew for an unsubstantiated drug bust. At the very least the cops would have run the auto plates to ascertain who was involved. The story was too absurd for me to spend the time to read. Gave it a 1 for dumb.

To the Anon of 3 days ago--if it was too stupid to read wouldn't it also be too stupid to comment on?

Oh my, this was bad. I kept hoping it might get better but it never did. Serves me right for reading it.

Nice little bit of fantasi with some BTB/BTB. Not sure about some of the language used in the story, maybe I'm just a bit behind but what was the comment about "a flash car" at his house about. Don't think I've ever heard anyone say that? I did have to chuckle about the motel room being number 69. Even though the story was kind of on the light side, I'll give it four stars for being entertaining.