Eye Of The Beholder

"At the gym..." her mother frowned for a moment, and then her eyes opened with realization. "You are working with Derek, the beast."

"Mother, that's enough!"

"What? It's the truth. I said it aloud instead of talking behind his back, like most of people do," Annabella's mother explained.

Bella shook her head and finished her tea in one long gulp. "He's a person mother. And just like any person, he deserves respect."

"Oh, I respect him. Instead of whining about what happened to him, he's doing something to change his life. You could learn a lot from Derek," her mother answered. "But my respect doesn't make him any prettier."

Bella shook her head.

"I'm tired mother. I'm going to bed."

Annabella went to her room, took a shower, changed into her pajamas, and finally fell asleep, her mind swirling with disturbing memories.

CHAPTER 7

Derek stared at the door for a long time after Annabella closed it. There was a tickle in his brain that usually signified the answer to a pressing question, if only he could focus.

Unfortunately, he had no idea what the question was, and he couldn't focus worth a damn right now on anything other than her lips against his cheek and her breath along his neck.

He fought the urge to run upstairs, pound on the door, grab her and kiss her until her body throbbed the way his did.

Derek cursed and turned away. If it wasn't for his rich fantasy life, he'd have no sex life at all.

He should go directly home. But he made the mistake of glancing up, and then he was no longer moving but staring.

Her lights were on. He could see her shadow moving back and forth behind the curtains. She wasn't sleeping. What was she doing?

He had no idea, but since he was an inquisitive man, he leaned against the lamppost and watched awhile.

"You're my hero," she'd said.

Those words had him as curious as the odd movements that continued unabated in the upstairs room. She had no idea how hard he wanted to become her hero.

He had learned early on that allowing other people to affect how he felt about himself was asking to feel pretty bad for a whole lot of his life. He'd been about to tell her that when she'd kissed him, and he'd lost any trace of a brain.

Her mouth was soft, her breath sweet. He'd been unable to keep himself from touching her skin. Thank God for self-control. Otherwise, he might have grabbed her with both massive hands and scared her to death.

Bella must have sensed how he burned for more, because she'd held very still and stared at his neck, no doubt terrified to meet his eyes and give him ready access to her lips.

By that time, he'd regained his control. Derek was adept at hiding what he felt. Being laughed at enough times would do that for a man. The kiss had been about gratitude; he'd known that all along. But tell it to his body. Why was he attracted to Bella?

Because when he looked at her, he didn't see Annabella Reed, the gorgeous girl who dismissively alienated many of her classmates anymore; he saw the vulnerable, uncertain girl who lurked in her eyes, and he wanted to help her, protect her, and heal her.

Derek frowned. Heal her? Where had he gotten the idea she needed to be healed?

He focused again on her window, contemplated the shadow that continued to move this way and that. Vulnerable and uncertain did not describe the Annabella Reed he had known. But Derek knew what vulnerability and uncertainty looked like. He saw them often enough in the mirror.

That was no doubt why he felt the need to heal her. Because deep down, he wanted to be healed, too.

Derek snorted. There was nothing wrong with Bella, and the sooner he stopped trying to be her hero, the better off he would be. Delusions of knighthood always got him into trouble.

CHAPTER 8

The next day, Annabella got out of bed early and dressed in her best gym outfit.

She stood in front of the mirror to admire herself. Any male would have said she looked great. However, she saw something entirely different.

More often than not, whenever she looked into a mirror, 'Big Bella' stared back. Because Annabella Reed was now, and always would be, a fat girl shoved into a skinny woman's body.

She moved away from the mirror. She could still feel the lasagna and the garlic bread in her stomach. There was no reason to wonder if she had any laxatives in her cosmetics bag or if she should go on a juice-only diet until the whirling madness went away.

Actually, there was a reason. Because she didn't want juice; she wanted mashed potatoes, spaghetti, bread or brownies.

She moved away from the mirror and climbed down the stairs to have breakfast.

"You better talk about your pay with your new boss," her mother said instead of good morning. "And work your skinny ass off to earn it."

Bella gulped down a cup of coffee, grabbed another apple and rushed out of her home without bothering to answer her. Her mother would lash her out if she knew she was working for minimum wage.

Derek was already at the gym when she arrived. He supervised her with the first clients, but very soon, it was obvious that Annabella knew what she was doing.

Derek went to his office and busied himself behind the computer instead of mingling with the clients. Bella took care of that pretty well by herself, and he was pretty sure some of them were relieved not having to deal with the ugly beast.

He'd instructed her to call him if she needed help.

Around noon, Annabella entered his office. "We are closed for lunch, boss."

"Hungry?" He rubbed his neck absently, looking at the clock.

"Not really."

"Have you eaten today?"

She experienced the annoyance that usually came on the heels of such a question. "What are you, a cop?"

He laughed. "That's me, the food police. I thought we could have lunch together again. Talk about your day."

"I think I'll stay here if you don't mind," Bella was feeling weak and tired.

"I don't." Derek turned his attention to the computer screen again.

She'd skipped dinner the night before and didn't have a proper breakfast that morning. Her stomach hurt because it was so empty.

Her ears began to ring, and her body trembled as black dots formed in front of her vision. Suddenly it was as if the floor had come flying up to meet her, then there was nothing but blackness.

Derek heard the sound of her body hitting the floor. He was kneeling at her side in seconds.

He quickly checked her pulse. He could tell that it was weak. He swiftly placed his hand behind her neck and made sure that her airway wasn't obstructed. She was breathing fine.

Very gently he touched her cheek. Her skin was like silk, and his hands were so rough.

"Hey?" He said softly. "Wake up. Open your eyes."

Derek watched her eyes blink and try to focus. "What...?" Annabella muttered in confusion.

"You blacked out," he explained. She kept blinking rapidly.

And then it hit her. She'd fainted. She was lying on the gym's floor. Bella sat up. She tried to stand, and Derek kept a hold of her arm.

"Careful. You're not ready to stand up yet."

"I'm okay," Annabella said in embarrassment.

"You're not ready to stand yet.

"Have you eaten anything at all?" Derek voice was full of concern.

She looked away.

"Drink this." He pressed the glass to her lips.

She took a quick sip. It didn't taste bad. "What is it?"

"It's a drink I prepare for myself."

"Thanks." She took another sip. It was good. "What's in it?"

"Fruit; mango, pineapple, apple, oranges and strawberries."

"You invented this yourself?"

"Yep. I always have some fruit juice here. You're not the first one that fainted. Drink some more." She squinted at him, but took another sip of the offered beverage. Her stomach suddenly began to rumble and groan.

"Your body crashed," he said.

Again Annabella tried to stand but couldn't because Derek was holding her.

"You shouldn't try to stand. You're going to blackout again... remember?

"Yeah..." she said distantly, sipping more juice.

His hands were still on her arms. "Better?"

"Better," she managed to smile.

Derek pressed the juice to her lips, and she took a long swallow. Then, Annabella took the drink from his hands, her hands covering his for a moment and she gulped down the juice, spilling some down her chin. When the container was empty, she belched. He hid his smile. She was still half out of it, but the sugar would bring her around fairly quickly.

Bella tried to come to her feet. Derek helped her.

"I'm sorry for the trouble."

He looked at her quickly. "No trouble. Um...do you feel okay?"

No, she didn't feel okay. She felt drained, but she didn't think she was going to faint again. "I'm good," she said.

"I'll escort you back down to your house."

"No!" She didn't want to find out what her mother would say if she returned home so early on her first day. "I'll lie down on the couch. I'll be okay to take care of the afternoon crew."

"Okay, I want you to drink plenty of fluids." Derek patted her hand and went out of the office.

Annabella had not realized the depth of her loneliness, until Derek stopped holding her and left her alone.

CHAPTER 9

During the next weeks, membership increased at the gym, mostly men from neighboring towns. For the most part, it was obvious as to why they joined this gym and not one near their homes: Annabella Reed.

She liked the attention. In fact, Derek thought she was getting a total kick out of flirting with them. Derek had joked, telling her to be kind, that they were likely to get hurt when she winked at them, but she didn't listen. Nothing inappropriate to her mind, far from it. Even so, her teasing made his blood boil.

Annabella didn't faint or show any signs of weakness again. As a matter of fact, she was a hard and very responsible worker. She was the first to arrive and the last to leave the gym. She was always encouraging the clients, and she knew how to handle them if something was wrong or they crossed a line.

Derek and Bella never had lunch together again. Instead, she started to bring her own lunch from home, and she ate it at the office. She ate mainly salads.

Every day, Derek would bring a new smoothie that he shared with her before opening the gym.

Since she loved all fruits and vegetables, he would blend strange combinations and have her guess them. One day, it was green grapes, green apples, cucumbers and spinach. Another day, it was carrots, fresh ginger, apples and pomegranate juice.

"You must spend a ton of money on this," she said as she tasted his latest invention; a grapefruit, radish and pineapple smoothie.

Derek shrugged. It cost a lot, but he enjoyed creating something that tasted good enough to make her eyes roll up into her head. It was his big quest.

Gradually, Annabella won Derek's trust. Their relationship was cordial and warm. Derek never found much of a reason to laugh. But with Bella, he actually did. She was funny without even trying. Their relationship slowly progressed to friendship. They became good friends. They talked a lot about everything, except feelings and the past.

Bella didn't like talking about her experience in California, and Derek grunted each time she mentioned his past as a soldier. She used to get nothing but groans when she asked him about girlfriends or relationships.

Derek tried to put as much emotional distance as he could between Annabella and himself. However, keeping his distance was a real challenge. He wanted her bad. Bella looked at him like he was the only thing that mattered in her world. He had to repeat to himself over and over that she was just grateful. Nothing else. He would not, could not, think of Annabella in a romantic way. In that direction lay far too much danger.

He was getting to that point in his life where he wanted to settle down. He wanted to find someone to spend his nights with. Someone that he could hurry home to at the end of a long day. He wanted to walk into his house and feel warmth and comfort. Right now, it was barren, and there was no life.

He sighed. An impossible dream for someone like him. He should get over these yearnings and forget about having a relationship with Annabella the same way he got over everything, by living the present. One day at a time.

***

Derek looked up to at the faces of the two women standing next to his table.

"The steak is great," he said. "It's melt-in-your-mouth delicious. Give my compliments to Tony, please."

Kat and Mary stood there, glaring at him.

"What? Did I forget my tip the last time I was here?" he joked.

"Ha, ha! Very funny, Derek What the hell are you waiting for?" Kat asked, hands in air, her baby bump pointing at him.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to need more words to understand what you're talking about," he said, avoiding her gaze.

"Ask her out for Pete's sake!" Mary explained.

"What are you two talking about?" A slow flush ran up his neck and enveloped his face. Of course, he knew exactly what they were talking about, but he decided to play dumb.

"Don't play fool with me, Derek Hayes! You know we're talking about Annabella. That girl has a crush on you." Kat caught the dismay on Derek's face, and her look softened.

Derek snorted. "You're delusional. I mean... I'm ready to admit we are friends, but this is far from a crush."

"Derek, you've been working together for months, walking together every evening. I'm the last person to defend her, but she looks like she's a changed woman. She's not the same vain and selfish person she was in high school," Kat insisted.

"Why else would she drink that awful smoothie you make every morning?" Mary added.

Derek shook his head. "Sometimes I think it's impossible to keep anything secret in this town. You should run an investigation agency."

Kat laughed, "Here in Middletown? We'd run out of business in our first week."

"Annabella was making goo-goo eyes at you all during my gym session the other day," Mary said before the conversation got sidetracked.

"I'll say it again, you're delusional. Look at me," Derek, said pointing at his own face and looking at them trying his best to scare them.

They didn't blink an eye.

"Yes, it's... scary looking at the scars, especially the first time, but you're a really nice guy. I forgot about your scars once I got to know you. Now, when I see you, I see Derek, not the scars." Mary gave him a soft smile.

Derek snorted and shook his head.

"You are our friend, Derek. We want you to be happy!" Kat added.

"Yeah, well, I will be happy when you two stop pushing me to chase an impossible dream." He placed his big hands on the table, ready to stand up and leave.

"She has been asked out lots of times and she refused all of them," Kat informed him.

"What makes you think it will be different with me? Imagine taking THIS to a date," Derek exclaimed, running one finger down the big scar on his face.

"The assumptions we make are our fears in disguise and they keep us from advancing in life... Just remember, if you don't ask, the answer is always no," Kat recited.

Derek looked away. "Don't play counselor with me, Kat. I don't like shrinks very much." He watched them with a cold look on his face. "Don't start thinking I'm some pity case just because I look like this. This isn't a game."

His heart was drumming in his chest.

Kat stepped forward. "There is no game. We're all rooting for you, Derek. That's all. Just ask her out."

Derek looked at them and his lips finally curved in an uneven smile. They meant well.

"You girls got way too much time on your hands."

They both laughed. "We know." And they finally walked away.

Derek sat back in his chair and drank the rest of his glass of wine. There was nothing much worse than two women with nothing better to do than to butt into his personal business.

Derek took the good-natured ribbing because he really had no choice. He knew they'll keep pushing and pushing until they were satisfied.

He groaned. They couldn't understand. Girls might like him, but they didn't love him.

CHAPTER 10

Annabella had been working with Derek for months. She looked forward to getting up every morning and getting to the gym. She finally understood what people were talking about when they claimed to be addicted to exercising.

However, the reason to wake up early every morning was Derek. She loved his kindness. He was the gentlest man she'd ever known. He never held against her what she had done to him in the past. He treated her with the greatest politeness and attention, and when she was about to leave, he offered to accompany her, which she accepted, and he walked home with her, a true gentleman.

When Annabella got her last paycheck, she realized she had enough money saved to move out of her mother's house into her own little, cheap apartment.

When Bella looked back she felt grateful that her mother had taken a 'tough love' stance and taught her the world didn't owe her a living.

Of course, when Bella's mother heard the news, she had some parting words for her. "I loved you enough to teach you that if you had time to talk on the phone with your friends and check you social media, then you had time help around the house and do your chores. I loved you enough to let you discover that your so called friends were bad news. I loved you enough to let you make your own mistakes and learn from them. I had to be mom and dad at the same time. You'll never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do. When you understand that, I'll know you're a responsible adult."

Bella hugged her mother tight and left. She had been pain in her ass, but it had been her way to show her love for her.

The next morning, as she entered the gym, she heard the faint clanging sound of bells. She hesitated, alarms, bells... clocks? And then, when the music started, she realized that it was part of a song.

Derek was pounding on the treadmill. He wasn't wearing his hoodie, just a T-shirt and sweat pants. He was singing and moving to the music. He felt the rhythm in every muscle.

Bella thought he was sexy even without trying.

She had never in her life seen such a specimen of a man. His body was sheer perfection! His back formed the most perfect V down to a narrow waist and a round butt that begged to be pinched. His arms were wire tight with ropes of muscles. His short-sleeved shirt allowed her to see scars shining on the brown skin of his left arm.

"Good morning, Derek. What are you listening to?" Bella asked approaching him.

Derek turned off the treadmill and lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. Oh God... his six-pack was magazine perfect, but then it instantly disappeared when he dropped his shirt back down. He gave her a crooked smile, or maybe just a smile that was crooked because of his scars.

The lust wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting stronger the longer she was with him. The more she knew about Derek, the more she liked him. The more she saw of his body, the more she wanted to run her hands all over it.

"Good morning, Bella. Pink Floyd, of course! Dark Side of the Moon, one of the greatest albums ever made."

"Can you lend me the CD? I never heard it."

"Sure." Derek took the compact disc out of the player, placed it in its case, and gave it to her.

He walked to his office and Bella followed him. "How are you feeling today?" he asked in that low rumbling country drawl.

"I'm good."

"Really?"

"Really," she assured him.

Derek sat down on his chair and made her tell him exactly what she'd had to eat that morning. He had been checking on her meals since she fainted.

"You skipped breakfast today," he said, shaking his head.