Eye Of The Beholder

"I have a good excuse, I moved out from my mother's house this morning."

Derek smiled.

"A step in the right direction. Congratulations!" Derek said sincerely. Annabella had been telling him bits and pieces about her relationship with her mother. Derek had helped her to find a cheap apartment to rent and lend her some money for the deposit.

"I'm happy to have my own place."

"I'll help you to move your things out of your mother's house," Derek offered.

"Thank you," she smiled at him.

"Um, I brought you..." he didn't finish the sentence because he remembered Mary's comment about his smoothies.

Annabella took the stainless steel flask from his hands and drank a long gulp.

"I made a new medley. I hope you like it. You don't have to drink it if you don't like it..." he broke off with a hiss of pain.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just my neck. Old injury."

Bella wasn't sure if he was serious. She didn't particularly care. She moved around his chair. At the first touch of her fingers, he jerked away. But she wouldn't let him go. Hands on his shoulders, she eased him back in the chair.

"Relax," she murmured. "You're way too tense."

"What are you, a massage therapist?"

"I could pretend to be, if you'd like," she teased him.

He liked that thought more than he was willing to admit.

She ran her thumbs down the tight cords of his neck, smoothed her palms across the width of his shoulders, and skimmed her fingers over the muscles of his arms. His skin fluttered beneath her hands. He was warm and strong and good. She wanted to keep touching him forever. She wanted to touch him and more.

But he held himself stiff and still, as if he wanted to run but was too polite to do so. He was no doubt mortified she was touching him like this, but he was too much of a nice guy to push her away. That would be like him. He put on a tough front, yet she'd seen over the past few weeks just how gentle he could be.

She should stop. She was being foolish. He'd shown her time and time again that he wanted nothing more from her than friendship. In truth, he hadn't wanted that; she'd forced it on him. She didn't know how to make friends, didn't know how to have one or how to be one. But she was pretty certain friends didn't feel about other friends the way she felt about Derek Hayes.

So instead of touching him the way she desired, she merely imagined rubbing her cheek along his short, dark hair. The movement would press her breasts against the solid wall of his back. She'd take off his T-shirt, slip her hands inside, memorize the muscles of his chest in the way she was learning the contours of his back right now, under the guise of massage therapy. Then she'd press her lips to where her hands had roamed. Would he taste as good as he smelled: clean, fresh and hot?

Annabella glanced down, watched her hands trace his shoulders. Her fingers slipped beneath his collar, slid along the sides of his neck, smoothed over the rolling spike of his collarbone.

"Hmm," he murmured and turned his head. Their noses bumped. His black eyes opened wider. His breath brushed her mouth.

"Relax," she whispered, she cradled his face, holding him close, hoping he would not run away. And then she kissed him.

Beyond gentleness, starved for the taste of his mouth, she feasted. Warm, sweet and wet, she would drown in him gladly.

He swiveled his chair, and suddenly she stood between his legs, supported by his hands at her waist, their heat scalding through her blouse. Where it had come untucked from her pants, flesh on flesh made her moan. She wanted to grab his hands, rub his callused palms along her stomach, her ribs, higher. Beg him to stroke her, tease her, take her.

Derek could barely catch his breath. His big hands rested on her hips, and each kiss of her lips felt like the healing touch of an angel.

And then her phone rang.

"Ignore it," she whispered.

He stiffened, tearing his lips from hers. He yanked his hands away as if she were on fire. The expression on his face made her heart stutter. He was horrified.

She backed away, lifting one hand to her mouth, touching where he had touched, trying to feel the magic again. But it was gone.

Sadness cast over his face. "Bella..."

She didn't want to hear him say it. She couldn't.

Her phone continued to ring. She left the office to take the call.

She heard him curse.

Derek hated it when people pitied him.

CHAPTER 11

"A couple girl friends from high school called me to remind me of our lunch meeting. Janice Cooper and Mary Lou Jennings. I'm sure you remember them," Bella told Derek when he finally came out of the office.

Derek nodded. Of course, he remembered them.

"I think I had already told you we are having a get together for lunch today,"

"Have fun," Derek said absentmindedly. His lips barely moved beneath his hood. Annabella could see several emotions move across his face.

She bit her lower lip and asked, "Would you come with me?"

"You want me to stand right in the middle of my enemies? No, thank you." Derek remembered them from high-school, and they were two bitches. He crossed path with them since he got back in town, but he had no desire to socialize with them.

"I want them to get to know you. I want them to see the great guy you are."

"I'm not that brave, Bella. Sorry."

She swallowed. "Because... of your scars?"

He nodded. "I'm pretty sure how your old friends will react when they take a closer look to my 'pretty face'."

Bella inhaled and decided to plow forward. "Derek you can't live your life hiding your face under a hoodie."

"I can try." He reached up and, without realizing what he was doing, he touched the big scar on his face.

"Can... cosmetic surgery help?"

"Maybe," he shrugged.

"Why...?"

"Because I already had enough surgeries for a lifetime," Derek snapped. "How much good is another surgery going to do, honestly? That costs money. Lots of money. And for what? I'll never be Denzel Washington," he interrupted her.

He stood up, went out of his office and went into the gym. Then he stepped onto a treadmill.

She'd upset him and it crushed her. It made her sound as if she thought he should get surgery and that's not what she had meant at all. After months of knowing this man, his scars were just an after-thought to her now. Most times she forgot about them. Or they seemed so much a part of the kind man that she knew that they were no longer ugly to her. It was just Derek's face.

She stood opposite him, forcing Derek to look at her.

"I'm sorry."

She thought about the way it always made her feel when some agent, producer or photographer told her that she needed to lose weight or get bigger breasts or a rounder ass.

"I didn't mean to insinuate that you should change anything about yourself. You are a wonderful man just the way you are."

Derek shrugged. "Thank you for saying it."

"I'm not just saying it. I mean it."

He didn't say anything.

"I'm going now, Derek. Are you sure I can't talk you into joining me?"

He didn't meet her eyes and just shook his head.

"Okay. I won't push you. I might be back a bit late."

"It's okay. Take all the time you need. I used to run the gym by myself before you started working for me."

Bella came closer and placed a hand on his arm. "Look Derek, we'll talk about the kiss this evening, okay? I don't want things to get awkward between us."

He nodded. His eyes avoiding her gaze again.

****

Bella, Mary Lou and Janice spent the first hour catching up, remembering the old times, eating, drinking and laughing.

"You look great, girlfriend," Mary Lou offered. "Very thin."

Annabella twisted her mouth like she did every time someone talked about her weight.

"Thank you."

"What have you been doing, Bella? Why didn't you come to say hi?" Janice asked her studying her like a predator studies its prey before going for the kill.

"I've been busy settling back in town, working, doing my best not to kill my mother in the process... She loves me but she can be really tough," she explained.

They all laughed.

"I remember her," Janice said, twisting her mouth. "I wasn't her favorite person. She never let me set foot in her house."

"Are you still living with her?" Mary Lou asked.

"No, I have my own place now, thank God."

"What happened in California?" Janice leaned forward and smiled with a wicked smile at Bella. "I thought you would be famous by now."

Bella shivered. Flashes of her life as a model danced in and out of her head.

"Things didn't work out the way I hoped they would. Being a fashion model is harder than it looks.

"I remember once I was getting ready for a fashion show, and a makeup artist, hairdresser, stylist, were all equally horrified by my chipped nail polish and lack of waxed eyebrows. They were so appalled; it was almost as if I had raped a kitten in front of them. They were also none too impressed when I wanted more than water for lunch."

"Achieving success is not easy," Janice opined not taking her eyes from Bella. "You need to have what it takes."

"I obviously didn't have it," Bella admitted sincerely. "The price was too high for me. The idea of making my face look like I was ready to give a blow job to sell a leather coat made me feel like an idiot. Maybe if I was hawking dildos it would have made sense, but what does winter comfort have to do with my sticking my ass in the air? There is no talent in looking like you are ready for anal."

They all laughed again.

"It was costing me money, my nerves, my health, my self-esteem and a piece of my soul," Annabella explained.

Her girlfriends looked at her, not knowing what to say.

"So you are working at the gym now," Janice said. She managed to make it sound like a bad thing.

"Yes, I am. You should meet Derek," Bella said with a smile on her face.

"The Beast? No thank you. I don't want to have nightmares. He's scary. Good thing he wears that hood all the time. One day he was coming my way, and I crossed the street to avoid meeting him," Mary Lou told, shivering from head to toes.

"Who would have said you would end working for 'Lurch', Bella? We used to make fun of losers like him." Janice seemed to be enjoying Bella's discomfort.

"'From California to Middletown: the Annabella Reed story.' You should come to my office after work, and tell me the whole thing. That is, if you can set yourself free from the beast. I could write a good article about it," Janice offered.

"It's not funny, Janice," Annabella looked at her friend with her brow frowned. "He is not a beast." Bella stabbed a chunk of chicken and shoved it into her mouth hungrily. "He is about the nicest guy I think I've ever met. I kind of want to invite him to lunch with us one day, so you really get to know him."

"Are you out of your mind? Why on earth would you want us to hang with 'Lurch, the scary monster'?" Mary Lou laughed at her own joke.

Annabella looked uncomfortable. "Can you stop calling him names? He is a very nice person with a huge heart. He is my boss, but he is also a good friend of mine."

She crossed her arms on her chest and turned away from them, feeling disgusted with her friends' attitude.

"You used to enjoy our jokes," Janice said very slowly. "You even played a part in some of them."

"Jokes? Is that what you call them to be able to sleep at night? We bullied and humiliated those poor boys and girls. Let's call things by their name."

Janice studied Bella's face with her brow frowned. "I sleep very well at night. Thank you."

Bella held her gaze. She was now pissed. "Stop making fun of Derek. He got hurt serving this country and protecting our freedom. That's more of what you and me have done. He's a hero, and he deserves our respect."

"Okay, girlfriend. Calm down. God bless our veterans," Janice exclaimed raising an eyebrow, with a voice not devoid of sarcasm.

Mary Lou held Bella's hands. "We're worried about you. You can do better than him."

"Better than Derek?" Annabella snorted. "He might not be good looking on the outside, but on the inside, he has a beautiful soul. Which is more than I can say about you two!"

Mary Lou opened her mouth in surprise.

"What happened to you, Bella? We used to make fun of guys like him! And now you're kind of dating this... beast," Janice shot back.

"He's not a monster! You are! What happened to me? I grew up, I matured. You didn't. It's like your minds are still in high school. You are the same insecure bitches you were, thinking your shit doesn't stink, looking down on all of us. What happened in California made me realize there is more to life than meets the eye," Annabella's raised voice attracted the attention of a few other customers.

Her friends looked at her, searching perhaps for the old Annabella. They finally said, "You've changed. And not for the better," both friends were shaking their heads.

Bella met their eyes. "I have. I'm not the bitch I was in high school anymore. I want to think I became a better person."

She stood up and placed some bills on the table.

"Good luck. Goodbye. And lose my number."

While Annabella was walking back to the gym she thought about Derek. She took a deep breath, an almost shocked breath. She woke up each morning, anxious to see him. He made her laugh, he motivated her, he accepted her, he cared for her. He didn't give a damn if her roots were dark or if she went without a stitch of makeup and was dripping in stinky sweat.

Annabella stopped walking and stood there, in the middle of Main Street, with lights twinkling in her eyes and a smile on her face. "I am loved for who I am."

She smiled. Derek...

CHAPTER 12

Bella smoothed her shirt down, and then pushed open the glass door to the gym.

Derek greeted her with a crooked grin. He was wearing a grey shirt and loose athletic shorts.

They worked all afternoon, exchanging glances between them, from time to time and smiling. Finally, the day was over.

"Hi," the shyness in Bella's voice reminded Derek of what had happened the last time they'd been together. The taste of her returned to his mouth, his palms itched to touch her again.

"Did you miss me?" Annabella asked Derek.

Was Annabella reading his mind... or the bulge in his pants?

"Um... yes, I did." His voice was hoarse with desire, and he coughed, pretending it wasn't.

She was wearing emerald-green sweatpants, jaggedly cut at mid-thigh. Her blue T-shirt had been cut, as well, just below her breasts.

Most folks didn't think a guy could care about colors or textures, shapes, sizes or scents. But the essence of life fascinated him, and right now, the essence of life was her.

"Juice?" he tilted his flask.

She could only shake her head.

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fascinated by the goofy smile on your face," she said.

Derek stood there terrified that if he moved closer, he'd beg to touch her, or have her touch him.

"Are you all right?" Bella asked in a whisper.

He was across the short distance, putting his hands on her shoulders before he remembered he should not touch her.

"I'm just tired. You should be, too," Derek said.

He yanked his hands from her shoulders. But before he could move away, she grabbed them between hers. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't want our friendship ruined because I kissed you."

He shook his head. "Bella, I..."

"Foolish of me..." she continued right over his protest, "...but I couldn't stop myself. I've been dying to touch you lately."

All Derek's protests died in his throat, and he stared at her, amazed.

"I've been dreaming of your chest," she continued. "I can't stop thinking about kissing your nose."

He touched his nose, mystified.

"I've never been drawn to a man physically the way I am to you, and I'm not handling it well. I know what lust is, and I should be able to control it. But there is more to it. It's not just lust or infatuation. It's deeper than that. I can't think when you're around me. I get all fluffy headed when I hear your voice... I wake up in the morning thinking of you, and you are my last thought when I go to bed at night."

Derek glanced behind him, but he was still the only man in the room. It felt as if he had fallen into a parallel universe. Confused, he could only stare at her. Was she saying what he thought she was saying?

Annabella covered her face with her hands. "I must be more light-headed than I thought, to be telling you all this."

Light-headed? He saw her holding on to a treadmill for balance. Derek moved close enough to catch her if she fell. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know what I am anymore. Confused. Embarrassed. Afraid..."

He inched back. He was big, huge, in fact, strong, scary-looking, too. He'd been trained in violence, committed it a lot, though not lately, but for her to say she was afraid of him hurt more than Derek could have imagined.

"Bella, you don't have to be afraid of me," he protested. "I'm never going to hurt you."

She dropped her hands and stared at him with wide eyes. "Afraid of you? How could anyone be afraid of you?" She shook her head as if she could not fathom it. "I'm afraid that wanting you so badly, I can't think straight and that will take away the one thing I've always wished for and never had."

"What?"

"Someone who loves me and accepts me for who I am," she whispered.

He frowned. "I can't believe it. You were one of the most popular girls in high school."

"Believe it. No one knows me as you do. All my life l had just been going through the motions, and inside, I was screaming!"

She shut her eyes. With her dark lashes lying long against her cheeks, he could see how pale she was. She swayed alarmingly. He took two large steps and caught her in his arms.

"What is wrong with you?" Derek asked with concern.

"I'm tired, Derek. Don't worry. Just tired. Can I lean on you a minute?"

She already was, her cheek against his chest, her arms around his waist.

"Of course. Isn't that what friends do? Lean?"

"Is it?"

"So I hear."

"Then, we're still friends? You forgive me for kissing you?"

She sounded like a child who wanted to make amends for a mistake. He couldn't help himself; he kissed the top of her head. "There's nothing to forgive."

"You're so sweet."

Derek stifled a snort. One thing he'd never been called was sweet.

"I admit I was scared at first because of how you looked, but then I discovered your beautiful soul. But don't worry, I'll get over it."

He should leave well enough alone. Let her get over it, as she said. Just hold her as long as she needed him to and then release her forever. But she felt too good in his arms, too right, and Derek knew that holding her wasn't going to be enough.

"I hope not."

She went still in his arms. "What did you say?"

"I hope you don't get over it."

Slowly she raised her head and gazed into his face. "But why?"

God help him; he wanted the relationship she'd just described.

Here was a beautiful woman saying she wanted him, she cared for him and she didn't mind the sight of his face. It was every ugly man's fantasy.

A disturbing thought insinuated itself into his mind.

Bella might be pretending. But what reason could she have for that? What possible advantage could come from her sleeping with him? He was already helping her; he had nothing to give her but what she said she wanted. Himself.

"Explain to me this. Whenever I got close to you, you shoved me away," Annabella said.

"Defense mechanism."

"I don't understand."

He hesitated, but since she was honest, he thought he would show her the same courtesy. "I wanted to kiss you the first moment I saw you, and that's something a man like me should never want."