All Comments on 'Faithful Wife Submits Ch. 01'

Interesting start - short but you have left us wanting more

Just move on folks nothing happening here.

3 stars. Bleh.

Is this a mystery story? You have left us hanging.

Where to start:

First, at 18, he would be a camp counsellor, not a camper.

Second: you don’t become a dental hygienist by going to college. It’s a 2 year diploma degree. What did she major in that she became a dental hygienist?

Also, the burnout rate for hygienists is insane. I’ve seen dentists yell at them and dock their pay for not getting something right.

What does Well Done do that he can work 9-5? Why is he groomed to take over her dads business? Why isn’t she?

Third: people don’t change, so why did she? And how was Well Done able to afford ANC considering he dropped out of football?

This story poses way more questions than answers. And the ending went straight into bizarre land. It’s like she’s been hit by a Martian BDSM ray while become one more submissive and withdrawn.

Like. What in the fuck are you smoking that thistles sense?

nice so far , but pleeease not another Cuckold /Sharing Story ...

Why write something this short as part of a series?

There is a huge gap in character development.

Hopefully part 2 will improve.

just bad. If you do not like the way you write, then don't!

I'm not quite as critical as Whackdoodle. But! 961 words is less than 1/4 of a normal Lit page! Your cliffhanger is "spank me?" Hardly something that makes me want to read the next part. Either write the full story or several pages of it and leave it hanging with something serious. They go to the reunion, and he sees her sneaking out with an old boyfriend. He follows them up through the hotel until she goes into the BF's room. Just some advice. I won't score it, there's not enough here.

half and intro to a story if that. why bother to submit this little?

So-so intro. Where's the actual story?

Rough Draft? This was a word salad, something that should've been developed into a longer, actual story, after much clean-up and tweaking. Things like this should be tagged as a "vignette" or "scene."

3 Stars. A story going nowhere and achieving it.

It seems like a good story that just decided to stop going anywhere!!! WTF?

You could probably make a good story out of this, but it'll take work. I think you're good enough to pull it off.

Sorry, but as it stands I can only give it a 3. cd

Nice intro.

Making a comment so I can check out the first real meat of the story when it comes out.

Try to find an editor. This was a mess.

Dull. Get to it.

What was that. I expect better from a real Fighting Camel.

Off to a bad start. But thanks for the effort.

Oh god no more please

You forgot to finish it

What was that??

First submission of this story needed more to be interesting enough to look out for more chapters.

Nothing in it but so well written making you wanting part 2 - nicely done!