Faithfulness

Things were a little difficult sometimes between Maggie and I. For example, for a long time after she had the baby, even well after the effects of pregnancy had faded and Maggie was looking as amazing as ever, she didn't want to have sex with me at all. I have to admit this was a great struggle for me. On the one hand, Maggie said she didn't want another child, and I certainly wasn't going to push for a child just so I could have sex. But this went on for years! We were graduating university, and I have to admit seeing everyone around us having so much fun had an impact on me. When I told friends at school that my wife and I didn't have sex, that sex wasn't the core of our relationship, most of them, being non-Christians or Christians with very loose faiths, would have their jaws drop. And then when they saw my wife! They would practically explode from disbelief! To be with a woman who looked like that and not believe in having sex with her! And I didn't disagree! I wanted to be better than just a man who reduced himself to only thinking about sex, but there came a point when I had to put my foot down.

So we went to the Pastor about this, and Maggie went to talk to him first for a while, and then afterward I went in and talked to the Pastor along with her. The Pastor must have calmed her down as he always did, since she was calm and ready to talk about it. I said, "I understood sex is just for procreation, but, I'm sorry, it's just, it's just, I, I have to say that it just doesn't feel right to live a whole life never having sex with my wife again! Surely God didn't design for me to have these urges and never ever act on them, not even within the sanctity of a marriage!"

The Pastor, who for ages had been asking me to be patient and not push my wife, had to agree at least a little bit. He said, "I can see that a little compromise was in order. As long as everyone is trying their best, God would understand. I mean, the idea, Rob, is for you to try and work through your urges and not press them on Maggie, but, even God can see when there might be a breaking point."

But then Maggie said, "I'm sorry, Rob, I just don't feel the same urges as you. I'm, I'm sorry, but, I'm just not sexually attracted to you, and I thought you knew I wasn't in this marriage for sex, that our marriage was in service of God, and to raise a child. I know the way men look at me and how they think of me, and how they all want me so desperately, but I thought you of all people understood what I really wanted in a marriage!" It hurt to hear that she had none of the same feelings I had, but I had to admit, she was only describing the same conditions of faith that I had when we agreed to get married.

"Now, Rob, she is expressing some real honesty here, why don't you do the same. Remember how honest you were on the phone when you'd struggle before with your urges, why don't you express the same level of honesty now?"

"What do you mean?" I said.

The Pastor said, "I think you're holding back the emotional expression. I think Maggie, as a woman, would respond better if she could see the emotional side of you, not just you explaining your urges."

I asked, "How can I do that? I'll do anything for Maggie to understand, but, I don't know how to express it more."

Then the pastor said, "Rob, come on now, I think you know. Get down on your knees in front of her and beg."

"Beg?!" I exclaimed, and I looked at Maggie as if she would agree that was extreme, but she looked at me as if it would help. I wavered a long time, but, the Pastor had long since taught me the sin of pride and how I shouldn't let it stop me from saying and doing emotionally honest things, so I got down on my knees in front of Maggie and said, "Please Maggie, please, I beg of you, please let me have more sex with you! I'm your husband, shouldn't a husband and wife have sex? Please Maggie, I need it! I NEED IT! I NEEEEED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!! PLEEEEAAASE!!" I begged her until I was actually crying. It was a little humiliating, yes, but, it seemed to have swayed Maggie a little as the Pastor said it would.

"Okay," Maggie said at long last. "You can fuc, I mean, we can have sex together, but only when there's no chance I'm ovulating, but just because I'm not ovulating is no guarantee that we'll have sex. I'll decide when is okay. Also, I'm going to keep wearing the shapeless pajamas so that you don't get too worked up. Lastly, and this is important, I don't want to get your, your sperm all over everything, so, when you're going to cu, I mean, when you're going to climax, you have to pull back and lean back so that you cum on yourself. That way, we can keep the sheets and everything clean, and you can shower it off." There was a twinge of humiliation in it. I would only be barely permitted to have sex with my own wife, and I was to masturbate and cum all over myself. It seemed a little strange that a man in a Christian marriage should have to do that.

However, the Pastor said, "Remember, Rob, God did not design sex to make a man feel pride. These were strange conditions, and while it may feel like a life of struggle with sex seemed harsh, an eternity of heaven in the glory of God would more than make up for it." I nodded my agreement and thanked Maggie. Deep down, I hoped that things might change, that this could be the beginning of a growing sexual relationship with my gorgeous wife.

However, that's how it remained. Maggie and I would have sex a couple times a month, sometimes not at all. Maggie would tell me it was okay to have sex with her, and I would put myself inside her for a bit, and I almost never lasted that long because the feeling inside her was so intensely pleasurable. I would have to pull out quickly and desperately aim my penis up at myself and lean back, and then I would make a mess all over myself. I was usually so full of semen, having resisted sex and masturbation for so long between times, that I would make a large mess, and it would shoot up to my face and sometimes get in my own mouth. I felt incredibly embarrassed all the time, but, surprisingly, Maggie said she liked it, that she appreciated what I was doing for her.

When we met the Pastor, she talked openly to him about how I would get my sperm all over myself, and I was a little embarrassed that she would reveal that to him. One time he laughed, and I went bright red, and he said, "I'm sorry Rob, please don't mistake my laughter for a lack of sympathy or understanding. You're doing a very good thing here, keeping your marriage a pure and Christian one and not about sex. It's just, sometimes, some mental images catch us off guard and can make us laugh. I felt embarrassed, but, the Pastor knew every single detail of my life, so, if there was everyone I would reveal this to, it was him.

I went got a very good job at an office that worked insurance, so Maggie didn't actually have to work. Instead she volunteered at the church with the Pastor and the other women from the Bible study days. and sometimes she picked up odd jobs doing some modeling. She was happy and successful, and so was I, and our life was ideal. We had a perfect house in a great neighborhood, our friends over for barbecue's and wine parties. Our children played together, we went to church on Sundays. If you were to paint a picture of the perfect American dream family life, ours would look like it. It would be like that painter, Norman Rockwell, except Maggie would look more like she should be on the cover of Playboy!

The one exception was that I struggled so hard to maintain my body's purity. Maggie was so beautiful, and often dressed so sexily, and was often so flirty with men, that I couldn't help but want a fuller sexual life. I could feel over the years that the sexual tension inside of me was maybe making me a little more anxious and angry and tense. And, I'm ashamed to say it, but I think that was part of what made me struggle with looking at my daughter, Chastity as she became a woman.

It was clear right from the start that our daughter, Chastity, was going to grow up to be as much or more beautiful than Maggie, if such a thing could be said to be possible. She was a happy, smiling, beautiful baby, and became a sweet and charming little girl. She always was the most popular girl at her school. Whenever I had doubts about anything to do with me and Maggie, and the constant sexual frustration that ate at me, I would look at Chastity and realize that to have produced such a perfect child more than made up for anything I might selfishly think of as a hardship. For almost all of Chastity's life, she was this shining beacon, guiding me forward and reminding me what life was really all about.

The Pastor said as much to me when I met up with him, and he was like a god father to Chastity. Both Maggie and I were happy to have his guidance in raising her, knowing that he would start on her moral guidance from even younger than when she and I met The Pastor. Maggie especially was keen to have the Pastor involved in her life from the start. He would often check in on Chastity to make sure she was doing well, and she started going to his Sunday school classes as soon as she was old enough.

But then, and this becomes very difficult to talk about, as she grew into her teenage years, and approached graduation and turning 18, I noticed she was becoming a woman.

And when I say I noticed, I mean, I could not help but notice that she had a figure that men lusted after, and a huge chest, just like Maggie did. It's completely inappropriate to say this about one's own daughter, but, I saw how incredibly sexy she was. I had to go to the Pastor and confess to him that I wasn't sure of my own thoughts around my daughter.

He asked me what I wanted, and I said I didn't know, and he said, "I think you do, you just don't want to say."

And I said, "I think I just have too much sexual tension inside me. I have the world's most beautiful wife, and yet, over the course of my life, I can practically count on my fingers and toes the amount of times I've had sex with her. And even when I do, I touch myself and make a mess of myself," I said.

"You mean you spray cum all over yourself," the pastor said. He was often more direct about sexual terms than I was.

"Yes," I said with much embarrassment. "It can't be natural for a father to have the thoughts I'm having about my daughter. It must come from a place that is distorted by not having enough release. Can you please talk to Chastity about it?"

"You want me to talk to Chastity about what, exactly? You're not admitting anything to me, so I don't know what it is that I'd be talking to her about."

I was too ashamed to reveal my thoughts. I can hardly write them here. My daughter would wear the skimpiest school uniform, and when not at school, the clothes she would wear were so revealing. And then, sometimes, she would be careless about not wearing clothes around the house. I asked her one time to stop, and she said, "Daddy, don't be silly. I'm your daughter, so it's not like you're looking at me that way!" I stammered a bit, and then she said, "Daddy, are you looking at my body?"

And I said, "No, of course not! I just think you need to get in the habit of acting with care about how you present yourself." She waved a hand dismissively, and continued to walk around the house barely dressed.

I asked Maggie to talk to her, but Maggie said, "she's just comfortable with her body, and you shouldn't encourage her to feel shame about it. God made her that way, and you're her father, so it's not like it means anything for you to look at her."

But, it did mean something. After so many years of abstaining from touching myself, I was now masturbating sometimes, secretly, and I don't want to admit what was on my mind, because although God knows, I feel like if I admit to it, then I'm accepting it, and I can't.

Then came the time everything changed.

Every year, Maggie and I would spend a few weeks doing charitable work through the Pastor's church. We would actually go to different places, as the Pastor said that it was healthy in a marriage to have different experiences that each could share afterward. The church would assign us roles, and I guess because I was a man, I got assigned construction work. There were house building projects for people who could not afford to buy homes in this particular part of eastern Europe, and that's where I would go every year. It was a long term project, to really build up a community, not just show up one summer and then disappear. However, since we would do this every year in October, it was always freezing cold! I'd be out hammering boards together in piercing winds and often snow. The shelters we stayed at were rough, with hard cots to sleep on, and drafty, so it was a month of a miserable experience!

Maggie, though, would go to a place where impoverished kids needed help with schooling, and it was often somewhere hot and tropical. I sometimes joked that I seemed to be getting the short end of the stick, but she would say that I was saying that only because I didn't understand how humid and full of bugs jungles were. It probably wasn't anywhere near as nice as I imagined, but, still, it would nice to be just warm for a change.

When Chastity turned 18, she became old enough to join the Pastor's charity projects, and it ended up that she would go to the same place as my wife, Maggie. Since both of them were going to be in the same place, I decided I was going to surprise my wife and daughter, and meet them at the school where they were teaching impoverished natives on the island. Even though the Pastor said it was healthy to have different life experiences, I thought this one year it would be fun to have the whole family together! Besides, after so many years of being the one to go be in the cold, I felt that God would forgive me for what felt a little easier. After all, I'm sure I could help around the school and make my time there charitable.

It was a little complicated getting the right flights. It turned out the island was in a slightly different place than Maggie had told me about. I had to do a little investigation to work out which airlines she had taken, and in the end, there was a private airline that was quite expensive that went out to the island that I was sure Maggie and Chastity were on. It was a little surprising that it cost as much as it did, and when I got there, the island was much more of a tropical paradise than I thought it would be. I asked around at the small airport about charitable schools, and everyone looked very confused, and it seemed like no one had ever imagined such a thing would be necessary on the island. Eventually, I determined where Maggie and Chastity must be by the locals saying that two very pretty white women had gone to this one place, though they said it wasn't a school. I was pretty sure by their description that they were talking about my wife and daughter, so I hired a cab to take me there. The cab was kind of like a luxury SUV, and we drove through a sort of jungle area, but it wasn't a very big island, so it wasn't too long, just a little over an hour.

When we arrived, I was so thoroughly confused, I was sure at that point that I must have made a mistake and come to the wrong island. It was a beautiful luxury hotel, with pristine white walls, and beautiful gardens, and it looked very exclusive from the fact that there weren't a lot of guests. What few guests there were, it was a little, I don't know how to say it exactly. It seemed it was almost all women, and they were all gorgeous. Different races and ages, but all very fit, and all of them, if it's not rude to say, very, very busty. The only men seemed to be working at the hotel. In fact a rather large black man came out, wearing a uniform sort of like a bell hop, and told me I must be at the wrong hotel. I almost just agreed and turned around to get back in the taxi to leave. But, something made me just want to check. I pulled out my wallet and showed him a picture of my wife and daughter, and he looked at it as if he was unsure about what to say. He looked at me and said I should probably go, but, I could tell that he recognized them.

I said, "Are they here?" and he paused just enough that I said, "They are, aren't they. Take me to them!" I didn't mean to sound so impolite, but, I felt an indignation that a man should not be kept from his own family! The large black man gestured through a large, open walkway through the hotel that led to a garden and beach area facing out to the ocean. I stepped past him while the taxi driver unloaded my luggage.

When I got to the open garden side, my jaw dropped. There were beautiful women walking around in bikinis, and some of them without tops! They were laughing and giggling and holding exotic cocktails while they lounged, and when I walked by they would stop talking and look at me puzzled. They would then whisper to each other. Had I come to some women's only resort or something? Some of the women seemed slightly familiar, but, I was in such a state of shock, I didn't distinguish anyone directly. It was a blur, I thought I recognized Cindy, a woman in our social group that I had gone to high school with, walking by with her huge breasts bouncing with every step, which held my attention more than her face.

Then, I came up to the side of a luxurious pool with some long beach chairs beside it. There were people lounging around on them, and I saw the first and only male there, and my mouth dropped. "What the heck is going on?!!!!" I yelled. I can barely manage to tell you what I saw. It was, it was so shocking!

On one beach chair, laying on his back casually, it was the pastor! But, and I can't shake this image even though I feel it's so improper to describe, he was completely naked, and his, penis, was erect and, I don't know if I should talk about this, but, it was very big. I haven't seen much pornography in my life, but, I'm sure his penis was unusually large, and hard and straight. Somehow, it was as if his genitals were the center of everything, like the whole hotel resort was built around it, and everyone was there for it.

But it gets worse! He was being tended to by three women. One woman was a woman from our church group named Lai, a Chinese girl who went to the same high school and had been part of the Bible study group, and like every other woman she also had huge breasts and an amazing figure like every other woman, and she standing behind the beach chair so that she could massage the pastor's shoulders. Her long straight black hair cascaded down so that it would brush against the Pastor's face.

But, and this is what caused me to shout, kneeling on either side of him, wearing only bikini bottoms and extremely high heels, and both holding his member was MY WIFE and MY DAUGHTER!

As I had approached, they were laughing and giggling, and it disgusts me to say, but they were taking turns leaning in and putting their mouth on him. There were thick whitish transparent strands of viscus liquid spanning between their mouths, and hands, and their breasts, and his penis! I can't even tell you what I felt, it was like my brain, my heart, and my holy

soul could not even understand what I was looking at.

And the shock continued. As I shouted and walked up, they did not jump up, embarrassed or guilty as if they had been caught doing something terrible. They did startle for a moment, as my voice caught them a little off guard. But then when they turned and saw me and took in the reality that I was there, all three of them, the pastor and my wife and my daughter, looked maybe a little disappointed that some game had ended, but they all kind of smirked as if they all got a joke that I wasn't in on!

And then, and then! And then my daughter returned to putting her mouth on the pastors penis, and he gently lay his hand on the back of her head as she bobbed up and down! The pastor looked at me somewhat bemused. My wife, at least, stood up and turned to look at me.