All Comments on 'Faked Ch. 01'

This started well but it faltered on a number of points:

1.) he is a colonel. He is privy to various state and military secrets and as such, he would have known he had been drugged with the only option being a toxicology report.

2.) she assaulted him, set fire to his car, tried to destroy him mentally and physically without even thinking for one moment that he had been set up.

3.) she goes on a date with the man who sexually assaulted her and took her husband out on the one night that he cheated.

4.) it’s one thing to be hurt, it’s another thing to deliberately fuck him up and there is no excuse for spatial abuse.

The fact that he is picking her up from prison shows that she doesn’t care about laws or morals and certainly not about what’s right...she only cares about hurting other people.

She’s a fucking cunt and if he had half a goddamn brain, he would stay as far away from her as humanely possible. Everything he would do for the rest of his life would be to avoid getting her angry. What kind of life is that?

She needs to be in a mental hospital and if the colonel was half the man you claim he is: he would have gone to the hospital and the cops the moment he woke up!

You need a different editor. This was a mess.

Or don't change so much after you get it back from the editor. Your English is atrocious. Your punctuation is worse. And your spelling isn't much better. You had the start to an interesting story here but all the constant mistakes detract from the overall story. And don't wait forever to post the final chapter.

2 stars

Also, a little research shows that to be one a colonel in the us military, you need 22 years experience and 3 years of in grade time. Assuming he got his bachelors at 21, he would be at least 46 years old with stints in the Pentagon and JCS, probably a tour or two in Europe.

All in all, the likelihood of being drugged and blackmailed would be so slim as to not be worth mentioning.

Having read and re-read the story, it makes less and less sense that this combat veteran who graduated top of his class, did multiple tours in a combat zone, worked his ass off to be one a colonel, would have assets and contacts at all levels, would act like a little bitch and let his ex-wife treat him like a piece of shit.

I’m not saying she wouldn’t be angry; but this level of reaction is borderline insanity. Why would he leave his children with a woman who is prone to such rage that she set his car on fire? Who attacked him without provocation? She pulled a literal Amber Heard on his ass and you have him acting like a little boy who pissed off mommy! He is a goddamn United States Marine and he’s acting like a beaten dog who has no pride or self assurance and he’s lead men into combat? He couldn’t lead flies to shit!

And they have children young enough to need a babysitter?

Nothing in your story makes sense.

muddled intro dropping names then a series of second person pronouns so no one knows who/what is being discussed

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needless geography factoids

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fourth wall break intro utterly destroying any semblance of suspension of disbelief that may have survived thus far

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By the time you are Colonel half you job is politics, what politician is stupid enough to drink from his enemies cup? What idiot blacks out after drinking one drink only to wake 21 hours later and doesn't think to go to the hospital and demand a drug test?

/

And then she goes on a date with a man who sexually assaulted her?

/

And why does she pretend Randall who knows her husband doesnt know who her husband is?

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And why does he never question the fact that Randall was more than willing to tell her about her husbands infidelity, despite Randall telling him not to tell? And why does Randall's story match his despite the video contradicting both of them?

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And why does no one question where the video came from?

Well not hard to figure out randall did it.

she sure is rubbing it in

started well enough...lets see how it goes

Great read.

Don't keep us waiting too long for the next instalment.

Well done.

Well thought out and a great read. Just don't like this chapter think it's because he's obviously been set up.

Yeah bullshit.

Good plot but Kat is becoming unsympathetic with her shitty behavior especially doing it in the home where her kids can see.

Interesting story though but I'm not going to like Kat.

I enjoyed this. The flow of the story was good and kept the reader involved. There may have been some problems with the grammar, but I didn't find it bad enough to spoil the story for me. The only thing that didn't quite ring true was his easy acceptance of his wrongdoing. Most people would have interrogated the hooker under a swinging lamp, then gone on to question just about everyone else present - and still not believed the video!

Keep writing!

Great story with solid, believable plot...up to a point. The character we know as David would have done more investigating of what happened. I'm former Air Force, so I can't speak to whether you got the marine part correct, but you missed the mark on the personality of a character with the credentials you gave him. The Annapolis, hard charging colonel you created WOULD have gotten videos from the hotel and the club for sure to recreate his steps that night. You also mentioned he had a second brandy at one point. The second pour could have been contaminated. It's your story, so we'll see where you take us. 5*

Anyone, especially a guy like him trained in tactics, would know he had been set up. Anyone. So the fact he does not pursue it is unrealistic. And there is video? Who took it? Too much here strains credulity.

No comment until it is complete, that is, if it is completed.

You have a decent core story but you cluttered it up. Every person's height and weight is not necessary. Neither is minutia like distance between cities etc unless it feeds the story. Then you explain in a paragraph or so to fill in the story a bit to make it a story.

Also a lot of holes. A single drink and he winds up in a hotel room with a girl? Can you say setup? A Colonel would immediately recognize it was a set up. Even the most basic intelligence training would have the alarm bells going off. He'd be a major security risk. He'd immediately get tested for drugs and report it. And head of his class at Annapolis? He would not be that gullible. And the potential blackmail? Again immediate investigation by experts. Instead he rolls over and gives up...

I gave you a 3. Hope you pull it out.

Write about things you know. You know nothing about the military nor Augusta national.

If he is an indicator of the quality and intelligence of a Marine Colonel, the US has problems. Just as other comments have stated, he didn't even bother to check things out. Checking with the bar staff who served the brandy and cigars. Plus, the prostitute gave him her card. Why didn't he check back with her for her story? Plus, why didn't he check with her re the video being made? Did she know about it?

Really, he is so fucking stupid, playing the martyr role. Rolling over and playing dead. Why, when he woke up not remembering anything, didn't he get blood tested? I mean... what an idiot.

Yes, we know the wife will either overhear Randel confessing what he did or else Randell will straight out tell her. Then she maims him, or cuts his cock off, or something. If she killed him she wouldn't be getting out after only 5 years.

Let's see:

1. Your characters are one-dimensional simpletons, primitive, extreme, and vile in their reactions.

2. You make a joke of the US Marines and a military you apparently do not know much about but seem to admire a lot. One who has faced death in battle, would not fold so easily under emotional stress and would stand to seek the truth and fight back. In addition, the military does not care where personnel put their pricks in, unless they broke some civil or military law. There is no law against adultery and the age at which it would impede one's career is long gone.

3. No-fault goes both ways. It actually is a consequence of gender equality. No way the wife could get such an one-sided divorce and cripple the husband's future - and no way a decent lawyer would advise that (with the exception of Rudi... perhaps). I understand that you try to creae a drama, but again you try to write a story involving common people in our present reality...

4. You have given up the plot at the very beginning of a multi-part series - not good if you ask me! It is now apparent that the wife discovers that Randall set up the husband and in her stupidity does something to him that lands her in jail. Please tell me why would I want to read the 2nd , 3rd etc. installments? And mind you, the plot being so one-dimensional does not allow much hope for a twist...

5. You need an editor...

For all these, and more so for point 4 above, I give you one star because I cannot give you anything less.

Well, OK story so far. Though I see logic and the judging of character isn't the Colonel's strong suit. One, sure let the jerk Randall apologize but who the fuck would start socializing with him. That's just asking for trouble. Two, you have a couple of drinks then black out and you can't remember hardly anything about the rest of the night including fucking a total stranger...dude, you were drugged..get you ass tested. Third, I reminded of sage advise given to me years ago....don't stick your dick in crazy...Katrina is bat chit crazy to the nth degree.

Another take it like a wimp, throw up, and will cry hard later type of husband.

As lujon mentioned, the holes in this story is too many.

Great story - really looking forward to the next installment.

Ignore the commentators who want to re-write your story for you or want to pick holes in all the technicalities. An interesting story is an interesting story however written. We had no trouble understanding it. Thanks.

That “Randall” is behind David’s demise was telegraphed when he invited David to golf at Augusta. That David accepted was beyond credibility. But you had to have a motive for David’s demise.

Agree with others that the total lack of curiosity for the source of the video was strange. Even if David was not set up…who the fuck took the video…and why?

Also concur with observation that David NOT getting himself tested for drugs was not consistent with a first in your class intellect.

All that said….your story is intriguing to say the least. That it started with DAVID driving to pick up his bitch wife from prison makes the reader NEED to hear it out!

4****

Very nice start to the story.

5⭐

I really liked the characters even if they are a bit exaggerated in their attitude, thought or behavior.

- a rigid, integrated, narrow-minded, proud, inflexible man

- a volcanic woman, rude, inflexible, betrayed, proud, wounded, revengeful,

- no wimp, no slut. Thank you.

But it is very entertaining.

You leave us with lots of questions:

- How was he trapped?

- We suspect Randall is in the game.

-How did the woman end up in prison for 5 years?

Waiting for your follow-up.

Thanks for sharing your talent.

So far not much different with this story than with many others. Only in this case the guy is caving in very quickly assuming he was guilty even when everyone else feels he is innocent.

Based on what happened so far I don't know why he would go pick her up at prison or have anything to do with her. She was tricked I am guessing but the way she acted, no way. I also would not have watched the kids for her while she dated. If I really wanted to see the kids I would have her, alone no date, drop them off at my place.

A piss ass story

I know it's a story. And just started I want to reach into the story and get Vengeance for him. I am patiently for the next installment.

Please do no leave us hanging. Would like an ending.

I loved this story line and all your other stories.

Good writing.

Same comment as lujon2019 ! I could not read further than the 2nd page. Definitively garbage !

Why would he ever want her back?

Nice story, looking forward to the rest of it.

Some Marine things you got wrong. (Offered to help, not criticize. Marines take our culture seriously.)

* “TBS” means “The Basic School.” - it is not “The Basic Training School.”

* Marine infantry officers are trained at “IOC” (Infantry Officer Course) not SOI. SOI is where enlisted Marines are trained, not officers. There is one on each coast. IOC is co-located with TBS at Camp Barrett, Quantico. After IOC, Lts are assigned to infantry battalions in the Fleet Marine Force. (FMF).

* Max weight for a 6’6” Marine is 237 lbs. At 250, the hero is overweight by standards unless they a) score 285 of 300 or more on the PFT or b) are less than 18% body fat.

* An infantry 2ndLt wouldn’t normally have a senior Gunnery Sergeant assigned as his platoon sergeant. He’d have a Staff Sergeant (SSGT) as platoon sergeant. A Gunny as senior as Mike (since he got promoted or at least selected on the first page) would likely be the “Company Gunny” working directly for the Company Commander. (A Captain.)

* You refer to Mike as “my new First Sergeant- Master Sergeant Mike...” This is incorrect. Unlike the Army, where First Sergeant is a job, not a rank, in the Marine Corps, “First Sergeant” is both a rank and job. At pay grade E8, Marine SNCOs are either First Sergeants OR Master Sergeants. (They are separate tracks and there is no lateral movement between the tracks. Therefore, First Sergeants only become a Sergeant-Major and are thus always in senior enlisted advisor to the Commanding Officer positions. First Sergeants and SgtMajs come from all occupational fields. Master Sergeants (often called “Top”) become Master Gunnery Sergeants “(often called “Master Guns”) and stay in their occupational fields. There are billets for Infantry Master Sergeants and Master Gunnery Sergeants in Infantry battalions — one in the S3 Operations office and one in the Weapons Company.

* Unlike the Army, Marines do not call all Sergeant “Sergeant.” Only “Sergeants” (pay grade E5) are called Sergeant. Every other enlisted rank is called either by the full rank, or the nickname...Staff Sergeant, Gunny, First Sergeant, Top, Sergeant Major, Or Master Guns....but NEVER simply “Sergeant.”

* The hero would not have been a 2ndLt on a “second tour” in Afghanistan. He would have been a 1atLt. Marine officers become 1stLts exactly 2 years after initial commissioning (at the USNA for the hero.) Most of the first year of service for new Marine infantry officers is spent at TBS and IOC. Most likely, promotion to 1st Lt would have come between the 1st and 2nd AFG deployments.

* Culturally, a Marine Lt wouldn’t go to a first name basis with a SNCO that quickly - no matter how much they respected each other or how hot the daughter was. Both the Lt and the SNCO would feel very uncomfortable with it. Dating the daughter of an enlisted Marine would feel only one step away from dating an Enlisted Marine — being overly familiar would make things even weirder.

* At one point, the Lt yells for someone to get “Sergeant Mike Reilly on the phone.” LOL - Marine Lts do not have any “staff” that do those things. i have already addressed the titling issue. (he would have called Gunny himself.)

* “6' 8" 275lb. Marine brought to his knees...” Max weight for 6”8 is 250!

* “Arch of Sabers” - Marines do not carry sabers — they carry swords. No Marine would therefore say Arch of Sabers.) A Marine would simply say “sword arch”.). FYI: Officers carry the “Mameluke sword” which is a required purchase at TBS. Marine NCOs/SNCOs have a different sword; none are sabers.

* “Married 18 years, promoted to Colonel, and stationed at MCAS Beaufort, SC” - Not feasible or likely. 1) Most Marines make Colonel at 20 or 21 years of commissioned Service. 2) Beaufort SC is an Air Station — there are no billets there for Marine Infantry Colonels...much less a “...command with 5000 men”. The largest Marine Infantry Colonel command (a Regiment) is less than 3000. On the east coast, all the Infantry regiments are at Camp Lejeune, NC. (If by some wild chance an Infantry Colonel was at Beaufort, it would likely be a crap job....not one a future General would have.)

* “I am a Colonel in the Marines”...is incorrect. A Marine Colonel would say “I am a Colonel of Marines.” Also, Marines generally refer to Marines as “Marines” (not “men” or “women”).

* “...I called into the Officer in Charge...”. HUH? As a CO, a Colonel would likely have called the Commanding General’s Chief of Staff (another Colonel” to take a couple of days off in an emergency—-and he would owe the General a follow-up explanation near-term.

* “... hope of the Corp...”. Corps, never Corp. A hope to be possible Commandant or CJCS? Ludicrous. Hope to make Brigadier General is the extent of things. And there is no way BGen Mitchell, just three years senior, would know the results of the BGen selection board...plus he (BGen Mitchell at 21 or 22 years of Service is likely not a General either. Also, the boss for a CO would at MCAS Beaufort would not be in DC, it would be at Camp Lejeune. There would no need to send a LtCol replacement either — Colonels in command have XOs already in place. When a replacement is sent, it would be another Colonel.

Anyway...Semper Fi

Wow when all the hurt and pain has been thrown around by both parties, even when the truth ultimately comes out. How do you reconcile after that when all the bridges have burnt and the cost has been so high? How many chapters will be written to turn this around i wonder?

I love all the naysayers and fact-checkers. For crying out loud, this is fiction people. If you don't like the story, don't read it. While I gave it 4 stars, I wish I had given it 5 stars to piss off the idiots that probably don't even write and submit, but can take the time to try to destroy someone else. Get a life.

To the author, I'm not saying it's perfect, but I have enjoyed it so far and I'm looking to enjoy the next installment.

These highly intelligent and moral people can’t see that Randall set this up. Please put a twist in here I can’t see coming since page two. So far it looks like when she figures it out she harms or kills Randal and goes to prison.

Even with the coming realization that they were all played, given her treatment of him, why would he bother picking her up from prison? She can ride a bus. (or a broom)

I assume it is not going to end well for RANDELL as it is obvious he did something with the cigar that caused the missing hours. As for Katrina it probably will not end that well for her either as she doubted her husband as well as the lawyer and then rubbed his face in her affair with Randell. I seem to recall a similar story or two that ran on similar lines that the truth comes out eventually but to late to save the relationship. Even if everything worked out to me the deal breaker was her burning up his Chevrolet. That is sacrilege.

I did enjoy this chapter. It seems pretty obvious what is going to happen in chapter 2. There was a little too much military stuff in there. I think you could have established the husband's character with fewer words. Looking forward to the next chapter.

It’s the cigar!

I like it so far, but the big problem for me was the golf trip. After grabbing my wifes ass and then beating and threatening him in the bathroom, I could never be more than cordial. Even with an apology, how much fun would it be to hang around that guy and his friends on an overnight trip? A big maybe would have been a local trip were he gets to bring a friend but even then.... I know its pivotal to your story for him to get set up but the golf outing was hard for me to accept.

This is why you're a favorite. Just please don't keep us in suspenders!

Ok, a moment of comment: obviously, we readers know where the story is going--unless you're going to Fake us out--because of 1) the Title 2) your Introduction and 3) the Opening Scene of the story. Nevertheless, the Colonel is too quick to accept guilt considering A) Randall is using their overarching sense of honor against them and proved it with his over-the-top apology; and 2) David surely would have objected to going to the strip club, even slightly inebriated; and 3) David doesn't remember any of his escapades with the girl. If the Sarge had asked him about his T shot on Pink Dogwood, whether he had laid up on Tea Olive, whether his chip on #6 had stayed put or rolled off the green, we would have had a real understanding of how much the Colonel really engaged in and therefore could be expected to remember.

By the way, the clubhouse restaurant does not allow you to bring in your own booze, and even fine cigars are to be smoked on the verandah and not the dining room.

The best booze on site is at Mackenzie's Pub, and it's FREE, because the price is included in your membership dues.

The Hampton on I20 has changed ownership and brand, and a new Hampton that is not friendly to hookers has opened next door.

I'm not going to nitpick your descriptions of north GA or Laurel Bay. All in all, you're pretty spot on, considering.

Looking forward to the vindication, but I sense the Colonel's fall isn't complete yet.

Dumbass for marrying her and dumbass for trusting Randall. Dumbasses for not putting two and two together when the shit hit the fan. Cunt for rubbing Randall in his face. Great story though.

I know you need the "cheating" to make the story work but it is really unbelievable.

He is a man of high principles and integrity and I have to assume that someone reaching the rank of colonel is reasonably intelligent and is not subject to blackouts? Given that these statements are true then:-

1. He would never have gone with these people who he really didn't know.

2. After one drink he wakes up in the bed of a prostitute and doesn't consider that he has been drugged and doesn't go to be tested?

3. His nemesis suddenly starts taking his wife out and he doesn't join the dots?

4. She just turns into a slut overnight?

However, it's still a great read and gets the blood boiling. Looking forward to the next part.

So far it's good. Hard to believe he just gave up . But dont make a cuck out of him . Will reserve rating till next chapter

Hope it gets finished...soon

As Whackdoodle summed up so perfectly, the MC along with his actions, is just too unbelievable a character with such a complete lack of any sense of survival instincts to be taken seriously. No one who feels any love for their children, would allow them to be removed from their lives so easily and without any sort of fight as the MC did in this story yet were supposed to believe he's some top tier military leader?

The wife is written as just too big a cunt for any man to want to be with after the way she has treated him to warrant any reconciliation, which kills the entire opening plot of the story. A real pity as there is an interesting story somewhere in this mess but by going so over the top with the characters personalities, it's lost in the mire.

Talk about really dragging, and sadly there is more.

Just couldnt get into it, it wasn't put together really well and Randall was not really a shock. I suppose the story idea is a good one, though much of it isnt any different than others like it.

Not a bad theme overall, BUT

a) Putting the description of Deep Fake videos in the preface gives almost everything away. I would have recommended having that (real or fiction) disclosed by a Marine Image Analysis techie or a very senior officer in Intelligence later on in the tale.

b). starting the story with preparations to collect Ex-Sweetie/Mommy several years AFTER the main part of Ch1 … coupled with Ex-Dad now being the primary guardian of their younger children assures We-The-Readers that she has done something terrible and he is mostly outta trouble.

c) last and least … Asshole has some contacts, but it seems very stretchy that he would be able to carry a grudge that far nor be able to orchestrate such a complex plan so quickly. Burning up Hubby’s car would be much easier. Plus, an Asshole who would scheme like that to get some primo pussy would have left a fairly smelly slime trail behind him.

4*

Well done. You have us going, rooting for him and hating Randall and Katrina. A blind man can see that it was a set up by Katrina and Randall. Especially by Randall since he almost got his ass handed to him that first time. He was a fool to EVER trusted him in the first place. Just too many holes, like who took the videos, why doesn't he remember(too much time did pass before they tested him for drugs).... So let's see if the good guy wins and get some much needed revenge on the cheaters....

I believe it was the cigar since everyone drank out of the same bottle.

Let's us see where this is going...for now an experienced marine coronel didn't even put the supposition he had been framed? Really? How his ex-wife is behaving it will be needed a miracle to save their relationship. So 3* for now

I was going to give you grief over giving away the twist in the title and note but, given that rubbing in the face at the end, there wouldn’t be much reason to continue reading otherwise.

The writer can go in any direction he wants. It’s for the reader to decide if he likes the story. It’s as simple as that. Having said that, the writer is taking liberties with the intelligence of the readers.

WOW! Told ya you were better than good. can't wait for the next part. Maybe Katrina and Randall will get theirs... I HOPE! Like I said, told you it was excellent

Loved "As for Abby, I help with her English grammar. She had trouble understanding shifting from first to the third person in a sentence."

Not sure if you were poking fun at yourself because you did exactly that throughout the story. Instead of joking about it, please just go back and fix it, or have an editor do it for you. That, and other grammatical errors made it difficult to know what was going on at times.

It was a decent story, but it's blatantly obvious that the husband was drugged by a vengeful Randall, who had designs on Katrina.

He was a Colonel and after decades of being in the military, would've encountered situations where marines were being accused of sexual misconduct. The chance of him not being aware of drugs like Rohypnol and the memory loss side-effects is zero. As soon as he woke up, felt like shit and had no memory of the previous night, the first thing he'd have done is report to the base medics to get checked out. They find out he was drugged... and then Randall gets his due.

The idea that he'd start socialising with Randall was weird too. The guy sexually assaulted his wife! Why would he want to make friends with a sleazy asshole like that?

Implausible plot points aside, It'll be interesting to see what happens in the next chapter.

Wifey is written as a fool, so is he for not smelling a setup... as if he’d go golfing with that asshat. I almost stopped reading atthe reatrictions of what this marine was willing to do , no ships.... ya know the primary function of marines is right? Shoulda made him Army

Do you just randomly add quotation marks wherever you feel like? And internet Fiona

Ly leave them out of places they belong?

I see where this is going, and I agree with Schwanze. He's a dumbass and fuck'em both.

The plot is something new and definitely welcomed. I saw that Randall would screw him over as soon as Randall apologized. I am guessing in the next part of the story the truth comes out how Randall drugged him, he never cheated, and Kat kills Randall or at least castrates and cripples him.

3 stars because of the original plot, being just part of the story it is difficult to score higher

But I really really want to write a camouflage cuck story! So the supposed cheating husband is going to endure the asshole horse fucking his wife. Of course until the wife discovers that Randall set the whole thing up. So we know why she's in prison, and for 5 years we know she didn't kill Randall. We also know why she won't speak to the man she gave up on and fucked his rival in his face over. But her big mistake is getting caught. So she's not only a loose cannon, she's a stupid woman. So easy to set Randall up as a rapist and ruin his life, rather than her own. But I guess you like the whole military violence without intelligence thing.

Write as many chapters as you like. Its already pathetic. Why would a Colonel in the Marines, who knows his own body chemistry, his own drinking capacity, who has had a "Little" training in chemical and psychological warfare, why would such a man not even consider getting a drug test, reviewing any security cameras, interviewing the prostitute he supposedly hired for the night?

Its a weak plot, only because you made the characters so strong, and righteous, then suddenly so stupid. Martian Stupid Ray? Whatever, its all kind of ridiculous.

But thanks for the effort.

Definitely setup by either Randal or Katrina or BOTH! Good Story.

Can't be that successful and that gullible in his line of work as others have stated. That being said hoping to find out the reason she is in jail is for cutting off Randall's junk in part 2 when she finds out the truth.

POST THE ENTIRE DAMN STORY!!

Why should he still want something to do with the whore? If this whore has not yet realized that this is a stolen game, then she is worth nothing! Cut all ties with her, women who don't feel when they are being tricked are just trouble for everyone.

I enjoyed this very much. It has a unique plot although I somehow sense to know what is going to happen in further chapters. Still I am anticipating the sequel(s) if there are any. Thank you Omegaman56.

I do think I know where this is going. Just so I hoped Omegaman56 won't turned the sequel(s) into a reconciliation of David and Katrina, because I do think that Katrina is a psychopath. Even if the sequel is going to reveal that David was drugged and Katrina eventually realizes her mistake I still don't wish for David to get back with that extremely vindictive Katrina.

No likeable characters here. A Marine who gets duped that easily? Hard to believe.....

Now that was a excellent, meaty first chapter. Of course, it seems obvious that Randall and the HR somehow set him up. On to the next chapter.

Carindennis,

Fuck you

a little stilted in dialogue and tone, but the hook is set.

Great so far. Keep it up

Oh again...you can't tell me he and his ex don't realize what really going on.

Well.

That was far fetched.

It was obviously Randy.....and as a marine I would expect him to find out very quickly and how.

My point of reference is my husband being an ex paratrooper in the British army.

He would be elbows deep in blood somewhere remote doing unspeakable things to anyone he suspected of doing something like that.

I won't score it until all the chapters have been posted.

Ok

Finished the story.

It was fantastical with some errors and swapping perspective in unusual places.

But it was very entertaining.

5 stars.

P.s. I had a reality check from my husband.

I asked him to read until the wakeup next to the dancer and asked him what he would have done.

He gave me one of his looks and said "nothing"

Followed by, "tell me who would do that to me".

Nobody is that stupid and crazy.

They would have to kill him before even thinking about doing anything else.

Some soldiers cannot and will not be messed with, mine is like that and every know understands that.

The dots are so large they are almost touching, needing only the slightest of lines to connect them!

I think there's a decent story here, if only there was a decent writer/editor/proof-reader to go with it!

The introduction comment and title of the story gives away the plot twist a mile off. All the reader has left is how long until it is revealed.

Randall has set the Colonel up and Kat has bought it. It will be interesting to see how this plays out since the opening had him picking her up from prison. If the story is interesting enough, and this is, you just don’t noticed small errors. Good opening chapter, although I don’t know why Randy would want to piss off a giant Marine colonel.

I do NOT believe for one moment ANY person "proofread" this shit!

An appalling story with innumerable errors in English and common sense.

Smokepole

'Whole lot of improbable things happened in this first chapter, but the only thing I just cannot believe, in any way, shape or form...

Seriously, this guy is a Marine Colonel?

See, I can buy a blue or white collar worker getting played like Baxter (which I will refer as 'dummy' from now on) did here - those guys aren't usually equipped to deal with this kind of setup. But a soldier? A Marine? A freaking Colonel!? C'mon man - the fuck happened to his critical thinking? Did his military mindset went on the fritz permanently after he woke up in that hotel room? OK, sure - dude is fucking emotional about what happened here, and is obviously unable to think straight... but isn't it exactly what he was trained to be able to deal with? Even after seeing that shithead Randall getting in on HIS 'actions' (aka his ex-wife), dummy cannot figure out he got played!?

I mean, goddamn... maybe dummy's a Colonel, but he's certainly no Admiral Ackbar - couldn't see a trap if his life depended on it!

So yeah - this is too hard to believe. There's also the obvious fact that this story is set up to be a RAAC - hey, I get it, the Baxters got destroyed by a third party, so they're both victims... but man was it easy to turn Kat against her husband! It didn't take anything at all to make her throw 18 years of love, honesty and companionship in the garbage and torture the poor bastard nonstop over it, without any mercy. Fucking Randall and rubbing it in dummy's face was bad enough, but what really is unforgivable was preventing him from having his kids around. He fucked up and admitted it immediately, so yeah, divorce the asshole over it, barely have a problem with that, given the evidence and his own admission... But she had to still used their children against him? Against his own parents!? Man, FUCK THAT BITCH for that. Yet dummy still pining to get her back, after all the bullshit she forced him into... what a dumbass. Hey, how about calling it a great 18 years, admitting that this is the end of the road for you two, and move your separate way afterwards? Your marriage couldn't survive a high-school level prank, so what would make him believe they're actually compatible? If anything, this whole thing prove those two got lucky for 18 years that no one seriously tested their union!

Anyway... Ultimately, I'm honestly kinda glad dummy got the boot from the army - no man unable to look someone else's in the eyes and recognize said person as his enemy should be allowed to teach/train young men on how to become soldier. Dude got lucky to have such a long career, given how clueless he turned out to be. Long career, long marriage, all undone without barely an effort... Ah well.

It would be surprising if the next chapter had any genuine surprise. Obvious payback seems obvious.

Good story so far. Too bad authors don't use a text reader to listen to their own stories before published. They'd be able to edit their own words. I gave this story a 5 star rating, so far!

Very good story. The CIGAR stupid!!!!

I loved the way this writer has this Story going . It could go in about 5 different ways . 5 Stars

Katrina is too much of a slimy cunt to believe this.

Her entire personality changed. She becomes an evil slut that doesn't care about hurting her children or in laws?

i do agree with Silentsound

were u trying to say this story has a scifi aspect to it? u do know AIs dont exist right? u know that that was just a movie right?

No forgiveness for the BITCH!!! Randall would DIE!!!!

Definitely one of your better works

A Lieutenant does not call a Master Sergeant "Sergeant" in the Corps. The Lt will either say "Top" or Master Sergeant.

Hhmmmpf. OK we're past the part where the stuff hit the fan.Now we need to get to the gooder parts. LP

Marked 5 out of 5. Hated it.

......."Oh, don't worry about that asshole he just my cheating ex-husband. He doesn't get to have a say in what I do anymore." and you want us to believe that an army colonel put up with that from his ex-wife? My goodness what do you think of a colonel?

Saf but I enjoy it. I cannot understand why he is so adamant he couldn't be drugged. There's always a away. Not remembering anything so quickly is a clear indication and it seems he would have gone to the hospital or a doctor if not the police immediately.

Although.... often women don't do that's not completely unrealistic.

But great writing and good story so far. I wouldn't say it's innovative, the concept has been done. But this version feels fresh somehow.

By the way, generative AI cannot quite do this commercial today, but if he willing to bet some companies and governments have ones that can or can get close. And commercial, it'll be here sooner than you think.

Today's can do it but not well enough in a video to fool an analysis.... bet that doesn't last long though

He's an idiot. She was a raving, dictitorial bitch before he married her.

one thing a officer wakes up not remebering drinking more than 2 drinks with no awarness of what happened the night before and doesnt head strait to MTF for drug testing ummm kinda a standerd op that

Ironic how if genders were reversed the btb crowd would be cheering the aggrieved husband. But since it is the wife who was cheated on, and even though she waited to see anyone until after the divorce, well she is a nasty bitch. Lol. Hypocrisy much? Good story. Emotional. 5 stars.

Suspect he got set up. Never rely on local "experts" to check the video. He probably had connections via the military to get some one top notch at university or in Defense department who could unravel if a fake.

Oh you are setting this one up, I wish you hadn't given the plot away at the beginning, it's spoiled it for me, you should have saved it for a surprise ending

Great story so far. One small detail. The military does not give half a members retirement to the spouse. What happens is they will honor a state court order dividing a pension so long as it doesn't exceed 50% of the ratio of years married over years of service. Thus an 11 year marriage during active duty career of 20 years means they were married for 55% of his career so she is entitled to half of 55% of his retired pay or 27 1/2%. Again not a big deal story wise but I was JAG for 29 years and just thought I'd through in.

For a military man, he was/ is a spineless shit. No one blacks out like that. Pathetic!

dumb on so many levels

1. why accept a trip to a strip club with someone with a grudge against him when he never went to a strip club on his own?

2. he is a colonel with national security clearance on a short list to a promotion with a job in the pentagon and he blacks out with memory loss and doesn't consider the possibility he was drugged?

3. he is a colonel with national security clearance on a short list to a promotion with a job in the pentagon and is being blackmailed and no one bothers to investigate it?