Faking Forever Ch. 21-22

Chapter 21

I spent my time fidgeting in my seat, waiting to see her walk in. I honestly didn't know what to expect when I sent that message. She had no obligation to respond to me after the way I treated her that night. I was horrible to her, and I'd been stewing over that for weeks now, burying myself in work so I didn't have to wonder what good-looking man was flirting with her at work.

When she walked in and stopped at the host stand, I rose, buttoning my jacket. She wore a pair of tight jeans and a red sweater. God she looked good in red. I had come from work so my normal suit and tie seemed a bit overkill for this particular burger place, but she looked perfect. She approached with a calm expression and I held her chair out for her.

"I'm not really hungry." Her tart comment made me bristle, but I took a breath and kept myself from being reactive. I didn't want to bicker tonight. I wanted to have a discussion about what was happening between us. Sex changed things and it hadn't been the change I hoped for.

"That's okay. Let's just get a drink. Want a beer?" I sat across from her and pushed the menu aside. I didn't have much of an appetite either. The hours leading up to this moment had left me full of anxiety and tension.

"Water is fine." Her lips drew into a thin line and I sighed. She was going to be difficult. I deserved that too. If we were doing this dance, then I was ready to tango. I'd already planned out a billion things to say, responses to everything she could possibly throw at me. I'd even practiced the tone I would use and apologizing repeatedly. Groveling wasn't exactly my strong suit, but I couldn't let her walk out of my life.

"You didn't respond to any of my messages." I saw the waiter approaching but I waved him away and leaned over the table.

Cici glanced over her shoulder at the teen and then turned back to me. I couldn't decide if it was anger in her eyes or something else. Why was she so damn hard to read? "You were drunk texting. Why would I respond? I thought you'd feel embarrassed about what you did. Did you see Beck's hand?"

I hadn't seen it when it was lit up, but a week later when he cornered me in my car I'd seen the yellow of the bruise still healing. I wanted to point out that it was my face that took the damage, but that would only make her more upset. She was acting so cold.

"Cici..." I held her gaze for a second. "I meant everything I said in those texts." I had read and reread those messages at least five times a day. Maybe confessing that I loved her via text message while I was drunk after fighting her brother wasn't the best thing to do, but I stood behind every word I sent. I would say them to her face now. I opened my mouth to talk but she cut me off before I uttered a word.

"I highly doubt you mean everything you sent. You're only playing games with my heart the way you always have."

So Beck got to her. He had to have, that's the only reason she'd act like this. I had changed. I had proven it to her. So that night after the fireworks I was an ass; she had to see I was different now.

"Cici, let me explain." I reached across the table for her hand but she pulled her hands back. I sighed. She was so hurt, maybe I wouldn't get another chance. My heart wrenched in my chest. How on earth would I fix this now? I needed time to think, because if I let my emotion take control we'd end up in a spat right here--me screaming in my own defense and her crying because no matter what I did she was always going to see me the way I was back in college.

"The client signed." I leaned back in the seat and folded my hands in my lap. "It means we don't have to fake this anymore. It can be real." I watched her expression for any hint of emotion but she was stoic. "We can go at any pace you want."

"I need to use the restroom." She stood abruptly and walked away, leaving me with my head spinning.

I knew I was fighting an uphill battle against the image I had given her of myself for years of my life. But she didn't have to make it so impossible. I did love her. I defended that affection with ferocity she'd never see in another human being. She was it for me; there was no doubt about it in my mind now. I wanted nothing but her. Why didn't she give me a chance to prove that?

When she returned it looked like she'd been crying, though I didn't dare ask her if she had. I expected her to sit down and discuss things, but she stood over me, clutching her purse to her side.

"Just give it to me straight, Drew. Did you plan to fuck with my heart from the beginning? Was I just a plaything to you?" Her eyes grew dark and stormy. "Because I'm not a cheap score or a floozy, you know?" Her bottom lip quivers.

"What do you take me for? I told you I'm in love with you. Why would you be just a cheap score to me?" I felt anger rising--anger I couldn't push back down. I stood next to her, going toe-to-toe. "Why can't you just believe me?"

"Oh, you mean believe you like I did on that rooftop? Where you kissed me and romanced me and made me feel like a queen, then took me down to your car and left me stranded on the sidewalk to walk home?" I felt the heat of her glare like a sunburn.

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" Cici's voice was getting louder. People were staring. "Isn't that exactly what you did?"

"Cici, you didn't even want to talk about sex when we had the chance, and then you told your brother."

"Cuhhh," she scoffed. "I told him? You piece of trash. I didn't tell him. You told him. You told him when you turned other women away and refused their numbers. When you acted different because you were catching feelings. Well, guess what Drew Pratt? I'm not a kid anymore. This was a fake arrangement to help each other's careers along. And how you're feeling now is how I felt for years of my life, pining over you even though you were kinda a jerk."

I felt the knife in my gut. Cici was giving me a dose of my own medicine and it hurt like hell. This was how she felt that whole time? While I was being a jokester? I never meant to hurt her like this. I was just picking on her. Beck even told me a few times to lay off because "guys only pick on the girls they like" and that would give her the wrong impression.

I stood there speechless as she shook her head. "You don't love me. You have some perverted idea of what love is supposed to look like and it isn't this." Her finger swayed in the air pointing at her chest then mine. "Lose my number, Pratt."

I watched her walk out the door feeling gutted. She was right on every count. I was horrible. I manipulated her. I hurt her. And I was sorry. But I had defended her against Beck's insinuation that she was just a child. I fought for her and for a future we could have together. I had zero interest in any other woman now, and my god was she hot when she was angry. Seeing how she felt for real only settled one thing in my mind. I was going to grovel until I proved to her--and myself--that I could change. And I would. I wasn't about to live without her.

Chapter 22

Tuesday following the incident at the burger joint with Drew, I met Beck for lunch. He had called me on Sunday to apologize for being so rude and controlling to me. Beck was my brother. I couldn't exactly excommunicate him from my life, not with no one else left. Grandma and Grandpa lived too far away to be much moral support, so having my big brother in town was a lifeline, one I'd be stupid to sever.

"I'm glad you accepted my apology." He chewed on a French fry as he spoke, his annoying habit a little easier to put up with now that I wasn't living with him and seeing it on a regular basis.

"We're family." I sipped my soda, still a bit upset with him about everything. Beck had known Drew longer than me, better than me too. I actually felt honored that he would want to protect me from dangers in my personal life, but he took it too far. It might have been because of his interference that I had an edge about my behavior when interreacting with Drew. Maybe if Beck had given us space, my heart wouldn't be so broken right now.

Drew probably saw me as a mountain to climb, a conquest to complete. It probably pushed him toward me harder knowing Beck had drawn a line in the sand. And I had fought this emotion for Drew my whole life. I knew exactly what he was like before I even fell for him back in the day. He was the sort of guy that put on a very hard exterior to avoid being vulnerable, but it never worked with me. I saw right through it, and I loved the real him, the him he hid.

Now my heart was broken all over again, because he'd gotten just close enough to say things he could never take back. Things I'd wanted him to say for years that I couldn't unread or unhear. Things that made me want to be with him--but I couldn't. He was arrogant and loud. He had to be the center of attention everywhere he went. I couldn't see the Drew I used to see inside him anymore. Maybe my emotions were jaded because of his pranking, or maybe because since being reunited he'd done nothing but control my choices, but I was in the dark, grasping for anything to tether myself.

"I want you to know I was only trying to protect you, Cici." I looked up into Beck's eyes and saw sincerity. "In college, Drew would work for weeks or even months to get a woman into bed with him. When he had what he wanted, he'd pretend he never met her. You have no idea how many women I've seen him do that with."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to distract my heart from its pain. Physical pain reminded me to stay present in the moment. I didn't need to think about how Drew did everything in his power to fake a relationship and get me into that cabin with him. Even cook me dinner and go out of his way to do amazing things. Like that damn sauce.

"Drew is bad news. He will suck you in until he gets what he wants and then he will cut you loose. I don't want that for you." Beck touched my hand and it made me uncomfortable. I pulled my hand away and looked down at my half-eaten chicken sandwich.

"And I'm sorry for the way we treated you back then, pranking you. We were so immature. We acted like ten-year-olds, not adults. You didn't deserve that."

"Who instigated that?" I asked, looking him in the eye.

"Honestly, it was mostly me." He looked sheepishly at his soda and then shook his head. "I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, trying to sigh away my frustration. That should be water under the bridge, but for some reason his confession made me more upset with him. It was likely because Drew was going along with something my brother started, which meant he wasn't completely to blame for me being upset and humiliated. Which also meant I had overreacted and maybe owed him an apology too.

"So how does your professional life with him work out if you're willing to rat out his personal secrets?" I scowled at Beck and coughed. He might have thought he was being kind and considerate to me right now but my heart was churning with indecision. I had been pretty horrible to Drew in that restaurant, giving him a piece of my mind. I hoped he felt humiliated the way I had when he left me on the sidewalk. But I also felt guilty, because I was totally in love with him, scars and all. Any other woman would have swooned if a man that hot confessed to loving her.

Any other woman.

"I think we're parting ways anyway. He wasn't too pleased with me taking a jab at his money maker over you. He's got a chip on his shoulder. Look, all I wanted to do was to keep you awake and safe. Drew will always be a user. He does it in business and in his personal life. I've seen it too many times to believe otherwise. Please, trust me." Beck's phone started to ring and he pulled it out and glanced at it before I could respond. "Gotta take this."

He stood and walked away and I sank back into the chair. Drew had been messaging me multiple times a day, though I hadn't ready all of them. Mostly I just opened the thread to remove the notification indicator. I could have blocked his number, but my damn foolish heart wouldn't let me. I needed the solace of knowing he was hurting the way I was. So when I pulled out my phone and saw another few messages from him I decided to read them.

The messages went back more than a week, apologies, sweet songs he said made him think of me. A few of them were Facebook memories we shared. One of them made me cry. It was when Grandpa broke his hip and Drew drove me to the hospital and sat with me while he was in surgery and I was alone. When Beck came Drew left, but that entire night waiting felt like magic, like Drew was my night in shining armor come to rescue me.

I got to the very last few messages, the ones just sent, and I felt tears welling up as I read them.

Drew 11:38 AM: I know you're reading these. I can see the read receipts. You should really turn that off if you don't want me to know.

Drew 11:39 AM: You know you're the funniest, smartest woman I've ever met, and I'm not just saying that. I love your laugh too, it always makes me smile.

Drew 11:41 AM: I hope you're having a good day. I'm thinking about you. You can message me if you feel like it.

My thumbs hovered over the touchscreen. I ached to have this Drew. This amazing, sweet, sentimental, romantic, wonderful man. But Beck was right. The only thing I knew for a fact about Drew Pratt was that he was a user. He'd never had a serious relationship that I knew of. He had sex with a lot of women, though I believed him when he said he was clean. And he had major issues with anger and immaturity.

No, this guy messaging me was just an act. I had to believe my brother. I couldn't be hurt again.