All Comments on 'Fallen Ch. 01'

Interesting start to a storyline with potential. Looking forward to where you take this tale.

Pretty good for a first attempt , but the illustrations were too dark

You're joining sentences with commas, a device that should be used sparingly, and only to join short clauses expressing snappy action. It's distracting.

After her capture, Adriel's are bound behind her back and attached to the floor. I pictured her lying on the floor., as indeed she is at the end of the story. However, in between she seems to be attached to the wall; the illustration shows that. Clarify.

I really like how you put the story together so far. Don’t stop.

One of the tricks I use when editing my stories is to record it. When I listen to it play back, I can hear where I’ve created run on sentences, and other things that interrupt the flow. Punctuation is another issue to look into. Having someone edit for you makes a big difference.

I do hope you continue the story. I’m looking forward to seeing where you’re going with it.

DocWords

Looking forward to hearing more.